She left me standing in the middle of the room, trying like hell to calm down. That was too close.
Once I’d stopped shaking, I reached for my purse and made my way toward the summerhouse, all the time thinking up a plan to get out of going for burgers.
Austin was waiting for me outside the summerhouse door and immediately led me to Rome Prince’s Dodge. As soon as I entered the truck, the smell of barbeque hit me and my stomach recoiled.
I can’t eat that. I need to make an excuse. Say I’ve already eaten my dinner or something. I can’t face eating in front of him.
Austin jumped in and immediately frowned at my weird behavior. “You okay?”
I brushed back my hair and tried to hide my anxiety. “Sure. Just curious where we’re going. And, erm… I’m afraid I’ve already eaten.”
I pointed to the bag of barbeque in the back.
Austin shrugged. “No problem. Picked it up because I haven’t, and it’s a bit of a drive to where we’re going. I’ll eat your share too. Don’t worry.”
I sighed quietly and tried to relax as we pulled out of the campus. “So where are we going?”
“Out of town,” was all he said.
Switching on the radio, Austin turned it to my favorite rock station. Marianas Trench’s “Ever After” began blasting through the speakers. “I love this song,” I murmured as I stared out the window, watching the world go by.
“Me too. Nice to meet someone who appreciates real music, not that hillbilly shit I can’t get the fuck away from ’round these parts.”
Butterflies swirled in my stomach, and I couldn’t help but smile. I had no idea how sitting here with Austin Carillo, after everything that had happened over the last few weeks, felt… right.
Chapter Twelve
Lexi
An hour later, and seemingly in the middle of nowhere, Austin pulled the truck to stop at a river and hopped out. “We’re here, Pix.”
I scoured our surroundings outside of the window and frowned. I had no idea where ‘here’ was. There was nothing ‘here.’
Austin appeared at my door, and taking my hand, pulled me out of the truck and led me to its bed. He went to put his hands on my waist to lift me up, but I immediately jumped back and Austin startled in surprise. I shrugged and said, “I can climb up myself.”
If he was questioning my strange reaction, he never let it show.
As I stood in the bed of the truck, I saw a blanket already spread out and, when I turned to sit down, I couldn’t help but gasp.
The truck rocked as Austin jumped up with me and he ran his hand through his hair almost in nerves as he stood beside me, staring at the view that had me so entranced.
“Austin… the moon. Why’s it so big?” I whispered in awe.
The orange-hued moon seemed impossibly large, so impossibly close. So close that I could almost touch it; it’s hazy reflection spanning the entire width of the river before us as it sat happily on the horizon. “It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”
“It’s a Supermoon. The moon’s at its closest orbit to the Earth tonight. It’s size and closeness is an illusion to us here on Earth.”
“How?”
“When the moon’s that low on the horizon, it appears huge to us, but it’s no bigger than what we see every other night.” Austin pointed to moon before us and I couldn’t help but blink up at him surprise.
“Is this why we’ve come so far outta town. So we could see it in this setting?”
Austin fidgeted in embarrassment and nodded his head in one curt movement. “Supermoons don’t happen often and to really appreciate it, you need to get away from city and all the light pollution.” He then gestured to the stars above. A sky so full of diamonds that it didn’t seem like there was any room for the plain ol’ dark night sky. Every part was packed full of stars. I’d never seen anything like it.
“Austin… It’s beautiful. I… I can’t believe what I’m seeing. It’s like a dream.”
Feeling his intense stare on me, I immediately looked down, blushing. Austin cleared his throat and took a seat on the blanket, opening his large bag of barbeque.
I joined him on the blanket and wrapped my arms around my legs. Taking a huge steak, Austin leaned back against the side of the truck and met my eyes. I couldn’t help but smile.
“What?” Austin asked warily.
“I would never have thought you would be into all this.” I gestured to the sky. “Astronomy. Supermoons, stars.”
Austin seemed embarrassed and shrugged. Nothing more said in response.
