“I’ll be careful,” I mumbled, embarrassed, as I ducked away from her into the crowd.
Putting the strange encounter out of my mind, I focused on my goal. After a bunch of “excuse me’s,” I finally dodged all the old men and reached the prized door. Once through it, I stopped to investigate the long line of black buggies parked neatly beside the board fence. Squinting, I could just make out the last one. Sure enough, Rumor was tied to the fence next to it. My heart beating loudly in my chest, I headed in that direction, thankful for the parked cars that shielded me from anyone’s prying eyes.
It was kind of exciting sneaking away to meet Noah in his buggy. I was feeling more upbeat playing James Bond as I lurked between SUVs and pickup trucks before finally arriving at my destination. Hearing the 007 music in my head, I quickly glanced around and crept to the fence side of the buggy. Once there, I squeezed in near the door, which popped open unexpectedly. Cautiously, I peeked in. Noah was lounging on a bright blue velvet seat that seemed out of place in the drab, funeral-style buggy.
Even more surprising was the big grin on his face when he saw me. With relief, I grasped his extended hand and let him pull me into the buggy. The windows were opened only a crack, probably for secrecy. With the warm, late-afternoon summer sun beating down on it, the interior of the buggy was hot and humid, making me feel as if I’d just stepped into a hotel sauna.
With unbelievable swiftness, Noah pulled me into a tight embrace, smashing me into his body. I relaxed for the first time since we sat together at the table earlier. With the hot air around us, I melted into him, staying very still, with my face resting against his chest. He stroked my hair, softly rubbing his hand up my arm.
Right then and there I knew where I belonged, in Noah’s arms like that forever. The thought that his family could rip us apart and send him off to some faraway community terrified me to the bone. I suddenly felt despair at the impossibility of the situation. Although I desperately squeezed my eyes tightly shut, the tears sneaked through onto his blue starchy shirt. My loud sniff indicated to him that I was having an emotional breakdown and he pulled back, supporting me with his hands, lightly gripping my shoulders. Furrowing his brow and with eyes holding extreme concern, he asked in a gentle voice, “What’s wrong, Rose?”
After a few more seconds of sniffing and swallowing, I murmured, “I thought you were angry with me.”
My words caused an unexpected response from Noah when he brought his lips to mine in a near-desperate kiss that took the breath from me. My face was still wet from the crying, but he didn’t seem to care as his mouth moved over my cheeks and nose and eventually my eyes.
Sighing deeply, I delighted in the feel of his lips on my skin and the scent of the slightly damp sweat beneath his shirt. I tried to impart it all to memory, fearing that someday he might be embracing a pretty Amish girl in this same way, and I might be somewhere else, far, far away.
This time when he moved back a little, just enough to look at me, he continued to hold my face in his hands, stroking my cheeks with his callused thumbs. His eyes were dark with emotion. They were penetrating so deeply into me that I feared he could see into my soul. Then he’d know how much I really needed him…and wanted him.
Suddenly his eyes became even more intense, sweeping over my face. He asked tightly, “Rose, why are you wearing makeup?”
The question threw me off balance; I wasn’t expecting it. I told him without hesitation, my voice rising, “Sometimes I wear makeup, Noah. It’s no big deal.”
“Is it because you’re going to a party tonight?” he asked with a guarded voice, but his eyes continued to wander over my face with the same scrutiny.
Without even considering a lie, I answered honestly, “Yeah, I guess when I go out places I like to wear a little makeup. But really, Noah, I hardly have any on at all. I’m surprised you even noticed.”
“Of course I noticed. You have such a naturally beautiful face. You don’t ever need to wear any makeup,” he said with sureness.
Why is he being so difficult over a little bit of makeup? I’d much rather be snuggling against him again—but his sour face staring at me prompted me to pull away from his hands and lean back on the sapphire seat. “I didn’t mean to upset you. It wasn’t anything I even thought about,” I told him, trying hard not to sound too annoyed.
My statement didn’t seem to satisfy him. He moved in closer with a troubled look spreading over his features. Studying my face fixedly, he murmured, “Rose, why are you going to that party anyway?”
Swiftly I defended myself. “Sam wants me to go with him.”
“I bet he does,” he said with an angry grunt as he leaned back again, peeking out the window. Satisfied that we weren’t about to be ambushed, he returned his tormented gaze on me.
The action made me realize with sudden poignancy how dangerous it was that we were meeting here in his buggy—all alone. Just past the window were hundreds of people who certainly wouldn’t approve. If we were discovered, Noah wouldn’t just get a slap on the wrist about it; he might literally be shipped away. I needed to stop acting as if this was a silly game and start taking it a whole lot more seriously. But still, I couldn’t quite shake the stiffness my insides were feeling at the moment over his bizarre reaction to me wearing a little tiny bit of makeup. He was definitely overreacting on this one. He’d better get his butt down off his high horse before he made me really angry.
