Chapter 22
“Hurry up, Nicky!” Emma called up the stairs, looking around for her holey boots. Fortunately, it was only cold outside and not raining. Rohan appeared down the stairs first, dapper in his smart work clothes. Emma smiled nonchalantly at him, keen not to get into any discussions.
“Sorry about last night.” He paused at the bottom of the stairs and reached out for her.
Emma backed away. “What about it?” Her voice was clipped and cold.
“Felicity. She was being loud on purpose. I kept asking her to be quiet. I don’t know why she...”
“Too much information, thanks.” Emma’s face betrayed her distaste. “Your sex life is your business.”
“No, I meant...”
“Nicky! Last call for Nicky!” Emma yelled like an airport tannoy, over speaking Rohan in her anxiety to get away from him.
“Whatever!” Rohan sighed heavily and opened the front door. A cold wintry blast rushed in as he forced his way out, slamming the door behind him.
“We takin’ Faz?” Nicky looked eager.
“No, I’ve got some stuff to do in town.”
“But he looks sad,” Nicky interjected. “Will I give him my crisps to cheer him up?”
“No! You’ll make him fat and he’ll get health problems. It’s cruelty dressed as kindness to overfeed them.”
“Like Uncle Anton?”
“What?” Emma’s head whipped round so fast, she hurt her neck. “What about him?”
“About him bein’ sick.”
“How do you know he was sick?” How did I know he wasn’t?
“You could just tell the last time he came to the estate. He didn’t wanna play wiv me. When’s he comin’ again? Does he know we’re here and not in Lincoln?” Nicky looked worried. “I wanna see ‘im.”
“I’m sure he knows exactly where we are,” Emma soothed, knowing she would need to have the very difficult conversation soon.
“Like God?”
“Nicky, shoes!”
“God knows everything. Kaylee says he really does know everything.”
“I hope he doesn’t!”
“Why Mummy? Why do you hope that?”
Emma sighed. “Because if he did, he probably wouldn’t like me very much.”
“Yeah he would.” Nicky sounded confident. “I like ya, so he would. Else I’d bash ‘im.”
“I don’t think that would be a good idea. Let’s go.”
Allaine and Kaylee emerged from their gate as Emma and Nicky got close to their house. Kaylee bounced out looking thrilled to see Nicky. They skipped off ahead, Nicky looking back towards Emma for security, as he always did. “You look a bit down today,” Allaine commented softly as they followed the children down the street towards Nithsdale Avenue. Emma pushed her hands further into the pockets of Rohan’s jacket, which she borrowed from the coat cupboard again.
“Yeah, I feel it,” she replied.
“Is there anything I can do to help?”
“Not really.” Emma smiled at her new friend. “Just by helping me find somewhere to live.”
“Are you looking forward to your job at the school? That starts soon, doesn’t it?”
“Yep, first day of next term. Hopefully the benefits office will have sorted everything else so I can move out and start my new life with Nicky. Just him and me again.” Emma sounded wistful and saw Allaine look at her with curiosity. If she had questions, she tactfully kept them to herself.
They walked to the end of Nithsdale Avenue and turned right, heading for the lollipop lady and her safe passage across the treacherous Northampton Road. “Actually, there might be something else you can do to help me,” Emma said at the beginning of the park. The children skipped off ahead, joined by other bouncing friends of varying height. “I’ve got a date tonight and I don’t have anything to wear.” Emma bit her lip. “I don’t even know if I should be going.” Felicity’s behaviour the previous night had strengthened Emma’s resolve to cut Rohan out of her life, for her own safety and Nicky’s. This would be the first step; seeing someone else romantically.
Allaine considered for a moment, walking in silence while she mentally sifted through her wardrobe. “Yes, I’m sure I have something you can borrow, but if you’re not sure whether to go or not, then maybe you shouldn’t.”
“Yeah, I know. I met him yesterday and he’s very...alluring. I feel like I need something to lift my spirits and a night out with a handsome bloke would definitely do that. Trouble is, he’s a friend of Rohan’s and I’m not sure it’s a good idea from that point of view.”
“What does Rohan say?”
Emma tutted. “Well, I was about to tell him when his girlfriend arrived. Christopher was actually looking for him, not me, but we kinda hit it off and he left. I’m meant to be meeting him tonight at seven at his hotel.”
“Can you tell Rohan tonight?”
“We’re not communicating.” Emma bit her lip in a flash of guilt. “It’s my fault really. He has his own life and I need to stop putting my expectations on him. I’m hoping he’ll babysit Nicky tonight for me and don’t want to upset him by telling him it’s a date.”
