My father had put me in charge. I was responsible for making sure this was a success. But he wasn’t taking my word for it this time. Not after hearing rumors of Teegan’s continued existence and Ron’s barn. Choosing Mick to be my chaperone was just another of Gavin’s ways to twist me. It took every ounce of self-control, and then some, to sit in the same car with him.
“Bingo,” Mick announced with a little too much enthusiasm. We slipped from the car and started toward the house. “Let’s get this done.”
“Roger Davis?” I called when we got closer. His house was small and well maintained, but it was obvious a single guy lived here. The windows were bare, and the lawn was just a square patch of dead grass. On the mailbox, in scratchy magic marker handwriting, was Roger’s name.
The guy closed his car door and said, “Yeah?” There was a hint of fear in the air, and with each step, his heart beat a little faster. He knew who we were and why we were here.
“Can we talk inside for a minute?”
Roger glanced toward the house next door. There were two kids playing in the fenced-in yard. Obviously, he thought their presence would spare him. “House is kind of a mess. Can we just chat here?”
I shook my head, feeling sorry for the guy. “Gonna have to insist we take this inside…”
Behind me, Mick snickered, and I wanted to punch him. Roger gave an uncertain nod and motioned for us to follow. Once we were in the house, he started shaking. “Please. Just give me another week. I know Gavin—”
“He already gave you two extra weeks,” Mick said. There was a sick smile on his face as he moved in a little closer. “Pay up or bleed out. Your choice.”
Roger turned to me. “You’re his kid, right? You have the authority to grant me more time. I’m begging you.” He dropped to his knees and grabbed my leg.
“I don’t want to do this, Roger. Just pay me. Give me the money you owe Gavin, and we all walk away and have a nice day. The alternative is going to suck—for both of us.”
“I—I don’t have it.”
He wasn’t lying. I heard it in his voice. But that didn’t matter. He’d broken an arrangement with his alpha, and now he had to pay the price.
We both did.
I turned to Mick and nodded, then started back toward the car. I didn’t need to see this. “Do what you gotta do.”
…
“That was fast.” When we got back to the house, Gavin was sitting in the living room with Lupe. He glanced from me to Mick. “Verdict?”
“He’ll pay you next week,” Mick responded with a cackle.
“And the interest?”
Mick pulled off his blood-stained T-shirt and waved it in the air like a flag. I snatched it from him and hurled it at Gavin. “There’s your fucking interest. Now if there’s nothing else, I’m going upstairs.”
Mick laughed, and Gavin clucked his tongue in amusement. I ignored them and climbed the stairs. This hadn’t been the same as what I’d done to Carter. I’d taken no joy in standing by while Mick hurt that guy. But the reality was, that fact didn’t make me any less of a monster. Kensey kept insisting I was wrong, and for a short time, I believed her. But if yesterday had taught me anything, it was that Gavin was right. I was a McAlister—and that wasn’t what she needed.
With Carter out of the picture, Kensey was safe. Sam might try to pawn someone else on her, but maybe that was for the best. There was no future with me. No easy life. Even if we claimed each other and I joined her pack instead of bringing her into mine, I would still be the same wolf. Wild and unpredictable. Someone who inflicted pain—and liked it. She deserved better than that, even if she didn’t realize it yet.
“Knock knock,” Lupe drawled from the doorway. She didn’t wait for an invitation, bumping the door with an exaggerated swing of her hips and sashaying into the room. “I thought maybe you could use a pick-me-up.”
I didn’t encourage her, but I didn’t kick her out, either. She was dressed in a short skirt and thin tank with a dangerous button-down V-neck line. The cleavage peeking out should have been enough to make any guy forget their worries. But I found it hard to remember what had been so alluring about her in the first place. The creamy skin and whisper-soft moans as I trailed a line of kisses down her neck? The way she clung to me as we kissed, almost as though she was afraid I would disappear? Maybe it was the way she always watched me. When I entered the room, it was like someone shining a spotlight, warm and golden, wherever I went.
Except that wasn’t what I’d found attractive about Lupe. She was hard and loud. Demanding and violent. She never looked at me with admiration or love. Her eyes devoured me with hunger and greed. It was all Kensey.
And it was more than I deserved.
“You need to leave,” I said. My voice was low and came out slightly cracked. Or maybe that was the sound of the last bit of my soul shattering away. I didn’t know—and didn’t care. I didn’t want her here. I didn’t want anyone here.
She started toward me, making a show of every step. “That’s not what you want.” She undid one button with each step. With the last step, the final button slipped through its hole and the shirt fell open, exposing an expanse of olive-toned skin.
In that instant, I felt bad for her. I felt guilty about her past and the part I’d played. I stood and crossed the room to where she was, then pulled her shirt together. “You don’t need to do this shit, you know that, right?”
“I want to.” She pushed my hands away. “I’ve told you a million times, I like your darkness.”
I lifted my gaze to meet hers. “But I don’t like yours. You’re better than this, Lupe.”
Her face twisted, nose scrunching and lips pulling back with a snarl. She slapped me. The sound of it echoed through the room. “Better? You mean like that Deaton bitch?”
