“Hello, Bob,” I said, holding on to Greg’s hand, making sure Bob and Peggy knew the two of us were together. “I’d like you to meet my friend, Greg Endsley.” I looked at Greg and said, “Bob and Peggy are good friends of mine. They own a bed-and-breakfast in town and have been mentors to me at the inn.”
Greg stepped forward and the two men exchanged handshakes. He acknowledged Peggy with a smile. “It’s a pleasure to meet friends of Jo Marie’s.”
“I didn’t know you were seeing anyone,” Bob said, glaring at Greg.
“Bob,” Peggy said under her breath and elbowed her husband in the ribs.
“We’ve only been dating a couple weeks,” I explained.
Bob studied Greg intently, as if gauging his worth. “So how’d you two meet?”
“I’m a family friend,” Greg explained, rather than go into details of our meeting at my family’s Fourth of July barbecue.
“So you’ve known each other for quite some time, then?”
“Not really.”
“Bob,” Peggy said again, more pointedly this time. “There’s no need to give Greg the third degree.” She tugged on Bob’s arm. “I hate to end this inquisition, but Bob and I have an appointment.”
Bob frowned. “We do?”
“Yes, we do,” Peggy insisted with clenched teeth.
Greg and I watched them go and I geared up for the inevitable questions.
To his credit, Greg waited until we were in the car. With his hands braced against the steering wheel, he stared straight ahead and asked, “What was that about?”
I wasn’t sure where to begin, so I started with the basic information. “Bob was friends with a man who worked as my handyman. His name was Mark Taylor.”
“Was?”
“He’s gone.”
Greg glanced toward me, frowning. “Gone as in moved away? Gone as in dead?”
“Yes,” I said, the word barely making it past the hard lump in my throat.
“Which is it?”
“Both,” I choked out. “Mark left me…and returned to the Middle East to rescue an Iraqi national, a friend. That was a year ago and we’ve…I haven’t heard from him in months…I can only assume he didn’t make it out.”
The air inside the car felt stifling. “You loved him?”
“Yes.”
Greg didn’t say anything for a long time. “Do you still care for him?” he asked.
This wasn’t as easy a question to answer. Of course I continued to love Mark; I always would. But, as with Paul, he was part of my past and I had to leave them there.
“Jo Marie?” Greg pressed.
“Yes,” I said. “I love Mark. But like I said, he’s not coming back.”
Again, Greg was silent and when he spoke his voice was strained. “I’m not sure where that leaves us.”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“You love someone else.”
“Yes, but he left. There’s no way to know what happened to him, and I have to accept he’s not going to return. Paul didn’t come back, either…I can’t live the rest of my life with pain and regrets…I loved them both but they’re gone.” My voice cracked, and struggling not to give way to emotion, I covered my face with both hands. Leaning forward, I pressed my forehead against my knees.
Greg wrapped his arm around me and I felt his face press against my spine. “I’m sorry, Jo Marie.”
I straightened and dragged in a deep, calming breath, not sure I understood his apology. “Sorry for what? Sorry that you ever met me…”
“Never that.” He pressed his lips to my temple. “I sat in church this morning and thanked God for sending you into my life.”
The things this man said to me. They seemed to be aimed straight at my heart. I attempted a smile. “Sorry that I loved another man?”
His lips remained close. “Your heart has a huge capacity to love, that’s part of what I find so attractive about you.”
Again I attempted a smile.
“I’m sorry you’ve lost two men that you’ve loved. It about killed me when Julie died; I couldn’t imagine going through that grief twice.”
Reaching for his hand, I gave it a hard squeeze. “The difficult part is not knowing…it took over a year for Paul’s remains to be recovered. I’ll never know how or when Mark died. My only consolation is from one cryptic postcard I received that he seems to have located his friend, and for that I’m grateful.”
Greg didn’t have much to say on the drive back to the inn. I knew what I’d told him was a lot to process. I wished I had the words to ease his worries.
He parked in my driveway and didn’t get out of the car. I’d planned to serve us lunch. The silence between us felt oppressive and weighed heavily on me. In an effort to cover the awkwardness, I started talking like I couldn’t get the words out fast enough.
“I made tomato soup from the tomatoes in the garden. You sauté the stewed tomatoes with finely chopped onion and celery and add fresh herbs. I did mention I started an herb garden this year, didn’t I? Anyway, once the tomatoes and other vegetables cooked down I strained them and…”
“I’m not feeling very hungry, Jo Marie.”
My shoulders stiffened. What he was really saying was that he had some serious questions about our relationship. “Oh. Okay.”
His gaze drifted toward the garden. “Awhile back you mentioned your handyman tilled your garden, or used to. Was that Mark?”
I nodded.
Clearly, learning about Mark had given him pause. I put my hand on the door handle. “I’m not going to apologize for having loved him, Greg. I’m sorry if that upsets you…I think it might be best if you took some time to think this relationship over and decide what you want to do. When you’re ready to move forward, if that’s something that interests you, then give me a call.”
With my heart in my throat, I climbed out of the car and headed toward the inn. Greg stayed in the driveway for several minutes and then backed out and drove away.
