I became a helper at the orphanage. I would help the new boys who had been through the same ordeal that I had been through. In lots of cases it was difficult for them to return to their villages. People did not realise that they had been forced to do the things they had done. They were just not accepted by their family, friends and neighbours.
I was awarded a scholarship; I spent three years at university in the capital. Once I had finished I was able to give something back to the people I had hurt so much. Now the fighting is over but the challenges are still there just different. People need help, whether it is food, medical, housing, jobs, there are lots of challenges ahead.
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Chapter 21
Fresh Air
“So where have you been Patrick, it must be months since I last saw you.” “I was on a course in the capital Mr Ben, some people from Europe were teaching us.” Patrick works for some agency which is part government and part European. I think their task is to help the other boys like Patrick, although Patrick is now a man, he must be in his thirties. “Ok, how is that pretty little girlfriend of yours?” he has the most beautiful girlfriend. “She is my fiancée now Mr Ben, we will marry next year,” “don't forget to invite me,” “I can not forget to invite you Mr Ben.” His life seems to be going in the right direction which is good news. “So are you here to watch the football?” “I may come back later Mr Ben, but I need to go and see my girlfriend. I just came in to take one soda.” “Ok Patrick, catch you later perhaps, I need the toilet." “Ok Mr Ben, take care.”
I wander across to the pit; the girls are starting to hang around in the courtyard looking for customers. “Would you like some company?” one asks me, I just ignore and keep walking. Cautiously I open the door, see what's going to surprise me this time, nothing, the place is empty. I unzip and release my manhood, slowly but surely I get a flow of urine. I hear the door open behind me, someone walks over and stands by my side. “Can I help you with something?” turning I see the young girl who was touting for business outside. “No I am ok thank you,” I quickly finish and zip myself back up. “I don't recognise you,” “I am not from here, I arrived today from the city, I have been told business is good here.” She looks about eighteen, pretty thing, what a waste of her life. We walk out into the courtyard together, “have a good evening my girl, be careful.” “Ok you too, if you change your mind I will be here all night, I will give you a cheap rate.” She walks back over to her group of friends and they start to chat, I walk back into the bar.
In the bar I pick up my drink and go outside to sit for a while. The sun has moved around to the side of the building, so now the seats are in the shade. I drop my aching body into a seat and take in the aroma, the smell of food cooking on open fires, it's good. There is a haze of smoke hanging around, it reminds me of bonfire night in England when I was a child. Mind you the November evening was always cold and wet, here it's still hot even with the sun behind the building. When it gets dark you can see the various fires glowing red, orange and yellow. When the wind blows sparks fly off into the sky, just like fireworks. A young boy stops at my table, he is selling peanuts. I grab a few packets, giving him his money he moves off to his next client. I look up into the sky, no clouds just blue everywhere.
I almost lose a tooth, I feel a whack on my shoulder and my beer bottle makes contact with my front teeth. “Ben, what are you doing out here, looking for the ladies?” Stood over me is Brenda, “I nearly broke my tooth then Brenda,” “sorry Ben.” Brenda sits down, this is her territory, she serves everyone who sits outside. “So are you ready for a busy night?” “yes, I think it will be busy tonight Ben.” She seems to be in deep thought, just looking beyond whatever she is looking at. “You have something on your mind Brenda,” “sorry Ben, I was just thinking,” “what about my girl?” “You know the footballer that comes in here sometimes?” “yes, Mathew I think you mean,” “yes that's him Ben.” I think I know where this is going. “We were in the room this afternoon, he told me he loves me,” “but he is married Brenda.” She is going to walk into more trouble. This man uses his celebrity status to get the girls, he doesn't love her at all. “What do you think Ben?” “Brenda, you can ask a lot of girls in this town if he loved them too, he is using you.” “That is what I thought Ben, thank you for the advice, he can go to hell.” “Do you want another beer?” “yes get me another one.”
