“I’m better…thanks.”
“You should never have gone out without dressing appropriately for the weather,” he chastised.
“You’re right.” I could only agree.
“Or leave your phone behind.”
“Right again.” Did he honestly expect me to argue? Perhaps that was what he wanted me to do.
“I’m just glad I came when I did.”
“Me, too.”
He remained standing, his eyes full of concern. “You still in pain?”
I shook my head. “The pain meds took care of that, although I slept most of the afternoon.” I didn’t mention that was the result of not having rested the night before.
“Which means you probably won’t sleep tonight.”
“Probably not,” I agreed. Nothing new there.
To my relief, Nick left a few minutes later, and I was grateful.
Jo Marie heated up some leftover soup for dinner. Afterward she guided me into the downstairs bedroom and helped me into bed. Because I wasn’t tired, I sat up reading.
About midnight I heard someone tapping against the windowpane. I tried to ignore it, but the tapping only got louder.
Thankfully, the bed was next to the window. Kneeling on the mattress, I peered out and was stunned to find Nick and Elvis on the other side. With a bit of effort I was able to open the window.
“Nick? What in the name of heaven are you doing here?”
“Come out so we can talk.”
I was all set to be irritated, but really, how could I be when he wore such a huge, sexy grin? My irritation melted like ice in hot water. Oh no, it was happening again. I was under his spell; for the life of me, I couldn’t resist the warmth in his eyes or his smile.
“Come outside? You’re not serious, are you? I can’t.”
“Why not?”
“It’s a hassle, with the crutches and getting to the front door…”
“Come out the window.” He held out his arms as if to show how he’d catch me.
“What? You’re not serious. You actually want me to crawl out this window?” Was the man nuts?
“Don’t worry, I’ve got you. I’m not going to let anything happen.”
I’ll admit the offer was tempting, far more tempting than it should be. I did need to talk to him and I didn’t want to do it when Jo Marie was around. Biting into my lower lip, I considered it. “I…I don’t know.”
“Come on, Emily, you know you want to. Besides, Elvis is here and he misses you.”
It was ridiculous to even consider anything so juvenile. The last time I crawled out of my bedroom window I’d been fourteen and snuck out of the house for a Halloween party my parents forbade me from attending. Naturally, I’d gotten caught and paid the price.
Nick held his arms out to me. “You coming?”
“How did you know I’d be awake?” I asked while I toyed with the decision.
“You said you’d slept all afternoon, remember?”
“Right.” So he’d planned this all along.
“Come on; we don’t have all night.”
Actually, we did, but I wasn’t about to point that out.
Opening the window as far as it would go, I crawled out headfirst, taking care to protect my injured ankle. I smothered my giggles as Nick grabbed hold of my arms, then tucked his own around my torso as he pulled me the rest of the way through the opening.
“If anyone sees us we’re likely to get arrested,” I taunted.
“No one’s going to see us.”
“I can’t believe I’m doing this…”
Sure enough, within a matter of moments I was in Nick’s arms. He carried me around to the front of the house and onto the porch where we’d sat that one other time.
The night was clear.
“How’s the ankle feeling now?”
“I’ll live,” I assured him.
“Good.”
“I’ve put a real dent in your work for the last two days, haven’t I?” I felt guilty for all the time I’d taken when he clearly had more important matters to attend to rather than fussing over me.
“Don’t worry about it,” he said, dismissing my concern.
He reached for my hand and I held my breath, unsure how to start this uncomfortable conversation. “Listen, I think we need to talk about what happened in the shower,” I said as I gently pulled my hand free. This was hard enough without adding his touch to the mix.
“Oh?” He arched his brows. “What about it?”
This was tricky. “I know you regret it and…”
“Who said?”
“You aren’t sorry it happened?” This wasn’t going the way I assumed it would.
“Not exactly.”
His answer confused me. Okay, time to try another approach. “If I led you into thinking I wanted you to kiss me…”
“You didn’t.”
“I mean, it’s nothing, right? I’m making a mountain out of a speed bump.” By this point, I regretted saying anything. I sounded like I was in junior high.
“I wanted it, Emily. I needed it. Those kisses were something wonderful to me,” he countered, frowning.
“Really?” I asked, in a weak attempt to make light of it. “I was thinking you’d like to ignore that it happened and well…you know.”
“Can’t say that I do know. What made you think that?” he challenged.
“Well, this afternoon…you didn’t want to sit down and you seemed uneasy and…”
“And Jo Marie was in the other room. If I appeared uncomfortable it was because…because I’m uncomfortable being around people just yet.”
“You are?” This was probably something I’d picked up on earlier. Dana mentioned how he didn’t answer the door when she came to ask about the house and he’d certainly made it plain he didn’t want me on his property.
“You were at the tavern that night…”
“Yeah, I thought I’d test myself. Big mistake.”
“You were there for me.”
“That was a fluke.”
“One I’m grateful for.”
He nodded, dismissing my appreciation.
“Why are you here now?” I asked, curiosity getting the better of me.
