Chapter 21
Emma walked head down, chatting to the dog and kicking the rotting conkers for him to chase. The low sun twinkled through the trees, speckling the pavement with dapple and blinding eyes accustomed to the grey of winter. Emma squinted and looked at the bell tower of the school, seeing it as a black silhouette against the orange sun.
“So, you return at last?” The old woman blocked Emma’s route along the footpath, terrifying her.
“Get away from me!” Emma spat, looking frantically around for help. She came early to let Farrell off his leash and the path was deserted. Picking up her tension, the dog growled and snorted in warning. Emma worked out her options. Tempting as it was to turn around and run home, she still had to fetch Nicky from school. The other alternative would be to tramp through the muddy field and use the school’s rear gate, but it would mean she needed to find another way home. Rohan’s mother was relentless and would never give up.
“My son has...how you say? Banned me from his house. Because of you. Always when there is trouble, there is you!”
“Yeah that’s right. It’s always because of me,” Emma retorted. “Everything was great until you got landed with me. I’m like the family albatross aren’t I?” Emma gathered the lead tightly into her fingers and hauled the dog closer to her for protection. “You kill my father and then try and kill my unborn child. Is it just me you hate, or anyone connected with me?”
“Do not say dat! I loved your father. He vas sick. I try to heal him.”
“He was fine until you met him! He was a good man in a good church. He was your pastor for goodness sake! We were happy! Of all the women batting their eyelashes at the recently widowed reverend, he had to pick you, a poisonous, spiteful child hater. You make me sick!” Tears sprang into Emma’s eyes.
“I vatch you, Emma; you have the child, a boy.”
“Mind your own business! He’ll never know you. Stay away from us.”
“But Emma. I do for best. I think I help. Let me see child?”
“No!” Emma’s temper reached explosion point, filling her head with hot blood and glazing her eyes with a red mist. She stood and eyed the slightly stooped Russian woman, feeling herself summon up all the latent hatred she spent the last seven years fostering and nurturing. “You ruined my life!” Emma felt surprised at the sentence, realising as she said it, how sad it sounded; how self-pitying and pathetic. She took a step back and the dog moved with her as though synced with her left leg.
Emma conjured up Nicky’s sweet face, his father’s unruly blonde locks and the stunning blue eyes. She thought of all the times he told her he loved her and the way his tiny feet felt against her thighs when she crawled into bed with him. He was more than worth the last six years of struggle. Much more. And this foolish old woman had missed out on all of it.
Emma fixed her eyes on Alanya’s sharply hooked nose and fading blonde hair. Her blue eyes were wary and filled with an uncharacteristic fear. Rohan’s mother had passed her beauty onto Nicky, but not her nature. “Leave us alone!” Emma felt the sense of blessedness in her heart and afforded herself a smirk. “Don’t ever talk to me again!” She pushed past Alanya and took a few steps into the park. But just as she thought she was victorious, the monster of her childhood reared its face again and thwarted Emma’s quest for security.
“You vill not have my son, girl!” Alanya sneered, pointing a twisted finger in her face. “You always coveted his affection. I vill not let you taint him vis your sin like you did other boy. I lost Anton because of you and I do not forgive!”
Emma gulped and turned to face her stepmother. Alanya had morphed back into the terror of Emma’s youth and gone was the old lady guise. “Leave Rohan Andreyev!” Alanya ordered her. “Or I vill make you vish you had!” She took a menacing step forward. “His real girl knows what you are, nothing but a whore. You pedaled your flesh to both my sons and I vill see Anton’s syn, whether you like it or not! My nevestka vill see to it that you are punished.”
Emma turned and moved quickly down the path towards the school, refusing to compromise her dignity by running away. Her fingers quaked on the dog leash and Farrell stuck close to her leg, looking up at her with wide, brown eyes of sympathy. By the swings, Emma unhooked the leash and threw sticks for Farrell to fetch in his tireless enthusiasm. In her peripheral vision, the old woman turned and shuffled away, leaving the park and moving along the pathway into town.
