“Hey, I need to stop by the library before I go back to the room.” Andi stopped and looked at Bailey and Tim. “You guys go ahead.” She was about to wave goodbye when she sucked in a quick breath. “I almost forgot.” She pulled an envelope from the side pocket of her backpack. “Some guy was looking for you after class today. You left early to get your music, remember?”
“After history?”
“Right.” She handed the letter to Bailey. “He asked if I was your roommate. Told me to give you this.”
Bailey felt her heart lurch as she took the envelope. “Thanks.”
“Hey, and one more thing.” Her face lit up. “My dad needs extras for Friday. They’re filming on campus. You guys wanna do it?”
“Definitely.” Tim’s answer came first. He shot a questioning look at Bailey. “You too, right?”
“Of course.” Again Bailey’s smile felt stale. “We’ll talk about it later.”
“Okay. See you back at the room.” Andi bid them both goodbye, her eyes dancing, cheeks pink and full of life as she turned and ran lightly down the path toward the library.
When she was out of earshot and they were walking across campus again, Tim gave a disbelieving shake of his head. “She has no idea the gift she’s been given.” He couldn’t keep the admiration from his voice if he tried. “I mean, seriously. She has no idea.”
Thanks, Tim. Rub it in, Bailey thought. “Yeah.” She gave Tim a tired smile. She hated feeling this way. Jealousy was as foreign to her as Greek. She worked to sound genuine. “She’s really talented, for sure.”
“You know how people talk about the “it” factor, how a person needs to have that if they’re going to make it as an actress?”
Bailey knew where he was headed, and she wanted to cut him off, finish his thought so she wouldn’t have to listen to Tim spell it out. Instead she nodded absently and lifted the envelope up so she could read the face of it. If she’d wondered at first, she had no doubts now. The letter was from Cody. After a year of getting his letters from Iraq, she would’ve recognized his printing anywhere.
Tim didn’t seem to notice her interest in the letter. He looked over his shoulder in the direction where Andi was still in sight, still heading for the library. He laughed again, clearly struck by what he’d seen in Andi. “All I can say is that girl has it … the “it” factor, ten times over.”
“Yeah.” Bailey gave him a smile that didn’t reach her eyes. “You should tell her. I’m sure she’d love to hear that from you.”
“Bailey …” Tim took hold of her arm and the two of them stopped, facing each other. A group of students passed them on either side, so Tim waited until they had a private moment. “What is it? Why are you acting like this?”
“Like what?”
“Bugged. I mean, come on. You and I both thought she’d fall flat on her face—if not literally then figuratively—as soon as she opened her mouth. You have to admit she was good.”
“Very good.” Bailey shrugged. “I don’t know, I guess I’m just ready to talk about something else.”
His expression changed, and it was clear in his eyes that he knew what was wrong. “You’re jealous.”
“I am not. I’ve never been jealous of other girls.” Bailey was telling the truth. She shared her thoughts and feelings with her mom, and whenever another girl had come across prettier or smarter or better somehow, her mother always convinced her that God had only made one Bailey Flanigan, one girl exactly like her, and that no one could ever compare with the perfect way she was—no matter who else came along. That’s why her feelings now were so foreign. “I’m not jealous. It’s just … I’m not sure how to compete around Andi.”
“Silly.” He leaned in and kissed her forehead. “You’re one in a million, Bailey. You’re gorgeous and talented, and your love for God shines in your eyes. Andi’s eyes are more … I don’t know, more ready to take on the world.” He started walking again. “She can sing, that’s all.”
Bailey slipped the letter into her back jeans pocket and stared at the path in front of them. She wasn’t about to read something from Cody here, with Tim walking beside her. She would save it for later when she was alone, after she’d had time to work through her strange and unattractive feelings.
“Who’s the letter from?”
“Cody.”
Tim let that sink in for a minute. They walked past a group of students chatting on a bench and crossed a narrow service street before he gave her a brief glance. “You two have talked?”
