I could see the doubt creeping into his eyes—probably because what I was saying was brilliant. Jell-O shots made everyone brilliant. “We were friends. I didn’t want to—”
“Again, bullshit.” My head was starting to clear. “You just said McAlisters want what they want. They do anything to get it. If that was true, you wouldn’t have given a shit about me. The fact that we were friends wouldn’t have mattered.”
“You’re drunk,” he said and turned away from me.
“I was, but not anymore.” I poked him hard in the chest. “Do it. Flip your switch.” We were having this out, one way or another. I’d waited a long time for this, and regardless of how it turned out, at least I’d get my closure. “See, I know how it works, Slade. Your mojo—McAlister Mojo—won’t work on someone who has real feelings for you. Just like Deaton men can’t use their fire against their own blood. Every pack’s gift has a caveat.”
“What’s that gonna prove now? That was years ago. You don’t still—”
“Won’t know ‘til you try,” I snapped. It was time to get things out into the open—and face the truth myself. The thought had been creeping up on me lately. Maybe—just maybe—I wasn’t as over Slade McAlister as I thought. There was only one way to really find out. “Quit stalling and—”
He let out a growl and closed his eyes. When he opened them, there was a spark of something close to greed. “Fine. Kiss me.”
Kiss him? That was all I’d wanted. Even after he treated me horribly, I’d wake at night thinking of him, wanting to…
“Slade.” I leaned in and brought my lips inches from his…
Chapter Eighteen
Slade
The scent of her was everywhere, igniting a fire in me that bordered on uncontrollable. Standing here and offering herself up to the beast? One that so desperately wanted to devour every inch of her? Was she crazy?
Of course she was. This was Kensey Deaton. Fearless and fierce. The girl of my dreams as well as the one from my nightmares. I felt the power flow from me, sending it outward. My heart hammered, and it took all my willpower not to push forward and claim her lips. This was her experiment. I just had to be patient. She’d come to me.
They all did.
“Slade,” she whispered again. I could almost taste her. The potent memory of her lips, so incredibly soft against mine, was enough to send my body into overdrive. Just when I was sure she’d close the distance and prove me right, she snapped back and straightened. “Not going to happen.”
“Kiss me,” I demanded, pushing harder. “Now.”
She shook her head, the smallest hint of a smile playing at the corners of her lips. Her cheeks were flushed and the sound of her heart, an erratic rhythm I would know anywhere, thundered in my ears. “I want to, but I won’t. Not until you can acknowledge that maybe this thing between us isn’t as fake as we keep insisting it is.”
“I can’t do that.”
She shrugged, but some of the light went out in her eyes. Kensey was a stubborn wolf, but she was obviously disappointed. “Well, then that’s kind of embarrassing. Then again, it wouldn’t be the first embarrassing thing I’ve said—won’t be the last. I guess we both know where I stand.” She laughed. “Where I’ve always stood. I thought you felt the same way, but I was wrong and that’s okay.”
She leaned in and kissed my cheek. A whisper-soft brush, but it stirred a fire in my gut. I blinked once, and she was gone.
…
“Where the hell you been, kid?” Gavin was in the living room, sitting in the dark with a scotch in hand, when I slipped into the house. I couldn’t see him from around the corner, but I could smell the alcohol on his breath.
I closed the door behind me and stayed in the foyer. “With Kensey.”
“We have business. Get in here.”
After the night I’d had, this was the last thing I wanted to deal with. The plan was to come home, grab one of the stashed bottles of vodka from my closet, and drink myself into oblivion. My wolf was unsettled and raw. It wanted Kensey as much as I did—ironically the first thing we’d ever agreed on—and letting her walk away had pissed it off. If Gavin had business, it was going to be a long night.
I made my way into the other room and flipped on the light. As I’d thought, he was sitting in his chair at the far end of the room, half-empty glass in hand and a dangerous glint in his eye. I knew that look. Someone had done something to piss him off.