The street is getting busy; people are leaving work and walking home. Children run around playing, I worry with all of these open fires around. Most of the people cooking are women, they usually have their child with them. It's not unusual to see a toddler of eighteen months to two years old stood next to a pot of boiling oil. “Here you are Ben,” Brenda returns with my beer, she runs off to the other end, another man wants a drink. This little stretch of the town contains a lot of bars, this is probably the most popular for football. A couple of them play the music loud, so the younger people go to those. Often the young ones end up fighting over a girl, or because they have had too much to drink. I suppose that's the same anywhere, I am sure it's no different in England.
I notice the girl who was offering me her services earlier is now talking to Fredrick. This man likes the prostitute, he is married but he needs more. They finish their drinks and stand up, Fredrick goes into the bar first, followed by the girl. Just before she disappears through the doorway, she looks over to me and waves; she has her first client of the night.
A group of policemen walk by, six in total; all are armed ready for war. They look more like soldiers than police. One puts his hand up and waves to me, I wave back.
I feel a spray on my body, looking up into the sky it's clear, this can not be rain. Looking down the street I see a fountain of water, it's a burst water main. This is bad news, the supply will be cut tonight. The children are quickly there, they enjoy the cold water on their bodies. Slowly a steady stream of people come out with containers of all shapes and sizes. They pay for their water normally, so they will collect as much as possible for free. The sun is starting to set, night is approaching. My head falls back and I drift away, I still hear the noises around me until everything goes silent.
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Chapter 22
My Nightmare
The air is cold, everything is in darkness, where am I? I start to walk, I can see nothing, I don't know this place, I have never been here before. I trip and fall to the ground, my head hits the hard floor. I feel the floor, it feels like tarmac, maybe I am on a road. I lift my tired body and get to my knees. I feel something warm on my face, lifting my hand I touch the warm area, I think I am bleeding. I get to my feet, my balance is not good, I feel I am going to fall over. I wait until my head stops spinning, now I feel strong.
I am like a blind man; I can see nothing just darkness, but I must walk. I hear no sounds, am I alone? I try to remember what I was doing. I was in the bar, I was drinking and talking. So where is everyone now? I just keep walking and walking, am I going in the right direction?
The ground has changed, I bend down and touch it, it's grass. When I walk to my house I walk through the grass, maybe I am walking in the right direction. The ground changes again, I bend down and touch it, I am back on the tarmac.
Still I am surrounded by darkness and silence, I don't like this place. When you look forward and just see a black wall it's wrong, this is not how things should be. When you listen and hear no sounds it's wrong, it's not how things should be.
I keep walking; I know I am going in the right direction. I will be so happy when I get into my bed. Maybe it's not night time, I will just keep walking. Time doesn't real matter, we make time matter but for why? Why does life have to be so clockwork? From the day you come out of your mother's womb the clock is set against you. Now I am somewhere where time means nothing. Everything is dark, it could be night or it could be day, time is not important. Perhaps this place where I am now is good not bad.
I keep walking, straight, straight, straight. Maybe I am
not walking straight, I can not be sure, I can't see anything. My mind is drifting back, I remember Jenny and I walking in some caves, the deeper we went the darker it became. We would stop and turn off the torches, it was just like this, so black. I would touch her neck and she would scream, the echo travelling around the cave. Quickly she would switch her torch back on and call me names. She would chase me, I would run away, always letting her catch me. When she caught me she would hit me on the arm, then she would hug me and give me a big kiss. We would laugh and laugh, I do miss her.
I keep walking, I hear a sound. I stop and listen for the sound again, nothing, nothing at all. The ground has changed again, I bend down and touch it. This time it's sand, yes I walk along a sand track to my house, I am still going in the right direction. The sand reminds me of Jenny again, the time we spent on the beach together. The beach was on the side of the lake, we would both swim together in the lake. She would always push my head under the water, I would lift her and throw her up into the air, she would come crashing down into the water with a big splash.
