Austin’s hand began stroking along my inner thigh, shooting shivers to my core, and all the air whooshed out of my lungs the closer he got to the apex of my thighs.
Austin took a shuddering breath and said, “So you tell me how far you wanna go right now. Because I want you, all of you. It’s your call, Pix. It’s all on you.”
I watched Austin glance down to stare at his hand on my pale thigh, and I could see the passion in his eyes, see the subtle parting of his lips as he viewed my bare legs. Shock pulsed through me when I realized he didn’t seem repulsed. In fact, it was the opposite. He was flushed, turned on, and… he wanted me.
It was almost impossible for me to comprehend.
“Austin,” I whispered, and he tore his gaze from my lower body to look me in the eyes. “Take me. Take it all.”
A slow, relieved smile spread on Austin’s face, and he immediately rose above me, pressing a kiss to my lips. Hooking his fingers in the side of my panties, he began lowering them down my legs until I was completely exposed to his eyes.
Throwing my panties to the ground behind him, Austin kissed my mouth in soft, sweet kisses, and I suddenly felt his fingers slip gently along my folds.
“Austin… ah…” I whispered and began rolling my hips at his touch. I’d never been touched there before, but I was craving what Austin was giving me. Falling hopelessly under his spell.
“You’re so ready, Pix,” Austin said as one of finger slipped within me, my eyes snapping open in shock.
“Hush, Pix. I’m just preparing you. It’s gonna hurt at first, but I promise I’ll make you feel good. I promise you’ll come.”
“What… what about you?” I asked. Then, suddenly, I cried out, Austin’s hand touching on something sensitive within me… something that felt… too good to describe.
“I’ll be good, Pix. This is all about you tonight.”
Reaching up, I gripped onto Austin’s hair. “I need you. I need you right now. I almost can’t take it.”
Austin’s chest rose and fell and, removing his fingers from inside me, he stood and walked to a set of drawers across the room. I watched his back from my place on the pillows as he opened the top drawer and removed a condom.
Austin turned to me, embarrassed, and shrugged. “Rome used to use this place a lot before Molls.”
Trying to breathe through the nerves, excitement, and the sight of the absolute living art that was about to take my virginity, I smiled. Austin was perfection—pure, artistic perfection. All he saw when he looked at himself as an ex-gang member, someone with nothing to offer. But someone with nothing to offer wouldn’t have brought someone like me to this unfamiliar place of acceptance. Someone with nothing else to offer wouldn’t be playing in one of the best football programs in the country, and they certainly wouldn’t be so creative to display such a beautiful collage of art, of things that were clearly important to his soul.
Austin Carillo was a poor trailer park boy with a heart of pure gold.
“You ready, Pix?” Austin asked, and I nodded slowly.
Placing the golden condom packet in his mouth, Austin began pulling down the waistband of his jeans, fully revealing his black boxer briefs.
Heat accosted my entire body as I admired his built and perfectly muscled frame, his hair still slightly ruffled from where I had raked it with my fingers, and the large bulge underneath the boxers.
Swallowing loudly, Austin hooked his fingers in the edge of his boxers and slowly began to pull them down too.
I couldn’t remove my eyes as he revealed himself to me, and I could tell he was nervous as he cast a shy glimpse up at me through impossibly long ebony lashes.
Austin began to approach me, and I followed the flow of a thigh-length tattoo of two hands clasped together in prayer, a delicate rosary falling from the intertwined fingers. I was more nervous than ever.
Kneeling on the floor at my feet, the condom now clutched in his hand, Austin began crawling over my body, his tense-with-need face meeting mine. The side of his bottom lip sucked in at the edge as his eyes hooded with pleasure.
Brushing a piece of hair back off his face, I saw that my hand was shaking. So did Austin, and catching my hand in his, he brought it to his lips. “You ready, Pix?” he asked through a tight voice, and I felt the brush of his long erection against my bare thigh.
Nodding my head, unable to speak, Austin rose to his knees, ripping the condom packet with his teeth, and rolled the latex on himself.
