Chapter 19
Blistering heat radiated on Wade, Louise, and Will as they made their way towards Tara on the road from Jonesboro. Trees were in full bloom, green from the recent showers that had blessed the land and created deep ruts in the road. Louise sat on the front bench on the wagon, feeling nauseated and exhausted from the long train ride and the jolting wagon, but she stared at the beautiful countryside, for it was even more magnificent than Wade had described, and she waited anxiously to see the grand house that he had lavished with such praise. As they moved along the road to Tara, Will talked on about the planting and the success with the newborn calves, and Wade noticed the magnolia trees weighted down with large blossoms of soft white petals. Peace swept over him with the gentle breeze that cooled the scorching sun, and he suddenly realized how terribly he had missed his home, and he also realized sadly that he would not see his home as often once their home in Athens was completed.
Family members poured from the house as soon as they heard the wagon jolting and sloshing on the road to Tara. Aunt Suellen and her three girls waved furiously, yelling greetings from the porch, and Wade stood in the back of the wagon, waving at them. As soon as the wagon stopped, he hopped down and ran to the porch to grab Suellen around the waist, hugging her fiercely and spinning her in circles then he hugged each of the girls in turn.
He looked around, “Where is Ella?” Wade inquired. He desperately wanted to speak with her again. She was probably worried that there would be hard feelings because of her letter about Emily, but he wanted to let her know that his life had taken a wonderful turn, and though he had tried to tell her that at the wedding, it did not seem as if they had enough time.
Suellen waved her hand, “She is around here somewhere. We do not see her very often now that she has a new beau.”
Wade’s brows furled, “Is she without escort?”
Aunt Suellen’s face turned sour, “What kind of person do you take me for? Of course she has an escort! Prissy is with them. Now, what are you doing leaving your wife in the wagon? Get her up here.”
Wade ran back to the wagon to help Louise down then led her up the steps to be welcomed by clamoring hands and welcoming squeals from the girls. Suellen immediately grabbed Louise’s hand and dragged her into the house exclaiming that she looked a little peaked after such a long journey. Wade followed Will to the barn to unhitch the horse and check on the cattle.
Once they were alone, Will spoke without looking at Wade, “I don’t suspect you need me to tell you what to do, but it might be a good idea to avoid the Fontaine’s while you are here.”
Wade looked surprised, “Why would I want to do that?”
Will stopped grooming the horse and stared at Wade as if he had never met such a gruesome human. “You don’t want Louise and Emily to meet do you? You did not treat Emily very fairly.”
“I did not treat her fairly? I think we have things a little backwards don’t you?” Wade exclaimed feeling offended.
Will went back to the horse, bringing in water and rubbing his tired muscles. “I am not one to judge. I am sure you made the decision that you thought was best for both of you, but you must keep in mind that Emily is not sharing in your bliss.”
“Is her own marriage not blissful?” Wade tried not to smirk bitterly, but he had to admit that he was slightly pleased that she had not found happiness so easily after breaking his heart.
Will stopped again, scrunching his face with confusion. “She is not married, son.”
Blood drained from Wade’s face, and he felt the world spin around him. “Ella wrote a letter, and she said everyone knew about Emily’s marriage to Mr. Hayes. Did you not know? How did you not know?”
“Emily did not marry Mr. Hayes, and I cannot imagine why Ella would write such a thing, for she knows that isn’t true. Ella spends almost every day with Emily.” Will stared at Wade, suddenly understanding Wade’s actions, remorseful that he had mentioned the subject.
“I have to find Ella!” Wade ran from the barn, screaming Ella’s name, but when he did not see her, he returned to the barn, mounted Silver and asked Will where to find her. Will gave directions to the small house on a plot of land down the road, and Wade headed in that direction, riding swiftly.
As he headed down the road, he met Ella on the way, walking beside Prissy, lost in thought. He halted quickly, dropping to the ground in front of her. Ella grabbed him around the neck and squeezed him roughly. When she backed away, her face glowed brilliantly with happiness that he had never seen before. He held her hand tightly, not wanting to shatter her joy, but needing to know the truth.
“Ella,” he began slowly, “tell me about the letter that you wrote last year.”
Ella’s face fell swiftly, “Wade, I do not know what you are talking about. I tried to stop you at the wedding to ask, but you were terribly busy.”
Wade began to feel dizzy again and his chest constricted tightly. Floundering for words, he spoke, “I received a letter last year that was signed with your name. It said that Emily had married Mr. Hayes and that I should find someone else and move on with my life. The letter said that everyone knew about the affair.” He found his voice and soon the words were flowing quickly.