“No. Not at all.” Bailey was able to find a more upbeat tone. Never mind about Andi. She had no reason to be down. She’d given the directors one of her best auditions ever. She checked Tim’s expression and saw something familiar. The same jealousy she’d been feeling since Andi’s audition. “Once in a while Cody and I will see each other across campus between classes. That’s about it.”
“I thought he wanted the two of you to be friends.”
“He did. At least that’s what he said.” Bailey didn’t want to talk about Cody with Tim.
“You know why he keeps his distance, right?” Tim kept his tone casual, trying not to let the jealousy in his eyes reach his voice.
“Why?” Bailey felt a fresh smile tug at her lips.
“Because he’s in love with you, Bailey. He can’t stand to see you dating someone else.”
“Hmmm.” Bailey looked straight ahead. She didn’t let it show in her face that she thought he was right. “Now you’re an expert on Cody?”
“I don’t know.” He sighed and slipped his hands into the front pockets of his jeans. “I’ve seen the way he looks at you.” He turned his eyes to her again. “You going to read it?”
“Later. Cody hasn’t made any effort. If he’s in love with me, he has a fine way of showing it.” She kept her tone purposefully plain. “He probably figured he should apologize for being so distant.” She shrugged one shoulder. “I’ll read it later.”
“Okay.” The news didn’t seem to settle well with Tim. He put his arm around her shoulders again. “So how was your babysitting job? You worked two hours, right?”
“I did.” She liked that she could fluster Tim. It meant he still cared about her, no matter how wonderful Andi was. “Ashley’s working on a painting of her three children. She’s using a photo her dad took.”
“So she was upstairs?”
“The whole time. Cole was at school, so I only had Devin and Janessa. They were great. They might come by the set Friday when they’re filming on campus. Ashley said she’d seen it in the paper that they’d be on location here.”
They reached Bailey’s dorm, and suddenly the air between them felt awkward. Tim looped his arm around her waist and pulled her close. “You sure everything’s okay?”
“Of course.”
“With us, I mean.” Tim looked deep into her eyes. “You’re not mad at me.”
This was the worst part about the jealous feelings that had come over her, the fact that they left her scrambling to explain herself. “I’m fine.” This time her smile came from her heart. “I’ll call you later.”
“Okay.” He looked like he wanted to kiss her, but there were students milling about headed one way or another, and a kiss here in the open would be out of character for both of them. Besides, even when they went to dinner or a movie and they were alone in his car, Tim hadn’t kissed her again, not the way he’d done after prom. They didn’t talk about it, but she could only figure that he was trying to respect her. That or his feelings for her weren’t that strong. “I like this,” he’d told her one day last week, “how you and I are like best friends. It’s good for now.”
She agreed, but the idea of being Tim’s good buddy didn’t exactly send chills down her spine or make her long for their next meeting. Either way, Bailey was happy with where things were. She wasn’t sure how she really felt about Tim. Better that they didn’t kiss more often. She wasn’t ready for that. Not while the letter from Cody was practically all s
he could think about.
Tim left her with a final hug and then headed off to the parking lot. He tried to park in the same place each day, because by now, like most of the students, he’d fallen into a routine—even if part of his routine was driving home each day. When he was gone, Bailey ran up the steps and down the hallway to her dorm. Andi was still bound to be a half hour behind her, which meant she had time by herself to read the letter.
She sat on the edge of her bed, her heart pounding, and carefully slid her finger beneath the flap at the back of the envelope. The letter inside was written on a plain piece of white typing paper, folded in fourths. She opened it and saw that it wasn’t long, not nearly as long as some of his letters from war.
Her eyes found the beginning.
Bailey,
I never seem to run into you on campus, and when I do you’re always far away or in a hurry. So I’m sitting here in lab, finished with my work, and I thought I’d take a minute and write to you. Okay, so where do I start? With the truth, I guess. I just wish you were sitting beside me and I could tell you this in person. It might make more sense, but oh well.
