“That her mind isn’t affected. Not one bit. Mentally, she’s exactly the same, but her body’s shutting down. Imagine that, wanting to talk but being unable to move her lips, wanting to dance but unable to lift her feet. She’s in a prison, a fuckin’ prison of her own limbs, and I gotta just stand by and watch it. Fuckin’ A, don’t you think?”
Lifting to my knees, I scurried forward and took a seat beside Austin against the bench. Austin’s hand flattened on the ground. I had no words of comfort, so I spread my fingers, my index hooking around Austin’s in support. I caught his head move to watch the action, but I didn’t respond.
This was huge step for me.
Weirdly, I knew this was progress.
Who’d have thought that Austin Carillo would be aiding me in my recovery?
“Sorry for being such a fuckin’ pussy on you just now. You keep seeing me at my worst moments,” Austin said, breaking the awkwardness.
My mouth dropped at his abrupt language.
It caused me to laugh and shake my head. “It’s fine, and you weren’t a… fuckin’… pussy, as you put it.”
Austin smiled and my heart did a full flip in my chest. I nearly pressed my hand on my chest for fear I was having a heart attack. The sensation shocked me. I’ve never felt anything like it before…that beautiful smile…
“Yeah, I was. But since you’re so good at keeping secrets, I suppose it don’t matter too much.”
“Austin?” I said nervously.
“Mmm?”
“The doctor you spoke to…”
Austin shifted slightly to face me, but our fingers remained attached. “What about him?”
“He’s my daddy.”
Austin’s jaw clenched and he looked away. “Fuck.”
“He won’t say anything. Can’t say anything. I saw you run from the family room. He doesn’t even know I came after you,” I said, protecting my daddy’s professionalism.
Austin turned to me at that and his eyes narrowed. “And how did Daddy take it when you told him you knew me?”
Blushing, I went to speak, but I quickly shut my mouth.
Austin’s pierced eyebrow rose. “That good, huh?”
A giggle came out of my throat, and I covered my mouth with my hand. It seemed wrong to laugh in this garden, but, strangely, it was easy to laugh with Austin.
Austin huffed out a laugh too. “Don’t sweat it. I get that an ex-Heighter ain’t gonna be top of the friend approval list.”
My humor dropped. “Why do you define yourself purely by the gang you used to belong to?”
Austin locked me in a stare. “‘Cause that’s all people ever see. They don’t look beyond the surface.” He tapped the star tattoo on his left cheekbone and then the word Heighter on his neck.
“You could get them lasered off,” I suggested.
Austin tipped his head back and laughed. I scowled. Austin then dropped the laughter. “Nah, I can’t, Lex.”
“But—”
“Lexi. I can’t get ’em taken off. It don’t work like that,” he said, making sure I didn’t continue to push the issue.
Austin glanced away, clearly thinking of a darker time, and I sighed.
“Well, I see more, I see a lot more. I see a guy who’s caring for his momma practically on his own. I see a guy breaking because she’s sick. I see a guy who got out of a hopeless situation and he’s striving to get on a better path,” I whispered quietly.
Austin didn’t say anything in response, and, like a coward, I lowered my eyes.
Austin slowly stood, and I lifted my head to look up at him fixing his gaze on the door. But he wasn’t moving.
“I need to go tell Mamma goodnight,” he told me quietly.
“Okay. I hope she’s feeling better,” I said, but I didn’t move. I wanted to wait here until he was gone. It’d been quite the intense night.
But Austin didn’t move either, as if his feet were rooted into the soil.
“Aust—”
“You wanna walk up with me?” he suddenly asked, and I almost reared back in shock.
My brows furrowed and my lack of response had Austin turning to face me with an expectant expression.
“You want me to go with you?” I asked tentatively.
“That’s what I said, didn’t I?” he said curtly and rubbed his hand underneath the bottom of his nose in nerves.
Austin didn’t want to be alone right now, but he was embarrassed by it too.
As I stood, warmth spread within my stomach. Austin was waiting for me. Big, menacing Austin… and he needed me by his side.
As I moved before him, Austin pushed his hands in his pockets and flicked his chin for the door. I followed him out silently.