Emily’s face turned pale, “Oh Wade, I never wrote such a thing and it isn’t true.” Tears began to roll down her cheeks as she realized the pain that he must have endured.
Wade lost his balance and fell to the ground, burying his head in his knees. When he raised his head to look at Ella, she saw that his eyes were rimmed with red. “I wrote to her every day, but she never wrote back.” He dropped his head again letting the tears flow freely. He felt as if he was reliving his loss all over again, and the pain was just as intense.
Ella fell to his side, wrapping her arms around him. Suddenly her arms dropped as realization flowed through her. She raised herself from the ground and stiffened her back. “Wade, stand up. I have to tell you something.” Wade looked up from the ground, but refused to stand or even move. “Wade stand up, now. This is important.”
Wade slowly stood, holding Silver’s reins for support. “What is it that could be so important now?”
“After you left, Mother spent almost every day at the Fontaine’s home.” Ella took a deep breath, closing her eyes then continued, “She must have intercepted your letters. Tell me, Wade, what did the handwriting look like?” Wade stumbled, not know how to respond. “Wade, answer me! Tell me what it looked like!”
Wade shrugged, “I do not know how to describe the writing. It had swirls and flourishes throughout. Why do you ask?”
Ella threw her hand sin the air and balled her fists as she dropped them to her sides. “That is Mother’s handwriting! How could you not know that? My handwriting is very tiny and without any flourishes whatsoever. Did you not compare our signatures?”
Wade’s mouth flew open, “I never even considered that such a thing could happen.” His face turned red with anger and indignance. Once again, his mother had orchestrated a huge lie. “I did not think to compare signatures. That was the last thing I could think of. I could only think of losing Emily.” His voice began to waver as he understood the wholeness of the situation. He had lost, once again.
“I see, and I understand. Let us continue walking. You must pull yourself together.” Ella took his hand and led him down the road. Wade followed along like a small child unable to find his way. “We will not discuss this any further, for I will take care of mother. You have a new wife, and you must pull yourself together before we reach the house.” Ella sniffed and pulled her face in different directions, as if she were removing signs of stress and replacing them with strength. “Wade, you must put this out of your mind, for you cannot change the past, but look to the future. We will avoid Emily until I have the chance to talk to her, but Louise should never know of this, for it would break her heart.” Ella dropped Wade’s hand, and they walked the rest of the way to the house in silence.
When they got back to the ho
use, Wade looked around for Louise and found that she had gone to their room to rest for a while. Suellen was in the kitchen, an apron wrapped around her waist, and her thin curls clung around her damp face as they wriggled free from the twist on the back of her neck. She raced around the kitchen, expertly cooking several dishes at once, but stopped short as soon as she saw Wade enter.
“Wade, honey you look as thin and pale as your lovely wife. I am cooking a huge supper as we speak. By the time the two of you leave I will have you looking healthy again. I don’t think the city air is very good for either of you.” Suellen smiled cheerfully then continued cooking.
Wade watched her as she efficiently cooked supper for eight people as easily as if she were cooking for two. As he continued watching her, he admired her deeply for although she did not have the beautiful clothes of a lady and she worked with her hands as no lady should, she held her head and shoulders straight. She was trustworthy and loving, just as he had pictured the perfect mother. He hoped that when he and Louise became parents, Louise would love her children just as Suellen loved hers.
Gathering his courage, he asked, “Suellen, did you know anything about a letter that supposedly came from Ella? The author wrote that Emily had married Mr. Hayes and prompted me to find another love.”
Suellen’s mouth gaped with mock surprise. “I have never heard of such a thing. Who could have written such a thing?” She continued working, avoiding Wade’s eyes.
“I am not sure who would have written the letter. Ella said that she did not write it.” Wade paused, considering whether to ask her advice. His curiosity was overwhelming, and he decided to ask, “Will advised me to avoid Emily, and Ella said that I should talk to her. What do you think?”
Suellen continued to avoid his glance, for although she was convinced that she had done the right thing, a surge of guilt ran through her body. “I think you should stay away from her. The only thing that would happen is that you would cause her more pain, and your visit would reopen old wounds.” She kept working her hands flying over pots and pans. “Wade, you have a lovely wife. Concentrate on her, and leave the past alone.”
Wade stared at her curiously, for it seemed as if Ella had said the exact same thing. He wondered at the similarity of their speech patterns, but pushed the thought aside, for Suellen had practically been a mother to Ella for many years. Of course they would think the same and speak similarly. He nodded to her then walked out of the kitchen and back toward the barn. He had not seen Silver since he had returned, and he wanted to check on him.
