Interview with a Werewolf
Here is the interview I had with a werewolf. Despite how easy it was to find him, I posted an add online and he responded within hours, getting a meeting scheduled with him took me over two months. His secretary kept giving me the runaround because she thought I was some annoying reporter looking for a story…which is technically true, but that’s not the point.
o o o o o
A. Hunter:
The time is 2:45pm on Friday, June 7th 2002. I’m here with Francis Moray, a natural born werewolf. Thanks for meeting with me Mr. Moray, I know you’re a very busy man nowadays.
Mr. Moray:
I’m pleased to be here.
A. Hunter:
So you were born a werewolf, right? Does that mean that both your parents were werewolves?
Mr. Moray:
While it’s true that a child born to two werewolves will be one, no. My mother was a werewolf, but my father was human so I had a fifty-fifty chance of becoming a werewolf. Thankfully my mother’s bloodline overruled my father’s, I don’t think I could’ve stood being a human…such mundane creatures.
A. Hunter:
…should I feel insulted right now?
Mr. Moray:
Oh no, I didn’t mean you. I was referring to the humans from my generation. I was born in 1855 and to be quite honest that time period was totally lame, always having to be proper and whatnot. Not my style at all, I much prefer the more outspoken ways of your kind these days.
A. Hunter:
You were born in 1855? Where?
Mr. Moray:
In a small city in New York, but after my father died when I was three my mother moved us to Florida to live with her family. I suppose she thought it would be easier for me if I was raised near more of my kind.
A. Hunter:
So you don’t have any siblings I assume?
Mr. Moray:
No, it was just the three of us and my mother never remarried after his death. I do have several cousins though, all of them older than me.
A. Hunter:
All werewolves?
Mr. Moray:
Most of them, but there are a few human relatives thrown in here and there. You’d be surprised how many of my kind choose to marry humans, though I can’t imagine why. Those kinds of relationships are doomed from the start since humans die young and we can live for hundreds of years.
A. Hunter:
Well, we should probably be moving this interview along. Don’t you have another appointment shortly?
Mr. Moray:
Yes, but they’ll wait for me so feel free to take your time.
A. Hunter:
Oh I don’t want to make you late so let’s just continue. Where do you live now, and what do you do?
Mr. Moray:
I still live in Florida, though I did move to Miami from Orlando a few years ago, and believe it or not I own my own marketing company.
A. Hunter:
Marketing? How’d you get into that?
Mr. Moray:
It’s simple really, when you live for as long as I have you learn what catches people’s attention. You also make quite a few contacts which really helped me out when I was starting up.
A. Hunter:
I see. How’s business doing?
Mr. Moray:
Very well actually, I’m one of the fiftieth richest people in the world. My company brought in over 2 billion dollars last year alone and we’re planning on expanding to China, France and Britain in the next few years.
A. Hunter:
That’s quite impressive.
Mr. Moray:
I know, I’m amazing right. Oh, and did I mention that I’m also one of the top ten most eligible bachelors in the U.S?
A. Hunter:
…next question. All those myths and legends out there about werewolves, how many are true?
Mr. Moray:
You’re no fun. Well, the transforming during a full moon thing is accurate, but we don’t go all mindless or anything, it’s just a simple change. In fact, we don’t look all that much different from normal wolves, slightly larger, but that’s about all. The rest of the time we look like any other human, and so long as we don’t show off our superior strength no one’s the wiser. And despite what you may have heard, silver doesn’t bother us in the least.
A. Hunter:
Interesting. And changing someone when you bite them, is that true?
Mr. Moray:
Actually no. It’s a bit more complicated than that so people don’t have to worry about being changed into a werewolf if they’re ever bitten by one. There’s a ceremony that has to take place, chants to recite, blood has to be exchanged. It’s really a rather tedious procedure so as you can imagine it doesn’t happen very often. Most werewolves are simply born that way.
A. Hunter:
So what you’re saying is that you’re related to almost every werewolf out there huh. Wow, family reunions must be quite intense.
Mr. Moray:
Oh you have no idea. Five years ago we all went to Disneyworld, and most of us managed to get kicked out after only a few hours. They even had to close down several of the rides because a couple of my cousins were fooling around and broke it.
A. Hunter:
You know, I think I read something about that in the news. They shut the park down for an entire day after a group of rowdy customers made a mess of things.