Taking each one of my hands, he threaded his fingers through mine and brought them above my head, adjusting his strong thighs between mine.
Austin stared into my eyes as he braced himself at my entrance, and my heart boomed in my chest like a drum. With a soft kiss on my lips, Austin pushed forward, his fingers tightening around mine, his lips moving faster, almost as if to distract me from the sudden rush of fullness.
Then he stopped, breathing lightly against my mouth, not uttering one word. Releasing his fingers from mine, he caged his arms around my head, elbows to the rug, almost like he was protecting me from what was to come.
Gritting his teeth, he pushed forward, and I winced as a sharp pain sliced through my lower half. Austin stilled as he filled me completely, and I focused on his rapid heartbeat against my naked breasts, his heavy breathing in my ear, and my tense legs began to relax.
Austin’s right hand drifted down my side until he gripped my thigh, hooking it over his bent arm. With his head still tucked in the crook between my neck and shoulder, he began rocking forward in a slow and steady rhythm.
Soon, the pain seemed to fade away, and as Austin picked up speed, a new kind of pressure built at my spine. I clung to the damp skin of Austin’s back just to anchor myself from lifting off the floor.
Small whimpers began slipping from my lips, and Austin groaned in response.
As my nails dug into Austin’s back, he raised his head, his hair falling forward to lay across his forehead in an adorable way, and his eyes grew laden as he gazed into mine.
“Austin…” I murmured and arched my back as a feeling so fierce bolted through my body.
A low growl rustled in Austin’s chest, and his hips thrust harder and faster, until my lips parted and a feeling so indescribable possessed my body, seizing any semblance of rational thought from my mind.
I shattered into tiny pieces.
I was weightless.
I fought to cling to Austin, and I met his dark eyes just as they squeezed shut and his mouth gaped. As Austin’s body stilled, his muscles corded and a low hiss slipped from between his full lips.
With shaking arms, Austin fell on top of me, his hands still braced at my sides and our bodies slick with sweat. Rolling my eyes north, I could see the full moon shining in through the clear pane of the skylight, and I could once again make out the crackled sounds of burning wood as my head began to clear.
Moments later, Austin raised his head and stared at me for what seemed like an eternity. Eyes glistening, he asked softly, “Why the war paint, Pix?” His thumb wiped at my cheek, and it was then I realized I was crying.
Glancing away, feeling as though he were speaking directly to the deepest part of my soul, I said, “Because I want to be someone else. Someone who’s not me.”
Austin flinched as though I’d wounded him, and he replied, “That’s not the full reason. You’re still hiding who you are from me. There’s some other reason. Something bigger.”
My heart flipped. I wanted to tell him the real reason, but I just couldn’t do it. Couldn’t even admit it to myself yet. So I simply hushed out, “But it’s the only one I can give you right now.”
Austin leaned down and brushed a kiss to my lips, and I pulled back to ask, “Why all the tattoos?”
Austin’s jaw clenched and he cleared his throat, glancing away at the fire for what seemed like a lifetime. On a sigh, he eventually said, “People only ever thought I was Italian trailer trash. After trying so hard for so long to make them think differe
nt, I figured I may as well just live up to their expectations and look like Italian trash too.”
I narrowed my eyes as my stomach fell, and I whispered back, “That’s not the full reason either. You’re still hiding from me too.”
Austin sighed and nuzzled his cheek against mine. “But it’s the only one I can give you right now.”
I huffed a small laugh at our purposely evasive answers and wondered if we’d ever get to a place where all our secrets would be laid on the table. But I quickly chased them away, trying to embrace the gravity of the moment right here, right now.
Wrapping my arms around Austin’s head, I laid a kiss to his hair and said, “Thank you, Austin. Thank you for making me feel so special.”
Tears this time freely ran down my cheeks, and Austin lifted his head, his face full with awe. “No, thank you, Pix. Thank you for being so special to want to be with a goddamn fuck-up like me. I have no idea why you were brought into my life, but I thank God every day.”
