I leaned forward and crawled over to the corner where I kept the first aid kit tucked away behind a loose board. I settled in front of Slade and popped the lid, but he stopped me before I could start pulling things out.
“Don’t. I have to go home like this. Gavin sent me to kill Teegan, but I don’t think he believed I would do it.”
“He thought you’d back down?”
“No,” he said. “He thought Teegan would kill me.”
I opened my mouth then closed it, at a loss. Gavin was a bastard, I knew that, but with each passing day, I began to wonder just how bad things had been for Slade over the last few years. “He has to see that the fight was hard for you.”
“Yeah.”
I sighed and pushed the first aid kit aside, but I didn’t retreat back to my side of the small room. “I’m proud of you, Slade.”
“Yeah? Well, don’t be. I didn’t let him live because I’m a good guy, Princess. I let him live out of self-preservation. Like I said, we would have killed each other. It was a selfish choice made by a selfish guy.”
I sighed. “You never give yourself a break, do you?”
“If you knew me at all, you would know that I don’t deserve one.”
“Just like you don’t deserve to be happy?”
“Who said I wasn’t happy?”
Ugh! The guy made me want to scream. “Fine. You’re blissful. Congrats. Know what, though? I’m not.”
“What’s that got to do with me?”
“Quite a lot, unfortunately. See, I lied last night. I’m not okay with being your friend. I was so pissed at you for the way you treated me all those years, yet when I got in your van that day and said we should start fake-dating, I was thrilled to have an excuse to talk to you again. I might not have been able to admit it to myself then, but it’s clear as a sunny day now. I don’t want to do this anymore. Not like this. I’m not saying we have to go through with the whole claiming thing, but I wanna be with you. Like, in a real relationship. I want the chance to see what this could be.”
He was quiet for the longest time, and when he lifted his gaze to meet mine, his expression didn’t seem as bleak as it had. He smiled, the slightest tilt of his lips, and struggled to stand.
Then he spoke.
“No.”
“No,” I repeated, sure I’d heard him wrong.
“No,” he said again.
This was my last chance. Either he felt something for me, or I was crazy and was imagining the entire thing. Wolves were territorial—even walking around on two legs. There were just some parts of our nature we couldn’t shut off. If this didn’t do the trick, then it was a no-go.
I turned away from him and started to swing my leg over the sill. “Fine. Then the deal is off. I’ll talk to my dad in the morning. I’ll keep my end of the bargain, try to get him to dissolve the McAlister pack. Then I’ll let him choose. Maybe it won’t be so bad. Carter swears he’ll—”
His hand clamped onto my arm, and a low growl filled the space between us. I didn’t say anything. I didn’t need to. He’d given me all I needed.
I let him pull me back inside then folded my arms and pinned him with a glare. “Sorry. Not your call. This is fake, remember? You have zero claim on me.”
“What the fuck do you want me to say?”
“Try the truth.”
“The truth? I’m crazy about you. I’ve always been crazy about you. So crazy that I went against everything I believed in and forced you to think you liked me.”
God. His head was like a double brick wall! “We went through this before. You didn’t—”
“Not the point. I thought I did. That’s all that matters.”
“So you lied to me.”
“I didn’t lie. I never said there was nothing there. I said I didn’t want to be in a real relationship with you. That wasn’t a lie.”
I shook my head. This whole thing was making me dizzy. “So you’re crazy about me—your words, not mine—but you don’t want to be with me. Am I getting that right?”
He let go of me and took a step back. “Yep.”
“Are you currently drunk?”
“You can be so fucking stupid sometimes!” he roared. “What part of this”—he gestured down at himself violently—“seems like a good idea to you. I’m not what you need.”
“Oh. Well, since you’re obviously one of the many men in my life who knows my needs better than I do, what do I need?”
“I’m not doing this with you, Princess.”
He made a move to push past me, but I blocked his path and gave him a good, hard shove. We were getting louder and louder, and eventually someone was going to come home. They’d hear us and this whole charade would go up in flames. The funny thing was, I didn’t give a crap. He kept pushing me away because he refused to see the obvious—because that’s what it was at this point. Obvious. Slade and I were good for each other. He cared about me, and I cared about him. If I didn’t, I would have shoved my foot up his ass long before now. “Answer me! What is it you think I need?”
“Someone better than me!” he bellowed.
Chapter Twenty
Slade
The ferocity of my words took us both by surprise. I backed down and breathed in deep. This was bullshit, and it had to end. She needed to hear the truth? Fine. I’d give her the fucking truth. “You deserve someone without a long list of bad habits and a dangerous lack of morals. You don’t have any fucking clue who I am, Kensey, and I swear to God I’m gonna keep it that way.”
“Your name is Gavin Slade McAlister. The one person to ever call you by your first name—Timothy Dree in second grade—met with the business end of a baseball bat. You hate peanut butter and broccoli, and even though you’re always surrounded by others, you’re always alone.” She took a step toward me, and my brain screamed at me to move away, but my body refused to obey. She was like a damn magnet, dragging me to her, making escape impossible. “You think the things you’ve done are so hush hush, but lemme tell you something, Slade, word gets around.”