“We have a problem,” he began. “Someone has been stealing from us.”
Stealing from Gavin? That was impossible, not to mention suicidal. “Who?”
“Teegan.”
“No way. How do you know?”
“I have my ways.” He sipped the scotch, then set the glass down and leaned forward. “This betrayal cannot stand. I need you to take care of it.”
The temperature in the room dropped. “Take care of it, how?” I’d done a lot of things at his request—AKA command. Things that would probably keep me up at night for the rest of my life. But stealing from an alpha? There was really only one punishment for that in Gavin’s mind.
“The penalty for betraying your alpha is death, is it not?”
“You want me to kill Teegan?” There was a part of me, the part that was his son to the core, that thrilled at the idea of wiping Teegan from the face of this planet. I’d lost count of the times the bastard had carried out Gavin’s punishments. He and Mick had been the threat held over my head for as far back as I could remember. Then, when I was old enough, strong enough, I fantasized about it. I could have fought back. I probably should have. But the way I saw it by then, I deserved what I got because of all the horrible things I’d done. I might not be a bastard in the way Gavin was, but I earned the title all the same.
But as much of a monster as I was, I wasn’t a murderer.
“It’s time you prepared yourself to take a place at my side, Slade. When this Courting is done and you’ve claimed the Deaton bitch, you can take your place as my second.”
As his second? He was insane. “I hate you. You know that. Why the fuck would you make me your second?”
“The feeling is mutual, I assure you, but as much as I despise you, you are the only legitimate heir I have. I will not allow my pack gift to fade.” He stood. “You will kill Teegan and take his place as my second enforcer. When the Courting has concluded, you will take your place as my second in command. You will father a son, and a new, stronger generation of McAlister will begin.”
“And what makes you think Kensey will agree to join this pack? She could choose for me to join hers.”
“Women claimed by a McAlister always choose this pack.” He winked. “They usually need a little bit of a nudge, but…”
“Our gift won’t work on someone who cares about us.”
He laughed. “And you think that would be an issue? You used your gift on her, correct?”
He couldn’t know that I hadn’t forced Kensey into this relationship. “Obviously,” I snapped. “Why the hell else would she be dating me?”
“Then how could she possibly feel anything real for you?” He leaned a little closer. The stink of scotch permeated the air and turned my stomach while at the same time made my mouth water. “I used my gift to claim your mother. I used it to make her choose this pack. She never grew to love me. Face it, Slade. You’re a McAlister. A weak one, at that. No one will ever love you.
…
I spent the next three hours drinking at the park. I’d texted Devo. He was busy. I tried Merrick. No answer. For a half-second I even entertained the thought of texting Lupe. Instead, I wandered around, finally ending up in the same place I always did when my life took a turn down Shit Creek.
I sat there for another hour, just staring into the now empty bottle. The buzz was starting to ebb, which gave my doubts a small space to crawl through. When I drank, I was a fortress. I was impenetrable and calm. The wolf was easier to control, and I knew who I was, what I was.
When I was
sober, my temper simmered just beneath the surface of my skin. My wolf itched and twitched and made my mind wander to dark places. Our wolves were all wild, but most of us were able to keep them at bay while in human form. Not all, though. Even as a kid, I’d known mine was more volatile than most. After my first change, I had a hard time separating myself from it. I knew to keep my distance from people. It was how I met Kensey in the first place. I’d been wandering around the woods behind our houses, trying to blow off the steam, when she stumbled upon me.
I’d warned her away. Made fun of her, threatened her, was just all around horrible, but I wasn’t able to scare her off. In fact, she never left me alone after that. Everywhere I went, there she was. In school, out of school. Eventually I accepted it and even realized I felt calmer when she was around. More grounded. Her voice, her presence—whatever—gave me a sense of peace I’d never thought possible.
