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“Avery, what the hell are you doing?” Mel has her hands in her lap. She leans forward and rests her elbows on her knees. “I heard what you said at Sean’s last week. You went bat-shit crazy, by the way. ”
I laugh at her. “That wasn’t bat-shit crazy. ”
“No. I distinctly remember you saying you didn’t want this. You didn’t want this life. You were talking about Black. You said you couldn’t do it anymore, but here you are signing up to fuck two guys in one weekend. Have you lost your mind?”
“I don’t have a choice, do I? Black is pissed at me. She’s always pissed at me. If I didn’t say I was open to anything, she would have tossed me by now. ” I can’t let that happen. I have to finish what I started. I need to get my degree so I can get on with my life. This is just a stepping-stone; at least, I thought it was.
Mel looks like she doesn’t know what to say. She finally says, “You’re not cut out for this. You’re too soft. When I suggested it, I had no idea. Avery, you should call Black and bow out. ”
“You think I should quit?”
“I think you should to cut yourself off from Sean, and go after that other guy. Black said he’s in love with you. It would fix your money problems and you seem to like the idea of screwing around with one guy. Who knew you were Miss Monogamy?”
I tense. “Henry is not in love with me. ”
Mel shrugs and sits up. “Say what you want, but you have a problem. And it’s the self-destructive exploding kind. ”
I don’t know what to say. I look at the hole in my jeans and pick at the frayed fabric. “You don’t think I can do it?”
She shakes her head. “No. I’m sorry I brought you there. The only way you can go through with this is if you change and become so apathetic that you don’t care who does you. Do you want to be that girl?”
“Are you that girl?”
Mel flinches like I slapped her. “What the fuck? No, I’m not that girl! I like my job. I have one client on most weekends. One guy. It fits into my idea of normal. This isn’t normal for you. In what universe would you sleep with two guys back-to-back like that? In what universe would you do it when you know they hate each other? Even if you were a spiteful bitch, which you’re not, you still wouldn’t do that. This reality you’ve made doesn’t mesh inside your head. There’s only one outcome when things get like that and it ain’t pretty. ”
I swallow hard. My eyes shift back and forth before I look up at her. “Henry doesn’t want sex, not yet. ”
She laughs, like I’m funny. “What? So how far are you going with him this weekend? Does he know you’re fucking Sean first?”
I shake my head. “No, I don’t think so. Henry wanted to date me. He’s pretending that we—”
Mel shakes her head. Her huge earrings swing back and forth. “No. That is not okay. That’s when things get messed up. The guy will think he’s with you. ”
“Henry knows he’s not. ”
“But it feels like he is. I’m telling you, this is a bad plan, Avery. Get out of it. ”
I glance at my hands and turn my palms over. “I never thought I’d do stuff like this, you know? I never thought I’d have to. Pratz wants me to cut back my hours. He said if I don’t, grad school isn’t a possibility. They’ll admit me, but I won’t be able to keep up. Then Black hires me out for the entire weekend. ” Glancing up at Mel, I say, “I thought I’d find someone, you know? I thought he’d save me from all this, but no one came. I’m the only person who can save me and this is the only way to do it. ”
“You’re sacrificing yourself. I’m telling you, once you do this—I mean really do it—you won’t be the same. And once you start taking a client every night, there’s no going back. The person you were before will be gone, whether you want to lose her or not. ”
I smile sadly and fold my arms over my chest. “It’s strange. Earlier today I argued that people don’t change—that they can’t. But I know this is changing me, but I can’t walk away. There are no other choices, Mel. ”
“Tell Black no. ”
“She’ll fire me. Gabe said she went to do it and changed her mind. Black’s getting an insane amount of money this weekend because of me. I can’t walk away…”
“But you want to. ”
I flick my eyes up and catch her gaze. Hell yeah, I want to. I want to walk away from everything and everyone. There’s nothing here for me. My friends lie to me. My lovers are paid. Worst of all, I don’t even know who I am anymore. Pressing my lips together, I take a deep breath and nod. “Yeah, I want to, but I must of screwed up my juju at some point because the past few years have totally sucked. That explains everything.
I rub my eyes and say, “Guess who’s not gay? Guess who’s been lying to me since he met me?”
Mel’s caramel eyes widen. “Marty’s straight? What the hell? He’s been lying to you. Oh my God. Oh my God! How could he do that?” She’s on the edge of the bed, ready to jump off.
