Chapter 17
It’s not like he’s mine.
That’s what I kept telling myself, that was the mantra I repeated over and over again in my head as I tried to look anywhere but the spot where Nikolas and his…betrothed…stood. But, my eyes had a mind of their own. No matter how I tried, they kept tracking back to him, hoping to view a different scene. A scene where this Brigitte did not have her tiny arm twined through Nikolas’.
The worst part of it all was that I could feel Nikolas’ eyes on me every moment. I was hyperaware of him, his presence surrounding me like a thick fog.
“Danica? Dani? Is something the matter?” My father’s voice broke through the fog.
“Hmmm?” I turned to focus on his face. “Fine, I’m fine.” The words came out high-pitched and wrong.
My father studied my face, he wasn’t fooled. “You have been through so much in such a short time. This all…it must not be easy for you.”
My eyes found Nikolas for a split second. “Some things are more difficult to take than others.” I looked back to my father and caught sight of the auburn haired woman positioned several feet behind him. She stood wringing her hands, watching me, but trying to look like she wasn’t. “Is…is that my…um…my mother?”
He glanced over his shoulder and a smile broke across his face, big and bright. “She is. She would very much like to meet you, if it is what you wish.”
“Yes, of course. I would like that very much.” I told him as my stomach dropped a few inches.
Offering his arm, my father led me over to the woman with auburn hair. I noticed the other woman, the blonde one, was nowhere to be seen.
“Sweet Girl, allow me to introduce you Isla, well-loved Queen of Avenlore and Lady of the Valley of Light.”
She smiled warmly at me, eyes glistening. She reached for me, then pulled her hands back, unsure of what to do. I smiled and extended my hands and she immediately grasped them in her tiny ones. Taking a deep breath, she looked into my eyes and I watched as tears tracked down her face. “The title I am most proud of…is that of your mother. If, if you will still have me, that is.” Immediately I knew I’d heard that voice before, it was the voice of the woman who beckoned me from the portal.
I found I couldn’t speak, so I just nodded as my own sob caught me by surprise. Her voice was so familiar and not just as the voice that helped to bring me here. Some deeply buried part of me knew her the same way that I knew how to breathe. It was like an instinct.
It was the same with my father. It was all just so undeniably right. They felt, well, tethered there, to my heart and soul. Maybe what Nikolas said had been more than just pretty words.
Maybe he was tethered to me as well and In light of recent events, that was going to be extraordinarily problematic for me.
My mother gave me a knowing look, and I feared she’d read my feelings on my face. “You look tired, dear. I know the past few days have been exceedingly difficult and you must be so exhausted. Allow me to show you to your chambers, a warm meal and a good rest will do so much.” She smiled warmly again.
I nodded in response to my mother’s offer and breathed an internal sigh of relief that she was chalking up my no doubt worn and worried face to exhaustion. Of course I was tired, absolutely I was, but this whole situation with Nikolas has sent me into sort of a tailspin. I could almost hear the pilot’s distress call...
Mayday, mayday!
…and I didn’t want anyone to pick up on that.
I had to hand it to my parents though, they held understanding in abundance. While I wanted to spend time with them, get to know them, I was overwhelmed and exhausted and…hurt. The longer I stood here, near Nikolas with Brigitte melded to his side like they were conjoined twins, the more pronounced the pain became.
I needed to deal with that pain and I needed to deal with it alone…not to mention the other things I wanted to do like sleep in a bed and my gracious, bathe.
My mother led me into the castle, while my father accompanied us and I was so lost in thought and feeling that I was completely unaware of my surroundings until we reached my room.
My father opened the thick wooden door with a massive grin plastered across his face.
When I looked into the room, I understood why. If nothing else had been like a fairytale, this room was.