“You sure you don’t want any of this?” Austin held out the large bag of food and I shook my head. Austin tossed the bag to the side, sucked the juices of his fingers and tipped his head up to enjoy the view. I did the same.
“How’s your momma?”
Austin’s breathing hitched for a moment, but then replied, “Still in hospital. But I saw her today and she’s feeling a little better.”
“I’m sorry that she’s so sick, Austin. Sometimes life’s just not fair.”
Austin dipped his head to look my way and asked, “Yeah? And how do you know life ain’t fair, Pix?”
Every muscle tensed at his question. I tried to relax, but I could tell by Austin’s inquisitive expression that he’d caught onto my apprehension. “I just do, Austin. What you see on the surface isn’t always the reality.”
There was an awkward pregnant pause, then Austin said, “You’re preaching to the converted, Pix.”
Austin waved his hand and sprawled out on his back. “Get down here. The view’s better.”
Licking my lips in nerves, I slowly slid onto my back and gazed at the night sky.
Austin pointed his fingers at a pattern of stars. “The Big Dipper.”
I followed his index finger as he mapped out the constellation.
“Wow,” I whispered, the moment feeling surreal.
“Ursa Minor.” Austin continued and I followed his demonstration with rapt attention. “Ursa Major, Cassiopeia, Draco…” And he went on, guiding me like Virgil through the complex ocean of stars. It didn’t take me long to stop following his hand pointing up at the sky, and to study the carefree, joyous expression on his usually hard and emotionless face.
He was beautiful… and there was so much more to him than I ever imagined.
Taking a deep breath, Austin lowered his hand, his fingers brushing over mine. A contented sigh slipped through his full lips and I felt weightless as he began making patterns on the back of my hand with his fingertip. He was entranced as he looked down and watched the motion of his caress.
“Why do you love the stars so much?” I whispered, trying to calm the frantic shivers shooting down my arm.
“Niente puo’ essere paragonato alla bellezza delle stelle.” The Italian from his lips was as smooth as velvet.
“What does that mean?”
“Nothing compares to the beauty of stars.”
As I watched him, closer, I just couldn’t work out how someone like him could ever join a gang. He was so talented in football, but this side of him, this sensitive, almost poetic part of his personality, was divine.
“Austin?”
“Mmm?”
“How did you get involved with the Heighters?” The soothing touch of his finger on my hand stopped and the hard mask on his face was back in place.
Reaching over, I put my hand on his arm and said, “I’m not judging, I’m trying to understand you.”
Blowing a pent up breath through his lips, he rolled on his side to face me. I did the same, mirroring his position. “Where I was brought up, not many kids do well, Pix. Most of them have folks that drink, do drugs, hustle for cash. Luckily we were different. We had Mamma. She tried her hardest to prevent us going down that path.” Austin squeezed his eyes shut and I knew it was because he was picturing his sick momma. I stretched my hand over to his and nervously wrapped my fingers around his.
Austin’s eyes fluttered open a
nd he sucked on his lip. He released his lip, the flesh now glistening with wetness and I couldn’t take my eyes from his mouth.
“My brother, Axel, was always involved with the Heighters. He loved it, but I was different, so is my baby brother, Levi.” Gripping my hand tighter in his, he continued. “But then my mamma got sick and everything changed. We needed money. And that was it, I initiated and began to hustle for whatever amount of cash I could make.”
“And… and how did you end up playing for the Tide?”
“I was good at football and Coach recruited me.”
“That’s not what I meant—” I tried to say, and Austin cut me off.
“I know. You want to know how I was able to leave the crew.”
“Yes.”
Austin’s jaw clenched and his eyes closed, like he was reliving a memory. “It was Axe, he got me out. I remember it so clearly. I was doing well on the streets and the leader of the crew, Gio, was impressed. This was good because we got more money for Mamma, but bad because it made me useful to him. Too useful to let go. I’d just finished a deal with a group of junkies and returned back to the trailer park, when Gio called me to his trailer. “Been hearing some things about you, Carillo,” he’d said to me coldly. My stomach fell. I remember looking to the door of the trailer, praying Axel would hurry home to help me. Gio terrified me.