He shrugged, clearly uncomfortable with my question. “I could say I’m here to check on your ankle, but that would only be partially true. I wanted to be sure you understood that it was never my intention to kiss you, but it happened, and I can’t say I have any regrets.”
After that rather long speech I had only one word to say: “Oh.”
Elvis moved closer and glanced up at me as if expecting me to lavish attention on him.
Okay, this was about to get even more awkward. “I’m glad you said something. It’s important that we be on the same page. I need to be honest here. There’s something you don’t know about me. Something I need to tell you.”
“You’re married.”
“No, no,” I said, shaking my head. I didn’t know why he would even suggest such a thing. I swallowed tightly and squared my shoulders. “I’m infertile.”
He stared at me as if he didn’t know the meaning of the word.
“I can’t have children,” I elaborated.
“Okay, and you’re telling me this why?”
I closed my eyes. It would have been better if I’d said nothing. All I’d done by blurting this out was make a fool of myself.
“It’s best you learn this about me now. If, you know, we started seeing each other, then this is information you should have.” I was convinced my face was the color of a ripe summer tomato. Nick must think I was leaping to conclusions and after the shower incident I assumed we were destined to be together.
“We kissed, Emily. I didn’t ask you to have babies with me.”
“I…I’m telling you this now because…because I’ve been engaged twice and both men wanted out when reality hit them.” I was being unfair to James. We broke the engagement because he loved Katie, and once I came to know her I
knew she was the right woman for him.
Nick didn’t say anything for a long time.
Perhaps if I explained further, letting him know this wasn’t something that could be fixed. “I was born without a uterus.”
He grinned. He actually grinned like I was making a joke when I’d bared my very soul to him. Irritation stiffened my spine. “This isn’t a joke,” I said tightly and started to rise, balancing as best I could on one foot. I’d never felt more ridiculous in my life. I’d made a complete fool of myself.
“I apologize,” Nick said, standing and using his strength to sit me back down again. “It just came out of the blue and…”
“I made a mess of telling you and for that I’m sorry, but this is information you need to know about me now. Don’t toy with me, Nick. I couldn’t bear that.” My voice wobbled a bit and I feared he wasn’t taking me seriously.
“Emily, stop, please. I appreciate that you told me, but honestly it doesn’t matter.”
“It does,” I countered, shocked that he didn’t appreciate the significance of what I’d revealed. “You think it doesn’t now, but you’re wrong.”
That irritating grin was back. I was seriously beginning to doubt he appreciated what it had cost me to tell him this part of myself and my past. I shrugged and decided to play along as if what happened was of little significance. “You’re right. It was just a few chaste kisses. It was nice, but you have to remember my head wasn’t exactly working on all eight cylinders.”
“Chaste kisses?” he challenged. “I don’t think I’ve ever had a woman get more involved in a kiss. I had my tongue so far down your throat I felt your tonsils. Admit it, Em, there was nothing chaste about it. In other circumstances, I would have dragged you straight to bed and had my way with you. Plan to, in fact.”
My cheeks must be flaming. I’d already mortified myself enough for one night. “It was the pain…I wasn’t myself…I should never…” Straightening my spine, I snapped my mouth closed. Every time I spoke I dug myself in deeper. “Please, can we drop the whole thing?”
The amusement had drained from his eyes. He placed his hands on my shoulders. “Come here,” he whispered, and pulled me into his arms.
I tried to resist, but he wouldn’t let me. Soon enough my head rested against his shoulder. After a few moments, he whispered, “Thank you for telling me.”
“It changes things.”
“Not for me it doesn’t.”
He still didn’t understand. From experience I knew it eventually would. Whatever happened from this moment forward was on him. I’d done due diligence; forewarned was forearmed. Wasn’t that how the saying went? Something like that.
In other relationships I’d waited much longer before explaining my inability to have a child. I wouldn’t, couldn’t, do that again. If Nick wanted a relationship with me, then he needed to know up front and center exactly what he was getting into.
“You should know something else.”
“Oh?”
“I’m not going to fall in love with you.”
I felt his smile against the top of my head. “That so?”
“I can’t let you break my heart, Nick. I can’t risk that happening. Not again.”
He sighed, his chest expanding slightly. “Can’t say I blame you.”
“Good, then we understand each other.”
“We do.”
He ran his hand down the back of my head as if he cherished me, cherished holding me in his arms.
“I apologize if I offended you by how I reacted.”
He had at first, but his gentleness now more than made up for it. “I understand. It was a shock.”
“You said you’re not going to fall in love with me.”
I stiffened and so did his hold. “I can’t involve my heart again…not after what happened with Jayson and James.” I couldn’t help but wonder if being honest was always this painful.
“What about mine?” he asked. “What if I fall in love with you? Then what?”
I raised my head and my throat clogged. “Don’t,” I whispered. “Please, please don’t. You can’t let that…”
Nick cut me off by cupping my head, hands over my ears, and bringing his mouth to mine, kissing me as thoroughly as he had the morning he’d found me in the orchard. His mouth was warm and open, drawing me in to him as if he’d wrapped me in a cozy blanket. The taste of him filled me, and before I could help myself I was a willing participant.