Walls, off white and smooth like marble set off the silver tapestries, stitched with pastel colors depicting scenes of beautiful waterfalls and flowing streams. The bed was enormous and covered in light gray bedding with a pale pink textured print that reminded me of something I was pretty sure was called damask. Iridescent stitching caught the light and shimmered, perfectly matching the billowy canopy that hung around the bed like so many fluffy clouds. The bed itself was made of a sturdy pale wood, the color of crepe myrtle bark. Massive pillows covered half the bed and a nook in the wall provided a wide seat covered in a thick, long cushion that matched the bedding. The window behind it reached from the seat to the ceiling.
There were beautiful wardrobes to match the bed and a writing table complete with quill and ink pot. Matching tables sat to either side of bed, topped by lanterns that held many bright spots of light that waxed and waned alternately like fireflies. Every level surface in the room held vases sprouting fat bouquets of pale pink roses and white lilies and half a dozen other flowers I’d never even seen and the air carried their sweet scents.
A luxurious rug spanned almost every inch of the circular room, threads every shade of gray and silver. Cozy warmth wafted from the fireplace and for once, the fire was provided via regular old ordinary logs, crackling and hissing as they burned.
But the kicker, well that had to be the ceiling. High and domed, it was home to an immaculate and detailed painting. A woman and a man stood far apart in a meadow filled with flowers, seemingly unaware of one another and each looking haunted and lost as an angel hovered above each one. It was beautiful and heartbreaking.
I turned to my parents who stood with their arms around each other, patiently watching as I took in the room. “Its…its just so…they are no words.” I told them.
Hesitantly, I walked to my mother and father and wrapped an arm around each one, forming a group hug kind of thing. Their relief at my affection was palpable and I felt my heart swell a little in response.
“I am so very glad you are safe with us at last.” My mother whispered through tears.
“Me too.” I said.
Dad let out a sigh of relief. He didn’t speak, but I felt a shudder roll through him with a poorly concealed sob.
After an undetermined amount of time in our huddle, we began bidding each other goodnight. My mother indicated the door that led to my own private washroom and asked if I would like to come down to the dining hall and take a meal after I freshened up. I really didn’t feel up for it though. Truth be told, I was such a bundle of nerves I didn’t think I could eat at all. She finally got me to agree to let a bowl of soup and some cider be delivered to my room in case I changed my mind later.
Each of my parents hugged me again, this time one on one, then stood in the doorway and stared at me like I may disappear for a few breaths before retiring to their own quarters. I figured I looked at them much the same since that was exactly what it felt like. Even though the circumstances of our reunion were far from ideal, I still feared having a family, my own actual family, was just a dream I would wake from.
On my own in the massive bedroom, at first I was mostly happy in the wake of the reunion with my parents, but then I’ve always said alone with your thoughts is a dangerous place to be. It was as true now as it ever was. Five minutes alone and my mind began replaying the golden blur as she ran past me and pasted herself to Nikolas.
I shook my head back and forth, trying to dislodge the image, but to no avail. This new development came on the heels of learning the whole business where Liam had failed
to mention he was the son of the man who was actively trying to end my life. I mean, that wasn’t his fault, but geez, he could’ve given me a heads up.
I floated across the room to the door my mother had indicated was the washroom on my gloomy cloud. At least I had gotten to meet my mom and be reunited with my father again. Talk about taking the good with the bad.
I opened the door to the washroom and discovered an immense stone tub that was already filled with steaming water waiting for me. Rose petals floated on the still surface, their scent permeating the air. Sighing at the glorious sight, I undressed and sank to my chin in the water, easing back to lean my head against the stone. I breathed in the steam and closed my eyes and…saw Nikolas’ face.
Crap.
I opened my eyes again, so much for a long, relaxing bath.
Sitting back up, I decided sleep was the only thing that may save me from my thoughts. I scrubbed and washed quickly, ready to get to the part where I was unconscious and incapable of coherent thought.
A table contained in the washroom was home to several grooming tools and multiple bottles of scented oils. I sniffed each one, deciding on a light floral scent with notes of rose and peach blossom. Plucking a heavy wooden brush from the table top, I worked the tangles from my hair before lacing the strands into a long, loose braid.
