When he finally reached his quiet place under the trees, he plopped himself down with Cole in his lap and rocked him back and forth gently with his eyes closed, breathing the serenity of his surroundings. His mind raced over the events of his life, as he fought desperately for everything he ever had, felt, or needed. And yet, after each battle, brief victory was followed by loss, torment, and pain. Why did he continue to fight? What was he fighting for now? There seemed to be no end to his misery or to his battle for some sense of control over his own life. Every moment of every day he continued to struggle for each breath and with each struggle, becoming emotionally depleted.
He realized that every muscle in his body ached as though he had been carrying such a heavy load for years. His shoulders drooped and his chest felt as if thousands of pounds of weight were sitting on him, causing him to gasp for breath. His head pounded, and he longed to lay his head down in the thick undergrowth and rest. He felt no inspiration to continue on. His heart was empty, he was exhausted, and he felt utterly lost.
Wade opened his eyes for a moment to look down at the tiny bundle in his lap sitting quietly and fearful. He knew there was no way he could raise this child on his own. He had counted on Aunt Suellen to help him, but she was deserting them, leaving them to their own devices of survival, when he felt no desire to survive. He felt no urge to continue to live in such painful misery.
He closed his eyes, wondering if Mr. Johnson would still take Cole as his own. Wade could escape. He could slip away from this mess, these responsibilities, and the burdens that followed him daily. He could find refuge in some city far away, starting a new life without his past haunting him.
Suddenly, he felt two arms slip around his shoulders, and without looking up, he slumped into them, hiding from the world pushing in around him. He laid his head on the strong shoulder that supported him, and felt himself relax in the arms that held him naturally, as if they had always been there, as if this place in time was exactly where he was meant to be. He felt fingers stroke his hair as his breathing slowed and he began to come to his senses, realizing where he was and how he had come to be there.
When he raised his eyes, he saw a set of blue eyes facing his own. He immediately recognized the face of his blonde angel and he returned her smile weakly. He quickly wiped the tears from his face, trying to hide his weakness, knowing that she had rescued him from his own thoughts. They sat in silence for a few moments basking in the rekindling of their connection.
Finally, Wade gathered the courage to raise his eyes, “I did not expect to see you here. How did you know I was here?”
“I come here often. It reminds me of when we were young.” Emily smiled with a faraway look in her eyes.
Wade smiled as he remembered the first moment she enchanted him with her beauty when they were young children. So much time had passed and yet she still held him captive without even knowing it. He longed to reach out and touch her face, but he restrained himself, fearing her rejection.
Emily dropped her arms from his shoulders and reached out to place her hand on top of his, stroking Cole’s tiny head with her other hand. “He is such a beautiful boy. He takes after you.”
Wade beamed at the boy in his lap, echoing in his mind the features that resembled Cole’s mother.
Emily dropped her hands into her lap, “I have seen you ride around our place, but you didn’t stop.” She avoided his haze as she continued, “I was glad to see that you had returned to Tara, but I haven’t seen much of you lately.”
Wade remained silent, unsure of how to respond. His heart ached to tell her of his undying passion. He longed to stroke her hair and tell her he missed her terribly. He craved to feel her lips on his, kissing away his explanations and excuses. He yearned to hold her in his arms once again, but pride stood in the way of his devotion. He could not fathom the crushing blow of even one more disappointment, and so he said nothing.
He watched her as she bit her lip nervously. Taking a deep breath, words began to tumble from her lips. “I do not know exactly who orchestrated the plot against us or how we could recover. I do not know if you still love me or how you will respond to my words, but I cannot leave this place knowing that I let you go.” She tilted her head, demanding that he meet her eyes, “I only know that I love you and you have to know that. I have loved you since the day I saw you watching me pick berries. I loved you when you rescued me from my father then followed me to Texas, and I have waited for you anxiously hoping that you would return to me. Somehow, God has answered my prayers and brought you home to me and situated us in this specific time and place. Where we go from here is up to you.”
Wade slowly released a deep breath as peace warmed his body like a blanket. He suddenly knew what he had been fighting for. He had toiled his entire life to establish his family, and here it was within arms reach.