“Good. Then the conversation is over.” It had to be over, because my willpower was waning. It was one thing when I thought she hated me. It’d been easy to stay away from her, watch her from far away when I thought I’d done something despicable. But now that I knew the truth? Now that I knew my gift didn’t work on her? I was a McAlister. We wanted what we wanted—and I wanted Kensey Deaton.
“You think you’re not good enough for me?”
“I know I’m not.”
“You could have done what your alpha told you to. You chose another way. A less violent way.” She moved a little closer. See, I think you just hate the idea of anyone seeing that under all that badass is a genuinely good guy. You think it makes you weak—but it doesn’t.”
I’d surprised Teegan. When I came at him, he’d expected me to be a pushover—probably because I’d never fought back. But just because I’d given him a run for his money didn’t mean I would have beaten him. Maybe I wasn’t as much of a monster as Gavin kept making me believe. Maybe with someone like Kensey in my corner, I could be more. It was her words, after all, that had inspired me to change my approach.
“Come on, Slade. Our fake relationship is going so well. Why not take the next step?” She waggled her eyebrows and grinned. It was like she knew that smile would tear me down to the bone.
One more try. “Kiss me,” I said. It wasn’t a command, but more like a plea. A sick, dark part of me wanted her to do it—for so many reasons. I wanted her to kiss me because it was real. Because she was crazy about me. Because she did think I was more. But on the other side of all that, I wanted her to kiss me because I demanded it. I wanted her motivation to be the supernaturally charged charm that thrived in my blood. I wanted to prove that her feelings weren’t real. If that happened, then I would be safe.
She would be safe.
But instead of kissing me, she shook her head and took a step away. “No. You kiss me.”
She
might as well have been sporting the McAlister gift for as much control as I had. I was helpless, a slave to her command, and when I leaned in to brush my lips against hers, that’s all I intended. A simple peck with no emotion behind it whatsoever. I should have known, based on the previous times we’d done this, that would never happen.
My lips brushed hers, and she sighed. A soft yet hungry sound that sent an electrical charge stampeding across my skin. She rose onto her toes as I wrapped my arms around her waist, pulling her to me. It was the most peaceful moment in my constantly turbulent life, yet at the same time was chaotic and unsettling. I was both elated and disoriented, so fucking torn that my head was spinning.
My hands slid up her back, and I cradled her head as her fingers twisted through my hair. Every inch of my body was alive, and I wanted her like I’d never wanted anyone—anything—in my life. The need was a pull as vital as the air in my lungs, and really, I should have seen this coming. Not that there was anything I could have done. My fate had been moving in this direction from that very first moment the annoying six-year-old girl found me stewing in the woods. This was it.
I’d finally crossed the line.
Now the question was, how far down would I drag her before I crossed back?
…
I was still in a state of disbelief when I dragged myself up the Deaton’s front steps the next morning. After the kiss yesterday afternoon, I was flying high. By the time we went our separate ways that evening, I believed this was possible. Kensey’s logic, not to mention her lips, made for a very persuasive argument. I’d gone home feeling lighter than I ever had. Even Gavin couldn’t drag me down.
He was pissed I hadn’t brought back proof that I’d taken care of Teegan. After a collection of especially inventive threats, though, I managed to convince him the deed was done.
As long as I was a member of the pack, I had to obey the command of my alpha. Teegan was just the beginning. Gavin was a sick, twisted bastard. He’d made me do some fucked-up things before, but I’d made a mistake this time. He knew I didn’t want to do it—which meant he’d have me do it again. I’d deal with it, though. With Kensey at my side, I’d figure a way around it—just like I had with Teegan.
“Hey.” Kensey opened the door as I raised a hand to knock. “Was wondering where you were.”
She slipped her hand into mine, closed the door, and dragged me down the steps.
“We really need to talk,” I said as she slid into the passenger’s seat. I wanted to do this; I just needed to make sure she understood what she was getting herself into.
She rolled her eyes and slouched back in the seat. “I don’t need a million guesses to figure out what you wanna talk about.”
“I just wanna make sure you—”
“I’m not proposing, Slade. I’m not suggesting we go through with the claiming. But we have actual feelings for each other. I don’t think I need to tell you how rare that is for people like us…”
She was right. Again. Offspring of alphas didn’t generally get to claim for love. It was for the betterment of the pack. To shore up the numbers and bring in new blood. It was usually a business-like arrangement that ended up being beneficial to both houses. Sometimes genuine feelings developed, but more times than not, the unions were cold and loveless.
“How about this?” She twisted around so that she was sitting sideways in the seat. “We do what we’ve been doing, with just one tiny adjustment.”
“What kind of adjustment?” From the mischievous gleam in her eyes, her tiny adjustment was anything but.
“We add in a little more of this…” She leaned across the tattered seat and kissed me. It was a fairly quick peck, but it was anything but innocent. “Unless, of course, the idea of doing that more often turns your stomach…”
I couldn’t fight my grin. I turned to the wheel and started the engine. The damn thing started right up. Maybe Kensey’s presence really was the thing that would save me. “Better than a shot in the head.”