I donned the robe that hung in the bathroom, at least that’s what I thought it was. It was pale blue, the material plush and thick. If I hadn’t found it in this room, I would’ve assumed it was some fancy overcoat thing.
I knew I’d never had things this nice before but discovered my memories of what I did have were fuzzy and where I came from had also become a hazy spot in my mind. I could see my “aunt’s” face, but couldn’t remember her name and I could see beautiful mountain sides and a lit up, busy strip of road, but didn’t know what the place was called.
That was kind of strange, and I would have to ask someone about that soon. But right now, I wouldn’t worry over it. There was nowhere available in my mind to process this development presently.
Walking back into the bedroom, I discovered the soup and cider seated on the desk. I still didn’t feel like eating, but the soup did smell divine. I picked up the cup of cider and inhaled the rich scent of apples and sipped slowly. The warm liquid slid over my lips and down my throat, soothing as it went.
I turned to stare at the bed and it called to me, promising warmth and comfort, but I was wound kind of tightly for sleep at the moment. I sleep would elude me if I attempted to lie there, but my thoughts would not. I turned my gaze toward the door instead. Decision made, I went to wardrobe and found a simple yet pretty emerald green frock and yanked it on.
On bare feet I walked to the door and pulled it open.
Nikolas was on the other side mid stride, pacing in front of the doorway, fingers raking through his damp hair.
My heart twisted as my stomach descended to my toes.
He stopped when he saw me, hands clenching and unclenching at his sides while his mouth worked silently as he opened it to speak, but didn’t half a dozen times.
Dark circles hung beneath his eyes, his captivating features screwed up by the pained expression on his face. He walked a few steps forward, leaving only about a foot of space between us. He concentrated his intense gaze on me and I was paralyzed. “If you want me to go, you need only to tell me.”
Of course I wouldn’t, glutton for punishment that I was.
I glanced back and forth in each direction. “Where is your, uh, betrothed? I’m surprised she allowed you out of her sight.” My words emerged from my mouth with more bite than I’d intended.
He looked wounded by my statement, maybe even a little angry, at least at the floor where his gaze had fallen at my words. “Not sure.” He sounded like he didn’t care, or maybe that was just how I wanted to interpret it.
A voice in my head told me my comment sounded a little on the bitchy side and I didn’t really feel I had a right to act that way. I felt that way, wounded and catty, but I couldn’t pour that on him like he’d slighted me in some way. What had he done? Rescued me, comforted me? And wasn’t I just teetering on the Liam/Nikolas seesaw only a few hours ago?
I was such a hypocrite.
I could almost hear the internal GPS in my head. ‘Recalculating. Recalculating.’ I backpedaled. “I mean, she just seemed worried about you.” He still looked wounded, eyes unfocused in the direction of the wall to my right now. “I would’ve been.”
His eyes flicked back to mine and stayed there and then the words were hurriedly pouring from his mouth. “Our parents just announced our betrothal a week ago, just a few days before we left in search of you.” He looked away and mussed his hair with his fingers again. “Apparently, Brigitte has known for years, I only learned of it the day her parents came and demanded we make the announcement.” He blew out a breath and met my eyes again.
He looked so lost now and that was totally at odds with the confident, charming guy I was pretty sure was his norm.
“You don’t owe me an explanation.” I told him quietly.
His eyebrows knitted together as he tilted his head just slightly to one side. He shuffled a little closer and leaned his head down, rooting me to the spot with his electric blue eyes. His words were almost a whisper. “Don’t I?”
Oh…so much trouble.
I couldn’t stop myself from blurting out my thoughts. “So, you don’t love her?” I asked, trying to sound like it didn’t matter to me. Fail.
“Am I interrupting?” Liam’s voice effectively popped the little bubble Nikolas and I were holed up in.
Nikolas groaned and leaned away from me leisurely as I stepped back too quickly into the door frame and bumped my head.
