Hearing a whisper of a sniffle behind me, I turned my head. My heart faltered as I saw my weak and fading mamma in her new wheelchair, sat in the doorway to her bedroom, watching Levi holding on to my Pix with an awed yet terrified expression on his face. Tears were streaming down Mamma’s pale cheeks, but she made no move to wipe them away. I wasn’t sure if she couldn’t muster the energy or whether she was so overcome with emotion that she didn’t even notice she was crying so hard.
Silently walking toward her, Mamma’s dark eyes eventually laid upon me. She was dressed in her long, white sleeveless nightgown, and her hands were shaking from the strain of her sobs.
As I brushed back a sweaty strand of Mamma’s waist-length dark hair from her damp forehead, her attention slammed straight back on to Lexi and Levi over my shoulder, and I heard Lexi ask, “You want a sweet tea, darlin’? Something to eat?”
“Yes, ma’am,” I caught Levi reply, and pride filled my chest at Pix. She was caring for my brother while I got my shit done. Caring for Levi out of the goodness in her heart.
Scooping my Mamma up in my arms, I reached out and took the bag of her meds from the table. As I made my way to her bed, I folded back the sheets and laid her down. Nothing was said between us. And as I walked to the nightstand for Mamma’s glass of water, I risked a glimpse at her face. She was still staring toward the doorway as though she could see through the paper-thin walls.
“Mamma? Take these,” I instructed as I handed my mamma the dissolvable light-orange pain pills. Due to her ALS, her throat didn’t work the same as before, and choking was now a real hazard. She had to take her meds now through IV or under the tongue, and, before long, all food would have to be in liquid form.
Mamma didn’t open her mouth, but instead looked up at me and said, “You bring… your… piccolo folletto… here, to us?”
Sighing, I sat next to Mamma on the bed and smiled the memory of how stubborn Lexi had been when I told her to go home. “I needed to pick up your meds and for that, I needed a car. She had one, but she wouldn’t let me come alone.”
Mamma’s lip twitched in amusement. “Ah, mio caro… she has… stolen your heart.”
I went to argue, oddly feeling like the defense would be a betrayal to my Pix, but Mamma closed her eyes and attempted to shake her head.
“I… do not need… to hear… your answer to… know this… is true.” Her eyelids fluttered open and what looked like happiness shone through and sent shivers all along my skin. “You are my… son… flesh of… my flesh… a part of your… soul… lives… within me.” Mamma weakly lifted her hand and placed it over her heart. “I feel the… change… in you. You are… free… with her…” Mamma took a long, deep breath and added, “It brings… life… a peace to… my heart.”
“Mamma—” I set to speak, but she dropped her hand on mine.
“Tesoro, Austin… Lei è un… tesoro. A blessed… treasure from the heavens… made just for… you…”
Casting a quick look back at the partly open bedroom door, I faced Mamma again and whispered, “She has problems, Mamma. Real bad issues with herself. I like her… a lot—I admit that—but have no idea how to deal with it, with her. If I’m being honest, it scares the shit outta me. It has her in its grip.”
Mamma sighed and looked out the window, deep in thought. She’d been doing that a lot lately, as if she were cherishing the world, committing the view to memory.
“I see her issue, Austin… I am a… woman… I see what… others may not. She sees… no beauty in… herself…”
I dropped my head and felt real fear at that. I didn’t want her to have problems with how she looked.
She’s beautiful.
Mamma cleared her throat, awkwardly leaned forward, and said, “We all have… secrets. Secrets well buried. Until we… find the one soul who… makes the burden… of such… secrets just that little bit… easier to… to… to bear.”
Mamma’s breathing was becoming labored, so I took the pain meds once more and implored her with a stern look to open her mouth. But just before she did, she whispered, “If you love her right… that love… will heal her… but do not… destroy her… mio caro. If you give that love… then take it away, it… will be something she will never get past…”
A single tear dropped from Mamma’s eye, and my chest felt so tight I thought my lungs had shut down. Mamma was referring to my daddy. Luca Carillo had destroyed her over the years, but she still loved him fiercely. She didn’t want me to become my daddy with Lexi. She wanted me to be the one to heal my Pix, not destroy her.