Twenty minutes later, wrapped in a thin blanket and in front of an open fire, a messed-up boy and a messed-up girl fell asleep under the stars, holding each other in their arms… and for the first time in their turbulent lives, they felt fully exposed and completely understood.
Chapter Nineteen
Austin
The hypnotizing motion of Lexi’s warm breath against my neck almost had me falling back to sleep when I woke in the dawn, birds chirping outside the summerhouse walls, indicating morning had broken.
Squeezing my eyes shut to rid them of sleep, I instinctively rolled closer to Pix, and a chilly breeze cut under a gap in the thin blanket.
Turning my head behind me, I noticed the fire that had been roaring the night before had dwindled down to ash, and a light frost was creeping up the skylight’s glass, its heavy pattern almost like a kaleidoscope when the strong rays of the sun reflected off the pane.
As I followed the hazy pattern of a sunbeam, it led me straight to the contented face of Pix tucked into my side, and all I could do was stare.
She was fuckin’ gorgeous.
Her fresh face was free of makeup and her tiny arms were wrapped around my stomach, her pale skin stark against the dark tone of my tattooed abs. My arms weren’t wrapped around her in return, though. It was like even in sleep, my mind knew to respect her boundaries. Pix’s dress straps were firmly back in place, her chest no longer exposed, and my heart kind of sank when I realized she must have covered herself during the night. I hated that she thought so little of herself. That she had to be plagued with insecurities the first time we made love, the first time she ever made love. That she didn’t feel comfortable enough with me to bare her body completely.
A sudden sigh slipped from Pix’s lips, and I gripped her arms tighter with my hands, pulling her farther into my chest, just inhaling her sweet scent. I knew we couldn’t stay here all day. I had practice. Hell, so did she. The SEC Championship against the Florida Gators in Georgia was coming up soon, but I just wanted to hold her like this for a time longer, before we had to deal with the shit waiting outside that door.
But one thing was for sure: I felt changed. Different somehow… Worthy even.
“Austin?”
Lexi’s quiet voice made me glance down, and her sleepy eyes were fixed on mine. It didn’t take a damn detective to see the fear of rejection shining thorough them.
“Mornin’, Pix,” I said, smiling, and pressed a kiss to her forehead.
“Morning,” she replied and ran her cheek across my bare chest.
Casually running my finger down her arm, I asked, “How are you feeling?”
Lifting her head, a pink, shy blush had spread across her face. “I feel… so many things—happy, blessed, brave… even adored…”
Smiling wide, I caught her quick inhale of breath and, cupping her face, brought her lips to meet mine. When I had fully taken her mouth—possessively, obsessively—I murmured, “Good, Pix. That’s real fuckin’ good.”
Laying her head to my shoulder, she sighed. I knew it was because it was time for us to go. To leave this little stress-free void.
“You ready to get going?”
Lexi nodded and gradually sat up, stretching out her arms, her back facing me. Beneath the thin fabric of her dress, I could see her tiny silhouette, and my breathing immediately stopped, a huge rush of fear seizing the function of my muscles.
Ribs. A shit ton of Lexi’s ribs were on show, poking through her skin in an unhealthy-looking way, and her spine stuck out almost in an unrealistic protrusion.
As if feeling my worried stare, Lexi snapped her head around to face me and instantly jumped to her feet. I sat up in response, seeing her eyes grow huge with panic.
“Pix,” I whispered and dreaded the response to my next question. “You’re eating, aren’t you?” Clearing my throat, I added, “Like, you’re not starving yourself again? ’Cause you’re looking real thin. You always wear such loose clothes so I never noticed, but…”
The subtle signs of anxiety appeared on Lexi’s face: nostrils flaring as she panted in short breaths, lips twitching, and her chest rising in heavy motion.
“I’m fine,” Lexi snapped and covered herself with her arms. “I’m just stressed.”
I nodded my head cautiously and slowly stood to meet her face to face. I noticed her hands were shaking as I approached, and I reached out and took her face within my palms. She refused to look at me, eyes planted firmly toward the floor.
“Pix.”