“Well definitely don’t tell him lies,” Allaine said without reprimand. “Believe me, that’s when it gets messy! Tell you what, how about I give you my mobile number and then at least you can call for help if you need it?”
“Thanks, that’s a great idea.” Emma went through the pretence of exchanging phone numbers, knowing she had no credit and even if a lion sat on her chest, she would never be able to summon Allaine’s very genuine help.
“I’ve got a job interview!” Mel hugged Allaine and Emma from behind. “Thanks for lending me the suit, Allaine. What do you think?” She did a twirl.
“Oosh girl! You look like a banker. What job is it?” Emma laughed.
“In the cafe booth inside the market. I’m gonna be a barista.” The beautiful woman smiled, flashing perfect white teeth. “Oh, I hope I get the job.” She screwed her face up and hugged her body. “I really need a break. Well, one that isn’t of the bone fracturing kind, anyway.”
“Good luck!” Emma hugged her and wished her well with all her heart. As Mel dashed away in stilettos that looked a little big for her, Emma smiled at Allaine. “You runnin’ a clothes shop, lady?”
“Yeah, I think I must be,” Allaine laughed, bending to kiss her small daughter goodbye.
“Do svidaniya, mumiya,” Nicky chimed, planting a wet kiss on Emma’s cold lips.
“Bye darling. Remember how much I love you, won’t you?” she whispered in his ear. “Don’t talk to strangers, Nicky. I mean it!”
Nicky pulled a coy face and shaped a heart with both hands. Emma laughed softly and counted her blessings.
In town, Allaine showed Emma the sights of historical interest which Rohan hadn’t bothered with. In the central heart of Market Harborough stood the old school house, a wooden building raised onto stilts. It was breathtakingly beautiful, a piece of engineering brilliance for something constructed in 1614. Emma stroked one of the enormous beams holding it up and sighed, her spirit connecting with the sense of permanence it radiated through its contact with so many others like her. Old or young, rich or poor; it didn’t distinguish between them. The words engraved into the beams infused her with sadness. ‘He the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart —1 Samuel 16:7b’ Nicky’s comment returned to her, filling Emma with fear. If God could see her heart, he would be dreadfully disappointed. “It’s dirtier than the outside of me,” Emma breathed.
She turned sharply, tears in her eyes. Allaine stood behind her looking up at the words. She made no comment about Emma’s whispered confession but sighed heavily. “I love this building.” She smiled at Emma, her height advantage making Emma feel tiny next to her. “It oozes history and meaning.”
Emma nodded and got control of her face expression. “It’s very beautiful.”
St Di
onysius Church stood proudly next to it like a protector, pale stones and a sun dial which struggled to convey the time in a world overcast by one enormous shadow.
“The estate agent’s up here,” Allaine said, tugging at Emma’s arm. “We can come back another day and I’ll show you the museum and library. That’s the benefits office in the Symington Building. Have you been in there yet? You said you were going to.”
“Not yet. I rang the one in Leicester. They were really helpful. I’ll call in there with the details of my new place, once I’ve got it. I hate asking for help from the state.” Emma pulled a face.
Allaine gathered her arm into hers and gave it a squeeze. “Hey, sometimes we all need a bit of help. It’s not a crime.” She pointed back towards the red brick building. “Do you find it ironic they dish out dole and benefits from an old corset factory?”
Emma snorted. “I don’t know why that’s so funny, but it is.”
Emma was grateful to the level headed woman for her comfort and appreciated her company when it came to looking for properties. The smartly dressed, female agent drove them out to see three in total and Emma felt the weight of difficult decisions resting on her head. One was a little too far for someone with no vehicle and she rejected it for that reason. But the other two were possibilities. One was at the back of the leisure centre but a long walk for a child. “I think Nicky could manage it, although it’s quite far,” Emma mused, thinking of the benefits of being well away from Rohan, Felicity and Alanya. The other one seemed perfect, a mid-terraced house with three bedrooms and an upstairs bathroom, two downstairs living rooms and a galley kitchen. On Gladstone Street, it was within ideal walking distance of the school and town. Emma’s face paled at the size of the rent. “That’s my whole wage per week,” she panicked. “And if the job’s contracted like my last one, I won’t get paid in the holidays. I don’t know what to do.”
“We’ll think about it,” Allaine told the agent calmly. “Thanks for driving us around. We really appreciate it.” She led Emma gently from the shop and down the road to a cafe. “Come on, let’s get coffee.” At the look of horror on Emma’s face she pulled at her arm. “I’m paying!”