Eventually doing as I asked, Mamma let the pills dissolve under her tongue, and the entire time her dark eyes watched my face.
“Axe! You know what this means. We gotta bring him in. Bring everyone we got. It’s fuckin’ war, fratello. We gotta protect our turf. We lose that, we lose all our green, and I know what that means for you Carillo boys.”
“Caspico, Gio.”
“Hey, Axe, you been liftin’ cars again? Where’d this piece of shit Prius come from?”
Voices sounded loudly outside the trailer. I quickly began tucking Mamma in, when her hand gripped my arm. “You go… Do not let… Levi deal with… them…”
Nodding, I stood to exit the room, when Mamma said, “Send… her in… I wish… to talk to your… folletto.”
That stilled me, and I looked out into the living room, Levi talking shyly to Lexi and her beaming so big back at him. The kid was already in love with her; I could tell by his returning dopey grin.
“Perchè?” I asked Mamma, still watching the beautiful girl who was stealing my heart, making my baby brother feel wanted… cherished.
“Austin, mio caro… send… her in… It is between me… and your tesoro…”
Slightly nervous at what could be said in my absence, I walked into the living room to see Lexi helping Levi with what looked like math homework. Just as I reached the small coffee table they were crouched around, I flicked my head to get her to come to me.
“So complete questions three and four, and I’ll check if they’re correct in just a minute. I’ll be back.”
Lexi stood and began walking to me. Levi turned bright red at my knowing expression and occupied himself with working out his algebra.
Taking Lexi’s hand, I pulled her into the kitchen, way out of sight. Before she had time to ask questions, I cupped her cheeks with my hands and pulled her face closer and pressed my lips against hers.
A breathy whimper escaped her mouth and her tiny hands gripped tight onto my shirt. As soon as that tongue of hers peeked through her lips and into my mouth, I lost it. Turning Lexi around, I pushed her up against the counter and groaned as her arms skirted along my back, causing my crotch to push against hers. My cock was hard, and I could feel Lexi’s body heat pouring off her in waves.
As the seconds passed, Lexi’s inexperienced body began to relax, getting more into my touch. When her hands slipped up and threaded into my hair, I was no longer thinking straight and wrapped my arms around her back, slamming her tight body up against my chest until it was flush with mine.
As a huge crack of thunder shook the foundations of the trailer, Lexi stilled as though she’d been shot. Her lips suddenly froze on mine and her hands slipped from my hair. Her whimpers came harder now, and through the sex-crazed fog that was clouding up all rational thought, I thought they were a sign of pleasure, until I felt the wetness on her cheeks.
As I pulled back, I realized silent tears were tumbling down Lexi’s cheeks. Her pale-green eyes had turned vacant, and my blood ran cold.
She was in her dark place, zoning the fuck out on me again.
As I went to withdraw from our embrace, it took me a moment to realize where my hands were: flat to her back, my thumb unconsciously rubbing at her spine.
Shit!
Ripping my arms away and holding them in the air, I hissed, “Pix? Pix! Come back to me. I’m off you. Just come back to me.”
I knew the minute my vo
ice had broken through when she began panting and her lashes fluttered, pulling her from his trance. That fucked-up voice that she said constantly tempted and tormented her.
“Pix—” I went to speak, but she pulled the black sleeves of her sweater over her palms and slammed them over her mouth.
“You touched my back,” she whispered. “I can’t be touched on my back. Why did you touch my back? There should be ten, but there’s only seven. It’s not enough. He’s right. It’s just not enough…” Her voice was frantic as she spoke shit to herself, and it rose into a high-pitched tone.
Lexi stumbled back until she hit the countertop, but her incessant muttering never stopped.
Darting my eyes to the door, I heard the voices outside getting closer, and like hell I wanted Axel to know about Pix being here… especially acting like this. He wasn’t gonna understand any of it. Wasn’t gonna approve of me being with her.
Cautiously inching forward, I caged Lexi in my arms and pressed my forehead to hers. “Pix, breathe. One… two… three… four…” I carried on and saw the moment Lexi was back, her chest trying like hell to follow the rhythm of my count. “Five… six… seven… eight…”
“Axe, get the kid. We need to make our move.”