By all that was right I should have pulled away. It was too late. If I’d been standing, my legs would have gone out from under me, that’s how potent his kiss was.
When he broke it off, I groaned and found it difficult to breathe. “Why’d you do that?” I managed between gasps, breathing heavily, my eyes still closed.
He kissed my forehead as if he found it necessary to maintain contact. “I figured that was the most effective way to end this argument.”
“We weren’t arguing…I was doing my best to protect us both from unnecessary heartache…”
“Listen, Em, you’ve got baggage. For that matter, I’ve got plenty of my own. We can help each other. I’ve wanted you from the first moment I saw you running through the orchard.”
I didn’t want to hear this. I needed to get away before it was too late. He wanted me, and heaven help me I wanted him, but that wasn’t going to happen.
With him looking at me, his eyes full of warmth and passion, I hadn’t the strength to resist him. “I’m going back inside now.”
“Not yet.”
“Please don’t make this harder than it already is.”
I could see the internal debate going on inside his head. After several moments he stood. I stretched up my arms as he lifted me effortlessly from the chair. Once I was in his embrace, he kissed me with the same heated passion he had a few minutes earlier.
I managed to dredge up the strength to pull away. “Please, don’t…you make me weak.”
“Good.” He responded with a cocky grin. “That’s exactly what I want to hear.”
“Don’t get used to it, because it isn’t happening again.”
“We’ll see.”
I didn’t want to argue. I’d be stronger in the morning, I decided. I’d be able to resist Nick’s addictive kisses when my head was clear.
Greg came to dinner at the inn on Wednesday night. I’d fussed over the meal, poring over my recipe books, wanting to impress him with my culinary skill. Several times I berated myself for suggesting a home-cooked meal. In the end I chose a stuffed chicken breast recipe instead of steak. I served it along with fresh vegetables from my garden, a green salad with homemade croutons, and a home-baked apple pie for dessert.
In retrospect, I could have dished up boxed macaroni and cheese for all the attention we paid to the meal. Although we’d talked every day, it was like we hadn’t seen each other in months. Our meal grew cold as we concentrated on each other. Greg brought wine and we sat on the porch after dinner. It was the most relaxed I could remember being in a long time. Not until later did I realize our time reminded me of all the evenings Mark and I had enjoyed the sunset together.
Greg left at around eleven and would have stayed longer if he didn’t need to be at work in the morning. He had close to a ninety-minute commute back to Kirkland on the east side of Seattle and because ferries ran only intermittently this late at night, he had to drive around over the Narrows and through Tacoma.
I walked him to the front of the porch and we stood together there in the moonlight, delaying his departure because neither of us was ready for him to leave.
I knew he wanted to kiss me, and the truth was I hoped he would. We faced each other, and Greg slipped his fingers into my hair and gently angled my head as he leaned forward and pressed his lips to mine. It was a sweet kiss, devoid of urgency. A kiss of discovery and awe as if he’d stumbled upon the richest of treasures and didn’t want to do or say anything to dispel what he’d found.
When the kissing ended, he leane
d his forehead against mine. “I’ve been wanting to do that all evening.”
“I’ve been hoping you would,” I admitted, surprising myself with how soft and low my voice was.
“I don’t know if I should tell you this.”
“What?” I asked, sensing his hesitation.
“You’re the first woman I’ve kissed since Julie.”
He’d mentioned he’d hardly dated in the years since his wife had died. Me, too, but only since Mark had left me, well, other than that one disastrous outing with the future brother-in-law of a friend. The only real kiss I’d experienced since losing Paul had come from Mark, and that had been one of desperation and longing just before he flew off to Iraq.
“I’m glad it was me,” I whispered.
“I am, too.” He reluctantly released me and I watched him drive away. It came to me that in all our conversations never once had I mentioned Mark. I couldn’t, for fear I would dissolve into tears. Letting go of him was as difficult in some ways as it had been to release Paul.
As I headed into the house and my room, I thought I heard Emily. I paused, certain then that I also heard Nick’s voice, but I didn’t bother to investigate. It sounded as if he was in her bedroom, and if that was the case, I really didn’t want to interrupt.
—
Emily was subdued for the rest of the week. She hated dealing with the crutches, and by the weekend she had rested her ankle enough that she was able to manage to take a few steps on her own without causing herself pain. I didn’t see Nick, and the one time I asked about him she abruptly changed the subject, effectively communicating that she didn’t want to talk about him.
Greg and I took his brother’s boat over to Blake Island for the salmon feast and the experience was as wonderful as I hoped. More so because I shared it with him.
Sunday, after I served breakfast to my guests, Greg attended church services with me. Bob and Peggy Beldon attended the same church and I felt Bob’s gaze studying me throughout the service. I’m sure he was curious about Greg, who had his arm over my shoulders.
We met the Beldons outside the sanctuary following the service. Bob looked what I can only think to describe as disappointed. I chose to ignore his censure. If he knew something about Mark that I didn’t, he hadn’t told me.