Austin never spoke all the way up in the elevator, but he stayed no less than an inch from my side. I could smell his fresh-scented cologne and feel the radiating body heat from his skin. There was only silence.
Wait—there was only silence.
The voice in my mind hadn’t spoken in a while. For the first time in days, I had a short reprieve from its incessant temptations and taunts.
The ding of the elevator made me jump, and the heavy steel doors opened to our floor. I stepped out onto the ward… alone.
The heavy doors began to close and, forcing my hands between, they reopened, and I saw Austin standing in the same spot as before. For the second time tonight, my heart broke for him.
Walking before him, I cautiously reached out my hand and laid it on his arm. Dark eyes fixed on mine.
“You okay?” I asked in a soothing voice.
Clearing his throat, he nodded his head. I smiled in encouragement, and Austin led the way down the hallway until we came to a closed door.
A door that remained closed.
Austin’s head dropped, and his finger and thumb pinched at the bridge of his nose. “What the fuck’s wrong with me?”
Clenching my hands in indecision, I eventually lifted one and laid it flat to Austin’s back. “You’re upset. It’s perfectly natural given the situation.”
Lifting his head and cracking his neck from side to side, he glanced at me over long, dark lashes. His grateful expression stole my breath. “Thanks, Lex.”
Rubbing his back, I stepped backward as Austin slowly opened the door. I immediately locked eyes with a beautiful woman laid on the narrow hospital bed, and my heart fell.
Austin’s momma.
“Ciao. Stai bene, Mamma?” Austin said to his momma in Italian, and my eyes widened in shock. I hadn’t realized he spoke Italian. Another secret he’d just bared to me.
“Sto bene… mio caro.” Mrs. Carillo whispered softly, her rapt attention still on me. And I wasn’t moving, entranced at seeing Austin in this light. He was beautiful to his momma. I was beginning to think he may be beautiful, full stop.
Austin moved beside Mrs. Carillo and pressed a kiss to her head. Mrs. Carillo lifted her hand weakly and laid it on Austin’s arm. “Austin… chi è?”
Austin’s eyes moved to the doorway… and to me still standing there, intruding on his privacy, unable to move from staring. I expected his wrath. What I got was a shy smile.
“That’s Lexi, Mamma. She’s my… friend?” The word “friend” was said as more a question than a statement, yet butterflies fluttered in my stomach all the same. “She was here seeing someone, and I saw her downstairs. She walked back up with me.”
“Vieni… qua, mia cara…” Mrs. Carillo said to me, and I looked to Austin for translation.
Austin stood and walked toward me, stopping at the end of his Mamma’s bed. “She wants you to go to her.”
Austin had a slightly dumbfounded expression on his face, and blushing, I entered the room, then stood rather awkwardly next to Austin.
Hearing a quiet laugh beside me, I looked up at Austin, and he flicked his chin toward his momma. “Go on. She wants to meet you.”
Lowering my head, I walked to the top of the bed, to behold a woman with glossy black hair down her b
ack, the most beautiful olive skin, and eyes the color of cinnamon. Mrs. Carillo was stunning.
“Lexi, very nice… to meet… you,” Mrs. Carillo said softly in a heavily accented Italian voice, pausing between words. I could see it was a struggle for her to speak. I felt so sorry for her.
“Nice to meet you too, ma’am.”
“Chiara,” she pushed.
I smiled. “Nice to meet you, Chiara.”
“Ah… lei è bella,” she said to Austin, who had moved to the other side of the bed, and she let out a wheezy laugh. “Un… piccolo folletto oscuro…”
Austin smirked at his mamma and looked upon me, humor in his eyes. “Si. Lo é.”
Narrowing my eyes, I asked, “What?”
Austin shook his head and hid his grin with his hand.
Facing me once again, Mrs. Carillo asked, “You know… my Austin… from school?”
I stilled and, casting a glimpse to Austin, saw him exaggerate a nod, telling me to say yes. He didn’t want the Heighters mentioned; that was clear to see.
“Yes, ma’am. I’m on the Crimson cheer squad. I cheer every home and away game for the Tide.”
