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Gabe’s warning flashes through my mind, and mingles with Mel’s. Sean’s broken, I know that. But I wonder how broken he is. I wonder if he’s really responsible for his wife’s death. That doesn’t make sense. There’s no way…
The door of the car is pulled open, but I don’t move. A shiver trails down my spine like a premonition of what’s to come. “Miss Stanz?” Gabe asks. His voice puts my feet in motion.
I took a chance on Sean. I’m breaking down that goddamn wall that keeps me out. If I get mind fucked while I do it that’s one thing, but I can’t help but wonder what he’s capable of.
CHAPTER 12
“Miss Smith,” Sean says and extends me his elbow.
I take it and walk into the building on his arm. “Mr. Jones, how’s life treating you?”
“Very well, thank you. I have a beautiful woman on my arm and she’s agreed to do very dirty things with me this weekend. ” Sean grins so hard his dimples show.
My heartbeat quickens. My mind races through what I know about him. I haven’t seen a temper, not really. Gabe’s warning sticks in my mind. It won’t budge. I tense so much that Sean notices. “Don’t be nervous Avery. I’ll take good care of you. ”
We step into the elevator and my pulse quickens. I smile nervously. Sean leans into me and presses a soft kiss to my neck. “It took a lot of convincing to get you booked this weekend. Black didn’t want me to monopolize her favorite call girl. ” Sean is leaning into me. His scent fills my head. When we stop, the elevator doors open on the floor with the restaurant. Sean takes my hand and leads me out.
“She didn’t let you know?” I glance over at him. “I’m booked on Sunday, too. ”
Sean stops and looks up at me slowly. The boyish grin vanishes. I wonder if I should have told him. “You’re going to Thomas on Sunday?”
I nod slowly, meeting his gaze. “She’s happy with my performance. ” That wasn’t the right thing to say. Sean tenses and looks away from me. “Sean, I don’t want to lie to you, please don’t press it. ”
“You won’t lie to me?” He twists my words slightly, but I nod, because that’s what I want. I want more from him. I want the lies and secrets to be gone. I want to know who he is beyond a shadow of a doubt. Sean asks, “Do you like being with him?”
“No. Actually, I wanted to be with you. ”
“Wanted?” He catches the tense slip. I look away. Sean watches me for a moment. We’re standing in front of the restaurant. “So what do you want now?”
Swallowing hard, I say it. “I want to know you. I want to see the real Sean Ferro, demons and all. I want the good, the bad, and the monster within. I want to know you in a way that no one knows you. ” My eyes wander up his silky smooth tie, over his strong chin, and up his cheeks. I finally look in his eyes. He seems stunned, like I shocked him by saying such a thing.
“No one asks for that. ”
“I am. I’m asking. Let me in or push me out. I can’t do halfway. ”
Sean nods like he’s thinking about it. He takes my hand and we walk to the bar. Sean orders for us, and then leans on the counter. He avoids my eyes. I wonder what he thinks. I wonder if I found what terrifies him. Two shots of amber liquid are placed in front of us. He gives one to me. “Here’s to you, Smitty. You pushed me over the ledge and I’m still falling. ” He clicks his little glass to mine before downing the shot. Sean places the glass on the counter and orders another. Then he looks over at me and my untouched glass. “You don’t drink hard liquor?”
“Not really. ” More like not ever. I look at it. It’s kind of pretty, the way the light shines through the glass.
A crooked smile lines Sean’s lips. He lifts the glass and puts it in my hand. “Go on. ”
I smile at him and lift the glass to my lips. I tip it back, allowing the liquid to slowly flood my mouth. Suddenly it feels like my tongue is on fire. I make a high-pitched whiney sound and swallow it as fast as I can. My tongue juts out of my mouth and I fan it, but it doesn’t stop the burning. Sean is watching me with an amused expression on his face. I finally try to scrape the liquor off and drag my tongue across the bottom of my front teeth. Ah! That made it worse. My eyes widen and tear.
Sean can’t stop smiling at me. He leans in and puts his hand on my shoulder. “Not really wasn’t the right answer, was it?” I shake my head and fan my tongue. I try to talk, but I can’t put my tongue back in my mouth without tearing up. Sean bursts out laughing. He pulls me to his chest and kisses my forehead before taking my face between his hands. “You surprise me. No one ever surprises me and somehow you manage. You’re adorable. Don’t ever change. ”
CHAPTER 13
After Sean does a few more shots he takes me up to the room. When Sean opens the door, I understand why he stalled at the bar. The room is filled with roses and flickering candles. There’s a candelabra on the table, washing the room in golden light. Little tea candles are scattered everywhere. Red rose petals are all over the floor and bed. There’s an enormous bouquet of red roses in a vase on the dresser.
