I set off again on the path and, closing the front door of the silent sorority house, I hurried to my room. As I walked into the bathroom, I had a definite spring in my step, until I looked at myself in the mirror and all my newfound excitement waned.
Staring back at me was such an eyesore.
I almost forgot about all my issues tonight. But my reflection brought it all back with a slam.
Reaching into my vanity closet, I pulled out my cosmetic wipes and began my nightly routine. As my dark makeup rubbed off, all insecurities crept back.
Seems the boy could like you, Lexington, but I can make him like you more. Those ten pounds we need to lose will make him want you like no one before. Imagine how impressed he will be if you are that little bit thinner.
As I listened to the voice, I felt myself agree. Austin would be impressed if I lost more.
Ten pounds off would make everything in my life just that much better… Ten more pounds off would guide me toward perfection…
Chapter Thirteen
Austin
Neyland Stadium
Knoxville, Tennessee
We were up by fifteen and the Vols fans in the stadium were booing in their droves. I turned to the home stand, a sea of orange and white, and smiled. Then turning my back, I showed them my crimson number eighty-three with my two thumbs.
Eat that, Tennessee, I thought smugly.
“You suck, Carillo! Defense, defense, defense,” was all I could hear in response to my taunt. Glancing to the sideline, I spotted Pix crisscrossing her legs in routine and shaking her pompoms, she was laughing at me. I flashed her a covert wink and her mouth dropped in shock.
The referee’s whistle sounded, and it was time for the offense to take the field. Rome immediately called us into the huddle. “Carillo, you wanna have some fun?” he said with a huge smile.
Punching my fist in my hand, I replied, “Fuckin’ A!”
“Then let’s get it done,” Rome shouted and called a, “Denny Eighty-Three, on red. One, two—”
“Why the fuck’s Carillo getting a chance at another TD? Give it to me. He’s already got two in the can. And we’re only on the thirty-yard line. Play it safe. We already got the W,” Chris Porter, the other wide receiver, whined like a little prissy bitch.
I fuckin’ hated this cunt. He’d been trying to undercut me as top wide receiver since freshman year. Hated that Rome and I had played together our whole life and had that rare QB-wide receiver bond. And Porter hated the fact that I was a better player than him.
Period.
Rome fixed his eyes on him and gritted his teeth. “Shut the fuck up, Porter. I call the shots, and Carillo’s doing it, you fuckin’ get me? Plus, you’re too slow for this type of play. Me and Carillo’ve got it down pat.”
Porter instantly shut up and Rome gave me a knowing look. Cream the bastard. Get the TD. Shove it up his jealous ass. I knew what Rome was thinking, because I was thinking it too.
I nodded my head slowly, and Rome began to smirk. I’d leave Porter in my dust.
“Denny Eighty-Three, on red. One, two, red!” Rome called again.
The eleven of us took up our formation for what was a timing play. This was what Rome and I were famous for, the type of play made legendary by Montana and Rice with the 49ers. The play that only came off when you could read each other’s mind. Rome and I rarely failed with this play. The fans loved it, breathed for this moment. And we weren’t gonna disappoint them now.
Hearing my breathing echo loudly within my helmet, I took to the left of the field. Glancing to my right, I confirmed Rome was set in position, and then I heard, “Denny Eighty-Three, Denny Eighty-Three, hut, hut, hut.”
As soon as the final hut was voiced, I took off to sprint. Porter left his right field position and lined up alongside me to misdirect the corner back and the free safety. Porter pumped his legs, and I knew he was trying to prove he could keep up with me, but I could run the forty in four-point-two seconds flat. The dumb fuck had no chance against my speed.
Porter began to wave his hands, drawing the attention of the corner back, creating separation for me to get in the clear. Rome dropped back into the pocket and pump faked once to hold the free safety.
As I worked my legs harder, Rome let loose a perfectly spiraled forty-yard pass… straight into my waiting hands. I ran it downfield free and clear, then spiked the ball in the end zone for my third touchdown of the night.