“No. Not like Kensey. Like you. Regardless, though, I don’t want you, Lupe. I never really did, and I’m sorry. You might have been using me, but I used you, too, and I’m sorry.”
I heard the knock on the front door. The window was open. I’d picked up her scent as the breeze blew in when she’d left her house and started toward mine. First step, second step, I heard each footfall she made as she made her way to my room.
Another person might have knocked, but not Kensey. I’d acted like an asshole back at her place, so she wasn’t going to give me the opportunity to blow her off. She pushed through the door…and froze.
“What the hell is going on?”
“Lupe was just l—”
She held up her right hand then grabbed Lupe around the throat with the left. “My patience with you has officially run out.” Lupe gripped Kensey’s hand with both of hers but made no progress dislodging it. “In fact, my patience with everyone has run out today. If I see you sniffing around one more time, I’m going to rip your goddamned tail off. We clear?”
Lupe laughed, but there was fear behind it. She nodded and, when Kensey let go, strode from the room with her head held high and her shirt still open. When she was gone, Kensey turned to me.
“I wasn’t—”
She rolled her eyes. “Duh.”
Of course, I didn’t need to be worried about her finding Lupe here. That’s what made this whole thing more fucked up. She trusted me. She knew me. Lupe was here and trying to strip, and Kensey came in and believed I wanted no part of it. Because that’s what she did. Believe me. Believe in me. She was the only one who did.
And I was about to throw it away.
“We need to talk.” I backed away and sat down on the bed.
“Yeah. About the apology you owe me, and what you can do to make up for being such a jackass. I’m gonna need at least a week’s worth of ice cream, maybe even a pony.” She tried to glare at me, but the hint of a smile bled through. Giving up, she leaned in to kiss me.
I pulled away.
“It isn’t gonna work.” There. Done. Not so bad, right?
“Not gonna work? Fine. No pony. Maybe just a stuffed—”
“You and me. I can’t do it. I won’t.”
Her complexion paled, and her breath hitched. Just once. “Can’t,” she repeated, dragging the word out. “Won’t?”
“Come on, Kensey.” I hated the way she was looking at me. Like she was surprised. “We’ve both been walking around with our heads up our asses.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Her voice was deceptively calm, but I could see the blaze in her eyes. There was an even mix of anger and pain.
“You saw what I did to Carter. You saw—”
She let out a breath and relaxed. “Oh my God. Is that what this is about? I don’t blame you for that. He came here intending to start shit. To push your buttons.”
“He did,” I agreed. “But I didn’t have to give in. I didn’t have to shred him up like that. I shifted. While he was in human form, I shifted and attacked.” That was unheard of in our world. You never threw down with another wolf while the odds were so tipped. It was considered highly dishonorable.
Which was why I wasn’t surprised I’d done it.
“I liked what I did to him, Princess. I enjoyed every fucking minute. If I had the opportunity? I’d do it again in a heartbeat. That’s not what you need in your life. That’s not the kind of darkness you should be living with.”
“So let me get this straight…” She stuffed her hands into her pockets. “You’re breaking up with me, right?”
“I’m setting you free, because I know what kind of man—what kind of wolf—I am inside.”
“You don’t,” she insisted, voice dropping to barely a whisper. “You’ve changed. I didn’t ask you to, but you did. You’ve been more in control lately. Calmer. You can control your wolf. I’ve seen it.”
“I don’t think Carter Pennington would agree with you.”
“Carter is an ass who got what he deserved.”
I shook my head. “You don’t believe that any more than I do.”
She was quiet for a moment. Just stood there, glaring at me. Finally, she shook her head and folded her arms. “Nope.”
“Nope?” I repeated, confused.
“Nope. Not gonna happen.”
I sighed. Really, I should have seen this coming. One of the things I found so fascinating about Kensey was her determination. “So because you say so, we’re not over? Is that right?”
She grinned. A sly smile that heated my skin and stirred a prickling deep in my belly. “Pretty much.”
I’d been through hell at Gavin’s hands. He’d tortured me—his attempt to make me a stronger leader—and forced me to do things that made me question my own sanity. There were nights I wanted to die, nights I’d thought about ending my misery…but nothing compared to this. To seeing her face and hearing the slight stutter of her heart as it skipped a beat then took off like a champion race horse.
“I can’t believe you’re gonna make me do this.”
She cocked her head to one side, her hair slipping into her eyes.
When she started to speak, I held up my hand. This had to end. I had to change tactics. “You and me? It’s never going to be easy. Someone out there is always going to find fault.”
“Nothing worth doing is ever easy, Slade.”
“Exactly. Nothing worth doing.” I let my words sink in for a moment, then rushed on before I lost my nerve. “It was fun for a while. A great distraction from this shitshow that is my life. But let’s be realistic. I’m not interested in putting that much effort into this. It’s not worth it.”
Her mouth fell open, and I knew, without a doubt, what I had to do.
“You’re not worth it.”
“You—you don’t mean that.” There was a slight glimmer in her eyes, but she didn’t cry. All I wanted was to gather her in my arms and hang on until she understood that this was all bullshit. That this was my way of freeing her from a life of hell. But that would have defeated the point. My words were having the intended effect. All I had to do was drive it home.