“Yes.” Nikolas ground out between clenched teeth.
I squeaked out a “No!” at the same time.
Liam smirked and leveled Nikolas with a look. “Your, uh…betrothed is it? Yes, I believe so.” He glanced at me, then back to Nikolas. “She is looking for you. Rather worked up, demanding your location from anyone with ears, and probably those without ears if she were to encounter anyone so unfortunate. Charming girl, that one.” He laughed and tried to cover it with a cough.
Nikolas closed his eyes slowly and ran a hand over his face and through his deep brown waves. I heard him mumble something about ‘the Maker’ under his breath. Opening his eyes, he looked to me with that same troubled look that begged my understanding.
“She’s somewhere in that direction, mate.” Liam offered, jerking a thumb over his shoulder to the left.
Liam looked at me now. “You look well, Princess.”
Nikolas turned to him and if his eyes could’ve spit fire I believe they would have. “Tell me, Liam… or do you prefer William? What brings you to this particular wing of the castle? You are aware that the royal apartments are housed here and only the royal family is allowed?”
Nodding and smirking, Liam responded. “Liam, please. And forgive my boldness Sir Nikolas, but doesn’t that beg the same question of you then?”
The Nikolas I’d first met made his appearance then, flashing a grin and a knowing look at Liam. He folded his arms across his chest and tilted his head to side. “Did I not mention? There are quarters here as well for on duty Royal Guardsmen…as well as a permanent residence for the head of the Royal Guard.”
Liam turned three different shades of red before replying. “I see. Well, I just wanted to check that the Princess was well.”
Nikolas looked to me and I nodded.
“Very well, make your visit brief. I will leave you to it.” Nikolas took a step back, holding me with his eyes. “The answer to your question is no. Without question, no.” He left us there alone, and headed off down the hallway to the right.
I watched him go until Liam cleared his throat. I whipped my head back to focus on Liam who just stared at me for a
moment, his face unreadable. Despite what expression was plastered on his face, he still remained beautiful and mysterious to the power of ten. It kind of scrambled my brain to look at him.
And then I remembered I was angry with him a little and decided to start there. “Forget to mention something, did we?” I spat the words in his general direction.
Anger flashed in Liam’s pale green eyes, making them a few shades darker. “From the look on your face in the courtyard, I’d say I was not the only one who forgot to mention something.” He shot back.
He did not just go there.
My breath came quicker as I tried to think of something suitable to say. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” The words came out kind of sing-songy, so they weren’t exactly convincing.
Liam nodded and looked pointedly at me, leaning in closer. “I am quite sure you do…and I did not wish to frighten you with the knowledge of who I was.”
I lifted my chin defiantly, and locked eyes with him as my heart rate sped up. “Maybe you should’ve had a little faith in me, you might’ve been surprised.”
Liam held my eyes with one of his soul-burning gazes. My skin was flushed with embarrassment and anger as I returned his stare, refusing to back down. His eyes softened and he extended a hand, trailing his fingers lightly along my cheekbone. Before I could react, he laced his fingers through my hair down to the nape of my neck and tugged me forward.
Lips against my ear, he whispered. “Oh, Dani…I was.” Liam guided my head back until he could see my eyes and he was captivating…he was fire and danger and beauty. Voice rough, he spoke again. “There was something I wanted to tell you, before they found us by the cave…”
“What?” I breathed.
He searched my eyes, vulnerability flashing in his own. “This.” He grasped my face with both hands and pulled me to him. His lips, warm and soft, pressed to mine with a desperation that made me feel like I may unravel or he may unravel, or maybe we both would. He inhaled deeply, like he was breathing in the moment and not the air and my heart rate climbed higher.
Liam broke the kiss and took a step back, a satisfied smirk curving his mouth up at one side. Without a word, he turned on his heel and strode off down the hall, never once looking back, leaving me breathless and dumbfounded, with my mouth hanging open like an idiot.
Damn him.