The Tide fans went wild, and I screamed in exhilaration, fists clenched and head thrown back. Someone gripped the mask of my helmet, spinning me around, and I came face to face with Rome, who pulled me to his chest. “One step closer, Carillo. One step fuckin’ closer to the draft!” he whispered in my ear.
At his words, I thought of Mamma, thought of Axel, thought of Levi, and my heart swelled with pride. One step closer to the draft. The Carillo boys getting shit done.
Following the successful point after the touchdown, the game-ending whistle blew. The Tide had won, keeping up our perfect season.
Jimmy-Don, Rome, Reece, and I fell in step and made our way to the away fans stand. As we approached, Rome took off at a sprint, dropping his helmet on the field, and headed toward a smiling Molly, who practically jumped into his arms. They were all over each other in a second, off in their own little world. Cass and Ally slowly walked toward us, Cass smacking a big kiss on Jimmy-Don’s flushed face.
“Hell of a game, darlin’!” she shouted and punched him on his arm. JD slapped her ass in return.
Ally came over and gave each of us a hug. Ally was stunning but kind of like a sister to me. Reece, however, seemed to hug her just a bit too long, Ally giggling at his playfulness, earning them a long look from Rome, who’d still not let Molly go.
“Here she is!” Cass shouted, and I turned to see Lexi running toward us. She looked good in her tiny crimson uniform, bright-red lips, and 1920’s curled hair.
“Hey, guys!” she said cheerily, and I frowned. I’d never seen her this peppy, this… fake. It was like looking at a completely different person.
Cass went to move in for a hug, but Lexi held out her hand. “I wouldn’t, Cass. I’m all sweaty from jumping around.”
Cass backed off and her naturally smiley face darkened. “Lexi, I swear you’re getting real weird about getting hugs. What’s up with that, girl?”
Lexi batted her hand in dismissal, but I noticed her nervous swallow and the flash of panic in her eyes. “Oh, hush, Cass!” she joked as Molly and Rome joined our makeshift circle.
Lexi stood next to me, and I discreetly nudged her with my arm. I caught her smile ghost across her lips.
“So what’s the plan tonight?” Ally asked as she looked around the group.
“We don’t go home until the morning, so let’s go out,” Rome replied and wrapped his arms around Molly from behind. She looked up at him like he was her world. I caught Lexi sigh and look at Rome pressing a kiss on Molly’s neck, like she wished it were her.
As if she felt me watching, Lexi’s eyes locked on mine, then immediately turned down.
My body tensed and I got pretty damn pissed. What the fuck is that all about? Does she have a thing for Rome?
“We could go out. I feel like we haven’t done much as a group for a while,” Molly said in her thick English accent.
Rome nodded. “Then it’s decided. Tonight we go out.”
“Jimmy-Don, you better get your juicy hiney on this here dance floor and get to two-steppin’. I’m fixin’ to dance!” Cass hollered from the dance floor to Jimmy-Don, who was sitting with us in our booth. My cowboy friend shook his head and laughed as he made his way toward the larger-than-life blonde, donning his Stetson.
They were actually pretty perfect together.
“Reece, you wanna dance?” Ally asked the surfer-looking freshman. He jumped outta his seat like his ass was on fire.
“I’m gonna murder that little shit if he keeps creeping on my cousin like that,” Rome promised from across
the table, and I couldn’t help but laugh. Rome didn’t care who Ally dated, but he drew the line at anyone from the team. Last thing he wanted to hear was locker room talk about how she was in the sack.
“Baby, leave him alone and come dance with me,” Molly said, and, like always, Rome’s mood lightened. He lifted a giggling Molly from the booth and headed to the floor.
“Are you guys joining us?” Molly shouted over Rome’s shoulder.
Lexi seemed to be wearing the same mask of horror I was, and we mutually shook our heads.
“Not feeling the country tunes?” Lexi asked, dressed in her black loose dress and Doc Martin boots.
“Isn’t exactly Korn or Metallica, so no.”
Cass’s loud laughter boomed out from the dance floor, and Lexi couldn’t help but smile.