The ground changes again, I bend down and touch it, I am back on the tarmac. I walk and I walk, the darkness and silence prevails. The air is getting cooler, my bare arms are covered in goose bumps. Why am I here? this is not my normal route home, or is it? My mind is still functioning; I am not crazy, what is happening to me?
I hear a sound, a humming, it's close by. I keep walking straight, the humming is getting louder, it must be getting closer to me. Now I see a light, two lights, they are dim. They are coming towards me, how do I know this? because they are getting bigger and shining more brightly. I keep walking towards the lights, they just get bigger and bigger. I keep walking and walking, the lights getting closer and closer. Now the lights are on me, they are too bright for my eyes, I put my hand up to shield from the glare. There is a bang, I feel a pain, my body hits the ground. I feel the ground, it's tarmac. There is a warm liquid, it's not water it's blood, is it my blood? The blood is getting higher, my face is slowly being submerged. Finally I am covered by the blood, totally submerged. There is nothing here, no light, no sound, nothing, it's just like before. I feel a hand clasp mine, who's hand is it? I feel a small scar on the thump, the ring on the finger I know. This is Jenny's hand, she has come back to me.
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Chapter 23
Reality Check
“Ben, are you ok?” I look up to see Brenda shaking me. “Are you ok?” “yes, why?” “you have been sleeping too long, you were very still.” “What you thought my heart had stopped?” “no Ben, I know you don't have a heart.” This girl is very funny, “ok go and annoy someone else,” “I was only joking Ben, you know I love you.” That was one strange dream I had. They are becoming regular over the last couple of weeks, always the same thing. “Your bottle is empty Ben, should I get you another one?” “yes please Brenda.” I watch Brenda skip off towards the bar entrance, she is only looking after me, she is a good girl. I rub my eyes, clearing any sleep from them. Brenda returns, with a click and a fizz she opens my bottle. “There you are Ben, enjoy,” she moves to the other side to serve another customer.
The water main has been turned off, I wonder how much of the town that will shut off. I put my bottle to my lips and take a few mouthfuls of cold beer. Sam arrives, he gives me a wave, I wonder what he has been doing today. The sky starts to darken; the sunset is beautiful, red and pink sheets across the sky.
“Can I sit with you?” it's the young girl who went with Fredrick, they weren't in the room long. “Yes, help yourself.” She takes a seat next to me, “my name is Maria,” “hi Maria, I'm Ben.” “So where is my friend?” “the man who I went to the room with?” “yes.” “We have finished, he is quick, he had a call I think it was his wife or girlfriend.” She doesn't care if he is married, she just wants her money. “He is married my girl,” “oh, for me that is not a problem.” I ask her the usual questions, her age, she is eighteen. She has a one year old boy who is with her mother back in the capital. “When did you become a prostitute Maria?” “Ben, I am not a prostitute, I just help men who need help.” I have never heard it called that before, “so you are a helper?” “yes.” “Ok, when did you start helping men?” “after my son was born, I have little education and I need money.” This is a story I have heard so many times before, but like anything it's supply and demand. Men will always want women, the women will always be there to make a salary, because that's what it is to them. “What about you Ben, what do you do?” “I was a teacher, now I am retired,” “wow, a teacher, that's what I would love to be.” “Ok Ben, let me go back to work, see you later,” “bye Maria.”
Looking up the sky is now dark, twinkling little stars everywhere. The smell of food is making me hungry, “Brenda, get me chicken,” “ok Ben.” I notice Greengage wandering back and forth, he is looking for money or food. Brenda returns with a small chicken leg and some salad. “Thank you Brenda,” “enjoy your meal Ben.” I pull the leg open, I try to see if it's cooked inside, in this light it's too difficult to see. I take a mouthful, it tastes good, they have put plenty of garlic inside. Looking at the time, the football is two hours away; people will start to arrive in one hour.