Gio’s voice cut through my counting, and I watched the door, waiting patiently for it to open, trying to think how I could hide Pix.
“I’m calm. I’m calm…” Lexi’s quiet voice brought my attention back to her.
“Fuck, I’m sorry, Pix,” I whispered and tucked my head into the crook between her shoulder and neck, just breathing in the scent that was all her.
I caught Lexi’s hand lift, shaking furiously as it moved behind me. I was shocked when it landed on the back of my neck, and I released a breath I didn’t even realize I was holding.
“It’s okay. It’s okay. I just panicked,” Lexi said slowly, and I knew she was trying to convince herself as much as she was trying to convince me.
Drawing back my head, I tentatively pressed a kiss to her lips, speaking against her mouth. “I forgot, Pix. I know that’s a fuckin’ terrible excuse. But I just forgot.”
Lexi closed her eyes, inhaling deep through her nose, and when her eyelids fluttered open, she seemed a little better.
“Austin?” My mamma’s weak voice drifted through the trailer as the wind outside began to howl and tree branches began scratching at the windows in the storm.
If the weather had ever depicted the mood of a situation, then it couldn’t have been more appropriate as it was right now.
“Si, Mamma?” I answered back but never once took my gaze off my Pix. Lexi’s eyes stayed locked on mine too.
“Lexi… I wish for… her to come here,” she called back and began to cough with the effort.
I noted Lexi’s eyebrows pulling down tight, but, ducking her head, she set off to walk around me, and I pushed my arm out to grab her hand.
Lexi laid her still-shaking hand to my cheek and nodded that she was okay.
Fuckin’ A, I thought as I swallowed back my guilt.
Just as I watched Lexi tentatively walk into Mamma’s room, arms wrapped around her stomach, the doorknob on the front door slowly began to turn.
Rushing for the door, I pushed on the knob, the door flying open with the help of the high wind. Staring up at me in shock were Axel, Carlo, and Gio. Carlo was holding tight to his bicep. I remembered Levi said he’d been shot. Looked like it was just a graze, yet another scrape with death for the Heighters.
“Austin!” Axel called, instantly happy. Stepping from the trailer onto the graveled patch of yard, I shut the door behind me and walked into the heavy and turbulent storm and, weirdly, into the company of my heavy and turbulent crew.
“Axe. Gio. Carlo,” I greeted and, making sure the door of the trailer was shut, put my hands in my pocket, the wind ripping around us like a hurricane.
Axel strutted toward me and slung his arm around my shoulder. “You get Mamma’s meds, kid?”
“Yeah, just gave her them.”
I caught Gio smirk at me, and he pointed to the Prius. “Hotwire some rich-ass student’s ride?”
Shrugging, I fought my urge to drop his ass to the floor. “Just borrowed it from someone I know.”
Axel drew back and eyed me weird. “Who the hell do you know that drives a fuckin’ Prius?”
“Some Tide groupie you’re screwing?” Carlo said, wearing a huge grin.
“Sure,” I replied evasively and looked again to Axel. “Seba okay? Lev said he took one to the chest.”
Axel’s face shadowed with sorrow and he shook his head. “DOA at the ER. Another fallen brother.” Axel made the cross over his chest with his hand, and I saw Gio do the same.
Sighing loudly, I rubbed my hand across my forehead.
“We need to talk, Aust,” Gio said seriously, and I looked his way. “We need you back in with the crew, just until we can get the better of the Kings. They already took three miles of turf in a matter of weeks, and now they’re looking to take the UA campus.” He stared at me for a few silent moments, then added, “They know you’re there and they’re talking some real bad shit about taking you down.”
“Fuck!” I hissed out, and Gio stepped forward and flicked his chin at Axel. Axel reached into the inner pocket of his jacket and pulled out a 9mm piece. No, scratch that, my old 9mm piece.
Axel held it out for me to take. “Your famiglia needs you, kid. We need to keep the turf to make the green. Mamma’s treatments are only gonna cost more from this point on. It’s all us Carillos together.”