“So—”
“Why were you staring at Rome after the game?” I butted into whatever Lexi a about to say.
She blanched. “What?”
“At the field. You were staring at him all googly eyed and shit. You like him, is that it?” My voice sounded pretty curt, but I really didn’t care.
“I don’t—” She tried to speak again, but I held up my hand and pointed to Molly and Rome slow dancing on the edge of the floor.
“He’s not gonna give her up for anything. The guy is crazy in love with her. Like lifetime kinda love.”
Lexi’s face darkened and she hit away my held up hand. “Firstly, Molly is one of my best friends, and, even if I did like Rome, I would never ruin her chance at happiness. And secondly, I don’t like Rome, other than as a friend, of course. He’s so not my type.”
I relaxed at hearing those words, and I frowned. I couldn’t believe the strength of my annoyance when I thought she liked someone else.
“Then why were you looking at them like that?” I asked with a little less sharpness in my voice.
The music changed from one Honky-Tonk tune to the next, and I felt like slitting my wrists. How the fuck do people listen to this shit?
“I wasn’t looking at them because I wanted Rome. It was just…” Lexi bowed her head and began playing with her fingernails.
I moved closer and heard her breath stutter. “Just what?” I pushed.
“I just envy them, that’s all.”
I was confused. “Envy what?”
“Them! How free they are with each other. How content.”
“They’re together. What else do you expect? Hell, look at Cass and Jimmy-Don.” I pointed over to the two of them doing the Dougie with serious expressions.
Jesus. H. Christ.
“Yeah, well, not everyone can be that way with someone else. It’s nice to see but difficult for me to comprehend.”
That comment got my attention. Though Lexi’s eyes were fixed firmly on the table, she was pulling the sleeves of her dress down over her palms.
“What the hell does that mean?” I asked and watched Lexi give a slight shrug.
“You ain’t had a guy treat you right before or some shit? An old boyfriend do wrong by you?”
Lexi’s timid eyes flickered to mine and then straight back down again. Her hands were shaking, and even above this god-awful song and the strum of the fuckin’ banjo, I heard her breath come hard. So I moved closer still, our arms now brushing.
Dipping my head, I asked, “You gonna answer me?” My stomach was wound real tight thinking some dick coulda hurt her in the past. She must weigh about as much as wet rag. Fuck, Axel had had her up against the wall, and I’d threatened her. That memory alone had me wincing in shame.
“I’ve never had a boyfriend,” she whispered almost inaudibly.
My head whipped to her in shock. “You ain’t never had a boyfriend?”
Lexi shook her head.
“You’ve dated, though, right?”
Another shake of the head.
It just didn’t make sense. She was gorgeous, sweet, had a heart of fuckin’ gold.
What was her deal?
Lexi had huddled against the backboard of the booth, as though she were trying to crawl into it. Checking around the room, I saw our friends were on the far side of the dance floor, twirling around and having fun. I decided Pix and me needed to split.
Reaching under the table, I gripped Lexi’s hand and began pulling her out of the booth.
“Austin! What—” she said quietly and darted her eyes around the club.
“We’re getting outta here. Come on.” I tugged on her arm. At first, Lexi resisted. Then she fell into step and we almost ran outside the club. “You wanna get food?” I asked.
Lexi’s eyes widened and she shook her head profusely. “No. I’m not hungry at all.” I thought it was kind of a weird response, but I let it fly. I just wanted out of this fuckin’ redneck hell.
As soon as we hit the night air, I headed for the busy street and held my hand out for a cab.
“Austin, wait! Where are we going?” Lexi said anxiously, pulling on my hand.
Turning around, I laid my hands on her shoulders, once again noticing her flinch as I did so. That was why we were leaving. I just had to know what was up with this shit.
“We’re going to my hotel room,” I answered and held out my hand once more, a cab pulling up to where we were stood.
“Austin. I can’t… I’m not… I—” Lexi’s hand had slammed to her chest and she rubbed aggressively at the skin.
