I cried as I ran almost the whole way back to the castle, pausing briefly to collect myself, then snuck back to my room. I found a small army of seamstresses awaiting my arrival at my door.
As they measured every inch of my body, I bit the inside of my cheek and dug fingernails into my palms to distract myself. I wouldn’t cry in front of them, how on earth would I begin to explain?
Once they’d gotten the measurements, they sat me down and began to ask ten million questions about what kind of dress I’d like for that ball. I tried to answer the questions at first, but quickly grew exhausted of having to simultaneously participate in conversation and hold it together at the same time. I ended up requesting that they surprise me, assuring them that I had total faith in their designs.
Once they left, I crawled into the bath and cried some more, probably doubling the volume of water that filled the tub.
I sat in the bath so long that the water turned cold and my fingertips and toes pruned. Concentrating on my toenails as they sat propped against the opposite wall of the basin above the water line, I pondered whether they may have nail polish here. My memories were dim, flickering like a candle in a draft, but I could still remember nail polish.
I tried to think of anything but Nikolas, or nothing at all, but my attempts to keep my mind occupied or blank failed miserably. I found my mind wandering, conjuring the image of Nikolas’ face just before I tucked tail and ran.
And his words, you will haunt me still…they played over and over, set on repeat in my mind.
I wondered if he understood that those words would hit home with me, that I would know exactly what he meant.
How long had it been? A few days? It felt like months since I’d come here, years since I’d known Nikolas. While that was technically true, I felt like I really knew him, like I’d always known him. But, that wasn’t possible. I had just become aware of him, who he was. Sure, we went way back, but it’s not like I could remember that.
So, how was this possible? How could he have become like the sun to me? Like oxygen?
I bit down on my lip as tears threatened at the rims of my eyelids and sank beneath the water.
Bracing myself against the sides of the tube, I prepared to be assaulted by another mental picture of Nikolas.
I got a picture, but not one I was expecting.
Behind my lids, I saw the worn face of a girl about my age. Her sandy blonde hair hung limply around her shoulders, face hollow, eyes sunken and empty. Immediately I emerged from beneath the surface, cold water splashing as I thrashed. I squeezed my eyes shut again, trying to see the image, needing to place the face.
Nothing.
Unease settled in the pit of my stomach, my internal warning system sounded.
Danger. Danger…A whisper in my head.
From who though? The girl? Impossible. I only saw her image only for a moment, the span of a heartbeat, but she was weak, sickly even…her features emaciated and broken.
I climbed shaking from the tub, water sliding in rivulets down my body, goose bumps washing over my skin that were completely unrelated to the temperature.
I dressed in a haze, pulling on a gown that may have been green. As I drew a brush through my hair the flashes of the girl pulled at my mind, fragmented and hazy, like a dream trying to emerge through from the depths of the subconscious.
I pressed fingers to my temples and closed my eyes, trying to focus. I tried to recall if this had ever happened to me, this vision thing. I knew it hadn’t since I’d been here.
What about before?
Before what though? I had been somewhere else, where was it? I couldn’t recall. It was like trying to watch TV with no antenna, nothing but static. I pushed harder, trying to dredge the memories from the fuzz that surrounded them. Nothing.
Nothing but nothing. The only thing that was clearly rooted in my head was the past few days. I could recall them perfectly, beyond that…only a void.
I’d been told this would happen, I hadn’t expected it so quickly. I thought it would occur slowly, bit by bit. No one told me it would be like the flip of a switch.
Overcome with exhaustion, I made my way to the bed and burrowed into the masses of pillows and blankets and surrendered to a deep and dreamless sleep.