“I gotta say, it hasn’t been at all boring since I’ve moved here. You’ve managed to keep me very entertained,” she said, clearly working to contain her laughter as tremors touched her mouth.
Unease began pounding away at my mind, forcing my heart to beat faster. This was important and I had to find out more. I asked quietly, “How would you feel if you couldn’t do all those things anymore?”
She didn’t even hesitate, surprising me. “It would depend on if you could keep me busy,” she said in her velvety voice. Her eyes were laughing, and I knew she was teasing me. She was not taking the question as seriously as she should be. A gust of wind traveled through the cornstalks, bending them down deep, erasing our natural cover. The sound of the brushing stalks against each other was a constant scratchy drone now, and Rose’s horse began to prance nervously, affected by the cool temperature and the swaying corn around us. The mare looked as if she might bolt, and I let go of Rose’s hand to grasp her one rein, holding her horse while she side passed along the narrow path with extra spring to her stride.
I was pleased that Rose let me lead her horse; I had expected an argument from her, but she had relented placidly enough. The horse was a lot to handle, even on a calm day. Today, the mare was close to coming unhinged. I decided if Rose wouldn’t let me hold the rein of her frisky horse, I’d ask her to switch horses with me. Since she relented, I didn’t have to resort to doing that, thankfully.
Sooner than I wished, we reached the forest. I began to guide the horses around, when Rose asked disappointedly, “Aren’t we going in there?”
I held my smile in and sighed, not wanting to disappoint her. Especially since that was exactly where I wanted to take her. “No, Rose, I don’t think it would be a good idea for us to go back in there today.”
“Why?” she asked like a girl used to getting her way. But I had to be firm with her. I said pointedly, “I find it very difficult to do the right thing when we’re alone together in a situation like that. And I don’t want to take advantage of your willingness.”
“I’m okay with it, though,” she offered, trying to convince me with her alluring eyes fluttering like Samson’s Delilah.
“But I’m not. You aren’t going to be like your English friends. As horribly difficult as it’s going to be—I want to wait until we truly belong to each other before we cross that line,” I said sternly, trying not to look at her eyes, fearing I’d be turning the horses around and leading her back into the woods myself.
“Can’t we at least kiss a little?” she pleaded with an undeniable pout on her honeyed lips. I became frustratingly aware that she could make me do anything she wanted with that look. I was doomed to be her slave for the rest of my life. That thought both bothered me and made me happy at the same time.
“With you, it never seems to be a little,” I teased halfheartedly. But unable to resist her any longer, I stopped the horses, and holding the reins in one hand, I put my other hand around her lower back, giving her the kiss she wanted.
Her mouth was soft and willing against mine, and for a few seconds the fields disappeared, and the push of the cold wind against my coat couldn’t be felt. It was only me and Rose, alone in the entire world. Nothing else mattered except the feel of her breath against my skin and the tangle of her hair around my face.
There are those moments in your life when you suddenly realize you’ve made a mistake, and that second of clarity, when it becomes all too clear that something is going to happen, whether it’s mildly irritating or downright bad, you brace yourself and accept the inevitabile. That’s what happened right then while I was enjoying Rose’s warm mouth on my own.
The air-splitting whistle made me separate instantly from her. I swiveled in the saddle to the direction of the sound. How foolishly stupid I’d been. I should have anticipated that some of the Amish kids might cut through the fields to go over to the ball game. And with no time to gallop away or hide in the trees, I saw coming from the forest edge the ghostly face of Levi Zook. A few strides back was his sidekick, Nathaniel Yoder.
By the unrestrained glee shining off Levi, I knew he’d seen me kissing Rose. I released my hold on Lady’s rein and consciously moved Rumor in front of Rose, waiting. She was being uncharacteristically quiet behind me, but strangely I could sense her presence, even though she was making no sound at all. It was as if our bodies were connected by an invisible string—a very strong one. In the distance, a threatening rumble of thunder rolled toward us, and an oppressive stillness settled in the cornfield when the wind suddenly died down.
“So what have we got here, Nathaniel—did I just see what I thought I saw? Was Noah Miller, the most popular bachelor in the community, son of the minister Amos Miller, making out with an English girl—in a field?” He exaggerated every word, his high-pitched voice thick with malice. I already knew that I wouldn’t be able to negotiate with him, but now I realized with sudden clarity that he’d attempt to destroy me with what he’d stumbled upon. A sense of dread washed over me.
“This is none of your concern, Levi,” I warned him.
Levi’s pale face tilted and he shifted his attention to Rose, stretching to look past me at her with his snake eyes. Those eyes were hungry and he openly appraised her, with a nasty smile forming on his thin lips.
The rage that had been building in me spilled over. “Don’t look at her,” I demanded, repositioning Rumor again to hide Rose from his evil leer.
He laughed. The sound of it was unnatural in this quiet place that had become a haven for Rose and me.
After glancing over at Nathaniel, who was also openly smirking, Levi fixed his eyes on me and mocked, “Poor Noah, you’re going to get into so much trouble for this little incident.” He paused with a dramatic sigh, then went on, “But…you know, Nathaniel and I might be willing to forget what we saw…if you’ll share your little girl with us.”
