Chapter Twenty-Two
Images flashed in my head, like me kissing Lorik when we were seven and him telling me I tasted funny. Images of Gabe holding me when I cried. Images of Zavier holding me when I would read his poetry. Images of me and Sage hiding and kissing in the closets. I was surprised by how many times that had happened.
I saw images of me and Shay playing together as kids, as toddlers; always near each other, always there for the other, always fighting each other’s battles. I saw images of me and Dad or me and Dean sparring with each other, laughing and goofing off with each other. I had forgotten how fun Dean was to be around when I was younger. Then I would see images of someone standing behind the bleachers. I could see their crystal sky blue eyes watching me as I would train. Braydon.
The images kept swirling in my head, one after another, making it feel as if my head were swimming. I strained to open my eyes to stop it. I shut my eyes tight then would raise my eyebrows in an attempt to make them come open. It took several times of this to finally get them to crack open. When they did, I found tape had been holding them shut.
Was I dead? Was I trapped in my body? What was going on?
When I reached up and ripped the tape off I grimaced feeling some of my eyelashes coming with it. When I could finally focus my eyes and look around, I didn’t recognize where I was. I looked around at the room. It wasn’t a hospital room.
I was lying in a hospital bed but the room gave off a different feel. There were cabinets lining the walls, one holding a television. There was a couch pushed up against another. There was a keypad on the wall next to what I assume was the door. I was in Dean’s panic room.
“Hello?” I tried to yell out. My voice was raspy and I had to clear it a few times to get enough volume to get it out.
The door slid open and Shayden walked in. The look on his face was mixed with relief and fury.
“Did you know you were bleeding?” was his first question.
I shook my head.
“When did you find out?”
“After I hugged Dad I assumed the blood was mine. I was positive when blood dripped down on one of the men I shot,” I whispered.
I continuously tried to clear my throat. I was parched. I licked my lips but my tongue felt like sand paper against them. Shayden reached over and held a cup that had a straw in it. I took a small sip since the nausea was still threatening to make me sick everywhere.
“At what point where you going to tell me?” he demanded. His nostrils were flaring. How could he be mad at me at a time like this?
“I wasn’t. I told Zavier.” I gulped but continued. “I didn’t want you to worry. I wanted you to focus and get you and Dad back. That was what mattered.”
He looked away from me. His lips were pulled tight and I could see he was gritting his teeth. He glanced back at me before turning to leave. He stopped at the door and hung his head.
“You complete me too you know; so how do you think I would feel if you were to die?” then he was gone.
I laid there thinking about that. He was right. I had been selfish in so many ways. I didn’t want him to worry but I had kept it from him knowing it may have been dire. It made me wonder if I was unconsciously suicidal.
I looked down at my chest. The pain was starting to surface. The numbing was leaving my body. I pulled the gown up so I could see but it was covered by gauze. A large amount of gauze at that. I looked up to make sure no one was in the room and pulled one side of the gauze up. I tried to gasp but the movement sent a stabbing pain to my chest.
There was a long line of stitches between my breasts. I was assuming it was the only way Kyle could get to the bullet. I counted thirty stitches. That didn’t include the five closing the actual bullet wound. Exactly how bad had it been?
I got that answer when Kyle walked in and fussed at me for pulling off the bandage. It seems the bullet had lodged itself in one of my ribs. It was hovering just above my heart. After he bandaged the wound again I grabbed his hand. I told him I hadn’t meant to leave him out but didn’t think I could say a lot more. He nodded and was going to walk out of the room until I stopped him.
“You’re a great man. You’re a great doctor. And well I guess I sort of got attached to you Kyle, because I think of you like a grandfather. I guess what I’m trying to say is, I love you.”
I watched his eyes tear up, he opened his mouth to say something but nothing came out. He smiled, nodded, and walked out. I would have thought he was used to his patients letting him know how much he meant to them.
I had one visitor after another after that. Dad and Mom came to see me, well and fuss. I don’t think I had been fussed at by so many people in one day. I was beginning to develop a complex I think.
When Zavier walked in he lay down on the bed beside me and wrapped an arm around my stomach. We talked about the surgery, the things I had seen but never about what I had said to him on the way here. I wasn’t afraid he would say something about it. I was afraid if I did mention it he would leave. He was after all older than me. That was one of the things Gabe had pointed out to me. The guys didn’t mind kissing me because they knew nothing would come of it. Except, for me, it did.
After Zavier left, I knew there was only one person left to visit. I didn’t know if he would or not and I couldn’t blame him if he didn’t. To my surprise, he poked his head in the door.
“Can I come in?” he asked hesitantly.
I nodded.
He come over and sat down, taking my hand in his. I could see him struggling with something and I feared it was that he hated me for what he had to do. I couldn’t handle that. I may have been in love with Zavier too but it didn’t mean I wouldn’t be hurt.