I caught the curtains of Mamma’s room twitch, and my heart dropped when I saw the window was slightly open. She’d have heard everything that was just said.
“Look, Axe, we’ll think of something else. I’ll swallow my damn pride, we will, and ask Rome to help us out with Mamma’s bills.”
“No, you fuckin’ won’t! I ain’t getting charity handouts from that rich fuck. I hate the cunt! We do this the Carillo way, the Italian way. The street way.”
My teeth gritted together and I stepped right up to Axel. “That’s the last time you’ll say anything against Rome. He’s as close to me as a damn brother.”
Axel had begun to smirk at me, until I said the last part, and then all I saw was anger rush across his face. “Let’s get this straight right now. Rome fuckin’ Prince ain’t your brother, kid,” he spat. “He’s just some rich-ass football player you know, some rich-ass football player that’s using your white trash ass and quick feet to get him to the NFL. He don’t know this life, don’t understand what it takes to survive over here in the west. And from this day on, you’ll be dealing on campus alongside me and getting your college ass over here to the Heights whenever I call. Fuck your football, kid. This shit’s about our future. It’s about famiglia. Now”—Axel smacked my 9mm to my chest, putting all his impressive strength behind it—“man the fuck up. We got work to do.”
Gripping the gun in my hand, feeling the familiar scratched metal under my fingers, my heart fell when Axel turned to the door of the trailer.
Axel glanced back to Gio. “I’m getting Lev. Then we’re gonna take a ride past the Kings. Tonight’s the night my baby bro earns the right to wear that stidda on his cheek.” Axel then looked at me. “That goes for you too, kid. You’re coming.”
As though everything switched to half motion, two thoughts instantly zipped through my head. The first was that Pix was in that trailer, and if Axel saw her, he was gonna rip her apart. The second was there was no way in hell Levi was getting in that bastard car. He’d already had one brush with death tonight. He wasn’t gonna get another.
Fear and protective instinct had me speaking words I’d vowed never to say again.
Just as Axel began opening the door, I stepped forward and pulled him back. “I’ll ride with you, deal coke with you again, on one condition.”
Axel glanced over my head at Gio, and when I had his attention again, I looked him dead in the eye. This was be
tween real family, real blood.
“Lev won’t be dealing no more. He won’t be going on ride-alongs and he definitely won’t be packing heat. You make me your vow now on that deal and you get me back.”
“You’ll be back? One hundred percent?” Axel asked, an excited gleam in his dark eyes.
“One hundred percent,” I replied, my promise seeming to shatter my dreams as it slipped from my lips. As Axel and Gio held out their hands, I almost faltered in the deal. But as I closed my eyes and thought of Levi nervously taking Lexi’s outstretched hand and Mamma crying tears of happiness as she watched him find comfort in that touch, all my hesitation faded.
Two handshakes later and, standing in the pouring fall rain, I felt a piece of my soul die.
A part of me knew it was the worst thing I’d ever done in my life. The other was just thankful that my little brother would now have a chance at more. To make something of himself. To get out of this life.
“Carlo, get the car. Tonight, we ride,” Gio ordered, and Carlo, still gripping to his wounded arm, began walking in the direction of Gio’s trailer to pick up his old Challenger.
Axel put his hand on my shoulder as Gio almost vibrated with the excitement of his revenge on the Kings. “So here’s the plan—”
The sound of the trailer door slamming open and hitting the wall had me spinning around in shock, and there stood Lexi on the top step, panting hard and green eyes huge with fear.
As if she wasn’t seeing anyone else, her gaze zeroed in on mine, and voice shaking, she said, “No, Austin, don’t do this. Please don’t do this!”
Gio stepped forward and hissed, “Who’s this ugly bitch?”
I saw red.
Jumping forward, I spun Gio around, punched him square in the jaw, and he dropped to the wet, muddy ground. Stepping over his sprawled-out body, I made a move to get to Pix, when Axel grabbed the collar of my shirt and smacked me against the Prius’s hood.
“What the fuck is she here for?” he snapped, his voice guttural with rage and his face only an inch from mine.