Okay, so here it is. I think about you all the time, you probably didn’t know that. But every time I do, I go back to the Fourth of July, that day at your house when I first got back in town. About a thousand times I’ve played those few minutes over again in my mind, and I always think that I blew it somehow. Like I didn’t make myself clear.
I don’t know, Bailey. I meant what I said. You deserve someone better than me. Someone like Tim. He’s great for you. I see you guys around campus sometimes when you don’t see me. I’m happy for you, really I am.
Out in the hallway a group of laughing kids ran by and the noise pulled her from the letter. She felt her heart beating in her throat. What was this, this admission he was making? She wanted to savor his words, but she couldn’t wait to read the rest, to get to the point of his letter. She picked up where she left off.
But here’s the deal … somehow things have gotten awkward between us, because now we’re not even friends. See … I meant what I said about my time in Iraq. Thinking about you, about how close we’d gotten that last summer before I left … that’s what kept me going. But now I’m back and we don’t even talk. I’m not sure who’s avoiding who here, but it has to stop. I miss you too much. Even now I have to write this lousy letter because I can’t find you long enough to tell you what I’m feeling.
Again … I don’t want to get in the way of you and Tim. That’s great, and I really mean it. But you don’t know what it’s like walking across campus looking for your best friend, and knowing that even if you see her you might as well be half a world away. Because at least back then you used to write to each other, but now … well, you get what I’m saying, right?
So that brings me to the real point of this letter. I heard about Campus Crusade. Their Cru meeting is this Thursday at eight. You probably know about it already, being that you’re Bailey Flanigan and all. But just to let you know, I’ll be there, and I’ll be looking for you. If you’re with Tim, I’ll let him sit beside you. But I won’t be far away, because this is crazy. I feel like we’ve lost everything we had, and I feel like it’s my own fault. Okay, so there it is. I hope this makes sense.
See you Thursday, Bailey.
Finally.
Love ya, Cody.
Bailey sucked in her breath and held it, her eyes locked on that last part. The love ya part. Her entire junior year, Cody was one of her closest friends, and all that summer they’d been inseparable. Yes, he’d lived with her family, and he’d been very careful not to cross lines between friendship and something more. But that didn’t stop the way he looked at her, or the way she felt when she was with him. Now, with his voice echoing in her heart and his words etched across the page, she could only be grateful he’d made this move.
Because she missed him more than she’d admitted to anyone, even herself. She read the letter again, slower this time. When she reached the part about finally, she felt tears in her eyes. He was right about everything. After their brief reunion that July fourth just inside her family’s front door, things had changed between them. His adamant refusal to consider anything other than a friendship—whether or not she was dating Tim—made her feel rejected, as if maybe he wasn’t interested in her. Then knowing they were both on the IU campus, but that the two of them never did more than glance at each other in passing … she had to think he had moved on in every possible way.
Until this. She held the letter close against her face and convinced herself she could smell his cologne, ever so slightly, mixed in with the fibers of the paper. Cody cared about her! Enough that he’d taken the time to write her a letter and wait for her after class. Enough that he knew where to find her. She carefully folded the letter, placed it back in the envelope, and tucked it safely in the top drawer of her nightstand. Thank you, God … for letting me know how Cody really feels. I don’t know what’ll happen after this, but at least I know he cares. Please … let us find the friendship we once had. As she finished praying, she breathed in deeply and realized that every jealous feeling she’d been plagued with was gone. She was happy for Andi, happy about the auditions, and thrilled beyond words about the letter from Cody.
Now if she could only survive until Thursday.
Nine
ANDI COULD HARDLY CONTAIN HER EXCITEMENT. She filed into the Campus Crusade meeting room along with a dozen other kids and surveyed the auditorium. Already there had to be three hundred students, all milling about and talking, finding various flyers on the information table and grabbing cookies from a snack area. Andi smiled to herself. She might have her doubts about God, but she had a feeling she was going to love these Thursday evening Cru meetings.
For now she had to find Bailey. She scanned the room but didn’t see her.