Every fiber within my body screamed out for me to jump from Rumor’s back and sprint over to him, drag him off his horse and hurt him with my bare hands. And I calculated the distance to him, on the verge of doing it. But I knew that was what he wanted, an evil deed he could report to the church about Noah Miller. That was, if he survived my attack. And even though Levi was probably sick enough to actually mean what he said, I needed to control myself or I’d make it worse for me and Rose.
“You can go to hell, Levi Zook. And you, too, Nathaniel Yoder,” I said in a barely controlled voice.
Watching Levi’s expression change from wicked enjoyment to disappointment made me think that maybe he really believed I would offer Rose over to him to avoid getting into trouble. The thought sickened me, and I backed Rumor up right into Lady to be even closer to Rose. To keep her safe from Levi’s and Nathaniel’s disgusting desire for her.
Upon doing that, Rose reached out and touched my arm. The feel of her hand sent a powerful kick to my senses, suddenly filling the darkening, stormy sky with a warm light.
When Levi saw Rose touch me, his eyes narrowed with unhidden jealousy. He kicked his chestnut horse, galloping right at us, only to swerve before full impact. His horse bumped hard into Rumor’s side, catching my leg, too, before he passed by us down the path toward the road. “You’re going to regret the day you ever saw that girl, Noah!” he shouted back to me over his shoulder. Nathaniel went with him and within seconds they were out of sight, the sound of their pounding hooves fading away.
At that instant a dazzling claw of lightning streaked across the sky. The trees in the woods seemed to leap forward in the brilliance of the flash. Immediately after the light blinked out came the tearing noise of thunder right above us.
I turned to Rose, seeing her face ashen-white, masked with shocked worry. Every muscle in Lady’s body was as taut as a bowstring and she pranced in place, but Rose deftly held her in check. Grabbing Lady’s reins, I pulled Rose into my arms. Her breathing was hectic and her heart was pumping so hard I could feel it through her chest. Gently I rubbed her back and hair, holding
my face against hers.
Her voice came out in a hoarse whisper. “What will happen now, Noah?”
She sounded terrified, and I kissed the side of her mouth before drawing a long breath and answering honestly, “I don’t know, Rose. But at least we’ll get it all out in the open.”
Her face twisted with emotion when she said, “But I don’t want you to get sent far away. I wouldn’t survive if I lost you.” Her lips quivered. “I can’t go through it again, Noah. I can’t lose you, too.”
Her wet eyes were glinting and I knew she was talking about her mother. I was ready at that moment to run away with her, take her anywhere that we could be together without the prying eyes and rules that were working so hard to keep us apart. But I still held out hope that I could do it the right way and keep my oath to the church. If I left with Rose now, the church would forever shun me, and the English world was foreign and harsh. I’d heard the stories and seen with my own eyes how most of them lived. Besides Mr. Denton, the other drivers talked of getting drunk on the weekends and playing around with many women. The men divorced easily, forgetting their vows to their wives and the responsibility of their children to seek freedom and dishonorable experiences. Even Dr. Cameron had taken up with another woman without the bond of marriage. And then there was the fact that I didn’t even have a high-school education. How would I support Rose and our children in her world?
Having her close to my chest evoked the determination in me to fight for her within the church. It could still work out for us. I couldn’t give up on it now, without even trying. Surely Father and Mother would understand if they knew how much I loved Rose. How we were perfect for each other.
I moved my hands to her face, wiping away the tears spilling down her cheeks with my thumbs. I leaned in close enough to feel her warm breaths.
“It’s going to be okay, Rose. Really, I’ll take care of everything. We may have to lay low for a while, but we’ll be together in the end. No matter what happens, trust me, I’ll make it work.” She sniffed and wiped her face on my shirt, giving me a reason to smile even as the insanity was crashing down upon us.
Then the rain came. It started with a few large splatters attacking us from the sky, as if the trouble we were dealing with on the ground wasn’t enough. Within a few breaths, it was a waterfall, causing the world to become fuzzy and indistinct.
Trying to blink the rain out of my eyes, I wondered what God was trying to tell me at that moment. Was the angry deluge because I had fallen in love with an English girl…or possibly was it that I was about to be separated from her?
Letting go of her hand, I urged, “Come on, we need to get out of here before we get struck by lightning!”
She nodded and picked up her reins. Together we took off, cantering over the squishy, water-drenched earth side by side. The rain gave us no mercy and continued to pelt down on us, stinging my face and hands. I glanced anxiously at Rose, who had somehow managed to get her hood up and tight around her head. A few wisps of her hair had escaped and were plastered against her jacket, but otherwise she seemed to be surviving the weather conditions. Her resiliency amazed me. She looked all dainty and small on the outside, but inside she was tough as nails.
The water was soaking into the farm soil around us, sending an earthy smell of mud and worms into the air. It was a familiar scent and it calmed my nerves, giving me the chance to breathe and think. What would Levi do? Was he going to put the information through the rumor mill? That would give me a little more time, and the chance to talk to Father and Mother about Rose before they heard about her from someone else. That would be the best scenario, and I silently prayed for Levi to follow that course.
