The next time Sausage came in on his own turning the cap round on his lap looking at me with these sad eyes why does there have to be so many sad things in the world Francie I’m an old man I’m not able for this any more. When I seen them eyes, I said to myself, poor old Sausage its not fair. All right Sausage I said I’ll show you where she is thanks Francie he said, I knew you would. Its gone on long enough. There’s been enough unhappiness and misery. There has indeed sergeant I said.
The new detective was in the front of the car, Fabian of the Yard I called him after the fellow in the pictures, and I was hemmed in between two of the bullnecks in the back.
Sausage was all proud now that things had worked out and he hadn’t made a cod of himself in front of Fabian. It’ll be all over shortly now Francie he says you’re doing the right thing. I know Sergeant I said. When we turned into the lane he drove slowly to avoid the children what were they at now selling comics on a table it was a comic sale. They stood there looking after us I seen tassels pointing look Brendy its him!
We stopped at the chickenhouse and Fabian says you two men stay out here at the front just in case you can’t be too careful. Right they said and me and the sergeant and him and the other two went inside. The fan was humming away and it made me sad. The chicks were still scrabbling away who are all these coming with Francie?
We waded through the piles of woodchips as we went along and I said to them it isn’t far its just down here at the back. Fabian wasn’t sure of where he was going it was so dark and when he walked into the light hanging in front of his face it went swinging back and forth painting the big shadows on the walls and the ceilings. I think the chicks must have known what was going to happen for they started burbling and getting excited. I said fuck who put that there and made on to trip and fall down. Watch yourself says Sausage its very dark and when Fabian came over to help me up I had the chain in my hand it had been lying there under the pallets where it always was. I swung it once and Fabian cried out but that was all I needed I tore into the back room and bolted the door. I didn’t waste any time I threw the chain there and flung open the window and got out then ran like fuck.
I don’t know where all the policemen came from but they were combing the country for me high up and low down. I could see them moving out across the fields and shouting to each other: Any luck? and Have you searched the other side of the woods yet?
It was a good laugh listening to all this I could see everything from inside the hide and old Sausage would he have kicked kicked himself stupid if he knew that he was standing right beside me twice.
They brought more police in you could hear them poking about night noon and morning and the sniffer dogs wuff wuff on the bank of the river time was running out for the deadly Francie Brady! Oh no it wasn’t it was running out for fed-up Fabian and his men for all they had found was a dead cat in the ditch and you could hardly take that back to Scotland Yard. Well done Detective Fabian! You didn’t catch Brady but you did catch this – a maggot-ridden old moggy! Congratulations!
In the end they said he has to be in the river so out the frogmen police went and dragged it there was reporters and Buttsy and Devlin and half the town all waiting to see me coming up covered in weeds and dirt but all they got this time was an iron bedstead and half a mattress. They came back a few times after that poking bits of sticks in bushes and muttering to themselves ah fuck this he’s gone then they just slowly drifted away and then there was only me and the river hiss hiss. Hey fish! I said, youse are lucky youse didn’t tell youse bastards! then out I went onto the main road there wasn’t a sinner to be seen so off I went towards the town whistle whistle I was back in action. There was an old farmer humming away to himself and his bike lying up against the ditch. Tick tick tick and off I went and soon as I turned the corner wheee freewheeling away down the hill round the lane by the back of the houses in I went da-dan! I’m home! What’s this ma used to say? I’ve so much tidying to do I don’t know where to start, I rubbed my brow and stood there with my hands on my hips. I just don’t know! Such a smell there was in the place! Not only had Grouse Armstrong been in but every dirty mongrel in the town. Everywhere you looked there was dog poo! In the corners, smeared on the walls. I gathered up as much of it as I could and put it all in a big pile in the middle of the kitchen. Well, I said, at least that’s a start! Now – what about those mouldy old books! I lifted up one of them. What’s this? The Glory That Was Greece! To Benny 1949.
I turned a few of the pages and it all broke up in bits in my hands. I threw them all on the pile one after the other. There was a heap of clothes lying in the corner. A handful of earwigs fell out of the pocket of da’s Al Capone coat. There was skirts and odd shoes and all sorts of things. I threw them all on. Then I went out to the scullery and got plates and knives and any other things that were lying around. I wiped my hands. Dear oh dear this is hard work I said. And I haven’t even touched the upstairs yet! I didn’t bother going through the drawers I just turned them upside down. There was letters and calendars and bills and stuff like that. Then I went upstairs and got the bedclothes and anything that was left in the wardrobes. What about us? said the pictures on the walls. Oops, I said, silly me! I nearly went and forgot all about you didn’t I?
There was one of da pressing the mouthpiece to his lips. On you go, I says. Then the Sacred Heart with his two fingers up and the thorny heart burning outside his chest. Do you remember all the prayers we used to say in the old days Francie? He says. Oh now Sacred Heart I says, will I ever forget them? May the curse of Christ light upon you this night you rotten cunting bitch – do you remember that one?
I do, He says, raising His eyes to heaven, then off he goes what about this I says John F. Kennedy the man himself. What about me says Pope John the twenty third do I have to be dumped too? I’m sorry Holy Father I have to or else I’ll get into trouble with the rest so on you go it’ll not be long now. I had a hard job carrying the telly over I wanted it on the top but I managed it. The guts was still hanging out of it, wires and bulbs all over the place. The records were still under the stairs but I only wanted one I threw the rest away. I plugged in the gramophone it was working as good as ever then I carried it out to the scullery and put it near the sink. Right says I, now we’re in business.