Mrs. Carillo smiled, but only the right side of her face lifted. She was still one of the most beautiful women I’d ever seen, even with that slight loss of muscle control. “Ah, the football. I am… so very… proud. Austin… so talented…”
Wincing, Mrs. Carillo tried to move her position on the bed, and Austin jumped to help his mother turn slightly onto her side.
“Grazie… mio caro,” she said through gritted teeth and tilted her head to look at me. “Scusami, Lexi… I am tired… this illness… not so good…”
“Sleep, Mamma,” Austin said and pulled the blankets up to her shoulders. “I’ll come back soon.”
“Okay… You take… Lexi home now. It is… late… Protect her.”
“Oh no, thanks, but I’ll be fine,” I said from behind. “I’ve got my car—”
Mrs. Carillo held up her shaking hand in my direction, and I immediately stopped talking. “Austin will… see you… home safe. He’ll do right… by you… Okay, mio caro?” she then said to Austin.
Casting a long, indecisive look at me, Austin then fixed a smile at his momma. “Erm… certo, Mamma. I’ll see her home safe. Lo guiro.”
“Such a… good boy.” Mrs. Carillo’s eyes closed and she whispered, “Ti voglio bene… Austin… Ciao, Lexi… Lovely… to meet you… Come back soon…” And then she drifted off to asleep.
The tenderness on Austin’s face when he stared at his sleeping, sick momma almost brought me to tears. And when he moved to an old record player in the corner of the room and turned it on, a stray tear escaped my eye and ran down my cheek. The soothing vocals of “Ave Maria” serenaded from the small speaker, and Austin looked at me and shrugged in embarrassment. “It makes her smile,” was all he said.
I lost a piece of my heart to him right then.
Austin motioned me out the door with his hand, and I covertly wiped my cheek. When the door to his momma’s room was shut, I rocked awkwardly on my feet.
“She likes you,” Austin said after a few tense seconds of silence, his lip sucked into the corner of his mouth.
For some reason, his momma liking me made me feel happy. “I like her too. She’s beautiful,” I replied.
Austin nodded, but it seemed like he couldn’t speak. It was like I could almost hear him add, But she won’t be around too much longer.
“You were real sweet with her,” I said and laid a comforting hand on his bulky shoulder.
“Sweet?” Austin said, looking horrified.
“Yeah, tough guy, you were sweet.”
“Well, I guess that sweetness of mine will have to last a bit longer, won’t it?” He began walking to the elevators and glanced back over his shoulder. “You coming, Pix?”
Wrapping my arms over my chest, I asked, “Pix? Why are you calling me Pix?”
Austin pressed the button for the elevator and tipped his head to the side. “My mamma thought you looked like a little dark pixie.” He regarded me intently, a sparkle of humor back in his eyes. “And I gotta agree.”
I tried to act affronted, but all I could think was that pixies were small and thin. They were tiny and skinny. Do Austin and his momma think I’m skinny?
That comment made me feel ten feet tall.
The elevator doors opened, and Austin and I stepped inside the empty car. “So where you parked?” he asked.
“Ground level parking lot. Where are you parked?”
“I’m not. I got the bus here. I ain’t got a ride like some.”
Playing with the sleeves of my shirt pulled tight over my palms, I asked, “You wanna ride back to school?”
Austin lifted his hand and dangling from his fingers were my car keys. He smiled. “I’m driving, so technically, I’ll be giving you a ride.”
My mouth dropped, and I checked my purse that was strapped across my body. The top was open. I looked back up at a smirking Austin.
“How—”
“I grew up in a trailer park, had to steal for money and food, and I was in a gang. Believe me, Pix, picking your pocket wasn’t too hard.” He looked down at the keys and shook his head in disappointment before looking at me again, then added, “But a Prius? Fuck, Pix! With a doctor as a daddy, couldn’t you at least have a Porsche?”
I tried to be pissed. I really did. But I was enjoying myself too damn much to really care.
And with Austin Carillo of all people. Whoever would’ve guessed?
