Stefan closed the door behind him and pulled out his cell phone to call Nick. “Hey man. Stacey needs you.”
“What?” Nick asked perplexed.
“She’s shutting me out. And I know she needs some support. Can you go over to her place?” Stefan asked feeling grim and desolate.
“Of course.” Nick responded sadly.
Stefan kept thinking about Stacey’s reaction. How would he have handled it if the situation were reversed? His instinct could very well have been to shut her out too. Well she may think she was going to shut him out of her life, and this fight but she had another thing coming.
But how was he going to convince Stacey of that? Stefan left to think of a plan to convince Stacey to help her through this. He hit the speed dial on his phone again; this time calling this father. “Hey Dad. You got a minute?”
“Of course son, what’s up?” Dave asked.
“Stacey has been diagnosed with leukemia and she’s shutting me out. I don’t know what to do.” Stefan sounded defeated.
“Come on by, I’m at the house.” Dave replied.
Stefan drove to his childhood home and wondered would he ever have a chance to build something like this with Stacey. It seemed terribly wrong to have found Stacey after years of having been through woman after woman. He hadn’t known he was looking for “the one” but when he found her he realized how lonely he had been before her. She was everything he could have hoped for in a partner for life. She was kind caring and true. She was funny and great to just hang out with. And she was sexy as hell. He couldn’t lose her now. That just was not possible.
He pulled into his father’s driveway and rang the doorbell. Dave opened the door and pulled his son into a brief hug. “What can I do?” he asked.
“Dad I don’t know. I know she is putting this distance between us because she is scared, but shouldn’t that be when she turns to me?” Stefan raked his hand through his hair clearly frustrated with the situation.
“Everyone deals with illness in different ways. But Stacey sounds a lot like your mother. When she first got her diagnosis, it was her instinct to shut me out as well, but I had the benefit of our years together to combat her fear. And that is what this is about. She’s scared. You have to be patient son.” Dave patted his son on the shoulder.
“How can I be patient when she won’t even let me be there for her? She broke up with me Dad. She gave me back her engagement ring.” Stefan was struggling to control his emotions.
“You can’t make it all about you. You’ve got to look at it from her perspective. Leukemia is scary; especially because it could end in her death.” Dave tried to soften the harshness of the statement, but it was the truth and he never sugar coated the truth.
“It’s just not fair Dad. I just found her.” Stefan exclaimed.
“Life isn’t fair Stefan. You know that.” Dave said. “I was lucky enough to have a lot of time with your mom, but it’s not enough. I can’t tell you what I’ve had to go through with that woman since she received her diagnosis. But I can tell you her first instinct was to save me from having to watch her deteriorate. We always try to shield the ones we love from pain. So know that she’s doing this because she loves you. Hold onto that and do what you can to wear her down.”
“Any suggestions?” Stefan asked.
“I’ll leave that up to you son.” Dave smiled.
***
Nick let himself into Stacey’s place and she started. When she saw that it was Nick and not Stefan, she was relieved and disappointed at the same time. Nick walked over to her and gathered her in his arms.
He held her and the tears came again. “Oh Nick. I don’t know what I’m going to do.”
“We’re just going to take this one day at a time Stacey May. And this is the day where I let you wallow in the scariness of this situation. Cry on my shoulder and I will be here with Kleenex and no judgment.”
“But, Jasmine,” she said protesting. Stacey didn’t want to get him in trouble with Jasmine especially when things were going so well.
“I told Jasmine I was spending the night with you. She’s OK with me being here.” Nick said.
“It just feels like I’ve been handed a death sentence. I know it’s not the right attitude to have, but I can’t help it. I’m so scared. I mean really what are my chances of beating this again?” Stacey laid her head on Nick’s shoulder drawing comfort from her best friends’ presence.
“Honey no one blames you for your fears, but don’t you think that Stefan should be here with you now?” Nick said gently.
“I can’t Nick. I can’t go through this with him. He’ll look at me differently. I won’t be the woman he desires if he sees me at death’s door, which is the way I felt the last time I went through this. Then it’s not fair to tie to him to me when I could not survive this. It’s better that he let go now.” Stacey said full of despair.
“You’ve got to give him more credit than that. And you can’t make this big of a decision for him. Trust him Stacey, he’s a good man. He’s a better man than I am.” He squeezed her shoulder in comfort.
“You just don’t understand. I don’t even know if I have the strength to fight for my life, let alone worry about Stefan.” She started to sob again.
“I will leave this alone for now, but just know I think you’re making a mistake. But for right now, let’s make you some soup.” Nick got up and went to the kitchen.
“That sounds very comforting. Thanks for being here Nick.” She watched him putter around in the kitchen and thought about all he had said. She just couldn’t reconcile the disparity in her head of sexy Stacey and sickly Stacey. And if she couldn’t do it, then how could she ask Stefan to do it? It may not be logical, but it’s the way she felt. So he would just have to respect her feelings and stay away.
Stacey remembered all the days where she couldn’t even move from the floor beside the toilet so weak from vomiting. She remembered not having the strength to get out of bed to bathe herself. Sickness was something she was use to as a nurse, but seeing how Jasmine handled Nick’s injuries she knew she couldn’t even think about having Stefan react that way towards her. Which is what he would do, right?
Stacey wondered. But in the end, she was sparing him. She watched her mother day in and day out worry herself about whether or not Stacey was going to live. Stacey use to hate the fake cheerfulness that her mother put on like armor whenever she came to her hospital room. It robbed her of her joy. She seemed to have aged twenty years while dealing with Stacey’s illness. Stacey was saving Stefan from that. She was doing the right thing. She knew she was. He may not know it, but she was doing the right thing.
Nick and Stacey ate the soup he cooked in companionable silence. “Well let’s tuck you into bed,” Nick said after doing the dishes.
Stacey got up; put on her pajamas and when she came back he was in just his undershirt and boxers. They had spent many nights together where they shared the same bed platonically so her gasp of surprise wasn’t because of his state of undress, she really didn’t think he was going to spend the night and she said so.
“I told you that Jasmine was OK with me staying the night with you.” Nick smiled indulgently.
“I appreciate it, but I’m not even feeling sick Nick. Why don’t we save this for nights when I’ll need you?” Stacey was really touched by the way he was ready to help her out.
Nick hesitated and she could tell he was battling himself so she said, “Really Nick. I don’t want you to put your life on hold for me. Go home to Jasmine; don’t let any chance to be with her go by.”
“I will say yes to this, because I know you’re going to need me when you’re really sick.” He got out of her bed and put his jeans and shirt back on. He then tucked her into bed and gave her a quick peck on her lips. “I love you Stacey May. Call me if you need anything.”
Stacey listened to him go out the door and lock it behind him. She wasn’t sure she w
ould be able to turn off all the turbulent thoughts in her head to be able to fall asleep, but she sank into a dreamless oblivion within minutes.