Chapter 25
Nearly twenty years had passed since he and Emily had begun their life together, but here in Scarlett’s presence, he still felt as if he were a young child, hoping for a sign of acceptance. He did remember, and as he ran the details of his life and his mother’s role in it through his mind, he only felt more insignificant in her sight. He felt no comfort in his memories, only pain and agony as the years of struggle forced themselves into his mind. He said nothing as he gazed at her in wonder.
Scarlett swallowed, “Wade, I know that I have never said it before, but I am proud of you. I see what you have made Tara, how you have cultivated your family, and how you have become a man. You are far stronger than I ever imagined.”
Wade ducked his head, unsure of how to respond to such words of endearment. These were the words he had longed to hear throughout his life, yet they left him feeling empty. He did not feel the satisfaction he had imagined.
When he did not respond, Scarlett struggled desperately to sit up in her bed, gaining control with her piercing glance. “Wade, did you hear me?”
Wade nodded slowly, “I heard you, Mother, but I am slightly confused. Why would you reveal these things to me now?” He raised his head and peered directly into her eyes, gaining confidence by the moment. “What do you stand to gain by plying me with your kindness?”
Scarlett’s eyes grew round with feigned injury, and as in her youth, her lips pouted slightly, “Why, Darling, how could you accuse me of such things? I only wanted to share my thoughts with you.” She withdrew her hand from his and began to twist them childishly, “I understand that I have waited far too long to reconcile, but you must believe me when I tell you that I am truly remorseful for all of my mistakes, and I do hope that you will forgive me.” She looked up to reveal tears pooling in the corners of her eyes.
Wade felt as though he was being baited, yet the strings of his heart were beginning to unravel despite his desperate attempts to keep her at bay. He rose from his chair and began to pace around the room. He turned to her, “What exactly has brought this sudden remorse?”
“Oh, Darling, please quit pacing. You are making me frightfully nervous.” She reached for the handkerchief by her bedside that had been embroidered with a capital R. “I know that I was not the best mother to you or to Ella. However, I did the best that I could at the time. I am not making excuses, but I am trying to explain that I was not ready for motherhood, widowhood, or the war, and quite truthfully, I admit that I spent the better part of my life chasing after dreams that did not exist and could never come true. I cheated you of your childhood, but you have become a better man because of it.” She tipped her head quickly, quite sure of herself and her explanation.
“That does not explain your sudden change of heart.” Wade stared at her, unwilling to allow her to wriggle her way back into his life.
She sighed deeply and fluttered her eyes for a moment trying to sort the words she had painfully rehearsed. “I simply want to make amends.” She lifted her hands in the air as if she had said exactly what she had planned and she knew of nothing else. She dropped them quickly letting them thud on the bed on either side of her.
Wade continued to pace, tapping his fingers on his chin. His brow knitted in deep concentration, judging her response. “What do you want? Do you need money?”
“You know that Rhett left me plenty of money.” Tears began to run down her cheeks as she began to speak, losing her breath, “I need you, Wade. I am very ill, and Rhett is gone, and Cat is married, and I need to be at Tara, Wade. I want to stay home where I can rest. I want to get to know you and your children, and my great grand-children before I pass on to join Rhett.” She dabbed at her eyes, hiccupping and trying to catch her breath.
Wade strode to her side and held her hand. He raised it to his lips and kissed it gently. His heart suddenly became unsheathed. He saw her weakness, her fear of loneliness and suddenly it became clear to him that he had lived much as she had. He had fought tooth and nail to salvage each relationship only to find it in ruin, yet they had both succeeded in the end. Once they had won their true loves, they understood their worth and their place in the world through the reflection in their lover’s eyes. The words that he had longed to hear could never replace the look he saw in her eyes at that moment. His own reflection was one of strength and dignity. He had finally won her approval, not of his own doing, but within her search for fulfillment she found what she had been missing for years, the approval of her child.
As he knelt beside her, he felt her fingers stroking his hair gently for a few moments. Her movements became less pronounced until she was still. Wade slowly raised his head to see her eyes had closed and her chest had stopped its rise and fall. A look of peace rested on her face unlike he had ever seen, and he realized that her smile was lovely and childlike. He stood and reached down to kiss her cheek.
“Good-bye, Mother, I love you, too.”
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