The car pulled to a stop at my assigned parking spot on campus and Austin cut the engine. We hadn’t really spoken the whole way here, just listened to Lacuna Coil in companionable silence. One of my favorite bands.
“Let’s go,” Austin said and got out of the car.
Opening my door, I got out and spoke over the roof. “I can walk from here. I’m okay.”
Austin searched all around him, his face serious. My stomach tightened somewhat. I wondered if he was looking for any Heighters.
“I’m walking you to your sorority house. No arguments.”
Shrugging, I joined him on the footpath. I realized I would like that.
A few minutes later, Austin pulled me to a stop by my sleeve, and I spun around to see a strange expression on his face. “So you gonna meet me tomorrow night?” he said, not meeting my eyes.
Shock filled my every cell. “Meet you tomorrow night?”
Stepping closer, I smelled his unique scent. It reminded me of rainwater. That addicting smell you get after a summer storm when the rain has pounded against hot asphalt. It was bewitching.
“Yeah. You. Me. Out. Away from here. Alone.”
I took a huge swallow and said, “Like… Like a date or something?”
Austin froze and his gaze narrowed on mine. “Like us talking more. Just you and me, on our own… like we did tonight. Not a fuckin’ date. I don’t date.”
I didn’t think it was such a good idea. “Mmm… I don’t—”
“I just wanna hang out again. Talk.”
Tingles ran down my spine and my head felt light. I knew I was blushing deeply, but I nodded slowly in response and whispered, “Yes. I would like to meet you tomorrow.”
Austin seemed to exhale in relief, stepped back from me, and began walking away, only pausing to shout back, “Summerhouse. Seven p.m.”
With my fingers playing over my mouth in nerves, I dipped my head in agreement and walked to my door.
Austin Carillo was the first guy in my life to ever ask me out on… mmm… whatever we were labeling it.
Chapter Eleven
Lexi
“And where are you going all spiffed up?”
I looked to my doorway and Cass was leaning against my doorframe, arms folded across her chest.
Threading my spiked silver earring through my ear, I fixed it so it wouldn’t come out, then pulled at the loose material of my black floor-length dress to check it wasn’t cl
inging to my figure.
“I’m just going out with some friends from the team,” I replied, hating telling my best friend such a barefaced lie.
Cass entered my room and shut the door, moving to take her usual seat on the loveseat. “Oh, good.”
I sighed at her dejected tone and walked to where she sat on the edge of my bed. “What?”
Cass shrugged and said, “I just feel like you’ve been pulling away from me over the last few weeks. You don’t seem as happy lately.” She studied my reaction, but my expression never changed. “Has something happened to you?”
I shook my head. “No.”
Cass leaned forward and rubbed her hand down her cheek. “You never eat with us anymore, ever. You’re out all the time, and the peppy Lexi I know seems to be losing her spirit.”
“Cass—”
“You’re my best friend, Lex. You’ve been my sister for over three years here at this school, and I know something’s up. Molly and Ally have their own thing going on—studying, other groups of friends—but you and me… well, we’ve always been tight.”
My stomach rolled with guilt. But I just couldn’t tell her I was struggling with eating. And I definitely couldn’t tell her about Austin.
Standing, I laid my hand on her cheek and said, “Cass. I’m all good. You’re reading too much into things. I’m busier this year with the squad, and you’re not used to it. You’ve also got Jimmy-Don now too. Nothing’s changed, okay? I promise. Especially between us.”
Cass stared at me for a second too long, and I worried she was seeing through my façade. But when she slapped her hand on her thigh and stood up grinning, I knew she was back to her usual self.
Throwing her arms around my neck, she pulled me in for a hug. My eyes clenched and I worked on not panicking. Cass suddenly wrenched me back and eyed me weird. “Fuck, girl! You losing weight? I swear I can feel your friggin’ ribs!”
My voice got stuck in my throat with fear and my pulse began to race. My secret has been found out. It has been found out!
Luckily, Cass dismissed her comment with a wave and, walking out my bedroom door, shouted, “I know this amazing burger joint. We’ll make plans to go out and feed you up! Too much exercise, girl. Just tone it down. I don’t want you gettin’ sick.”