Chapter 13
Dodge City was not quite as modern as Wade had imagined. It was a smaller town than Atlanta, but it was bustling with people, and very quickly the longhorns were sold, and they were loading them onto railcars to be sent east. They prodded the cattle down the chute onto the train, fifteen head per car which took most of the day, but when it was over, celebrations began. They immediately went to the bathhouse to get cleaned up then down to the saloon for a good meal and some fun. Jobe ordered a round of drinks, and though Wade felt slightly guilty for drinking whiskey when he had promised Aunt Melly that he never would, he didn’t want to insult Jobe or look like a weakling in front of the other men, so he grabbed the glass, and threw his shot down the back of his throat, coughing and sputtering as it burned all the way down.
Within a couple of hours, Wade had thrown back several shots, and an odd feeling was beginning to come over him. He felt as if the world was spinning, his head floated lightly above him, and his stomach was rather queasy. The roar of the men surrounded him, laughing loudly as they recounted every mile of the long drive, slapping his wounded shoulder, yet he felt no pain. Every once in a while, he glanced at Emily sitting quietly in the corner, her face looking contorted through his blurry vision, yet still an angelic beauty. Although he wanted desperately to pour out his heart to her, he was able to control his drunkenness, knowing that even now she could not be discovered. To the rest of the men sitting around the table she was known as Curly, and since they had not talked, he did not know where she planned to go. Soon, the swirling room began to darken, and then turned completely black.
When he awoke the next morning, he found himself in a strange room. His clothes had been removed and he had been taken to bed, and standing in front of the mirror, an unfamiliar woman was dressing herself. Her hair was unnaturally blonde and shining like platinum, and on her face, long streaks of dark rouge made her look strangely horrifying. She wore a bright red dress, matching the rouge on her cheeks and trimmed with fluffy edging that sparkled as she moved. She could have been an amazingly beautiful woman, but she moved ungracefully, as if she didn’t know how to handle her body, yet her shoulders were squared and she looked boldly into the mirror, searching for something she couldn’t find. She grimaced sadly then turned, taken aback to find Wade watching her so intently.
“So, you’ve finally woken up.” She walked over and handed him his clothes. “I’m Dora. Jobe asked me to take care of ya.” Then she walked over to the dressing table and grabbed something and handed it to him. “Here. This’ll take care of that whopping headache I’m sure you got. You better get dressed fast, the rest of the gang’ll be on the train heading back to Texas today, and you don’t wanta get left.”
Wade stared at her, as if she were speaking an incomprehensible language, for all he could think of was the desire to be left alone. He certainly had no intentions of getting dressed in front of this stranger, and it almost seemed as if she had no intentions of leaving. Wade had heard of this type of woman before, but he had never met one, and he did not know what to say or even what had taken place the night before.
“Um, Ma’am, I certainly don’t mean to be rude, but I don’t really recollect my arrival in this place. How did I get here?”
Dora laughed knowingly. She had seen many young boys like him, unable to hold their whiskey, speaking very politely. He had been raised as a gentleman, thrown into a life of hardship, unable to change to match their surroundings and she almost felt sympathy, but rather, a brutal frustration came over her, knowing that he judged her harshly. “I have told you once, Jobe asked me to put you to bed last night, and that’s exactly what I did. I don’t know what kind of woman you think I am, but I am not the kind of woman that needs to take advantage of the likes of a little boy who can’t hold his liquor. Get dressed and get out.”
Stunned and slightly embarrassed, Wade immediately got up and dressed quickly, ignoring the fact that she stood there in the middle of the room watching. He had no idea how he had offended her, but he certainly did not want to do it again, for her tongue was sharp, and he did not want to experience the other side of the blade. Quite frankly, he had no idea what she was talking about, for although he had spent the last several months among rough men, he was still quite naïve about the nature of such women. He simply wanted to know what had happened after the room quit spinning and became dark.
He walked down the stairs then out into the sunlight, pulling his hat down further, shading his eyes from the blaring rays of sun which felt like hot pokers piercing his head. Jobe and the rest of the men were waiting at the depot. They would take a train most of the way to Texas, then would ride out the rest of the way to the ranch, but Wade had no intention of joining them. He shook Jobe’s hand, saying good-bye, and Jobe thanked him heartily for his help on the trail. Wade was disheartened by the many good-byes; he would miss the men, but far worse he longed to get home, so he booked passage to Atlanta, loaded Silver in a cargo hold and boarded the next train, homeward bound.
He found his seat, and laid his head back to rest. He knew the trip would be long, and although his headache had eased, his body was aching, and his shoulder was till sore. He felt a presence beside him, but decided not to open his eyes, uncaring about the passenger beside him until she spoke.