Over lattes, Emma picked over her options. “Maybe if Mr Dalton will let me squash all my hours at school into three days, then I could get another job on the last two days a week while Nick’s at school. That’s another twelve hours possible income. Or if I do three hours a day at school, then I could get another job in the afternoons until school pick up time. That’s potentially another fifteen.”
“Oh, Emma,” Allaine said softly. She reached across and put her hand over Emma’s, compassion in her face but pity nowhere to be found. “I’m sure there are things the state can do to help boost your disposable income. And what about Nicky’s father? Can’t he help out?”
“No.” Emma withdrew her hand on pretence of reaching for her drink. “He’s...it’s complicated.”
“You said your arrangement with Rohan was complicated. You sure have a lot of complex things going on. Look, I’m happy to have Nicky before or after school sometimes if you need me to. For free, so don’t look at me like that. It’s what friends do. But I’m scared of you loading yourself up to breaking point and then snapping. If you’ve got two jobs, what happens if Nicky gets sick? If it’s chickenpox or measles or something highly infectious, there’s only you who can really look after him and then you’ve got two places to call in sick to, two places to miss out on wages from and extra guilt to add to the pile.”
“I just don’t know what else to do,” Emma sighed. “Maybe I should just go back to Lincoln. This was only meant to be temporary for a few weeks and here I am, making it more permanent than perhaps it was ever meant to be. Yesterday I was all set to go and then Nicky told me how happy he was here. I moved him from Aberystwyth just as he was about to start school and he took ages to settle. Today I’m finding work, houses and other things.”
“And friends.” Allaine winked at her and Emma smiled.
“Yeah, and friends. How dare I, hey?”
They walked back to Allaine’s house and she made cold chicken sandwiches while Emma tried on every dress in her wardrobe. “It’s no good!” Emma complained. “These are all way too beautiful for me. What did you do before you had children? Were you a supermodel?”
“No. I was a laboratory technician in Leicester.”
“What’s that exactly?” Emma stood in front of the mirror and twirled. The sheer red material shivered against her shapely legs.
“The lab techs are the ones who actually perform all the tests. The cops and experts are the ones who talk about them and get all the praise for results. It’s a behind-the-scenes role and nobody really cares about the techs. But in every movie you watch, there’s always someone who has to ‘get on to the lab’ for results or shout down the phone at someone in the lab. It’s not a role which is portrayed particularly well. We worked damn hard for no recognition.”
“A bit like motherhood then?” Emma grinned and swirled the red fabric around her knees. “This is quite nice.”
“That’s the dress, Emma. You should wear it. It looks beautiful on you.” Allaine watched Emma for a moment as she pulled a face in the full length mirror.
“Do you think so?” Emma pushed her plump breasts into the area designated for them and jiggled around a little. “These buttons up the front worry me. If one pops open I could kill someone.”
Allaine laughed and laid back on the bed. “You have a gorgeous figure. You look amazing. At least your breasts point in the right direction and you have a waist.” Allaine pushed at her flat stomach and Emma scoffed.
“Whatever! For a woman of forty with five children, you look incredible. I’ve only had one child and earned stretch marks for England.”
“I’m sure someone will love them,” Allaine yawned.
“Yeah but who? Oh I can’t do this.” Emma plonked her bottom down on the bed, alarmed at the way her unfettered bosoms wobbled in the red fabric. She put her head in her hands. “How do I start again? I was eight when I fell in love with Nicky’s dad. We grew up together and he knew everything about me there was to know.”
“How old were you when you got married?” Allaine asked, interested.
“I was sixteen and one month old,” Emma smiled, her face taking on a faraway expression. “He was nineteen and in the army. I loved him so much. He applied for a licence to marry me at Gretna Green just inside the Scottish border. We lied to...” Emma realised she was in danger of revealing too much of herself and stopped. Allaine sat up.
“Hey, you don’t have to tell me anything if you don’t want to. It’s none of my business.”
“Thanks,” Emma replied, feeling relieved. “I’ll tell you one day, but it feels a bit raw lately, for lots of reasons.”
“You definitely look hot in that dress, though.” Allaine leaned forward and scooped Emma’s long curls up into her hand and held it off her neck. “Wear your hair up. Do you have clips?”
Emma nodded. “Yeah, I’m fairly sure I do. If not, it won’t matter.”
“No, it looks better up with the low cut of the dress and the length of it. I’ve got a red one if you want with a kind of decoration thing on the back. It would match. Do you have shoes?”