I didn’t know if I’d hear from him again and suspected I wouldn’t. That was a bitter disappointment.
Both Rover and Emily met me once I was inside the inn. Emily took one look at me and asked, “You okay?”
“Not especially.”
“Do you want to tell me what happened?”
I shook my head and then jerked my shoulders with some form of amusement that was more sad than funny. “Greg’s taking some time to assess if he wants to continue our relationship.”
“What? I thought you two had really hit it off.”
“He learned about Mark.”
“And that upset him?” Emily asked.
“Yes. I understand where he’s coming from. I really do.” In like circumstances I would feel the same. “Greg’s not sure I’m emotionally available to him and he needs time to weigh the risk.” Getting involved with me would be taking a chance, and like me, he’d already suffered one loss; another could be emotionally devastating. I was speaking from experience.
I didn’t bother to eat lunch and decided the best thing for me to do was to find a project and keep busy. I’d been wanting to paint the kitchen and decided there was no better time than the present. Before I could talk myself out of it, I made a run to the local hardware store, purchased a soft lemon-yellow-colored paint and returned with everything I needed.
“Can I help?” Emily asked when I started clearing everything off the kitchen counters.
I wouldn’t mind the company. That would help me keep my mind off Greg. My one concern was her injury. “What about your ankle?”
“I might not be able to stand for long, but I could get down low without a problem as long as you can help me up again.”
“I can do that.”
“Good, then you’ve got yourself a partner in crime.”
I smiled for the first time since Greg had dropped me off and refused my invitation to lunch.
“It seems we both have man issues.” I carefully broached the subject of Nick.
Emily hadn’t said much, but I could see that she was troubled over a lot more than the pain in her ankle. Late afternoon on Saturday, Nick had stopped by and Emily had asked me to tell him she was resting. He’d looked disappointed but hadn’t returned since then.
“Men aren’t worth the hassle,” she said.
“Amen,” I agreed and then grew concerned. “You okay?” I asked.
“Yeah, I’m fine. I…I don’t think it’s going to work out for me and Nick, but I’m fine with that.”
From the disappointed look he had when I’d told him Emily was unavailable, I wasn’t convinced he felt the same way. It seemed to me that he would like to settle whatever it was that had come between them. When it came to romantic advice, I was no expert and so I said nothing.
I laid an old sheet out on the floor to protect the tile and noticed Emily was lost in her thoughts, staring off into space.
“He stopped by, you know.”
Her head swiveled toward me. “Again? More than that one time?”
“No, just that once.”
“Oh.”
I was unsure how to interpret that and decided to drop the subject.
While Emily might have had a fatalistic attitude, I wasn’t convinced this was what she wanted. For the last four days she’d moped around the inn and hadn’t once eaten a decent meal. She wanted me to believe her mood and lack of appetite were due to her injury, but I’d suspected otherwise. She was strongly attracted to Nick and evidence told me he felt the same. I couldn’t imagine what had gone wrong.
We worked together all afternoon, and by dinnertime we’d basically finished the job. The kitchen looked great, the soft yellow was warm and inviting, just the way I wanted my home to be for my guests.
When we’d finished cleaning up and washed our supplies, I heated up the homemade tomato soup and grilled us toasted cheese sandwiches. We each made a show of eating.
Pretending I was tired, I went to my room and Emily bid me good night and left for her own room. It seemed we both had things we needed to mull over.
—
I didn’t hear from Greg again on Sunday or Monday. Actually, after some soul searching I was fine with his decision. It was better to snip whatever was growing between us early in the relationship. I was disappointed, but it would hurt far less now than it would at some point in the future, especially if we continued the way we had been.
Wednesday evening Greg phoned. I saw his number on caller ID and closed my eyes before answering.
“Hi,” I said.
“Hi.”
He hesitated and I figured that wasn’t a good sign.
“I’ve done a lot of thinking in the last few days.”
I bit into my lower lip. “I figured as much.”
“It’s been over three years since Julie died and, Jo Marie, I haven’t felt anything for another woman the way I feel about you. I’m sorry if I overreacted on Sunday and I’m hoping you’ll give me another chance.”
I exhaled a lengthy sigh. “I’d like that, Greg.”
“So would I,” he said.
Two weeks had passed since I’d twisted my ankle and I was able to walk just fine. Other than the one visit when I’d made an excuse not to talk to Nick, I hadn’t heard from him again. It was for the best, especially since he now knew the truth about me. Logically, I knew that, but it still hurt. As best I could, I put him out of my mind, not that I had much success.
I hadn’t gone back to running, telling myself I needed to give the ankle a rest for fear of straining it again. The truth was I wanted to avoid any chance encounter with Nick.
As summer was winding down and I still hadn’t found a house to purchase, I figured in the interim my best bet was to look for an apartment or a rental house. I enjoyed living with Jo Marie, but she’d agreed to let me stay only for the summer.
Rather than feeling rushed into making a regrettable decision, I located an apartment complex close to Cedar Ridge Elementary and signed a six-month lease starting September first. That way the pressure was off. I could take my time looking for property and refused to settle for less than what I wanted.