Emma shook her head as bile rose into her chest with the withdrawal of adrenaline. Alanya knew how much Emma idolised Rohan. She warned her off repeatedly, the rant always followed by a bout of illness for Emma. “Nevestka, daughter-in-law! So it’s true and Rohan’s lying to me,” she hissed and ran a shaking hand over her face as Farrell dropped a stick at her feet. “She knows Felicity. I can’t fight against both of them. I need to get away from here.” Emma shuddered at the thought of the Russian woman plying her son with poisoned sweets or drinks. Felicity worked in the school and could potentially help get her access to Nicky. Emma glanced around her, relieved to find the park empty but her own words came back to taunt her. ‘You ruined my life.’ How could anything to do with that sweet child ever be considered ruinous. Nicky was a blessing, not a curse.
Emma looked at the apex of the school building, rising above the red brick barrier; an unshakable landmark in the gathering gloom. Her son was in there, chewing his pencil as he learned and struggling to keep his jiffling bottom on the flat seat of his tiny plastic chair. “Oh, Nicky, I don’t deserve you,” she whispered to the surrounding trees.
“Talking to yerself?” Mel laughed as she appeared behind Emma. Farrell dashed up for a stroke and a head rub before hurtling after another flying stick.
“Yep. Just slaying some demons.” Emma grunted as she bent to pick up another blunted piece of wood, cast down by the gargantuan oak trees around the park.
“Can you do my ex at the same time?” Mel snorted. “Then maybe me an’ Mo could go back to Manchester.”
“There’s no point. I failed.” Emma’s voice sounded flat.
A blonde woman stood next to Mel, silently contemplating the dog. She smiled at Emma, an inner confidence lighting her face with ethereal beauty. Then she poked a mittened hand out. “Hi, I’m Allaine. I live along the street from you. I’ve seen you walking with your husband and meant to say hello.”
“I’m Emma.” She put her freezing fingers into the warm gloved hand and nodded. “Ro’s my...oh look it’s complicated. Probably a story for another day.” Emma stopped, watching the dog with a big stick he’d found. It was way too long to retrieve, so he entertained himself by spinning in a circle without apparent aim. He looked thrilled, so it obviously fulfilled a base desire to get dizzyingly doggy-sick. “Faz, come here,” Emma laughed and the dog stopped his stick twirling and padded over, looking dazed. Emma clipped the leash onto his collar and he dropped instantly into well behaved pooch, walking sedately on her left side.
“Nice dog,” Allaine said. “I’ve seen him out walking with...what did you say his name was?”
“Rohan,” Emma said, caressing his name on her tongue. A world of possibility opened up in front of her and then slammed shut on her fingers. The thought of Felicity and Alanya conspiring against her brought only nausea. They were two hags plotting her downfall and it made her feel hopeless. Her home in Lincoln would be occupied already and she didn’t have the train fare anyway. Christopher’s proffered date seemed to offer hope and a way out. Perhaps she could confide in him and tell him the truth. Emma groaned inwardly. Of course she couldn’t go to his juvenile tryst; he’d think she was a crazy.
“I just call him ‘The Demigod,’ Mel squawked, referring to Rohan and sending them all into giggles. “He’s hot property, woman! If you’re not interested, I might make a lurch for him. I could probably keep him busy for half an hour if you mind the kids!”
You might need a bit longer than that, Emma smirked lecherously, her memories doing an inappropriate dance before
her eyes. Then she remembered Felicity’s accusations and the blackness descended over her head again like a mask. Rohan’s promises fell like ash to the ground and the spectre of Alanya returned to haunt Emma in the peace of the park. She felt hunted, not helped by Mel adding suddenly, “Oh yeah, damn! He’s with that scary secretary from the school, isn’t he?”
If total strangers could see it, it had to be true. Emma knew with surety that her time at Rohan’s and possibly in Market Harborough was at an end and quietly contemplated leaving and going somewhere other than her former address.
Nicky was his usual effervescent self, running through the park with a whole entourage of willing worshippers. The women walked behind the gang of miniature tree huggers, loaded down with book bags and lunches. Emma’s son exhibited all the charisma of his deceased uncle, drawing people to him like a magnet. His laughing eyes and ready smile were pure Anton and it made Emma’s heart clench, knowing she would never get to hear his wicked snort at some inappropriate joke again. Find Emma, he told Rohan in his dying breaths. But what had he possibly hoped to achieve?