I turn and look at Sean, completely surprised. “What is this?”
He smiles softly, suddenly shy. “I thought you’d like it, that’s all. ”
“I’m a call girl. I’ll put out without the flowers and candles. ”
“I’m a romantic—or I used to be—and I wanted to see your face when you walked into the room. I wanted you to know that I’ll go through with this, with anything you want. In fact, I’ll trade you—anything I want for anything you want. ” Sean’s eyes slip from my face to my dress. It has a low neckline. He presses a kiss to my cheek and lowers his lashes. My heart shudders.
What is he doing? The candles and roses throw me off. People say Sean’s cruel. Everyone says that, but I don’t see it. I wonder what I’m missing. I wonder if I already see the man they don’t realize exists. I glance up at him. “So it’s a trade? We’ll do exactly what I want for exactly what you want?” He nods. “What does your fetish entail exactly?”
Sean holds my gaze making my stomach flip. He watches me like I’ll fade away. He doesn’t blink. “Control. I want you, Avery. In every way possible. I want you to quit working for Black. I want you to be with me. ”
Shock lines my face. “What did you say?”
“I mean it. I want to take care of you. I want you to be with me. I won’t share you. ”
“Then why did you hire me? Why didn’t you just ask me this the other day?” I think he’s toying with me. I’m lost somewhere between being angry and hopeful.
Sean’s lips twitch before smiling softly. “Because you wouldn’t have come, you wouldn’t have believed me. I’ll give you anything I can if you really want to be with me. ”
“What about Black? I can’t quit. ”
His gaze narrows, becoming more intense. “I can’t share you. I won’t share you. As it is, I want break Thomas for touching you. I’ll pay for whatever you need. ”
In a million years, I never expected him to say something like that. “Sean, I can’t—”
He presses a finger to my lips. “Don’t answer now. It’s possible that you won’t like what you see here this weekend. It’s possible you’ll never come back, but if you want to stay…” he takes a deep breath and leans in closer to me. Sean’s lips are so close to mine. My body tingles, anticipating his touch.
I’m shaken. There are two versions of this man and I can’t tell which one is real. Clearing my throat, I stammer, “Who goes first? I mean, do we do things your way or mine?”
“Isn’t it obvious?” I shake my head. Sean smiles like he completely adores me. “We’ll do things your way first, Avery. Anything you want. ”
CHAPTER 14
I’m lost in his gaze. I can’t stop falling. Everyone thinks he’ll destroy me. They think he’s going down in flames. I’m not stupid enough to think I can save Sean, but I’m in the same spot in my life. Everything I ever
wanted has been blasted to bits. He’s the only one who truly understands what it means to be alone and have everything ripped away.
Sean is an island and for some reason he wants me. Time stops and neither of us moves. Sean’s breath is warm. It passes over my lips in a gentle breeze. If I lean in and kiss him I’ll start something I can’t back out of. My heart races faster and faster. There’s not enough air, there’s never enough around this man. If I step over this line, there’s no going back. Nerves shoot through my body and I suck in a shaky breath.
Sean watches me through thick lashes. He presses his forehead to mine. His hand strokes my cheek gently and I lean into his touch. “We don’t have to do anything, Avery. We don’t—”
I don’t let him finish talking. Part of me wants to combust. I want to know, without a doubt, that I’m still alive. I don’t want to be numb all the time. I want to feel and touch and be felt. My lips press into his. Sean stops talking and holds my face between his hands. He tilts my head and sweeps his tongue over the seam of my lips. I want to feel everything. I want to feel lust, passion, and fear. I want whatever is on the other side of this.
I hear Mel’s voice in the back of my head, It’ll change you. I hope to God it does. I can’t live like this anymore. Most days I feel completely miserable, like I’ll never get on with my life.
Sean is kissing me gently as thoughts swirl in my head. They keep coming back to one thing. I can’t get through tonight without knowing what tomorrow night holds. Breaking the kiss, I pull away breathless. “I want things your way first. ”
Sean has that lusty look in his eye. He drinks me in. It makes my stomach twist. “No. ”
I smile at him and tug on his tie. “Yes. ” I lean forward and press my lips lightly to his. The touch is so light, so brief that it sends shivers through me.