Lexi shut her eyes tightly for a moment and then fixed her focus on me, waiting to hear what I had to say. I wanted to say a shit ton, but seeing the fear on her face that I was gonna call her out on her issues had me redirecting my thoughts.
“You can tell me anything, you know,” I said softly, soothingly.
Lexi’s eyes glittered and after a spell, she nodded lightly into my hands, but no words came from her mouth. My teeth gritted in response, but I faked letting it go.
Placing a hard kiss on her mouth, I pulled back and said, “I need to see you tonight. Every night from now on, in here. Okay?”
Rigid apprehension leaked from Lexi’s body, and looking up at me through timid eyes, said, “Yes.”
Smirking at how fuckin’ gorgeous she was, I wrapped my arms around her neck, bringing her in close. “We’ll take this slow, Pix. Just me and you.”
“I… It’s weird, Austin. I’m still trying to process all this. How we got here. Still trying to work out how to have you in my life without freakin’ out.”
“Ditto, Pix.” I pulled back and said, “It ain’t no one’s fuckin’ business but ours, you know.”
“What about our friends?”
I shrugged. “It’s not safe to tell anyone yet. Not until everything with the Heighters calms down. Until then, we just work on how to be together, ’cause I ain’t losing you now. Not after this…”
A happy giggle slipped from Lexi’s mouth, and I said, “Now we both need to get to practice, and I’m still really fuckin’ naked and need to throw on my clothes or risk getting arrested for indecent exposure. The dean would love that, narcs and nakedness!”
Snorting a loud laugh, Lexi pulled back, then lifted her hand to my cheek, her laughter teetering off. “Thank you, Austin.”
I knew that was for not pushing the eating issue. But I’d be damn well keeping an eye on her; that’s for sure. She wasn’t slipping back down that clusterfuck of a dark hole while I was around.
“You go out first. It’s still early enough that no one should see you going home. No walk of shame.”
Lexi nodded and, collecting her purse, walked out of door with one final worried glance back. As soon as the door shut, I sighed. All I could picture were her ribs. Her protruding ribs and spine.
Fuck! Was it me making her stressed? Was it all the Heighter shit taking her to the edge, causing her to lose weight?
Making sure the fire was completely out, I dressed and cleaned up the pillows and blankets off the f
loor in record time. As I was putting away the box of matches, I paused. I couldn’t remember the last time I felt this good. I, Austin Carillo, was feeling real good.
So fuckin’ good that I’d found a girl who got me heart and soul…
But for some strange reason, I just couldn’t shake the feeling that it was all about to go to shit.
It didn’t take me long to drop my newfound smile.
Chapter Twenty
Austin
Axel: In the parking lot. You’re needed NOW.
I glanced down at my cell as soon as I got out of the shower, and all the blood immediately drained out of my face. Axel had texted and left about sixteen missed calls while I’d been training.
One thought slammed my mind: Mamma.
“You good, boy?” Jimmy-Don asked as I stood frozen in the center of the locker room, glaring at my iPhone. His round face was one of worry, and I automatically nodded my head. I was just glad Rome wasn’t here to see this shit. He’d know with one look that something was up.
I threw on my jeans and shirt and began sprinting out of Bryant-Denny and straight into the parking lot. I spotted Axel’s truck within seconds, but obviously after he’d spotted me because he began hightailing it toward me, throwing open the passenger-side door.
“Get in!” he ordered just as I saw campus police head toward us in their car, the dean sitting front and center.
“Shit!”
I jumped in, Axel slamming his foot on the gas and, like a street racer, burned rubber to get the hell off campus and onto the highway toward Westside Heights.
Turning to my brother, my pulse raced when I saw the seriousness of his face. “What the fuck, Axe? Talk to me!”
Axel’s hands tightened on the wheel, and his teeth gritted together. “Better you see it with your own two eyes.”
Leaning forward, I noticed Axel’s cheek had been slit open, a fuckin’ shit job of stitching keeping the skin together. His left eye was black, the whites of his eyes completely red with burst capillaries, and his knuckles were raw from fighting.