“Do you hold it against me? I mean, what my father did? You know the shooting, the kidnapping? I wouldn’t blame you if you did.”
He wouldn’t look at me. He sits there staring at my hand in his. I watched as a tear rolled down his cheek.
“No. Why would I hold it against you? You saved me. Braydon, you’re nothing like your father. You’re a good man and a good assassin.”
He looked at me. His eyes were searching my eyes, my face. I don’t know what he found there but he gave me a sad smile. He closed his eyes and sighed. There was more and I knew it. I watched him sit there with his eyes closed for a few minutes before he opened them and looked at me.
“I know this isn’t the right time to do this. I hope you forgive me for it. But Marissa, I’m not in love with you. Do I care for you? Yes. I always will and I meant it when I pledged my allegiance to you. But.” Yeah there is always that but. “But I can’t be that to you. I’ve never thought of you that way. I’m sorry.”
I was dazed. I didn’t know what to feel. The pain in my chest flared up but it was nothing compared to the pain in my heart. He was waiting for me to reply to him but I couldn’t. I couldn’t do anything. I was having a hard time even breathing. There was no way I could get words out, but somehow I managed, “I’d like to be alone if you don’t mind.” The words were no more than a breath, he heard though.
He nodded, got up, and walked out of the room without even looking back. My breathing was ragged and the pain would cause it to hitch in my chest every few seconds. Tears burned my eyes as they begged to be released. When they finally did, I could feel them blaze a trail down my cheeks but the coolness of the room would soon make the trail go cold.
I didn’t believe it was possible but this was worse than dying. When Kyle came in because of the alarm letting him know my blood pressure was sky high he held a finger over the button on the machine. I nodded vehemently wanting the numbness for once. Even with it, it took too long to knock me out. I had to lay there and feel the pain of him ripping me apart. I honestly believed in that moment that he could have ripped open my stitches, pulled my beating heart out of my chest, and it still wouldn’t have hurt this bad.
When I woke up later the door to the panic room was shut. There was no sound coming from the other si
de of the wall. I couldn’t hear the others. When my nose began to itch I tried raising my hand only to find it handcuffed to the railing. That wasn’t a good sign.
I almost screamed as the pain threatened to take me under again when I sat up in the bed. I began unhooking the IV and pulling off the oxygen canal. I scooted forward until my feet were dangling off the bed. I took my time to stand but I needed to get to the door.
The wheels on the bed were locked in place. I had to drag the entire bed with me as I made it over to the door. I entered the key in but nothing happened. They had locked me in. I looked over to see a computer sitting on the cabinet. I made my way over to it.
I flipped through the camera views. One by one I could see the building clear. My guys were nowhere around. The last view was of Dean’s office. Sitting behind his desk was Dean, looking exhausted. Mom was sitting in one chair, Archer in another and Kyle was leaning against the window seal. On the couch laid Braxton. He was awake but staring at the ceiling.
I started banging on the door. I watched, no one could hear me. Tears began again. I can’t believe they were gone. I knew what they were doing. They had gone after the ones trying to kill me.
Screams ripped from my body as I pulled over and over trying to get the handcuff off. I beat on the door with my good hand until I knew it would be bruised. I pushed the bed over almost bringing myself with it and tried finding a way out. I was on the other side of the room when the door slid open.
Braxton walked in and freaked when he found the shape I was in. Blood was starting to run down my hand from the handcuff, warmth had spread down my chest so I knew it had started bleeding again. As soon as the door slid shut, Sage’s alarm went off.
“No!”
I was screaming and begging Braxton to let me loose. I needed to get to them. I couldn’t let something happen to them. When Zavier’s alarm went off I fell to my knees in sobs and started thinking of killing myself. I couldn’t contain the anguish I was feeling. The thought of losing them was more than I could handle.
Braxton was trying to hold me down to stop me from pulling more on the handcuffs. When I felt something warm hit my face I opened my eyes.
“Rissa, I’m scared please,” it was tears. His tears were coming as fast as mine.
“What?” At his confession I stopped moving completely.
“I’m scared. What if I lose my brother? He’s all I have.” He paused and looked at me. “You’re scaring me too. Don’t you think they’re going to make it?”
I felt like a crazed maniac. My eyes were darting everywhere to keep from looking at him. I finally took a breath and looked at him. I nodded my head.
“If I let you loose, will you?”
“Will I what?” I was grasping for anything. Anything that would put a stop to the shaking, that would take away the thoughts of Zavier dying on me.
“Will you hold me?”
I nodded fervently. “If you’ll hold me,” I replied in gasps.
