CHAPTER V
The bald-headed secretary led the discomfited Egbert outside, and, atHolmes's request, returned with Donald MacTavish, the second footman.
"Well, Donald, I don't suppose it makes any difference how old youare, and your name I already know. I only asked those routinequestions of the first three servants to humor my fat friend fromScotland Yard here, Inspector Barnabas Letstrayed, who represents theslow and beef-witted majesty of the London police." And Holmes winkedat me, as he added: "Now, Mac, have you ever been in prison?"
The second footman, who seemed just as embarrassed as the firstfootman had been, shifted his feet uneasily and answered:
"Well, I suppose you might call it that, Mr. Holmes. About three yearsago, when I was employed at Balmoral Castle, in Scotland, I was takenbefore the village squire and given three days in jail for having beencaught with a bottle in my pocket."
"It isn't a crime in Scotland to carry a bottle, is it?" said Holmes,grinning.
"No; but they claimed that it was half full of Scotch 'smoke,' andthat I had been found totally unconscious up in the hayloft at thetime," said MacTavish, with downcast eyes.
"Whom do you suspect of having stolen the cuff-buttons?"
The man from Balmoral brightened up, as he answered:
"I am inclined to believe that my partner, Egbert Bunbury, stole them,sir. When he went to propose to Miss Olivano, the Countess's maid,yesterday afternoon, I saw something sparkling in his hand."
"Think he intended to give her a diamond cuff-button, instead of adiamond ring, Donald?" queried Holmes.
"Well, who can say? Perhaps he was going to have it taken out, andthen reset in a ring."
"You're an original cuss,--aren't you, Donald? Also pretty good atpassing the buck. The Italian valet we examined first accused _you_ ofhaving stolen the Earl's precious heirlooms. Now, go and fight it outwith him. Thorneycroft, you may bring in the butler."
"Ah, that reminds me," said the Earl, "I feel pretty dry. Harrigan,you may pour me out a glass of wine before you answer any of Mr.Holmes's questions," he added as the genial butler stood before us.
When the Earl had been sufficiently refreshed from a bottle that stoodhandy on a nearby table, Holmes began:
"What is your full name?"
"I have no full name. Despite the fact that I belong to theBartenders' and Butlers' Union, I am always sober," said Harrigan,with a wink.
"Well, Mr. Smart Alec, what's your entire name?"
"Joseph Patrick Harrigan, and I can lick the first son-of-a-gun thatsays I stole those darned cuff-buttons!"
"Nobody said you stole 'em. Where were you born, and how did such anable man as yourself come to be working in this menagerie oflowbrows?"
"I was born in little old New York, in the Ninth Ward. I used to be awaiter in a Bowery hash-foundry, and afterwards graduated into one ofthe Broadway lobster-palaces. I have the reputation of being one ofthe best living judges of rare wines; and the Earl has said many atime that he could not possibly do without my talents."
"Is that the reason the Earl hired you,--because you are so good atlooking upon the grape-juice when it is red?" asked Holmes with asmile, as he winked at His Lordship.
"Your perspicacity is marvelous, Mr. Holmes," replied Harrigan. "Myreputation having crossed the ocean, through the men who knew me onBroadway coming over to visit friends in London, the Earl heard of me,and cabled me my expenses and an offer of double the salary I wasgetting there; so I snapped it up immediately, and here I am, in fullcharge of the ancient Puddingham wine-cellars."
And Harrigan cleared his throat, threw out his chest, and winked atme.
"Well, Joe," continued Holmes, "what do you know about the lost andlamented cuff-buttons,--if anything?"
"Not a darned thing, and that's the Gospel truth. And as to whom I maypossibly suspect of having cabbaged them, I'll come right outflat-footed and say that I wouldn't put it past a single person in theplace, with the sole exceptions of Louis La Violette, the French cook,Heinie Blumenroth, the German gardener, and myself! Nothing backwardabout _me_, you know. I lay the whole crowd under a blanket suspicion,on general principles; and I'll say, furthermore, that I haveparticular reason to suspect Bunbury, the first footman, of havingstolen the cuff-buttons, because he tried to steal a necktie from myroom last week, and I only caught him in the nick of time, helping himout of the room with a couple of well-placed kicks!"
"It's sad, indeed, Harrigan," said Holmes, "to contemplate what one'sfellow-man will stoop to. Well, I guess I'll excuse you from anyfurther questions. Thorneycroft, call in His Excellency, Monsieur LaViolette, the Chief Cook of this noble castle."
"Harrigan, you may pour me out another glass of wine," interposed theEarl before the butler had a chance to leave the room.
After His Lordship had been refreshed and Harrigan had departed, theEarl said to Holmes:
"Now go on with the bad news. Let's see what kind of an alibi Louisthe soup-maker, pancake-tosser, and egg-breaker, has to offer."