“Hi.” A tall guy with red hair and freckles held out his hand. “I’m Daniel. Welcome to Cru.”
“Thanks.” Andi flashed a smile at the guy. “You’re in my world history class, right?”
“I am. But I’m a junior. That’s a tough class for a freshman.”
“I took a lot of history in high school.” She shrugged. “Plus I was homeschooled. History interests me.”
“How’d you do on the quiz?”
She made a see saw motion with her hand. “Eighty-nine. I need to study more, but I think I’m getting it.”
Daniel led her to the table that held ten different flyers on upcoming events and small groups. “IU has one of the most active Campus Crusade chapters anywhere. I’m a small group leader. Been involved since my freshman year.” He picked up an orange flyer and handed it to her. “I’m in charge of the Halloween party. You definitely need to come. We’re actually bobbing for apples this time.”
The noise level in the room was rising, so Andi had to work to hear him. She took a step closer so she didn’t have to yell. “I haven’t been to a Halloween party before.”
“What?” Daniel looked shocked, but his eyes told her he was teasing. “You haven’t lived until you’ve been to a Halloween party. Especially with a group like Cru.”
“Yeah, well I was a missionary kid. Grew up in the jungle.” This was one more time when she felt sheltered and different because of her past. The feeling made her anxious to shed the image. She gave him a look that said she couldn’t help the obvious. “Not a lot of pumpkins out there in the jungle.”
“Hmmm. I can imagine.” He laughed. “Hey, you’re here now. That’s what matters.”
Andi was ready to move on, back to the door so she wouldn’t miss Bailey. She had to tell her what she’d found out about the auditions, and about her father’s offer for tomorrow. The news was practically bursting from her. Not only would they get to be extras on the film, but they’d get to work with Jake Olson. Jake Olson! The guy was gorgeous, and so talented Andi could hardly wait for tomorrow. She’d sit Daniel down and tell him if Bailey didn’t get here soon. She scanned the group of k
ids once more. People were finding their places in the auditorium. “I better get a seat. I’m waiting for a few friends.”
“Don’t forget the Halloween party.” He winked at her.
“How could I?” She thanked him for his help and found a seat in a half-empty row near the back of the room, not far from the door. Daniel had moved to the center up front and appeared ready to start the meeting. At the same time, seven musicians had taken their places on the stage. Mostly musicians, but a few vocalists. Andi looked back at the door. Come on, Bailey … get here.
But instead of her roommate, through the door walked the tall, handsome guy who’d given her the envelope for Bailey. He hadn’t said his name, so she couldn’t call out to him, but she didn’t need to. He looked around, and after a few seconds, he saw her and nodded his head in her direction. Daniel was tapping on his microphone, grinning at the crowd. “This is great. Best fall turnout I’ve seen.” He beamed at the crowd, his voice loud and excited. Behind him, the music kicked in, the beginning of From the Inside Out, a worship song Andi loved. The leader said,“Okay, let’s rock this place. Everyone get on your feet!”
As Andi stood with the others in her row, Cody slipped in and took the seat beside her. “Hey … you seen Bailey?”
“No.” Andi had to lean in to make herself heard. The smell of Cody’s cologne filled her senses. “She’s supposed to be here by now.” Andi moved a little closer to him so he could hear her over the music. “I have good news for her.”
Cody looked only slightly interested. He still had one eye on the door and the rest of his attention focused on the front of the room. “What?”
“About our audition the other day. All three of us got callbacks.”
“Callbacks?” Cody angled his head toward Andi. “Is that what you said, callbacks?”
“Right.” She giggled. Clearly this friend of Bailey’s knew nothing about theater. “We auditioned for the school’s play season the other day. A callback means we made it to the next level, and we have a good chance of being cast.” She looked around to make sure she wasn’t bothering anyone by talking. No one seemed to notice. The music was too loud for their voices to be heard above the sound. She spoke near Cody’s ear again. “We’re all trying to get into Scrooge.” Andi tried not to stare. The boy had beautiful eyes. “I can’t wait to tell her.”