““Heard you been cuttin’ it up over at that high school. Some big football star. That true?” I knew he couldn’t have known about the scholarship. At that point only my family did. And I definitely didn’t count Gio as my family.
““Heard the Tide offered you a scholarship. You gonna keep shut about that too?” I knew right then that he’d been doing some digging on me. I’d become too valuable for him to let go. Gio moved around the kitchen table and got right up in my face. “You think you can just up and leave your brothers? Think you can just leave this life behind?” He began to laugh at me, laugh right in my face. “This ain’t how it works, homie. You swore in. Got the ink. Heighter for life.” I honestly thought he was going to kill me, Pix.”
“What happened next?” I asked, hanging off every word he said.
“Gio pushed on my chest, knocking me back against the trailer wall. “You listenin’, you little punk? You think you’re better than me because you can run fast?” He was so fuckin’ mad at me. I knew he’d kill me rather than let me go. But then I heard, “Gio, man, leave him the fuck alone!” Gio froze in my face and my heart started beating again. It was Axel’s voice and Gio was suddenly wrenched away from me.
“Gio threw himself at Axel’s chest, but Axel was bigger, muscled, and more importantly, he was lethal in a fight—it’s why Gio keeps Axe so close. My brother’s one mean fucker. “You knew he got a fuckin’ football scholarship for the Tide and you didn’t say shit ’bout it?” Gio shouted at Axe. Axe looked over at me, and my eyes dropped to the floor. I wanted that scholarship bad and he knew it. My mamma wanted that scholarship bad. He knew that too. But I had no idea how I could ever take it. Gio was right. In this life—the shit life I got handed—what you wanted never mattered. Making green and having your crew brothers’ backs was the only code of honor in a place that held no fuckin’ pride.”
“Austin…” I whispered, not knowing what to say. I couldn’t believe this was his life. That he had to go through all of this to go to school. To follow his dreams.
“Axel dragged Gio outside of the trailer, leaving me inside so they could ‘talk’. It felt like a lifetime they were out there ‘talking’. Eventually, the door opened and Axel came back without Gio. He joined me on the floor. Then he spoke the words I never thought I’d hear. “You’re out, lil’ bro.” I didn’t know what to say, so just stared with my damn mouth hanging open. Axel laughed at me. “You’re out. Gio ain’t gonna cause shit for you.” I asked him how he managed it, what he’d promised Gio, but he just said, “That’s no concern of yours, kid.” A few months later I left for college.”
I lay in stunned silence at the history Austin had just revealed. Austin’s brown eyes glittered at reliving the memory and I asked, “And what did he do? What did he promise Gio?”
Austin lowered his head. “I have no fuckin’ idea. Axe won’t tell me. But I’ll find out someday. I need to know what I owe him.”
It all became crystal clear. That was why he was protecting his brother. It was why he was trying to keep the dealing in campus so hidden. He felt he owed him for getting him out of the gang.
I squeezed his hand in mine, feeling a flicker of understanding and Austin slowly sat up. “We should get going, Pix. Long drive back.”
As I stood and jumped off the end of the truck, I drank in the vision of the Supermoon and prayed to remember its beauty forever.
Hearing the engine begin roar, I opened the truck’s door and sat back in the passenger seat, suddenly noticing Austin’s hands were frozen on the wheel.
“You okay, Austin?”
“I’ve never… I’ve never told anyone all that before.”
My breathing came fast at his confession and, when he looked up, his head tilted to the side. “It feels kinda good to get that off my chest… It feels good to talk to you.”
Releasing a shaky sigh, I said. “You can tell me anything. I’ll never judge you or betray your trust. You know, people in glass houses…”
Austin’s head dipped and his hands clenched the wheel even tighter. “Yeah, Pix. I’m starting to realize that you’re golden that way.”