When he reached Silver, he saw how the horse had aged since he had seen him last. His coat had lightened considerably. He stood straight and tall with thick muscles rippling beneath his coat. Silver immediately turned to him, recognizing Wade immediately and reached to nuzzle his neck. Wade held out his hand to stroke him, remembering their trip through the plains. They had been companions on a mission to rescue Emily, and now that operation seemed like so far ago and such a loss. He had risked his life to save a woman that he had lost in the end. His heart embittered as he thought of Emily and his love for her. Now he was married to someone else, a woman that he held dear and respected, but without passion. He had been tricked, deceived, and led down a path he had never envisioned. At one time, Will had told him that he could choose his own destiny, but that had been a lie, another to add to the long list of lies he had been told.
The next few weeks at Tara flew by quickly as Wade and Louise basked in the pampering of Aunt Suellen. Wade helped Will work in the fields during the day, and his skin became tan, glowing with the kisses of the sun. His muscles became hard and rippling, and each day he gained energy and strength. Louise blossomed in the country air. Color returned to her face, and Aunt Suellen’s cooking had put some weight on her body. They spent time together each day walking the fields and surveying the land. They strolled hand in hand along the banks of the creek, picnicking beside the water, and talking for hours. Louise was fascinated by this side of Wade for she had never seen him in his natural element, and she could see his passion for the land. She watched his face light up with enthusiasm as he talked of his plans for the crops, and his work when he was a child. They walked through the house, inspecting every corner as Wade told stories of his childhood from the day they escaped the burning of Atlanta until he left for Athens. He introduced her to the painting of his great grandmother Robillard and told her of his own grandfather that he only knew in passing. He showed her all of the hiding places he had sought and related the horrid dreams of Yankee soldiers, and his act of bravery when they tried to take his sword.
She often thought of their life in the country, and the thoughts were lovely. She felt fulfilled in this area, surrounded by nature, trees, and the red dirt that yielded according to his work. She enjoyed her moments with Suellen, cooking and cleaning, for she had never done such work. She considered the experience quite educational as well, for she had often heard stories of plantation belles, but Suellen seemed unlike the women portrayed in the stories. Suellen had been trained as a belle, but she had the gumption to change when her surroundings had changed, adapting to her new situation, and taking care of responsibilities that would have never been hers. Louise felt peaceful as the family gathered for evening prayers, and she quickly learned the responses to Suellen’s serene murmurs. By the end of the day, she was exhausted, but exuberant to lie beside Wade, feeling his arms around her.
Wade began to notice great changes in Louise. She was no longer peaked and pale and she had begun to gain a slight amount of weight, filling out her figure. She was energized and talkative. He had never seen her so expressive during dinner in Athens, for she had never felt comfortable in her role as an heiress to a fortune, but at Tara, she was one of the family, a contributor to the daily work. She felt accepted as an individual, and she could be herself without judgment. He noticed that she began acting rather peculiar after they had been at Tara for about a month. She began to leave in the middle of the night much more frequently and she began to leave the dinner table, returning with a green pallor on her face, without explanation. One evening when she left during the middle of dinner, he followed her out of the house and around the corner where he heard her retching horribly.
He ran to her, terribly worried, but she hid her face, embarrassed that she had been seen. She begged him to leave her alone, but he refused. “Louise, darling, what is wrong? Are you ill?”
Her face stretched in embarrassment, “Please, Wade, I do not want you to see me like this. Please leave, and I will check with Suellen later. I do not want to upset her right now, for I am sure that the food has not made me ill. I have been getting sick quite often lately. Just leave me alone.” Louise turned from him, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand and crossing her arms across her chest. Wade turned to leave, but hid silently around the corner of the house, for he was determined not to leave her alone in this condition.
Once she was sure that he was gone, she began the long walk back to the house, but as she turned the corner, she caught sigh of him waiting for her. She reached out her hand slightly then closed her eyes as she slumped to the ground. He ran to her fearfully, but she was unconscious, and as he reached to slide his arm under her legs, her head rolled easily in his other arm. He picked her up and loped to the house, quickly, yelling for Suellen as he entered the house. He climbed the stairs easily with Louise in his arms and laid her on the bed, easily, adjusting her head so that she was lying on the pillow.
When Suellen reached their room, she saw him loosening her stays, and removing her shoes. He sat beside her, wiping the hair away from her face and waving a fan over her, trying desperately to cool her. Suellen looked over Louise and asked Wade what had happened. As he relayed the details, Louise began to open her eyes slowly. She reached out her hand to Wade and smiled at him gently.
“I am sorry to scare you darling. I just got awfully warm. Please finish your dinner, and I will return in a few minutes. I am ju
st going to lie here and rest for a few minutes.” Louise closed her eyes briefly then opened them, hoping he was no longer in the room.