“Think about it, Kensey. I tried to be nice. I’ve been telling you for a month that this wasn’t a good idea. You kept pushing. You’re not leaving me any choice but to be blunt…”
She didn’t say a single word. She didn’t gasp or scream or curse at me. She backed through the doorway and closed the door and walked slowly down the stairs. Through the foyer and out the door. I tuned her out after that, unable to stomach the sound of her heartbeat. It was the only indication that there was something wrong.
It was erratic and chaotic, and I’d broken it.
It mirrored my own.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Kensey
Every time I closed my eyes, I saw him. I heard him telling me I wasn’t worth fighting for. The images were burned into my brain, and no matter what I did, nothing seemed to scrub them away. I’d left the house and crossed the lawn, slipping in through the front door and casually walking back to my room. I’d eaten my dinner, showered, and gone to sleep without shedding a tear—or saying a word. My words were gone. Temporarily dried up. If I forced it, if I tried to speak, then it would open the floodgates and I would drown. I wasn’t that girl.
I refused to become that girl.
The next morning, I went to school, just like any other day. Of course, I’d gone alone. Slade hadn’t shown up—not that I’d expected him to. He hadn’t tried calling or texting. There’d been no knock on my window or visit to the treehouse. He’d gone radio silent, and at least some small part of me was grateful.
I’d tried to tell myself it was all a lie. Another elaborate set up to keep me safe. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that everything Slade said made perfect sense. From day one I knew I wasn’t his type. We’d had fun, but if I was being honest, I’d always sensed a disconnect on his end. He’d pushed me away at every turn, but being the stubborn fool that I was, I never actually got it. I never saw what was right in front of my face. That Slade McAlister would never tie himself to someone like me. Plain and boring. Nope. He liked the window-dressed versions.
Now, as I stood in front of my bedroom mirror, I marveled at how normal I looked. The last bell had rung, and I’d gotten through the day without uttering a single word to another living soul. I’d made it through all my classes and handed in all my assignments.
How was that possible when my insides were gone?
Obviously they weren’t, but that’s how I felt. Hollow. Like I’d been gutted and sewn back together, an empty shell here just for show.
There was a knock on my door.
“It’s open.” The words felt odd as they passed my lips. My voice sounded strange.
“You said you wanted to talk to me?” My father came in and settled in the chair at my desk.
“Yes.” I sank onto my bed, pulse beating oddly even considering what I was about to do. “I see now that you were right.”
He tilted his head to the right, probably leery that this was just another one of my ploys. “About?”
“I’ll make you a deal. You call off the courting without penalizing Slade and present me with at least three suitable names. I’ll pick someone else.”
There was a sympathetic gleam in his eyes, but it was impossible to miss the way he relaxed. He’d been prepared to fight me over Slade. Now he didn’t have to. “This is surprising. After the other day, I almost thought you might—”
“Is it a deal or not?” I couldn’t stomach letting him finish that sentence. It was a miracle I hadn’t bolted from the room already. The slightest nudge and I was gone. I would chicken out and run for the hills without ever looking back.
“This isn’t what you want.” It wasn’t a question.
“Of course not.” Another deep breath. “But it’s what’s expected of me. Like you said, we all have to do things that hurt. It’s just part of life.”
He stood. “The McAlister boy did something to hurt you, didn’t he? That’s why you’ve changed your mind.”
I narrowed my eyes. “Maybe he did. But we all do things
to hurt each other. You’re hurting me by forcing me into something I don’t want.”
For the first time I could ever remember, my father looked stricken. His skin turned ashen and his mouth opened like he wanted to scream. “That is never my intention. If I’d truly believed he would have made a suitable partner for you, I would have approved the union with no dispute. But he’s not.”
I shrugged. “It’s a non-issue now, isn’t it? Deal or not?” I repeated. This needed to be finished. I needed to move on—even if it was with someone I didn’t love.
“I agree to your terms.” He stood and went to the door. “I will give you names by the end of the day.”
“There’s one more thing,” I added as his hand went for the knob. “It’s more of a request than a demand… The McAlister pack—I want you to dissolve it.”
…
As I marched from the room and into the hallway, I held my breath. Unfortunately, even wolves needed to breathe. As soon as I took a breath, I smelled him.
Crap…
Of course he’d be here. He and Gavin didn’t know what was going to be announced tonight. Even I didn’t know what the final decision had been. My father said he’d discuss the dissolution of the McAlister pack with the rest of the coalition and agreed not to announce my impending change in relationship status until the meeting tonight. Dad made it a mandatory gathering for Alphas and their children, stating important issues that concerned us all. It was kind of funny, actually. Slade was here to witness one of the worst moments of my life, and I got to watch as he had the best of his. Disbanding the McAlister pack meant Slade could leave. Gavin would have no claim on him—or any other wolf.
Slade would have the choice to bind himself to another alpha—if they’d have him—or go off on his own. It’s what he’d wanted from the very beginning, and the twisted part was that I didn’t begrudge him his prize. Even though I hadn’t gotten what I wanted, he was getting what he did. I just needed him to be happy. If this was what it took…