“Are you ready?”
Wade eyes flew open, hearing the voice he thought he would never hear again, the smooth, flowing voice that haunted his dreams at night, and quickened his pulse. “Ready for what?” He turned to look out the window as the hurt he had felt over the last months returned to him quickly. After torturing him endlessly, she had the gall to speak to him so lightly, and he did not know if he had the strength to face her now.
She looked at him, and then glanced down at her hands, calloused and raw. She continued, “You have wanted to talk. It seems that now is the perfect opportunity. We have quite a long ride ahead.” She paused for a moment, but he did not reply. “It seems to me that you have boarded the wrong train.”
“I am going back to Tara. That was my objective all along.” Wade refused to look at her, fearing that his resolve would break if he looked into her eyes.
“Are you not engaged to Alice?” Tears began to well in her eyes, and she wiped them away quickly, hoping he did not see. “She cornered me several times, threatening to uncover my disguise. She finally disclosed her plan of blackmail, and I knew exactly what you would do, but that does not explain your return to Tara.”
Agonizingly, Wade considered his explanation, but none seemed suitable, for nothing would erase the shameful trick he had played on Alice, and he could not stand for Emily to know of his deceit. He had committed a crime of the most indecent proportions, an unforgivable act that would leave him scorned and shunned by any lady who would learn of it.
Emily filled the silence, “I think you should go back.” She twisted her hands fretfully, tearing at splintered fingernails. “Her name is well-established, and she is backed by wealth which would benefit Tara. You would still be able to attend the University to become a lawyer. Your mother would approve of such a girl.” She continued to stare at her hands, wishing immensely that he would speak.
He did not know what to say. None of the things of which she had spoken bore any meaning to him. He could not care less about names, money, or his mother’s approval, nor had Emily cared about such things before. He turned to look at her, curious about her sudden change. It was as if he was seeing yet another side to her, and he was becoming dizzy with all the changes she had made recently. He felt as if he didn’t know her at all, and if these issues were going to be her focus, he had no desire to know her.
“First, you answer a few questions for me. Why were you so hateful on the ranch? If you knew that I had no feelings for Alice, why would you turn against me?”
“Does it really matter?” Emily tried to evade his questions, but she knew he would persist, for he stared at her intently, waiting for an answer. “Well, let us get to the bo
ttom of this. I am no good for you, and I never have been.”
“That does not answer my question either. We can spend this entire trip playing games, or we can finish this here and now. Honestly, I am quite tired of the charades, the dances, and whatever else you have been doing.” Wade’s eyes blazed with fury. He wanted answers immediately.
“Fine.” Emily swallowed hard, continuing frightfully. “After we left Georgia, my father’s temper grew worse, and I became terrified that I would not live to see you again. I ran from him and hid at the Kellecee ranch, but I knew that I was unwelcome, so I disguised myself as a cowhand. I was stunned to see you there because I thought you had decided to let me go. I had searched for you along the entire trip to Texas, but I never found you. At first, I was upset that you did not help me, but then I knew when I heard you speak that you would risk your own life to protect me and expose us both if you thought for a moment that I was in danger. I thought that if I pushed you from me, we would both be safer.”
Wade listened intently, uneasy that she seemed to know him so well that she could predict his moves so easily, and as he examined his motives, he knew that she was on cue.
“When I knew that Alice wanted you, it occurred to me that she would be better for you. I have caused you nothing but trouble. I have instigated a confrontation with my father, caused you to leave your family, quit school, and ride halfway around the country in search of me, when quite truthfully, I am not worthy of you nor your devotion.” She lowered her head, closing her eyes, apprehensively listening for his reply. On hearing none, she raised her head to look at him, and she saw an astonished look on his face.
The last words she spoke dazed him. These thoughts had never occurred to him, nor did they make any sense. He saw that her eyes were red and puffy, and her face which had been bronzed by the sun, showed streaks of moisture. Fresh tears poured down the sides of her cheeks, dropping into her lap. No longer concerned with his approval, she let them slide without wiping them away.
Wade stammered for a moment then reached toward her face to wipe away her tears. “I am not sure of an appropriate response. Your thoughts are unfounded and erroneous to say the least, and rather insulting.” He handed her a handkerchief, and continued, “Maybe it would ease your mind to know of my own ill-conceived plan, and then you can despise me for genuine reasoning rather than fictitious suggestions of unworthiness. I had no intention of marrying Alice. I knew that if I did not agree to her conditions, she would expose you, so I told her to wait until I had returned to approach her father and she consented. When I did not return, she would have no husband or object with which to barter. I know it is the most ill-bred act of a gentleman, but I had no other choice. Now, my dear, I believe we are even.”