I think about these dreams I keep getting, also I keep falling asleep, maybe age I don't know. Next week I will go for a consultation with the doctor. I know he will blame it on my alcohol consumption, but I need a reality check. Maybe I need to stand back and reassess my life, bullshit, just enjoy.
“Mr Ben, what is this I hear about you?” it's Barbara she is here to do the night shift. “What have you heard about me Barbara?” “that you are thinking of leaving and going back to England.” The word is getting around, the Pastor didn't take long to put the story out on the streets. “The Pastor Barbara, I just told him that to see how quickly he would be telling people.” “So you are not going to leave us?” “this is my home; I have nothing in England to go back to.” Barbara grabs me and plants a big wet kiss on my forehead, “thank heavens for that, we would all miss you too much.” With that Barbara walks off into the bar.
I am surrounded by three cats and two dogs, all are vying for my leftovers. I break the bone into two pieces, I throw one to my left, the other to my right. The cats go to the right; the dogs to the left, both groups fight each other for the prize.
The street is now full of people, children, animals, and fires, surreal, madness what else can I call it. I look up to the stars, there are thousands on display, no cloud cover or light pollution. I can not remember the last time I saw the street lights working. When I walk home it is pitch black, all of the lights from the houses and shops are extinguished.
I am joined by Martin; he is the drug dealer, just weed, nothing more. I used him a few times when I was younger, but Jenny stopped all of that nonsense, that's what she called it. He is a Rastafarian, long dreadlocks cascade down his back. He spent sometime in the St Paul's area of Bristol a few years ago. He went on a student visa, never studied, just worked and enjoyed himself. He married a local girl but the marriage lasted only two years, they had one child. I am not sure why he came back here, I think he got into some drug gang problems and he was concerned over his safety. “Hello Ben, how are things with you my brother?” “things are good Martin, what about you?” “Life is difficult, I just try to make some money selling the weed, would you like some Ben?” I gave up smoking a long time ago, my lungs were giving up on me. “No thanks Martin, I don't take cigarettes anymore,” “you have given up completely?” “yes,” “I wish I could do that.” I may have stopped smoking to avoid killing myself but know I am drinking myself to death. “If you enjoy it Martin you keep smoking,” “that's what I like about you Ben, logical thinking.” “I will be back later Ben, enjoy your evening,” “you too Martin.” Martin goes back out onto the pavement and crosses the road. He stops and talks to another man, they exchange something and both go in different directions.
There is a lot of shouting, looking to my right I see
two men arguing. People try to calm the situation but to no avail, the fists start to fly, other people get involved and slowly things return to normal.
“Are you ok there Ben, do you want a beer?” “yes please Brenda,” “I will just give this to the customer over there.” As she walks away she takes a chip from the plate and puts it in her mouth. I have watched Brenda do this for many years, I suppose one chip from each plate throughout the evening will feed her. She doesn't need to buy herself supper, in one evening she would have eaten a plate of chips and I have seen her take the odd piece of meat too. She returns with my beer, “I see you are getting your supper my girl,” “ha-ha, Ben you are watching me, you know me too well, but it saves me money.” I chuckle to myself, but she is correct, it will give her more money to look after her family.
There goes little Maria, she is with a businessman from the capital, he has holdings here. He is taking her to a different hotel, for her any bed will do, five stars down to no stars. They both cross the road and get into a big four by four, a turn of the ignition key, a big roar and he speeds off down the street. This girl will be rich if business keeps going like it is. These girls coming from the capital do upset the local girls, they are taking away their business. A young pretty eighteen year old is going to be more sought after than someone like Barbara who has been around the block a few times.
I start to think about my past, never a good idea. When I think about my past it makes me unhappy, but maybe I do need to take a step back and think not about the past, but the future. The wind is starting to blow in from the west, looking up to the sky I see some big clouds amassing, maybe we will have a storm tonight.
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