And he nudged the fatuous Inspector Letstrayed in the ribs. Thatworthy, who had been thoughtfully regarding the ceiling for some time,jumped back in surprise.
Just then Thorneycroft returned with the cook,--a short, fat, andirascible-looking man, with black eyes that seemed to snap fire as hereturned the stare of the phlegmatic Letstrayed, black hair, and ablack mustache and imperial, _a la_ Napoleon III.
"Ah, Monsieur La Violette, what do you know concerning the recent sadaffair here at the castle,--the theft of the diamond cuff-buttons, youknow?" said Holmes, as the Frenchman faced him.
"The diamond cuff-buttons, I know, eh? _Sacre bleu!_" shouted theFrenchman, his face blazing red with anger, as he nearly hit theceiling in his wrath. "You mean to insinuate that I know where theyare, you--you! If you were a gentleman, I'd challenge you to a duelfor that!"
"Here, here, keep your shirt on a minute, Louis," Holmes advisedreassuringly. "I didn't mean to insinuate anything at all. I was justlooking for information."
La Violette regarded Hemlock Holmes for a moment with the bitterestdisdain, then he answered:
"Well, if you're such a smart and sagacious detective as you have beencracked up to be, you could ascertain who pilfered those accursedcuff-buttons without using such common methods as lining up theservants, and asking them if they stole them or not. Any one of theservants is likely to be guilty, except only Harrigan, Blumenroth, andmyself. All the others are unspeakable imbeciles! Go ahead, then, andget your information, without casting your despicable insinuationsupon me."
Holmes shrugged his shoulders, and looked at the Earl.
Barnabas Letstrayed at this point evidently thought it was up to himto pull off something; and he did,--more than he thought.
"Er, Hi say," he began, with great importance, as he motioned to thecook's cuffs, "aren't those the lost cuff-buttons this fellow iswearing now? They look just like them, Hi think."
Every one stared at La Violette's cuffs, and that worthy nearly had anapoplectic fit, as the Earl, after having taken one look at the cook'sjewelry, leaned back in his chair and laughed.
"Say, Inspector, those aren't the lost Puddingham cuff-buttons by somelengths. They're diamonds, all right, but the resemblance ends there.The stolen ones are at least twelve times bigger; that's all."
And the Earl laughed again.
Louis La Violette didn't laugh, however, but made a mad rush at theobese police inspector from London, who had so grievously and wronglyaccused him.
"Pig-dog, scoundrel, liar!" he yelled at the top of his voice. "I'llcarve you up into ribbons for that! Take that, you big heap ofover-grown beef-fat!"
And the infuriated Gaul launched a blow with his fist at Letstrayedthat knocked that astonished person out of his chair and tumbled himflat on the floor, with the chair upside down on top of him.
"Here, don't let's have another attempted murder in the castle, LaViolette," remonstrated Holmes, as he pulled back the enraged cookfrom a further assault on
Letstrayed; "contain yourself. Letstrayed isonly a rumdum, anyhow, as I have found out from long experience withhim. He's always making bad breaks like that. You really mustn't mindhim."
Louis shook off Holmes's grasp, and faced the Earl, crying out:
"But I _will_ mind him. I have been insulted. I shall avenge it. Ishall throw up my job, and return instantly to that dear Paris! Whydid I ever leave it?"
"Good Heavens, Louis!" shouted the Earl in alarm, "you mustn't thinkof doing that! I couldn't get along without you and Harrigan, thebutler. Doggone it, Inspector," he added, as that personage slowly andpainfully arose from the floor and brushed himself off, "now you_have_ done it. Offended the chef,--and the best chef in the wholecountry, too! You'd better go outside, and take a walk for your healthuntil Louis cools off. Your further presence here will only tend toaggravate him. Louis, I'll double your salary if you'll agree to stay.It wasn't my fault, you know."
"Well, all right, Your Lordship," agreed La Violette, after somehesitation, "I guess I'll pocket my outraged pride, also the onehundred per cent increase in salary, and let you have the furtherbenefit of my services. But I want it distinctly understood by everyone present," he added, as he faced around to the others, "that Iwouldn't have those pestiferous Puddingham cuff-buttons as a gift!_Comprenez vous cela_, Mr. Hemlock Holmes of Baker Street, London, andBroadway, New York?"
"Yes, I get you, Louis," replied Holmes, as he glanced at his watchimpatiently. "It's five minutes after ten already, and the diamondbaubles haven't been found yet. If you'll kindly stand aside, and letsomebody else without such a large supply of easily outrageable pridehave the floor, I'll examine them."
The Frenchman, with a sniff and with head in air, walked out of thelibrary; and my friend summoned in the seventh servant so far, theRussian second cook.