Emily moved her hand toward his and grasped it tightly, “That was despicable, yet knowing your intense desire to behave gallantly, I understand that you did it to save me. And, I never did thank you properly for saving my life on the Red River. I would not have made it through that swim or the rest of the drive if you hadn’t been beside me.”
“We are not yet through. As for the rest of that silliness pouring from your beautiful lips, I will address each one. I do not care about your name, for I intend for you to take mine. I am making enough money at Tara to provide for you, and I have never gained my mother’s approval. Why should I expect it or even vie for it, now? I am going to go to the University because I promised Uncle Ashley that I would go in return for the funding that he provided for my trip to Texas.” He felt her hands begin to tremble, but he continued, “Finally, never again will I allow you to speak words that even remotely conjure images of unworthiness, for you are the only person in the world that I would consider worthy of my affection.”
Wade raised her hand to his lips and kissed it gently, then placed it back in her lap, aware of the other train passengers. They did not speak for a few moments, and Wade stared out of the window wondering how she had changed again so rapidly. She had once again become soft and gentle after a long stint of cold harshness. It seemed as if every time they spoke, she changed her demeanor, and he wondered if he would have to contend with these changes for the rest of his life. He had to admit that he wasn’t sure he wanted to handle her alternating disposition. He also wondered if all women’s manner changed so often. His mother bore an attitude of coldness and strength, and Aunt Melly held gentle strength and playful love. Emily mixed all of these traits and Wade never knew which he would experience. He only knew that when he thought of her, his heart beat faster, seeing her made his palms moist and his mouth dry and sitting here next to her drove him insane.
The remainder of the trip was pleasant as they spoke genially of their experiences of the past few months and their hopes and dreams for the future. When they arrived in Atlanta, Wade realized that Emily was still sporting her masculine dress. He proposed to visit with Uncle Ashley and introduce Emily, so they stopped by a dress shop and when she emerged from a fitting room, she was wearing the loveliest lavender dress. It was embellished with only a thin row of buttons down the front, and a perfectly fitted princess cut, yet there was no adornment, allowing the simplicity of the dress and her beauty subdue the allure of the dress.
They reached Uncle Ashley’s house in the middle of the afternoon, and he greeted them at the door with open arms, feeling overwhelmingly relieved that Wade had returned safely. With his usual charm, he welcomed Emily and introduced her to his sister India and Aunt Pittypat. After dinner she would accompany them back to their house, where she would stay the night, for it would not be appropriate for her to sleep under the same roof with a bachelor, a widower, and his son. When Ashley and Wade were finally alone, they retired to the library for a quiet nightcap, and a cigar. Ashley was anxious to hear about Wade’s adventures, and Wade enjoyed recanting them, embellishing only slightly.
“I did not tell your mother of your journey to Texas. We both know that she would never approve of such travel, nor would she approve of your choice for female companionship, being that she is not well-received. I have researched her family, and I understand that her mother was disowned after her marriage, therefore making Emily an unsuitable choice for marriage.” Wade did not respond, for Emily’s family history was inconsequential.
“However I did write to her about your promise to attend the University. She has arranged for your attendance beginning next fall. Your tuition has been paid, and she has specified a spending allowance for your clothing.”
Wade swallowed hard. He had been hoping to renege on his promise to attend the university, but apparently there was no getting out of it now, and far worse than his mandatory attendance was the knowledge that his mother had gotten her wishes. He would attend the university in spite of his refusal, and she had won that battle.
Ashley continued his instructions, “You will need to spend one more year at the school you have been attending to make sure you are prepared for the university work, for it will be much more demanding.” Ashley inhaled deeply, considering his next words carefully. “I know that you think this girl is worth your time, and she is lovely, however you need to think about your future. Is she really the one for you? Are you compatible? I don’t want you to answer these questions now, but I want you to consider a few things. I want you to avoid some mistakes that I have made in my life.” He stood and walked to the window, then refilled their glasses before returning to the conversation. “I knew that your Aunt Melly and I would be married when I was very young. It was a prearranged marriage so to speak, and it was perfect because she and I were alike. We understood each other. We loved the same things. I would never speak ill of your mother, but I am relaying facts. Your mother was an exciting woman, and though I would never have dishonored Melanie, I longed for Scarlett, misunderstanding the enchantment that she held over me, not of love, but of something animalistic and socially unacceptable. Needless to say, when Melanie died, I realized too late that it was Melanie who was the one who held me together. She made me a wh
ole person, and to this day, I think of her every moment. Your mother and I have remained good friends, but the desire is gone.”