I rolled my eyes and pulled her into my side, wrapping my arm around her shoulders. “Calm down, Pix. I’m not planning on fuckin’ you. I just wanna talk. I room with Rome on away games. Molly has rented her own room, so he’ll be staying with her. We have the place to ourselves.”
Lexi’s eyes were still wide with fear, so I placed my mouth at her ear and whispered, “I just wanna talk some more. Get to know you more. Away from prying eyes. Don’t you?”
Lexi’s shoulders slumped forward and she nodded her head. “I do want to know you more. Lord help me, but I do.” Her huge pale-green eyes fixed on mine, and she confessed, “I’m just not used to being alone with a guy… in his room. I’m nervous.”
Smiling at her confession, I held her closer. The cab pulled to a stop, and I opened the door. As we climbed into the back, I said, “Text your friends. Tell them you’ve gone home. Tell them I’ve seen you home safe.”
Taking out her cell, Lexi did as I asked, then settled back into the seat.
She stared out of her window, entranced by the bright lights of Tennessee, so I stared out of mine. I would’ve given anything to know what she was thinking, what was whirling through that mysterious head of hers. But I managed to keep the concern from my mind as our hands stayed intertwined on the middle of the seat. I couldn’t keep the satisfied smirk off my face.
Chapter Fourteen
Austin
Fifteen minutes later, we entered my hotel room. Lexi hovered at the closed door as I moved to sit on my bed. She swayed on her feet, looking about the standard twin room.
Leaning over to the minibar, I pulled out a Coke. “You wanna drink?” I asked, and Lexi glared at the can of Coke. I actually looked down at my hand to see if I’d picked up something else by mistake.
“What?” I asked in confusion.
Lexi wrapped her arms over her stomach. “Do you have water? Plain, unflavored water?”
Nodding slowly, I reached back into the minibar and pulled out a San Pellegrino, holding it out for her to take.
Lexi hesitated, and I laughed at how strange she was being.
Fuck, what’s her deal?
“Here, Lex. I’m not gonna bite,” I said as she stood eerily still.
Lexi stared down at the floor, that blank expression on her face again. I noticed she was doing it a lot lately—around school, while we were with our friends… on the sideline of the games.
“Lexi?” I said and placed the drinks on the nightstand. But her dark brows furrowed and her hands gripped to the side of her head. Her green eyes closed and a pained look came across her face.
/> Jumping from my seat, I ran over to where she stood and, not knowing where to place my hands, eventually gripped her arms. Lexi’s eyes opened and panic was evident in her stare. Her hands slipped slowly down her cheeks to rest straight by her sides and her fingers shook the entire way.
“Fuck, Pix. You okay?”
Lexi’s bottom lip began to tremble and water filled her eyes.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I’m so sorry. It’s a bad day. It’s just a really bad day for me, that’s all.” She repeated the sentence about three more times.
I stared at her, completely not knowing what to do. Was she having an anxiety attack? Was she depressed? Whatever it was, it scared the shit out of me.
Guiding her past Rome’s bed and toward mine, I managed to sit her down. Grabbing the bottle of water, I poured it into a glass, handed it to her, and watched as she checked what I put inside, seemingly relieved when she saw it was just water.
Weird reaction number two.
Lexi took small sips from the glass, and she gradually seemed to come back to me. When only a quarter of the water was gone, Lexi put down the glass on the nightstand and nervously looked my way.
“I’m so embarrassed,” she whispered, and I kneeled on the floor before her.
“What was all that about?” I asked, and she turned her head away from me.
Gripping her chin between my thumb and finger, I brought her back to face me. “What was it all about, Pix?”
Lexi began pulling the sleeves of her black dress over her palms and dipped her eyes to avoid me. I tilted her chin again.
“No, Pix, don’t look away. You were there for me at the hospital a few days ago. Let me be here for you now. What is going on with you?”
More silence. That just pissed me off.
“Why the war paint, Pix?” I pushed.
She shook her head and tears sprang to her eyes. “Don’t, Austin. Please don’t ask me that anymore. I can’t stand it!”
Bowing my head, I gave up.
“I’m tired,” Lexi suddenly said, and she stood up abruptly.