I gained the advantage and wrapped my jaw around his throat, pinning him. He stilled as the source of the scent came into view. She stood over us, the expression on her face one I was uncomfortably familiar with.
“Get on with it so I can take a crack at you.” She stepped back and gestured for me to proceed.
I had him. All it would take to end this was a quick snap of my jaw. Instead of taking the kill, though, I eased my grip and backed away. He rolled over and stood, dazedly looking from me to our new guest. A moment later, he was out through the open door.
Risa waited until I shifted then threw the comforter at me to cover up. “Seems you’re just as popular here as you were back home.”
“Gavin sent them. Guess he’s sore about getting tossed.” I wrapped the blanket around my waist and went to search for pants. “How’d you find me, Ris?”
“That’s the question you ask?” She stalked past and jumped ahead, poking me hard in the chest. “What the hell, Slade? You’re ducking me? Me?”
I pulled out a fresh pair of jeans and a clean T-shirt, then retreated to the bathroom to change. “Why can’t you take the hint? I wanna be left alone.”
“I received the message loud and clear when you bailed without even saying goodbye,” she screamed from the other room. “No call, no note, no text—no damn explanation. It took me weeks to find you!”
I’d run as fast as I could, because I’d been afraid I’d change my mind about Kensey. Carter was gone and she was safe. Sam said he wouldn’t force her into being claimed. Life would continue. End of story.
“I’m sorry, okay?” I came around the corner and leaned against the doorframe. “I just had to get out.”
“Yeah? Well, you fucked things up good.”
“What the hell are you talking about?”
“That bullshit stunt you pulled? It backfired big time. Not long after you left, Deaton announced that Josh Fluza would claim Kensey.”
“No.” She was either lying to get me to come back or she’d heard wrong. Had to be. “I spoke to Sam Deaton right after the coalition meeting. He told me he wouldn’t force her into it.”
“Then he lied.”
It took every ounce of self-control I had not to tear up the entire room. I’d trusted Deaton. He’d given me his word. His word! My fingers itched, and my muscles all ached. I was on the verge of losing my shit. Get rid of her. Say anything… “Josh Fluza is better than Carter…”
I started to turn, to get the hell out of there, but something blindsided me. The blow smacked the left side of my face and knocked me off balance. “Idiot! Seriously? You’re not going to do anything?”
“What the hell do you want me to do? I left for a reason.” One breath. Two. Three…
“A stupid reason. She’s right. You left because you’re a chicken shit.”
I opened my mouth to argue, but she wasn’t stopping there.
“You broke her heart on purpose. So you wouldn’t have to deal with your own stupid insecurities.”
Risa was one of the few people who’d ever gotten away with talking to me like that. But even I had a line. I stalked toward her, backing her up against the dresser. “Do you have any idea what our father had me do? Do you have any clue how much fucked-up shit I did for him? How many people I hurt?”
“So? He can’t control you anymore. He’s gone. The pack is gone. You have a clean slate, and you, what, run away with your tail between your legs?”
“I don’t have a clean slate. All that shit? It’s still with me. It stained me. She doesn’t need that kind of poison in her life.” I might not have deserved the hell Gavin put me through, but I was still the monster he made. A monster that would never be good enough for Kensey.
“You know what? Maybe you’re right. Maybe she doesn’t need you. But you need her!”
I knew she was right, but the wolf in me… It wanted to hurt Risa. It didn’t like hearing this shit. It didn’t like being called out. “Back off, Ris,” I growled through clenched teeth. “You know my control—”
“Oh, cram it. That whole I can’t control myself bullshit is just that. Bullshit.” Her expression softened. “Why can’t you see it?”
“See what?” I snapped.
“That you were different when you were with her. Even in the beginning, when you guys were faking it, you were different. You’re not quite the monster you seem to think you are. Even now. I know it—and she knows it. Are you perfect? No. But neither am I. Neither is she.”
“You’re wrong.”
“Am I?” She jabbed a finger at the spot on the floor where Gavin’s wolf had been. “You could have killed him and you didn’t. Why?”
“I—”
“Come on, Slade. You’ve never shown mercy in the past. Your wolf is rabid, remember? So tell me why you didn’t kill him? You could have taken him out as he shifted.”
“That would have been dishonorable.”
“Since when do you care about that?”
Since Kensey.
Risa was right. She was right, and no matter how much I wanted to argue, there was no getting around it. Kensey had changed me. It wasn’t anger my wolf had been feeling lately. It was sadness. I was twitchy and raw, because both parts of me recognized Kensey to be my perfect match.
“Even if I wanted to go back, I couldn’t. There’s no coming back from the things I said to her.”
“I don’t believe that. Why not tell her the truth? Tell her it was all a lie. Tell her why—”
I snorted. “Have you met Kensey? Telling her I lied will only make things worse.”
“Then do something bigger. Something huge.” She grabbed my hand and pressed the keys to her car into my palm. “If you really love her, Slade, do something to prove it.”
…
Sneaking back across town lines wasn’t as easy as you’d think. The walls had ears and the streets had eyes. I wasn’t Public Enemy Number One—not yet at least—but I wasn’t considered a friend. I was technically now a stray. That was fine as long as I wasn’t traipsing around on pack territory.