Maybe that’s why I’d fallen for her. That sense of comfort, of serenity. Kensey Deaton became the only source of quiet in a world full of deafening noise. She’d become such an integral part of my life that by the time I was older and realized I wasn’t looking at her with the eyes of a friend anymore, I hadn’t been able to face the grim reality. She’d never see me the way I saw her. So I did what every McAlister before me had done. I made her.
At least, I thought I had.
I wanted to ignore it, but she was right. Our gift didn’t work on those who truly cared about us like that. It hadn’t worked on her. I still dreamed about her most nights. She was untouchable and vibrant and sometimes in my worst moments, it was the sound of her voice burned so deeply in my brain that got me through. Despite everything that I’d done, everything that I’d become, and that I had no right, my feelings for her hadn’t changed.
I suppose that’s why I ended up grabbing my cell phone and texting a single word to her.
Treehouse.
By the time she got there, I was pacing the small space, wishing to God my flask wasn’t dry as the Sahara and regretting my decision to summon her.
“I’m not a good guy, Kensey,” I said as she climbed through the window. “I’ve done some horrible things. Things I can’t take back.”
“Everyone does bad things. It’s what makes you human.”
I whirled on her. “I’m not human.” We’d had this argument so many times when we were younger. When I struggled to control my temper and insisted that it was because I wasn’t human, that I was more wolf.
“Yeah. You are. Part of you is, at least. And I don’t care how many times you try to deny it, you’re just as human—probably more so—as the rest of us.”
“I’m not the same kid you had a crush on. That guy is dead. You’re assuming I want to take all the bad things back.” The itch was creeping up my spine, and the urge to lash out blindly was like a weight around my neck. It had a habit of pulling me down. Making me suffocate until I gave in. “That I have regret.”
She shrugged. “Maybe you do, maybe you don’t. And I know damn well you’re not the same. But I also know you’re not as different as you think you are. Shit happened. I get it. The things we deal with, the things we go through, change us. Life shapes us. But I don’t believe for a single second that the changes go so deep that we lose ourselves.”
“Don’t think I can’t see where you’re going with this, Princess.”
“I think we both know I’m not one of the girls who’s going to throw themselves at your feet. We made a deal, and if that’s all you want, then that’s all there is. I’m perfectly capable of keeping this on a friendship-only level.”
Huh. I hadn’t expected a hissy fit and tears, but giving up this easy? That wasn’t Kensey. I should have left it at that and said goodbye. Gone home, grabbed another bottle of the good stuff, and drowned myself in the woods. Instead, I opened my mouth.
“I don’t want to be with you, not like that. Not anymore.”
“I believe you,” she said. There was the smallest twinge of sadness in her voice.
“But I missed you.” I had no idea why I’d said it out loud. I gritted my teeth and clenched my fists.
“Friends it is, then.” She pulled her sweater tighter. “So did you call me out here to reiterate your lack of feeling for me, or did you actually need something?”
Her tone was light, but I’d be a jackass to miss the subtle barb. I’d hurt her, and I hated myself for it, but it was for the best. Kensey Deaton was the queen of bad choices. I refused to let myself be another.
I stood and started to climb out the window across from her. I got one leg over, then paused. I settled on the ledge, half inside the treehouse that had sheltered me as a child and half outside, in the world that was slowly rotting away my soul. “Gavin ordered me to kill someone tonight.”
She didn’t miss a beat. “Are you going to do it?”
“It was an order. He told me I had to get rid of the guy.”
She was quiet for a minute. I didn’t look back, but I heard the rustle of material and the clanking of the wooden boards beneath her feet as she stepped over the ledge of the window across from me. As she pulled herself over the sill and scaled the thick branch that connected to the house, she said, “So get rid of him.”
Chapter Nineteen
Kensey
Slade didn’t show up to bring me to school the next morning. I caught a ride with Aden and Amanda, the entire time fighting the growing knot in my stomach. The previous night’s scene played on repeat inside my head. I told him I was okay being his friend. That I’d have no problem seeing this through then walking away like it never meant a damn thing.