Chapter Twenty-One
Kensey
“I still don’t understand,” I said, kicking my feet off the floor. I plopped them down across Slade’s lap as he popped another chocolate chip cooking into his mouth. It was a rainy Friday night. My dad had a meeting with the coalition members, and Amanda and Aden were out doing their respective things, so we’d decided to stay in and watch a movie. Slade had picked some B-movie horror disaster that made absolutely no sense at all. There was blood and gore and screaming. Oh, and explosions. Just about everything had blown up by the twenty-minute mark. “Why exactly don’t they just take the boat off the island?”
“Then you wouldn’t have a movie.” He toyed with the laces of my sneaker.
“How about just writing a plot that makes actual sense?”
He snickered and dragged me closer. “But if it made sense, you’d want to watch it. I’d much rather direct your attention elsewhere.”
I shifted and swung my leg around, settling in his lap. The last few weeks had been amazing. It was like having my childhood best friend back, but with some major perks. I knew Slade had reservations. Every so often I could feel his desire to pull away. He was convinced his blood was bad and that he’d only end up hurting me somehow. The sins of the father are the sins of the son, he kept saying. Sooner or later, though, I’d get him to see himself as I saw him.
I had my ways.
I wrapped my arms around his neck and leaned in close, stopping just shy of his lips. I was about to push forward and show him just how much of my attention he could have, but I heard my dad’s car pull into the driveway.
Slade heard it, too. He groaned and let his head fall forward until it rested against my forehead. “Talk about shitty timing.” He hefted me up and put me on the couch next to him. As he took back his hand, he let the tips of his fingers graze along my cheek. He’d been calmer lately, and I was starting to believe I’d had a hand in that. “I better bail. I’m sure he already knows I’m in here, but not seeing me might be better.”
“No way.” I stood and dragged him off the couch with me. My father was going to have to get used to seeing him. “You have every right to be here.”
“He doesn’t,” my father said from the doorway. He slipped out of his coat and set his wet umbrella down beside the door. “But I suppose it will save me some time.”
“For what?” It was impossible to miss the wariness in Slade’s voice.
“To inform you that the coalition, while respecting your right to choose a mate, Kensey, shares my reservations over your choice.”
A pit formed in my stomach, and all the air in the room seeped away. “You can’t do this. The law—”
“I am aware of the law—and I assure you that everything we do will remain within its limits. But as you know, I am within my rights to set tasks, and so that is what I have done.”
The pit in my stomach got a little bigger. What was he going to make Slade do?
“I will not interfere in this…relationship. But I will require you to consider other avenues.”
“What the hell does that mean?” Slade snapped. He was tense beside me, every muscle taut. I grabbed his hand and squeezed. My father wasn’t used to being interrupted.
But instead of the response I expected—a vicious stare and a strongly worded threat—my father grinned at him. In fact, he was beaming like the damn sun. “I’m afraid I must insist my daughter give another a chance to gain her affections. A single date with a more…suitable male.”
Oh, God. No…
He turned his attention to me, smile still in place, and said, “Carter Pennington will pick you up tomorrow evening. You two used to be close. This shouldn’t be hard for you to endure.”
I locked my jaw and held my breath as my heartbeat thundered in my ears. I’d never told him—anyone, really—what had happened with Carter. The only one who knew was Slade.
Slade, who was very unhappy at the moment.
“Pennington is bastard,” he se
ethed. “He—”
“Is the son of a fellow alpha,” my father finished in a low, dangerous tone. His gaze dared Slade to continue. “To imply him unworthy out of jealousy would be unwise.”
I squeezed Slade’s hand as hard as I could. There was no way to make my father understand without telling him what had happened with Carter. Obviously, it would have been the smart thing to do, but it was embarrassing, not to mention more than likely pointless. I’d told some whoppers to get out of doing things I didn’t like. Odds were he would see the confession as nothing more than a desperate attempt to buck his choices for me again. I’d have to suck it up and get through. One night. What could happen in one night?
…
“What are you wearing?” Slade had grilled me for an hour about my impending date. Now that it was less than an hour away, I didn’t miss the shift in his tone.
I thought about making a joke, but the tension in his voice made me think twice. He was barely keeping his wolf leashed, and poking him now would just be stupid. I readjusted the cell and stepped in front of my mirror. “My grungiest pair of jeans and a T-shirt that says, If you can’t beat em, join em—then beat em.”
“I love that shirt…”
“It’s going to be fine, Slade. It’s dinner and a movie.”
No answer.
“Besides, I can take care of myself. There’s no reason to worry.”
“I’m not worried about you, Princess. I’m worried about me.”
“You?”
“If he so much as looks at you too long, I’m going to shred his ass into pieces. Pretty sure there’s jail time for that.”
I snorted. “You wouldn’t go to jail for that. The coalition would sentence you to death first.”
Something rustled on the other end of the line. “That makes me feel so much better…”
Obviously, my comedic timing needed work.
The doorbell rang, and I cringed. Great. The bastard was early. I would have preferred to slather myself in honey and roll around on a thousand anthills than spend even five minutes with Carter, but there was nothing I could do except get through it as fast as possible. “I’ll call you when I get back.”