But I had to see a man about a girl.
Sneaking into the Deaton house in the middle of the night was just a little bit harder. Okay. A lot harder. I was able to disarm the alarm system, but trying to be stealthy in a house full of wolves? Not the easiest thing to do. Still, I managed that, too. And when I made it to Sam Deaton’s bedroom, I only hesitated a moment before slipping inside. Risa’s do something huge suggestion probably hadn’t meant breaking and entering as the head of the coalition slept, but I was winging it.
The calm, even sound of his breathing told me he was out cold. I crept across the room, still not entirely sure what I was going to do. He’d lied to me. After all that crap about wanting Kensey to be happy, about setting her free, he’d gone and chained her to some other asshole. He needed to answer for that.
“If you have something to say, get on with it,” Sam’s muffled voice broke the eerie silence. “If you’re here to try to kill me, well…” He sat up and flipped on the light. “Then I’m afraid things won’t go well.”
“You lied to me.” The words came out less angry and more…I didn’t know. Pained? Did I feel betrayed by him? By Sam Deaton, the man who’d hated me from the start? “You said you’d set her free, and you lied.”
Sam pushed aside the covers and threw his legs over the edge of the bed. Slipping his feet into a pair of slippers, he crossed the room to where I was. I tensed. If it came down to a fight between him and me, I had no delusions that I’d lose. I might be a badass, but Sam was an alpha with years of experience on me. He’d spent his entire life embracing his pack and his wolf, while I’d spent a lifetime running away.
But instead of taking me out, he sighed. “I don’t lie, Slade. Not to you—not to anyone. I have no reason to. If I hadn’t planned on setting her free, I would have simply said so.”
“I don’t understand,” I said. “Then it’s not true? She’s not chaining herself to Fluza?”<
br />
“No. That’s true.”
I sank into the chair by the door and let my head fall forward. “I’m confused.”
“Whatever it was that happened between you two left a mark on her. This was her decision, not mine.”
“She chose this? And you let her?”
Sam laughed like it was the funniest thing he’d ever heard. “I think you’re well aware that it’s very hard to change that girl’s mind when she makes a decision.” His smile faded. “Josh Fluza is a good wolf. He will care for her, treat her well.”
“But she doesn’t love him. He doesn’t love her!”
“See, that’s the thing. You’ve spent so much time running from yourself—from everything—you have no clue how this works. She’ll never love him because she loves you. With our kind, most of the time once is all we get.” There was a glimmer of sadness in his eyes. “Some get lucky, but most, like me for example, only get that one.”
“I’m sorry, sir. You must miss your wife.”
“Oh, I do. She was an amazing wolf, and I cared very much for her, but I didn’t love her. Not like I loved your mother.”
“My mother?” I swallowed down a lump that threatened to choke me. He’d said he’d known her, but love her? Sam Deaton had loved my mother?
“I told you, we were very close when we were growing up. Very much in love.” He snickered. “We were a lot like you and Kensey, actually. But Gavin…” He took a breath, held it, and when he let go, there was a slight shake in his hands. “We were forced to move in different directions, but I will remain hers in my heart until the day I leave this earth.”
My surprise turned to anger. “If you loved her, then why the hell did you let Gavin take her? Why did you let her—”
“Why do you ask questions for which you already have the answers?” Sam’s face contorted, a mix of anguish and rage. “Gavin took her from me. Used his gift to steal her away for no other reason than to harm me. If you don’t think I moved heaven and Earth to try and win her back…” He squeezed his eyes closed for a moment. When he opened them, he was calmer. More like the Sam Deaton I’d grown up knowing. “I lost her and had a duty to my pack to move on. That is what Kensey is doing.”
The thought of ever being with someone else twisted me up. Never seeing Kensey smile again, hearing her laugh or watching as she danced in the rain, ate me up inside. Was that how he felt? If he’d loved my mother like I loved Kensey, then how had he survived when Gavin stole her away? I couldn’t live the rest of my life like that. But how the hell could I fix this?
Do something huge…
“Sir, I have a proposition for you…”
Chapter Thirty-One
Kensey
My impending union to Josh Fluza would be made official in a few minutes, at the beginning of the coalition meeting. We’d announced it, but this was the whole shebang. Timeline, plans for the future. Yep. Today my entire life was about to slip right through my fingers.
“You look amazing,” Amanda said with a breathy sigh. She was braiding my hair into an intricate design that would hang down my back. “You must be so excited.”
Excited? About being tied to someone I had zero feelings for, for the rest of my days? Yeah. I was getting ready to crap barbed-wire rainbows.
“Yeah.”
“I saw him yesterday when he and his father came to the house. He’s absolutely gorgeous!” she continued, oblivious. “I’m jealous.”
My first instinct was to tell her she could have him, but I bit down hard on my tongue, hard enough to taste blood. Josh was easy on the eyes. Sweet, too. He’d been shy as we were introduced, offering a smile and promises of a good life. And while I believed he meant every word he said, I didn’t have any desire to drink the wolfy Kool-Aid.