Mel and Mohammed parted from the little group at the bottom of their street, avoiding the sweet shop on the corner with the same wariness as Emma. Neither of them had money to waste on sugar which would last only seconds anyway. Nicky smushed his face into Emma’s stomach after Mo left, his words filling her heart with dismay. “I love it in Harborough, Mummy. Can we stay here forever? I love my new school and I love Mrs Clarke so much.”
Allaine stayed with Emma until a little way along Newcombe Street from the alley, chatting while the children watched a group of ants carry a leaf along a wall.
“Nicky’s very tall for his age, isn’t he?” Allaine commented, her short blonde hair poking out from under a woolly hat.
“His dad’s tall,” Emma replied, realising her error as the shutters crashed down over her wistful expression. Allaine made an obvious pretence of not noticing.
“Nicky’s a beautiful person,” Allaine said, smiling. “Kaylee told me he shared some of his lunch with Mohammed the other day when Mo had very little.”
“But Rohan paid for him to have hot lunches...” Emma stopped and shook her head. “Oh that makes sense now. The peas in his trouser pockets. Thank goodness they didn’t have gravy!”
Allaine snorted and indicated her three storey town house with an outstretched arm. “Well, I’m here if you need me.”
“Thanks,” Emma said, feeling the kinship of a budding connection. She turned to leave and then twisted her body to face Allaine as the other woman fumbled with the latch on her front gate. “Hey, you wouldn’t know where I could go to find out about places for rent, do you?”
“Yeah sure. Why don’t we meet up after we drop the children tomorrow? I’ll take you into town and show you the sights.”
Emma smiled with genuine gratitude. “Thank you! I’d love that.” She walked home slowly, her heart filled with misgiving and the mantra sounded in her head, this is a mistake, you need to leave this town.
Back at Rohan’s house, she struggled with the door key and dog leash, the dog prancing up and down on her toes and the child pressed close against her bottom. The library bag fell to earth with a crash. “Can’t you take something from me?” Emma snapped at her son, falling forward with a yelp as the door gave way in front of her. She staggered, tripping over the doorstep from the porch, feeling Rohan’s strong arms underneath her as her knees went. She felt a fool, her feet still outside and her whole body leaned into his. Embarrassment made her snippy. “I’m fine!”
“Yeah, you looked it,” Rohan replied with a wooden smile. He didn’t seem himself somehow, his body rigid and his eyes betraying an inner nervousness. “Why are you so late? I was getting worried.”
“We were just talking with a lady down the street!” Emma’s tone was filled with aggression. “I wasn’t aware we were on a time limit.”
Nicky rolled his eyes and smirked at Rohan, lighting the fuse on Emma’s patience. “Don’t start that eye rolling thing between you! Get upstairs and get undressed.” Emma pointed to Nicky, who lurched off up the wooden stairs to his bedroom, his footsteps thundering overhead.
“Does that include me? Should I go upstairs and get undressed?” Humour touched Rohan’s full lips and Emma felt lost for words. What’s wrong with me?
The feel of Christopher’s brown eyes on her face answered the question, the memory lighting her cheeks with a soft blush. Guilt could do that to a person. Christopher was looking for Rohan, not her and she needed to tell him his friend had been round. “Ro...”
“Yep?” He looked back at her as the sharp knock came on the front door and he stepped forward to open it. Emma’s words were swallowed back into her gullet as Felicity bounded across the threshold, threw her arms around Rohan’s neck and kissed him full on the lips. Emma gulped and squashed an instinctive jealousy. Rohan looked surprised, pulling back with something like confusion on his face. He glanced at Emma, embarrassment in his eyes.
“I got take out,” Felicity simpered, dangling the white carrier bag higher so he could see. “Your favourite.”
“But Emma made tea,” Rohan replied, shaking his head. “It’s in the oven cooking.”
Emma watched Felicity as she breathed in the Shepherd’s Pie which was almost ready, browning itself off in Rohan’s kitchen. Her nose wrinkled at the meal Emma lovingly created with ingredients from his copious pantry. “I hate mince,” she replied rudely. “And anyway, I only brought enough for two. We’ll eat it in your room.” Without removing her stilettos, Felicity bounded upstairs with all the grace of a cat walk model.