Was he jealous about me going to the party, and that was why his hackles were up? Didn’t he know that I’d much rather be with him than go to a stupid party with Sam? Could he actually be insecure about me? That thought made me feel better, and a teeny bit sorry for him. I asked softly, “What’s the problem, Noah?”
With a long sigh and not meeting my gaze, he said, “I get the feeling your brother doesn’t approve of our relationship.”
“He’s just trying to watch out for me, Noah. With Mom gone and Dad busy with his new girlfriend, Sam thinks it’s his job to make sure I don’t get into trouble or something,” I said, sliding closer to him. Gathering my courage, I reached up to touch his cheek lightly with my fingertips.
He responded with another search out the window for spies and then, with his lips turning up into an amused smile, which I could see he was trying to fight off, he promised, “He doesn’t have to worry about me getting you into trouble. I’m going to take care of you, Rose. So your brother can get a new job.”
“I know you will,” I said, hardly hearing what he said. His warm almond eyes were hypnotizing, and my heart was beating like crazy in my chest. I didn’t want to talk at the moment. With the pounding in my chest, I crawled up onto him and pressed my lips against his mouth. A deep moan escaped from him and his arms encircled my waist, pulling me even closer.
I don’t know how long we were lip-locked like that, our mouths moving playfully together, but it must have been a while, because my left leg began to cramp slightly, forcing me to change positions. That gave Noah the opportunity to be sentry again, and when he turned back to me, he scolded, “Really, Rose, if this buggy starts shaking too much, someone is going to notice.”
The stern face he put on for show disappeared when I settled back onto his lap and sighed happily. He shook his head halfheartedly and said in his raspy voice, “I don’t know what I’m going to do with you, Rose.”
“How ’bout more kissing?” I joked, moving my hand to his wavy dark hair, letting my fingers caress through it, massaging his head. I loved touching him, and I was feeling more comfortable with it. He was my guy now, and that still amazed me. I was astonished by the feelings I was experiencing. They were so powerful. Mountain-moving strength. I wondered if everyone felt this way when they fell in love. Yes, I had thought the L word and I knew that it was true. I had fallen in love with this Amish boy, and I couldn’t do anything about it. He would forever own my heart.
He brought my face to his again, our mouths just inches apart, his breath coming out in a heated rush. “Rose,
I don’t want you to go to that party.”
Sighing, I tilted my head, watching the anguish play out on his face. I wanted to kiss away his worries, but I could tell he wanted more than that from me. “But it’s kind of complicated, Noah. You see, I promised Sam that I’d go to the party with him if he brought me here tonight.”
With determination, he said severely, “I don’t care what you promised him. Tell him you’re sick. I’m sure you can put on a good act and get out of it. This is important to me, Rose.”
“Why?” I inquired, feeling a little on the defensive. Every Sunday he got together with all his friends for youth church activities without me. I didn’t harass him about it.
He touched my face gently, tracing his fingers over my cheekbone, down my nose and along the contours of my lips, which I parted slightly without thought, allowing him to move his finger lightly into the moist interior of my mouth. Just when I thought I was going to pass out from the light-headed sensation his movements were causing me, he trailed the same finger down to the hollow of my neck, settling there briefly, before moving down lower to trace the outline of the formfitting shirt I was wearing. It was crazy what his touch was doing to me, like a million pricks along my skin. Inwardly cussing out the lack of control I had over my body, I swayed into him and closed my eyes. I would agree to anything he wanted at that moment.
“It’s just not right for you to be in mixed company without a chaperone, Rose. It’s not safe.” He said it firmly and the look on his face told me that he wouldn’t budge on the subject either. He appeared much older at that moment, unmovable, like a tree that had been rooted in the same place for hundreds of years.
He continued to watch me with growing impatience, waiting for my answer. The frustration was evident on his face. I was torn—really torn. I didn’t even want to go to the dumb party, but I didn’t want Noah thinking he could tell me what to do either.
“Don’t you trust me, Noah?”
He sighed, shaking his head. “It’s not about trust. You shouldn’t put yourself into the kind of situation that could get you into trouble—or cause the others to think poorly of you.”
“Others?” The conversation was traveling into strange territory. I was beginning to worry about the direction Noah was heading.
He stared at me, appearing to think about his words carefully before he spoke. I was glad he was taking his time instead of blurting out something that would really piss me off. Because the last thing I wanted was to be angry with him.
When he finally spoke, his voice was coaxing. “I can’t expect you to understand my world, Rose—it’s so different from yours. But you have to trust me on this one. If word got out in the community that you were going to parties, it would make you look very bad in the eyes of my people…and then you’d never have a chance at being invited to any of our youth gatherings. I don’t want anyone thinking poorly of you. Besides, you never know what might happen at a place where there are a bunch of young people drinking and carrying on without supervision.”
“It’s not like that, Noah. Even if I wasn’t dating you, I wouldn’t do anything stupid that would get me hurt or into trouble. I’m not that kind of person…and I thought you knew that.” I pulled a little farther away when I said it, feeling for the first time that Noah really was from a different world—or time period.