Dana, the real estate agent I’d been working with, had exhausted all the available homes for sale in my price range in the Cedar Cove area, and we’d decided to extend our search south to Gig Harbor and north to Silverdale. If I found what I wanted there, then eventually I’d need to transfer to another school in one of those districts rather than commute. There was nothing tying me to Cedar Cove. Sure, I enjoyed the town and the few friends I’d made, but I’d do just as well in either of the other communities Dana had mentioned.
I was getting ready to meet her when Jo Marie announced I had company. She wore a big smile, and I should have guessed who it was from that alone.
When I came into the foyer, I found Nick, holding a bag of cookies. I blinked and my heart took off for another time zone at a speed that made me breathless.
“Hey,” he said in the typical way he greeted me.
I shouldn’t have been this happy, but holding back a smile would have been impossible. My heart slammed repeatedly against my ribs to the point I was sure he would notice. “You brought me cookies,” I said once I found my voice.
“They’re store-bought.”
My smile grew even bigger.
His smile faded and his eyes grew serious. “I figured it was time you and I talked.”
I glanced at my watch and sighed with disappointment. “I’d like that, Nick, I really would. Unfortunately, I’ve got an appointment.”
“You can’t make it for another time?”
“Sorry, no. I canceled the last appointment with Dana when I twisted my ankle.”
“And Dana is?” He raised his brow with the question.
“My real estate agent.”
“That’s right, you mentioned you’re buying property; I’d forgotten.”
“I haven’t had much success.”
“Where are you looking?”
“We’re going to Silverdale this afternoon.”
He frowned. “I thought you said you have a job here in Cedar Cove.”
“I do, but if I find a house I like in Silverdale I’ll find a position in the Central Kitsap School District next year.”
“Why would you do that?”
“Well, because I wouldn’t need to make the commute.” Certainly he could appreciate that.
His forehead creased with a frown. “I thought you liked Cedar Cove. I don’t want you to move.”
I didn’t want to move, either, but it was what it was.
“I’m serious, Emily. Please, don’t move.”
The doorbell rang then, and before I could answer, Nick took it upon himself to open the door. Dana stood on the other side and blinked back her surprise when she saw Nick.
His eyes widened. “I know you,” he announced. “You’re that agent who kept coming to the house.”
Dana’s gaze shot to me and then back to Nick. “You have a wonderful piece of property. If you ever decide to put it on the market, I hope you’ll consider letting me list it for you.”
Nick glared back at her. “The house isn’t for sale, and furthermore, Emily apologizes but she needs to cancel her appointment with you this afternoon.”
“Dana,” I said from behind him, waving my arm above my head. “I’ll be right out.” Then, turning to Nick, I glared at him and simply shook my head. “I’m not canceling this appointment.”
He wasn’t happy, but he had no choice but to accept my decision. “If you’re doing this to avoid me, it isn’t going to work. We’re talking and the sooner the better.”
“I agree we need to talk,” I said as evenly as my pounding heart would allow. “I’ll stop by your place once I’m back.” I checked my watch. “Give me two hours.”
He reluctantly nodded. “All right, you’ve got two hours.”
I rolled my eyes at how dictatorial he was being, and when he saw me he grinned; I hated to admit how strongly attracted I was
to his smile. To him. I didn’t like that I was, but there was no going back now.
“I’ll be waiting, but Dana should know looking at houses in Silverdale is a waste of time.”
“Whatever.” I tossed the word over my shoulder as I walked out the door with Dana.
—
Two and a half hours later I showed up at the house on Bethel. Nick met me at the door. “You find a house you want to buy?”
“No.” Dana was getting more discouraged with me, and frankly, I was irritated with myself. Every house I’d seen I’d found lacking in some way. Nothing I saw suited me for a variety of reasons. I was beginning to lose hope.
“You need to stay in Cedar Cove.”
So he kept insisting. I wasn’t here to argue, so I let him have the last word.
Although he seemed to feel us clearing the air was a high priority, he led me into the house. “You want to see what I’ve done in the kitchen since you were last here?” he asked.
“Sure.” I did my best to hide how nervous I was. I held on to my purse strap, which was tossed over my shoulder. My fingers curled around it like it was a lifeline.
As soon as I set foot across the threshold, Nick turned me around and hugged me close. He rubbed his chin over the top of my head in a gentle way that reminded me of how my mother petted her cat, in a loving, caring manner. And just like her cat, I resisted the urge to purr. After a moment, Nick buried his face in my neck and seemed to inhale the scent of me. After a few moments, he raised his head.
Speechless, I stared up at him.
He blinked and looked apologetic. “You really are beautiful.”
I lowered my gaze and pressed my hands against his shoulders, levering myself away from him. “Nick,” I said, shocked at how weak my voice was, “have you given any thought to what I told you?”
“I’ve thought of little else but you, Em. Why did you refuse to see me? We could have settled this days ago.”
I brushed my hand over his shoulder as if it was necessary to straighten his shirt. “I…I wasn’t ready. I needed time to sort through my own feelings, to think about my future. You needed more time, too. If we move forward, then I wanted you to be sure.”