Suellen persuaded Wade, “Go finish your supper, Wade. I will stay here with her. We need to talk for a bit, and I will tell you when you can return.” Wade reluctantly obeyed, for his heart rattled with distress.
When he had gone, Suellen looked at Louise and felt of her head. There was no fever. She had kept an eye on her, for she knew that she had been experiencing changes and quite a bit of morning sickness, but she had been steadily gaining weight and she still had plenty of color in her face. “Louise, honey, listen to me. I have been aware of your condition, for I have been through it several times. Is there any way that you could be with child? I mean, have you and Wade…” She blushed and turned away.
Louise’s eyes remained closed. She was afraid of Suellen’s reaction, afraid that it would be similar to Scarlett’s sentiments about them having children so soon after their wedding. She tried to avoid the conversation, but Suellen insisted, and finally she answered, “Yes, Suellen, I am afraid that we have, and I am sure that I am.” She turned toward the wall, hoping to avoid Suellen’s wrath.
Suellen leapt from the bed, clapping her hands with joy. “Oh, I am so happy for you!” She leaned over Louise, hugging her tightly then stood and clapped again. “Have you told Wade? He is going to be elated! He will make such a wonderful father, and you are going to make a loving, devoted mother. I know this seems daunting, now my dear, but soon you will see that this will only increase your love and secure your marriage.” Suellen skipped through the room, giggling with glee.
Louise sat up and watched Suellen, completely surprised by her reaction. She had been sure that Suellen would have been angry, but this was a complete surprise. She was happy! Louise grinned and joined Suellen in her jig then quickly sat again when she felt the world spinning. “Could you send Wade in here? I need to talk with him.” Louise asked when Suellen had calmed.
“Of course, dear,” Suellen left swiftly, flying down the stairs.
Wade entered the room gingerly afraid of Louise’s appearance, but when he saw that she was sitting he rushed to her side, holding her hand. He was terrified at the thought of losing her, and concerned with her sickness.
Louise began speaking, keeping her eyes lowered, for speaking these words were even more difficult than the scene she knew Wade had seen only moments before. “Suellen and I are sure that we know the cause of my sickness.” She searched Wade’s face, hoping he knew without her words, but saw his knitted brows and knew that he was oblivious to her condition. “We are going to have a child.” She faced him, searching his eyes for reaction to her words.
Wade held still, not comprehending her words. They seemed like a foreign language, and he did not know how to react. He was excited at the prospect of being a father, but unsure of his role and his ability. He began to tremble slightly as he watched tears roll down Louise’s face. He could not determine the cause of her tears, and he reached to hold her as she sobbed. “Why are you crying? Is this not wonderful news?”
Louise pulled away from him, trying to understand his meaning. “I think it is, but you do not look pleased. Are you sorry?”
“Of course not, I am joyful! This is astonishing, just unexpected. He touched her face, running his fingers slowly along the side of her face then kissed her gently, continuing long and slow, tasting her lips as if she were a cool drink of water in the desert. He opened his eyes and asked, “So are you ill? Do we need to go home?”
She smiled, “No, not yet. Let us wait until the end of summer. I am not ill, for the sickness will eventually pass, but you must not follow me again, please.” She pleaded with her huge brown eyes, batting them softly.
“I will make sure that I am twenty paces behind, for I desire to grant your wish, but I cannot have my wife and child lying unconscious on the ground, and I must be within reach if you faint again,” He stated firmly, leaving no room for debate. He held her again, breathing a long sigh of relief. He realized at that moment that he was completely devoted to her. Although he had lost Emily, and the pain was still fresh in his memory, nothing could replace this moment with Louise. He loved her, and he would do nothing to cause her grief. He would stay away from Emily and push her far from his mind, leaving the past behind and pushing toward the future.
They stayed at Tara until the first part of August, for fall classes were starting soon, and his position at the bank would be open, and he was expected to return. Wade regretted having to leave, and hoped that Louise would offer to stay at Tara, but she never did. She loved Tara, the family, and their life, but she often thought of their new home and she craved the long evening talks that had been much more difficult to maneuver because of the populated house at Tara. She missed her mother, and needed her especially during this time.
As Will pulled away from the house to drive them to the train station at Jonesboro, Wade felt the tug at his heart as if he were leaving his home for the last time. He memorized every corner and detail of the house, knowing that he would not see it again for some time, if ever. He squelched his tears, but he could feel his heart ripping as they moved further. Finally, he dragged his eyes away, focusing on the road ahead of them, refusing to look back and feel more agony.