His arms went around my shoulders, pulling me against him as he buried his head into my hair. He hugged me quietly like that for a minute before he released me and leaned back.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to offend you. That wasn’t my intention. I just want for us to be together, that’s all.”
Looking at his worried face, my heart beat out my head, and I said resignedly, “Okay. If it means all that, I won’t go. I’ll talk my way out of it. But don’t think you’ll always get your way, Noah.”
His face relaxed and a light smile played at the corners of his mouth. Taking my hands between his large ones, he placed them over his heart and said forcefully, “You belong with me, Rose, and I only want what’s best for you. We won’t have to sneak around like this forever. Things will change soon. I promise.”
“But how?” Part of me wanted desperately to believe him. The more rational side needed more convincing.
“I’m going to talk to my parents soon and tell them about you.” He paused and then with certainty breathed, “I don’t care what they say about it. I’ll do whatever it takes to be with you. But I’ll know better what we’re dealing with after I’ve discussed it with them. So just hang in there awhile longer.”
There were so many what-ifs to consider that it wasn’t even worth harping on all of them. So instead I asked him a question I’d been thinking about for the past few days.
“When will Jacob and Katie get married?”
The question threw him off for a second. His eyebrows rose in surprise, but when he recovered, he replied, “Sometime this autumn, when all the farmwork is done for the year.”
His eyes were inspecting me now with such extreme interest that I blushed and glanced away before asking him, “Is that the time of year when all the Amish get married?”
Still directing his burning attention at me, he said with mild amusement, “No—some couples wed in the springtime.” Pausing, he then asked carefully, “What’s your favorite season?”
His eyes were glittering now. I could tell he liked the direction the conversation had taken.
Without pause, I told him, “I love October—when all the leaves are changing and the cool air is just arriving.” I would have said more, but I got a little tongue-tied, and I peeked at him, wondering what he was thinking.
He quickly licked his lips and then spread them into a devilish smile. “October is a fine month for me,” he said softly, his eyes searching mine.
I couldn’t help that my curiosity was up now. I rambled on, “What are Amish weddings like? I mean, do you do the cake—and does the girl wear a special dress? And do you have a little boy be the ring bearer and…all that stuff?”
He looked thoughtful for a moment before answering. “Well, for one thing, we don’t have wedding rings.” He held my gaze, waiting for my reaction.
“Why not?” I was shocked, and my voice probably showed it.
“Our women don’t wear jewelry of any kind. We don’t need a ring to show our everlasting love,” he said slowly with a shrug.
“Oh” was all I could manage, not sure what I thought about never wearing a wedding ring.
He must have sensed my trepidation on the ring issue, because he told me other, more pleasant things about the ceremony.
“The weddings are huge events with hundreds of guests. Everyone from the community and even some from other communities attend. And yes, there are cakes and desserts and a wonderful dinner.” Pausing to catch his breath, he continued, “The women in our community wear blue, but the bride can pick out the shade she wants her dress to be—that wouldn’t matter for you. You look beautiful in any color. And the girls decorate the wedding area with flowers and wreaths.”
I was still on his lap, and the entire time he was talking, he trailed his hand over my arms and down my legs, making me lose any kind of concentration on what he was saying, only catching bits and pieces of information. Then his talking stopped and his mouth was on my neck. I stretched it to give his tongue full access. Closing my eyes and breathing deeply, I realized that the buggy’s temperature had dropped now that the sun was almost gone from the sky. Time always went by so swiftly when I was with him.
When his mouth was back on mine, I stopped thinking altogether—until I heard the annoying voice from outside.
“Rose, Rose—are you here?” Sam whispered loudly.
Noah heard it, too, and quickly opened the window a bit wider to softly whistle to Sam. He was beside the buggy peering in the window in a flash.
“Come on, Rose. We’ve got to get going,” Sam grumbled.
Reluctantly, I pulled out of Noah’s embrace. Before I got far,
his hands snaked around my waist, pulling my back against his hard chest. He whispered hotly into my ear, “Remember what you promised me, Rose.”
I nodded my head and mumbled, “Uh-huh.”
Not releasing me, he instructed, “Meet me in the fields on Wednesday at seven o’clock. We’re done working on your house for now, so I won’t see you until then, but hopefully, I’ll have some good news for you.”
And then he kissed below my ear, sending a shiver down my neck before he reached over my lap to open the door for me. Sam was standing there, waiting with a look of mild disgust on his face. For some reason I suddenly felt embarrassed having him staring at me, with the thoughts of our birth-control conversation flitting into my brain.
Once I was out of the buggy, the cool evening engulfed me. I breathed in the fresh air, watching the fireflies blink in and out around us. We didn’t say goodbye. Noah’s eyes just smoldered at me, and I gave him a half smile, disappointed to be leaving him and his warm arms. The moment was broken when Sam jerked my own arm and ordered, “Come on.”