“He said it was the only way to get to know me. He never said he was gay. I assumed he was. ”
“That little shit. I’m gonna bust his face next time I see him. ”
“He said he loves me. ” I stare straight ahead, too overwhelmed to deal with it. He’s my friend, but. . . Damn it. Why did he have to say that?
Mel’s mouth forms a little O. She blinks rapidly and whistles. “Holy shit. What’d you do? Did you rip his arms off? Is there a trail of limbs in the quad?”
“No, I’m not you. ” Mel smirks at me. “I told him off and walked away. ”
“Marty’s your best friend, well, I mean when I’m not around. So what’d he think you would do?”
I shrug. “I have no idea. He said he couldn’t take it anymore. When I started working for Black, everything changed. Marty didn’t like it. ”
“Damn, girl. ” Mel looks pissed. She keeps shaking her head in slow motion with her lips pressed into a thin line. “I’m gonna tear him one. ”
“Leave it alone. I mean, if you guys are friends, do what you have to, but I don’t know what to do with him anymore. It kind of freaked me out. ” He’s so sweet, but I don’t think of him like that. That’s how we ended up being friends. I’m leery of guys who want to hang around for no reason, because there’s never no reason. Even with Marty. Why is every guy I know screwed up?
I look up at Mel. “You really think it’ll change me?” I’m talking about working for Black again, about the two men I’m supposed to be with this weekend.
Mel is completely serious. She drops her thick accent and head swaying ways. “It will. And Sean wants some fucked up shit. If that doesn’t change you, you’re not alive. Throw in the other guy and I don’t see how you’ll be the same after two nights with crazy and one afternoon with choir boy. ” Mel looks up at me. “Avery, Sean wants to own you. I’ve seen guys like that before, but he’s ten times more twisted. He’ll break you to do it. That’s part of what he wants. ” I’m about to ask how she can be sure when she glances at the floor and pushes off the bed. “I know, because I asked him what he’d do to me. ”
I swallow hard and pull my feet under my legs. “He told you?”
She nods. “He honed in on the thing that I couldn’t—“ She makes a noise in the back of her throat and shakes her head. “He found what scares me shitless and he’d use it against me. How can you want to be with someone like that? Does he know what freaks you out like that?”
I nod. “He figured it out already. ”
“I don’t know, Avery. The whole thing is messed up. You’re getting into mental fucks and most people don’t bounce back from those. ”
CHAPTER 11
I’m wearing a new silky blue dress with a swishy skirt. Black just sent me off with pride on her face. Sean must have spoken with her at length about me. I pull out the little bracelet and put it on my wrist. This one fits better than the last.
Gabe glances at me in the mirror. It?
??s the third time he’s done that.
“Just say it,” I finally tell him.
“You’re a good kid. Ferro will eat you alive. You shouldn’t be with a guy like him. ”
“What did he do? You act like he’s ruthless or something. ”
Gabe shakes his head. “Black made sure the guys are safe, no convictions, no assault records, but some guys get around that. ”
I lean forward in the seat. “What are you saying?”
He looks up at me again. I see his old eyes in the mirror. He glances away. “I never said nothing, but Ferro has a temper. The thing with his wife wasn’t an accident. He was involved, but the cops never linked it to him. Just because they didn’t nail him, didn’t mean he didn’t do it. But his record’s clean so Black okayed him. ”
What the hell? That can’t be right. “Sean was accused of killing his wife?”
Gabe nods. “The bastard was calloused. He didn’t even shed a tear. Who does that? I shouldn’t say stuff like this, but Miss Stanz, you deserve better than this. Walk away. Tell Black you’re through. I’ll take you anywhere you want to go, but you should really stay away from that guy. He’s not right in the head. ”
Fuck yeah, Sean’s not right in the head. That’s glaringly obvious, but from the way he acts, it seems like he misses his wife. I sink back into the seat. I don’t blink. I just stare as the city passes by out the window. Gabe blares the horn and curses at another driver as we approach Sean’s hotel. Gabe looks back at me, waiting for directions.
I tell him, “Drop me at the curb. ”
He doesn’t say anything else. Gabe slows the car and it comes to a stop. I step out and see Sean Ferro waiting for me. He’s wearing a dark suit that makes his eyes look like blue jewels. Stubble lightly dusts his cheeks. Add in the tousled hair and Sean looks like a Greek god.