Wade looked at Ashley quizzically. He never knew this about him or his mother, which explained many of the problems she had with Rhett, and it also explained Rhett’s disillusion with Scarlett, and his contempt for self-reliant women. “I am not sure I understand what this has to do with me. Emily and I are very much alike. She understands me and loves me, and I love her. I just rode halfway across the country to save her.”
Ashley nodded, “You did, and your chivalry and devotion is admirable, but realistically, is she going to wait for you? You will be at the university for quite some time. If you choose to be a lawyer like your father and great uncle, will she be the type of woman that you want on your arm in social functions? To be quite unromantic yet logical, is your union with her going to present you with opportunities that you could have if you married a young girl with higher social status, a recognizable name, and an inheritance? Once again, I do not want you to answer these questions now. Think about them, and do not make any rash decisions like getting married before your graduation.”
Wade nodded his consent, for he had not planned to marry before graduation. He had already decided that when he asked for Emily’s hand, he wanted to be well established, able to give her the desires of her heart. Now, Ashley had presented questions that he had never considered. Social status held no merit with him, but would she wait for him? And another question returned to plague him again. Could he truly handle her changing personality and her lack of self-confidence? Was he qualified to help her, and was he willing to put forth the effort that it would take to give her the strength and stability she would need? More than anything, he had to consider that there was another man in the world who could be better for her, support her better financially. They were both very young, and though he was convinced that no one in the world could lover her more than he, he was not convinced that she could not love another, nor was he convinced of her complete devotion to him.
Slightly dazed and muddled, Wade stood and shook Ashley’s hand before retiring to bed. It had been a long day, and a long day stood before them. Tomorrow, they would take the train to Jonesboro, and then ride home to Tara on Silver. That night, Wade lay in bed, restless, considering his conversation with Uncle Ashley. It was early morning before he finally closed his eyes, and before he had rested, the sun rose, and he and Emily were off to Tara, the last few miles on a seemingly endless journey that had begun over a year ago.
They finally reached Mimosa. It had been a long day on the train to Jonesboro, then on the last few miles home, Emily had ridden Silver as Wade walked along beside them. They had decided to stop in at the Fontaines’ plantation first, hoping that Sally would let Emily stay with them for a while. Then, if that did not go well, they would head to Tara, and they relied on that plan because they had no other backup. As they rode up, Sally flew out the front door, and hugged Emily ferociously as she slid off of Silver’s back. Sally’s child was toddling after her, and she was obviously expecting another child soon.
Emily and Sally walked arm in arm into the house as Sally yelled greetings at Wade, thanking God that her prayers had been answered, and they had both returned safely. They sat around the table drinking coffee, and relating the details of their journey. Sally was exuberant to have Emily back, and she made it known that Emily was welcome to stay for she needed all the help she could get with the new baby coming. Wade and Emily sighed with relief, knowing that they would not be separated, and they would not have to try to talk Suellen into allowing Emily to stay at Tara.
After a cup of coffee and Emily’s arrangements settled, Sally suggested that he had better ride on to Tara. Suellen and Will would be ecstatic to see him return, so he hesitantly said goodbye wondering what he would find at Tara. He had not been here for planting, and he sorely feared that the plantation had suffered without an extra hand, and when he turned the bend, he found that his fears had been well-founded. They had not been able to plant nearly as much as the year before, and the house was in severe need of repair. He began making mental lists of the work that needed to be done. He wanted everything to be perfect when he finally arranged for Emily to be brought here as his wife.
The house was uneasily quiet when he entered, but immediately, shouts of excitement could be heard across the country as his sister, cousins, his aunt, and his uncle rushed to meet him. Tears of joy ran slowly down Suellen’s face as she hugged him tightly for several minutes. She had prayed unfailingly every night since his departure, and she had watched the door constantly, looking for his return. Will shook his hand mightily and brought him to the table for supper. Wade’s family pummeled him with questions about his expedition, and he answered every question, embellishing only when he though necessary. They laughed and ate, and talked until after the sun set.
That evening, he listened intently to Suellen’s prayers as she thanked God for his safe return, and he realized how much he missed her voice and the relaxing tone of the evening prayers. He remembered every response as if he had not missed a single prayer over the last year. Will offered him a late nightcap, but he politely refused. Utterly exhausted and unable to hold his eyes open for even another moment, he said goodnight, and pulled himself up the stairs to his room. When he finally sunk into his bed, he placed his hands behind his head, breathing in the aroma of his room, the sounds of Tara, and the feel of his bed, thankful that he had made it home after accomplishing his assignment. His eyes closed, drifting off with the moonlight streaming in on his face, illuminating his smile. Emily was less than a mile away, and finally he was home.