As we drove away from the majestic Supermoon and headed back to school, Austin’s words lapped around my mind. I’m starting to realize you’re golden that way…
“You’re going to Tennessee this week, yeah?” Austin asked as we walked down the path to my sorority house. He was seeing me to my door again.
“Yeah, of course. The Crimson cheer team goes to all the away games.”
Austin darted his eyes to me and nodded. “Good.”
My lip twitched in happiness. “Yeah, good.”
As my sorority house came into view about a hundred yards away, Austin pulled on the sleeve of my shirt, causing me to stop as he checked around us. Seeming happy that we were alone, he said, “I’ll watch you get to your house from here.”
We were hidden behind a mailbox. “Okay.”
Austin stared at me for a second too long to be just platonic and stepped closer, so close I could smell a hint of mint on his breath, the rainwater scent on his skin.
Swallowing back my nerves, I almost lost it completely when he looked into my eyes. “Thank you.” Austin dipped his head and cleared his throat. “Thank you for tonight. For last night. I kinda lost my shit there for a while, crying like a dick.”
“No thanks necessary, Austin. I’m happy I got to see this side of you. You know, when you’re being yourself like you were tonight, you’re not as scary as you often come across.”
Swallowing hard, Austin pushed back his messy hair from his head and asked, “So… do I still terrify you?”
That question made me take a step back.
Austin reached out and gripped my fingers. I gasped at the electricity shooting up my arm. “Before, weeks ago. You told me I terrified you.” He reminded me.
I was genuinely shocked that he’d even remembered that. I couldn’t believe it had even preyed on his mind.
“That depends,” I replied.
“On what?”
“On whether you’re gonna keep threatening me to keep my mouth shut. On whether our new friendship will end as soon as I enter my front door?”
My answer made him chuckle. And his deep, throaty laugh made my thighs clench together in need. I almost collapsed at the new sensation. I felt hot all over, as though I were on fire.
“Nah, no more threatening,” Austin said sincerely. “I know my secrets stay with you.”
“Then no, you no longer terrify me. Your brother, yes, but you, no,” I said in all honesty. I never wanted to cross Axel’s path again. Austin just said his brother was
lethal. I just prayed Austin had persuaded him to stop dealing on campus.
Austin stepped closer to me, and the way he was looking at me made me tremble. “Axe could be a problem for us. He wants you completely off the Heighters’ radar. So we gotta keep us knowing each other between us. Us talking more… between us.”
“Another secret?” I joked, my heart soaring that he wanted to keep me around, period.
“Another secret,” Austin said in all seriousness.
I dipped my eyes. “So you wanna talk to me more? Get to know me more?” The view of our feet edging closer wasn’t exactly helping with the nerves.
“Yeah. Yeah, I do,” Austin rasped out.
Lifting my eyes, I caught Austin leaning down toward my face. Every muscle in my body ceased to move. His head lowered, so close I could feel the rough stubble of his cheeks against mine. Austin was breathing hard, where my breathing seemed to have paused. Goose bumps broke out all over my skin, and my arms ached with tension as they lay stiff along my sides.
Unable to cope with the closeness, I squeezed my eyes shut, Austin’s warm breath ghosting past my ear.
“Buona notte, Pix,” Austin whispered. I felt his lips brush past my lips. Then he moved away.
When I snapped my eyes back open, Austin stood a couple feet in front of me, an unreadable expression on his face.
“Get on now, Pix. I’ll watch that you get in safe.”
Nodding numbly, I turned away, only to glance back and say, “As bad as last night was for you, I’m glad I was there because it led us to tonight.”
Austin nodded once, a curt stoic nod. “Catch you later, Pix.”
I scurried down the path to my sorority house, when I heard Austin shout, “Pix?”
Halting, I turned around, and he moved from the shadows into the moonlight. My heart constricted at the beautiful sight.
“Why the war paint?”
I brushed back my bobbed hair and replied, “Why the tattoos?”
Austin smiled at my response, his white teeth illuminated, and he shook his head, flicking two fingers as his wave good-bye.