But when Father came into view, riding his tall black buggy horse, cantering up the lane toward us, my heart sunk. Levi had gone straight to Father and told him. That would be the only reason in the world that he’d be riding out in the field in the middle of a rainstorm at such a fast clip.
I reached out and took Rose’s hand. I decided I wouldn’t let go until I absolutely had to. Meeting her eyes, I felt strong and right about my love for her. She saw him, too, and although her eyes looked fearful, she smiled encouragingly at me. I slowed Rumor to a walk when we were almost to Father. Rose followed my lead with Lady. She tried to wiggle her hand free, but I clenched hard, not letting her go.
The fury on Father’s face was plain for all the world to see. He didn’t bother to hide it from Rose as he narrowed his eyes, staring at our locked hands. He looked at Rose’s face briefly; then he settled his gaze on me. We were stopped now and Father’s horse, Simeon, was close enough to sniff noses with Rumor.
“Let go of her hand, Noah.” I had never heard his voice that fierce before, filled with a deep rage, so contained it splintered the wet air, sending a trickling of fear coursing through me. I wouldn’t release Rose, though, fearing deep within me that if I did, I’d never be able to touch her again.
I met his fiery gaze, defiant and unblinking. “Father, I love Rose and we want to be together. That’s why I wouldn’t pick one of the other girls, because I had already lost my heart to this girl.”
The rain was coming down harder, blurring my vision and changing the world into a hazy picture of brilliant, glistening greens. In the back of my mind I worried about Rose being out in it, but I couldn’t hold that thought for too long as I watched what I’d said sink into my father’s mind. I thought I saw a flicker of emotion play on his features. Almost a sad understanding as his eyes passed between Rose and me again. The look was there only for a second, and then it disappeared, to be replaced with indignation, but more subdued, as Father spoke again. “Son, release her hand so that she can go home and get out of the rain.”
He was a sly one, my father. He knew instinctively I didn’t want the girl I loved out here in the cold, driving rain and wind.
I gazed at Rose reassuringly and released her hand. I couldn’t tell if she was crying or if the wetness on her face was only the rainwater flooding her features, but she sat straight in her saddle and smiled sadly at me before squeezing her horse, trotting past my father.
I was glad to see her riding away from this emotionally charged scene to the dry house waiting for her. I didn’t take my eyes from her until she slipped through the gap in the fence, disappearing from sight. When that happened, a cold, hard loneliness swept through me.
Father and I sat in our saddles for several minutes in the pouring rain, the dead quiet of the field surrounding us. The cold dampness was seeping into my skin and bones, but I welcomed the discomfort. At least it made me feel alive.
Finally Father spoke, his voice rigid. “Go to the house, Noah.”
All too happy to escape his wrathful gaze, I squeezed Rumor into a canter, pulling the reins up to keep his hooves collected over the dangerously sloppy ground. When I rode up the driveway, I had to admit that the fear that had gripped my insides when I saw Father appear on the path was nothing compared to the trepidation I felt now, seeing Mother standing on the front porch, her arms crossed in front of her.
After unsaddling and putting Rumor in a stall, I passed Father in the driveway. All he said was “get dry clothes on” as he stalked by me, not slowing down.
Before I reached the house, Jacob came through the door with Peter, Daniel and Isaac. They all passed me quietly, with the little boys staring at the puddles. Jacob shot me a look of genuine concern, but he didn’t say a word as he swept by. Sarah and Rachel were the next to appear, with little Naomi in Sarah’s arms. Rachel hurried by without a sideways glance, giving me the silent treatment, but Sarah peeked up with a wary smile and whispered, “Good luck.”
I knew that I’d need more than luck to get through what was to come—I needed a miracle.
13
Rose
Dealing with the Inevitable
I COULDN’T KEEP the tears from pouring out of my eyes as I dodged the sheets of pounding rain, my feet splashing with each stride I took. Gathering speed, I made a mad da
sh, reaching the back screen door. I flung it open and bounded into the dry kitchen.
I must have been a scary sight the way Sam and Justin popped their heads up from their usual nightly bowls of cereal when I burst into the room. They stared at me with their faces scrunched up in distaste, watching the water drip off my clothes and pool beneath my feet.
“Hey, I told you it was going to rain.” Sam snickered.
I guess it wouldn’t have mattered what nonsense spilled from his stupid mouth. It was inevitable that I was going to run from the room, bawling my eyes out. And that’s what I did. Taking the stairs two steps at a time, I reached my bedroom seconds before the athlete caught up to me. Slamming the door and locking it, I started stripping my wet clothes off, throwing them on the floor.
“What’s going on, Rose? Did he hurt you or something?” Sam yelled, clearly upset, while he banged on the door with major force.
“Go away!” I screamed back, not wanting to deal with his I-told-you-so’s.
He didn’t let up, though. His banging intensified, forcing me to slip on the first jeans and T-shirt that I could get my hands on. Grabbing the door handle, I quickly unlocked it, turning the knob. King Kong came stumbling into the room when the door swung open. Justin walked in with more dignity, heading straight for my mattress and making himself comfortable.