“Bloody hell!” Rohan spat at her retreating bottom, swishing under a designer skirt. He said something far more unrepeatable in Russian and Emma was forced to smile.
“Go on. You should go,” she said, forcing an element of joviality into her voice.
“But I need to talk to you.” Rohan moved closer to Emma, keeping one eye on the top of the stairs and sidling near enough to whisper. “It’s important. Today didn’t go well at all. I tried to pull the plug on this current job because I’ve lost my back up. They won’t let me. It’s too far in. The contact’s been made and if I don’t go now, I’ll miss the window of opportunity. It means there’ll be consequences, bad ones. It’s how it works. I need to...”
Emma looked confused. “What? I don’t understand. You’re a number cruncher. What kind of mathematician’s job requires back up?”
“Rohan!” Felicity appeared at the top of the stairs and sidled down the first few steps to peer through the bannister rails. “The food’s going cold.” The blonde woman glared at her adversary and bared her teeth in a threatening grimace which made Emma’s flesh creep and reminded her of Alanya. Felicity put on a baby voice which Rohan might have liked, but it made Emma want to smash her face into the wall. A glance at Rohan revealed the same reaction. “I’ve got things to show you.” Felicity smirked and Emma felt a violent flash of green eyed monster at what those things could possibly be. “I want to talk to you about a sexy weekend away too.”
Emma couldn’t help it. She looked at Rohan with such horror, she saw him wince. Her jaw dropped open with dismay and he saw it. Too late, she covered her misery and disappeared into the kitchen. Nicky appeared close behind her, winding his arms around her waist and burying his face into the small of her back. “It’s ok, Mummy. I still love you.”
“You were listening?” Emma’s voice sounded flat even to herself.
“Yeah. I don’t like her. I wish she’d stop talking to me in the corridor. Mrs Clarke got cross with her today because she made me late to assembly.”
“What does she talk to you about?” Emma removed the hot casserole dish from the oven and set it on a wooden board to the side. She reached up and took plates from the overhead plate rack and began spooning some of the mixture onto a plate for Nicky.
“Yummy!” He peeked round her waist at the delicious meal. “She asks me about you and w
here we came from. Today she asked why we were here. Did you know her and Uncle Ro get married soon?”
Emma dropped the serving spoon into the baking hot mixture, burning herself as she tried to retrieve the handle. “So she told me. She shouldn’t be talking to you in school about private things.” Tears pricked the back of her eyes and she sucked her finger, the spoon disappearing into the sumptuous folds of meat and potato. “I’ll talk to Mrs Clarke.”
“No, please Mummy, don’t talk to my teacher. I don’t want you to. Don’t cry Mummy!” Nicky appeared at the front of her, the back of his head dangerously close to the dish. Emma put a protective hand around his soft hair as she struggled to collect herself. Then she looked down.
“Ye gods! Nicky!”
Her naked son giggled. “Well, you told me to go upstairs and get undressed. So I did. You din’t say to get dressed again.” He pushed his face into Emma’s stomach and his tiny arms around her waist offered her comfort as he squeezed her tightly. He lowered his voice. “I thought if she saw my willy, it might put her off comin’ round. I think it worked.”
Emma snorted through her tears at her son’s antics, while knowing she should reprimand him. “Flashing’s actually not cool, Nick. You can go to prison for doing that outside.”
“But I’m not outside,” he answered, the point made fairly.
“Hey.” Rohan’s hand was soft on Emma’s shoulder as he leaned over and dangled a pair of pyjamas in Nicky’s face. “You left these.” He dropped them on the child’s head and graced Emma with an open smile. It faded as he noticed the tears on her cheeks and he looked as though he would ask. Nicky burst out of the clothing and let it fall to the floor, ruining the moment for Rohan. “Get them on,” he told the child. “We don’t want the women falling for you instead of me.” He thought about his jibe after he said it and Emma saw him shake his head at his own mistake.
“Was Felicity scared then?” Nicky asked, disappearing inside his tight pyjama top.
“Impressed,” Rohan answered, never taking his eyes from Emma’s face. She felt the heat of his stare but chose not to meet it.
“Oh shit!” Nicky stamped his foot in anger.
Emma clapped her hand over his mouth in horror and turned to deal with her child’s expletive. When she looked up, Rohan was gone.