He felt something for me. I saw it in his eyes. It just wasn’t enough to work through all his issues.
By the end of the school day, Slade was still a no-show. It was weird how accustomed to his presence I’d gotten. After every class, it felt like something was missing when I walked into the hall and didn’t find him leaning against the wall, that bored expression on his face.
“Where’s Slade?”
I peered around my open locker door and found Risa standing on the other side. Her forehead furrowed and eyes narrow, she had both arms folded and her shoulders squared stiff.
“Where is he?” she asked again, this time with a hint of annoyance.
“I’m not his keeper,” I snapped back.
“Well, you are his girlfriend.”
I didn’t know where the attitude was coming from—and I didn’t care. I wasn’t in the mood. I slammed the locker and started down the hallway. “Which doesn’t translate into warden. Put a damn bell on him.”
With a huff, she followed after me. “I’m sorry.” She didn’t actually sound sorry, but whatever. “I’m worried about him. He usually calls me when he gets done doing a favor for Gavin. I haven’t heard from him since late last night.”
I stopped walking.
Gavin wants me to kill someone…
“I saw him last night. He said…” God. What if… “Where would he go? If something had happened?”
She shook her head. “I’ve already looked everywhere. The lake, the woods behind your house, the docks—”
“What about the treehouse?”
She looked at me like I was crazy. “The one in your yard? Why would he go there?”
Obviously, Risa wasn’t as close with Slade as she thought she was. I didn’t waste time explaining. I hurried down the hall, in the opposite direction, as she called after me.
…
No one was home when I got there, which was good. Explaining why I wasn’t in school in the middle of the day would have been tricky. I skipped plenty; I just never made it a habit to advertise the act by walking in the front door in the middle of the day.
Around the house and into the backyard. I took the ladder two rungs at a time, my heart stuttering with each step. He was up there. I’d heard the slightly off beat of his heart. I pulled myself onto the landing and nearly tripped in my haste to get inside.
You’d thin
k I’d be used to seeing him banged up by now. Even before we started this—whatever it really was—I’d see him walking down the halls. Banged up and bloody, Slade had a reputation for getting into it with anyone and everyone. Still, it was unnerving.
“Jesus,” I said, falling to my knees in front of him. His right eye was swollen shut, and there was a thick line of semi-dried blood trailing down the left side of his face. His shirt was torn and splattered with dried blood, with the right sleeve completely saturated. “What did you do?”
“What you told me to. I got rid of him.”
I swallowed back the sudden lump in my throat and rocked back on my heels. I was disappointed. I’d told him that but had meant for him to find another way. To get creative… “You—are you okay?”
“We both are,” he said, lowering his voice.
“Both, who?”
“I’ll live, and so will Teegan.”
“Teegan is the guy you just killed?” I was confused. Maybe he’d hit his head.
He struggled to sit up, leaning toward me with a wink. “The guy I just got rid of.”
I smiled. “You didn’t—”
I was a wolf, the daughter of an alpha. I knew how our world worked. It could be violent and bloody. Even the kindest souls were dragged into the darkness at some point during their lives to protect the pack. I knew for a fact my father had dispatched several wolves who had gone feral. There was no other choice. But to hear that Slade had found another way to deal with this made me happier than I could have imagined.
“I told him that Gavin wanted him dead and to leave town.”
I gestured to his face then tugged at the corner of his shirt. “And you just let him beat the crap out of you first for kicks?”
His expression darkened, and he leaned back, slouching against the wall. “I went there to kill him, Kensey. I was given an order. I’ve disobeyed Gavin before, and it didn’t turn out—” He kind of shuddered then took a deep breath to try and cover it up. “I went there to kill him. We fought, and I think we both realized we were going to kill each other, so we came up with an alternative. I tell Gavin I offed him, and Teegan gets the fuck out of Dodge.”