“Sure is.” There. A simple, short response. I could do this. March into our living room and essentially hand my life away. Easy as pie.
One of my father’s assistants poked her head into the room. “They’re ready for you.”
“Okay.” It was all I could manage. It’d been several weeks since Slade walked through the front door and out of my life. I still hadn’t shed a tear. I’d come close several times, waking in a cold sweat with a wail on my lips and an ache so crushing in my chest that I was afraid I’d never be able to breathe again, but I tamped it down. I was a wolf. A strong, resilient thing that could survive anything. Slade McAlister? He was just another challenge I’d overcome.
Eventually.
“You look lovely,” Amanda said as we made our way through the hall. “He’s going to freak over that dress.”
“Yeah.” It was my go-to answer for most things lately. Simple, quick, and no thought required. When you agreed with everything, no one wanted to argue.
She marched me into the room and gave my shoulder a firm squeeze as we came to the doorway. My job was to strut down the center aisle—not unlike the bride marching toward her groom—in my best dress to give everyone a nice long look at the goods Josh was getting. Had to have everyone inspect the merchandise, ya know?
When I got to the back of the room, my breath hitched. Suddenly, the living room I’d played in as a child, the one I’d binge-watched every episode of Buffy back to back in, felt a thousand times smaller. Much too small for all these people.
Much too small for me…
Still, I pulled it together and took a step. Then another. Before I knew it, I was standing at the podium next to my father, feeling numb. But numb was good. Numb didn’t hurt.
“As most of you know, we gather here to make an announcement about my daughter, Makensey Rebekah Deaton’s future. She has chosen a mate and has come here to make her official decree—but I cannot allow it.”
My head whipped around so fast that I gave myself whiplash. Maybe the numbness in my heart had traveled to my brain. Simple functions like hearing were now affected, because there was no way I’d just heard what I thought I had.
“While the wolf she chose is a fine member of our community and would make a suitable partner, I believe there are other, more suitable choices.”
A weight settled in my chest, crushing me, constricting my airways. I couldn’t take a breath. The bastard! He’d gone and changed the game without telling me. I knew it was all too good to be true. There was no way my father would give me so much control. Josh was a good guy, but he wasn’t as motivated as Carter—or one of his friends. My mind raced as I ran through a list of the vilest wolves my age I could think of. Carter was out of the running. My father wouldn’t go there again, but who?
“We won’t be announcing another mate for Makensey today—but it will come in time.” His voice broke my reverie. “But we do have an announcement. As you all know, the McAlister pack was dissolved. Some of you have chosen to take in wayward wolves, and for that, I commend you. The Deaton pack has not welcomed outside members in several generations. I am pleased to say that today we welcome our first new blood.”
There was an explosion of whispers. Everyone turned to the back of the room, where out of nowhere, Risa had appeared. She looked amazing, dressed in red and gold and wearing a smile as bright as the sun. As she walked slowly toward us, I was struck by how differently she moved. Easier, lighter. Gavin’s removal seemed to be agreeing with everyone.
“Clarissa Josette Malone, do you swear to uphold our laws and protect the pack to your best ability? To remain loyal to your brothers and sisters, holding their safety in the same regard you would your own?”
Risa winked at me and smiled. “I swear.”
Dad stepped off the podium and embraced her. “Welcome, sister.”
Risa hugged him back then stepped to the side as my father took his place again. I assumed we were finished, but he cleared his throat and offered a small smile.
“In addition to Clarissa, we have one more wolf to welcome to the fold.”
And that’s when I smelled him. The scent of the forest after a hard rain. I held my breath and tensed. The numbness that had settle
d over me ebbed, and my chest began to ache. A hushed whisper rolled through the crowd as Slade took his place at the far end of the room. He walked toward us—toward me—with steely determination in his step and furious intention in his eyes.
No. This wasn’t happening. He couldn’t be here.
“Gavin Slade McAlister, do you swear to uphold our laws and protect the pack to your best ability? To remain loyal to your brothers and sisters, holding their safety in the same regard you would your own?”
Slade looked from my father to me then sank down to his knees. “I made a mistake, Kensey. What I said to you—it was all bullsh—a lie. I thought you’d be better off without me. I still think that, but I also know that I’m better because of you. I’m better with you. I will work the rest of my life to be better for you. I—”
You generally didn’t chat during one of these things, but since the world had apparently turned upside down, I couldn’t help myself. “Chose the chicken shit way out.”
The room gasped, and Slade’s lip twitched. “I did.”
“So, what?” My heart hammered and my breath hitched. Here. He was really here. He’d come back. For me. Still… He didn’t deserve an easy in. “I’m supposed to just fall all over myself now that you’ve decided to suck it up? Melt all—”
“I swear my loyalty to you and the pack—” Slade looked up at my father, then turned back to me. “If she’ll have me.”
I shook my head. “You’re finally free. Why would you do this?”
“I still don’t think I’m good enough for you, but I believe I can be.” He stood. “I want to be.”
“I can’t let you do this,” I whispered. All Slade had ever wanted was to be free. Free from the rules of pack life, free from the chaos…free from Gavin. He finally had it. I couldn’t let him throw it all away.