He took the handcuff off and pulled me into his arms. Zavier’s alarm wouldn’t stop. I knew as long as it didn’t chirp on me he was alive. But the constant screaming of it was driving me mad. I needed to feel Zavier’s arms around me. I needed to see him.
That was when I realized I was deeper in love with Zavier than I had ever thought. It’s not that I didn’t love Sage or the others, I did. I do. If I were to lose any of them it would rip my heart out. I couldn’t live with myself. If I were to lose Zavier though, it would rip my soul apart.
Somehow Braxton had managed to get the bed up right and me in it, holding me to him as I cried for Zavier and Sage. When Shayden’s alarm went off my heart stopped. Braxton shook me hard and it stuttered. After a couple of minutes, Shayden’s alarm stopped. It never chirped just stopped which meant he had past the danger and was alright. But Zavier and Sage’s still blared.
It wasn’t until I felt the prick in my arm that I saw that Kyle had come in while Braxton held me down. He injected something into my arm that took effect quickly. I could feel the grogginess sweeping in.
“Braxton, promise me that if they don’t make it back that you’ll kill me. Please promise me that,” I said as I was going under.
“As long as you promise to take me with you,” he replied.
I think I nodded into his chest. I wasn’t quite sure what I did. All I knew was that in my dream I was crouched in a corner with sirens blaring as war broke out around me.
At some point my dream changed. The war ended and I could hear an angels’ voice telling me everything was alright. I hadn’t seen her in so long. She was still as beautiful as ever. Her long silvery hair hung down to her waist in waves. I tried to get to her. I tried to speak to tell her I needed her help but I couldn’t do anything, I was paralyzed.
She must have known what I was trying to do because she shook her head and pointed. I looked to where she was pointing but there was nothing there. When I turned back she was gone.
When I turned back around it was like a veil. I could see through it but just barely. On the other side lying in the floor around the room was my guys. I breathed. It hurt.
My eyes flew open and I tried to sit up to look around. Something was holding me down. When I turned both ways it tightened. It was Braxton. He was sound asleep beside me in the bed, holding me to him.
I strained my neck as I rose what I could to see my guys. They were lying just as I had seen in my dream. I couldn’t see an injury on any of them. Sage was curled up in a ball with a blanket thrown over him. Braydon was lying on his back, asleep. Zavier was closer to my bed, turned toward me. Shayden was leaned up against one of the counters as if he had fallen asleep watching me. Gabe was lying on his back with his hands behind his head and one knee bent as if he were talking to someone. And Lorik was snoring away facing the wall.
I looked down at Zavier. I always thought those movies were stupid when you would see the woman crying because she was happy. I was wrong. I stared at him laughing and crying.
“Braxton. Braxton, wake up. They’re back. They’re okay.”
He opened his eyes and smiled up at me. He kissed my forehead before getting up. I couldn’t figure out what he was doing until a hand touched my shoulder. I turned to see Zavier standing there. I didn’t even bother trying to get up. I grabbed Zavier’s shirt and pulled him toward me so I could wrap my arms around him.
I kissed his cheek, his eyes, and his mouth repeatedly. He never smiled though. The sadness was overwhelming.
“I need to talk to you. Okay?” he paused and looked over at Sage. He sits down on the side of the bed and helped me up. He pulled me onto his lap and wrapped his arms around me.
He went on to explain that his Dad wasn’t very welcoming when he showed up there. He made sure to let Zavier know that he no longer considered him his son before he tried killing him. I couldn’t understand how that man could treat those boys like that. I had thought he loved them. When Zavier explained that it was because they had chosen me over their family, he had realized I was the black rose.
He told me that it wasn’t as hard as he thought it would be to pull the trigger on him. He said that he knew his father was a murderer. In the struggle he had found out that his Dad had been the one to kill his little sister years ago. He had done it out of fear she would tell what he had been planning.
I closed my eyes and took small breaths to keep myself calm. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.
“Rissa,” he waited until I was looking at him. “Mom was there. That’s why Sage’s alarm went off. She tried to kill him.” Tears poured down my face.
I had loved their mom; she was always nice to me. How could someone’s own mother turn against them like that? These two boys were good hearted and loved without shame. How could she want to kill her own son?
“Your dad had to do it. I was trying to get to Sage but someone tried to stop me.”
I wrapped my arms tighter around Zavier. It hurt to think their own flesh and blood would do that. I gue
ss not as bad as it hurt Zavier to know his mother would.
“I’m so sorry you had to go through that but I’m glad you all came home to me,” I muttered into his chest. “I love you.”
Once the dam had broken I couldn’t stop myself. I didn’t care if he felt the same or not. I love Zavier Mathews. In a way I think he needed to hear it as much as I needed to say it because he moved around and laid us down on the bed and kissed my neck before we both fell asleep in each other’s arms.