Mr. Moray:
…yeah, that would be us. I was so embarrassed I couldn’t leave my place for a week. Thankfully they didn’t have any pictures or it would’ve been even worse. Could you imagine what that would’ve done to my reputation?
A. Hunter:
The horror.
Mr. Moray:
I know right.
A. Hunter:
Actually, I was being sarcastic.
Mr. Moray:
…oh.
A. Hunter:
Now let’s see, where were we? Ah, here we are. What’s your favorite fashion style?
Mr. Moray:
…I’d prefer not to answer that on the grounds that it may embarrass me.
A. Hunter:
Oh come on, it can’t be that bad. You can tell me, I won’t laugh.
Mr. Moray:
Promise?
A. Hunter:
Yes, I promise. Come on tell me, I’m dying to know now.
Mr. Moray:
…fine, but if you laugh I’m out of here.
A. Hunter:
Deal.
Mr. Moray:
Well, to be honest, I’ve always been a huge fan of the sixties…especially the clothes. Bell bottom pants were the best, oh, and I love those colorful tie-dyed shirts.
A. Hunter:
………
Mr. Moray:
You’re trying not to laugh aren’t you?
A. Hunter:
…maybe.
Mr. Moray:
See, that’s why I didn’t want to say anything. Everyone always laughs at me when I mention it.
A. Hunter:
How about we go on to the next question. What do you think about the portrayal of your kind in movies and books these days?
Mr. Moray:
…do you want me to answer honestly or should I lie so we can move on?
A. Hunter:
No, go ahead and answer honestly.
Mr. Moray:
Alright then. For the most part I really don’t mind the extreme exaggeration of my kind by all those movie people; in fact some of those shows are a lot of fun to watch. My favorite is that trilogy with the vampires and…I believe they called us Lykens in that particular movie. While it’s not very accurate, the graphics are great and it has a pretty good storyline.
A. Hunter:
What about the others out there?
Mr. Moray:
To prevent myself from going on a tirade, I’ll refrain from mentioning any of those teen stories that have werewolves, whether they’re the mai
n characters or not. Once I start talking about those ridiculous portrayals I just can’t seem to stop. I don’t even bother reading or watching anything that’s intended for a younger audience anymore. They’re a complete waste of time. Sure I get that most teens want angst in their stories and all that crap, but do they need to make us come across so, so…human! On top of that, they make it seem like being a werewolf makes us scary or evil, we are no such thing! It’s ludicrous how they go around spouting all these lies about us! Do you have any idea how hard it is to tell someone what we are nowadays?!
A. Hunter:
If that’s you not on a tirade, I’d hate to see you when you are.
Mr. Moray:
…sorry about that, but I did warn you that I tend to get carried away.
A. Hunter:
Well, my time is almost over so how about one last question before I get out of your hair?
Mr. Moray:
Shoot.
A. Hunter:
What are you looking for in a woman?
Mr. Moray:
…excuse me?
A. Hunter:
I asked what kind of woman you liked.
Mr. Moray:
Isn’t that a bit personal for this kind of interview?
A. Hunter:
Probably, but your secretary gave me two hundred dollars to ask it, and I never say no to easy money.
Mr. Moray:
Well, if you really want to know. I have a thing for blonde hair and blue eyes. Oh, and she has to have a killer body and big b-
A. Hunter:
I think that’s enough.
Mr. Moray:
But I wasn’t done yet.
A. Hunter:
What a shame, but my time’s up now so I’d best be on my way.
Mr. Moray:
Are you sure you wouldn’t like me to finish?
A. Hunter:
Positive. Anyway, thank you so much for the interview. I’ll see myself out.
Mr. Moray:
Wait, there must be something else you want to ask!
A. Hunter:
No, I’m good.
Mr. Moray:
But, but…I’ll pay you!
A. Hunter:
Sorry, but your next appointment is already here. He’s all yours Mr. Financial Advisor.
Mr. Moray:
No! Don’t leave me!
A. Hunter:
See ya!
o o o o o
I was invited to Mr. Moray’s family reunion later that year, they wound up holding it at a hotel near the water, and it was quite a lot of fun. I met a dozen of his cousins, there was an absolutely adorable four year old girl that followed me everywhere, and even his mother. Hopefully I’ll be able to make it to their next one.