I got the paraffin from the coalhouse and threw it round everywhere but mostly on the pile, Spin spin goes your head with the smell of it here we go I says and then what happens.
No matches! No fucking matches! Oh for fuck’s sake! I said.
When I got out into the street I couldn’t believe it what’s going on now I says. It was like the bit in Gone with the Wind where they burn the city. Fellows with halves of legs and some with none at all only a bit of a stump. Traynor’s daughter was bucking away on the Diamond between two nuns, with her mouth all suds. The drunk lad was directing traffic with a new tie on him. This way to the Mother of God, my friends! They were far too busy waiting for her to be bothered about me running round for matches. I went into the shop thank you very much Mary I says its goodbye now I’m afraid but she didn’t say anything she just sat there.
When I got back to the house I locked all the doors and then I lit a couple of matches. Soon as they fell on the heap up she went whumph!
I put on the record then I went in and lay down on the kitchen floor I closed my eyes and it was just like ma singing away like she used to.
In that fair city where I did dwell
A butcher boy I knew right well
He courted me my life away
But now with me he will not stay
I wish I wish I wish in vain
I wish I was a maid again
But a maid again I ne’er will be
Till cherries grow on an ivy tree.
He went upstairs and the door he broke
He found her hanging from a rope
He took a knife and he cut her down
And in her pocket these words he found
Oh make my grave la
rge wide and deep
Put a marble stone at my head and feet
And in the middle a turtle dove
That the world may know I died for love.
I was crying because we were together now. Oh ma I said the whole house is burning up on us then a fist made of smoke hit me a smack in the mouth its over says ma its all over now.
That’s what you think! says the voice and when I look up who is it.
Oh for fuck’s sake! I said – Sausage!
Ah Francie what were you at for the love of God! he says, twisting the cap in his hands.
Fabian was behind him with the one eye closed giving me a dirty look let’s see you try to escape now!
Every time I woke up there was a different bullneck standing by the bed.
I was in a bad state, there was no doubt about it. I looked in the mirror.
What’s this? I says.
All you could see was bandages, it was like the Invisible Man.
Aiee! I says. Come on now says the nurse come on! or I’ll have to send for the orderly.
After a while they gave me a set of crutches I was hobbling around on them when this bogman in a dressing gown says to me: What happened to you? Your face is all burn-ted!
I told him the whole story about the orphanage going up in the middle of the night and all the children getting out except one poor little boy. I couldn’t stand the screams I said we could all see him standing at the upstairs window help me help me!
So you went back in to get him? he says with the lip hanging.
I just shrugged no no tell me tell me he says so I told him about me and the little lad jumping from the top floor and all that. When I was finished he had tears in his eyes. He was so mad to give me a cigarette that he dropped a scatter of them on the floor. He could hardly steady his hand to light the fag for me. Puff puff through the bandages all you could see was the fag and the two eyes looking out. That bogman, he couldn’t get giving me enough fags. And what else? he’d say then with his mouth open.
Then one day in comes Fabian walking like John Wayne and I could see by the way he looked at me he meant business. OK you sonuvabitch move we’re ridin’ out right you be now Mr Fabian sorr!
SO OFF went me and Sausage and Fabian of the Yard I could see Sausage as white as a ghost in the front, in case I’d make a cod of him again but I wouldn’t for I knew that was what pokerarse Fabian wanted, to be able to show off and give out to Sausage. Leddy had the place all locked up but the manure heap was still warm from the morning kill. Here we are I said and Sausage says: Right, dig!, and hands me the graip. How can I dig sergeant with these hands and I lifted up my swaddled stumps.
He was nearly going to say: There’s nothing wrong with them hands you’re only making it up but then he saw Fabian staring at him with his well what are you waiting for you country bumpkin face on him so he spat on his hands and starts digging with the graip. I was sorry now I had gone near her with the lime I was afraid if she was gone they wouldn’t believe me and the whole thing would start all over again come on Francie and we know and all this. But there was no need to worry for after a while I knew by the sarge that he had hit something and sure enough when he pulled out the graip there stuck on the end of it was part of a leg and Mrs Nugent’s furry boot hanging, Fabian wasn’t so smart then. Oh Christ!, he says, bwoagh! and gets sick all over his foot.
Gammy Leg the court man thought he was all it limping up and down tell me this tell me that I’ll tell you fuck all I said. Oh! was all you could hear in the gallery what did I care I didn’t care let them say it. But after Sausage told me that if I ever said that again I’d be in real serious trouble all right then I said. So when he said did you do this did you do that I said yes I did. And I would have kept on saying it only he started on about the money. Comes right up to me there in the box: It was a cold-blooded, premeditated, and deliberate crime – one that had been cunningly planned and thought over, and above all, it was a murder perpetrated for the meanest and most contemptible of motives – for the purpose of robbery and plunder! I had a good mind to hit make a go at him soon as he said it but I could see Sausage glaring at me no don’t Francie so I just said what would you know about it Gammy Leg you don’t know what you’re talking about I never robbed a thing off the Nugents the only thing I ever took was Philip’s comics and I was going to give them back I swear you can ask Joe. Sausage showed me papers Brutal pig killing – sensation in court!
There was a drawing of me standing there and underneath Francis Brady is a pig.
Fuck this I says even the papers are at it now but there was another bit I didn’t see; Francis Brady is a pig butcher in a local abattoir.
I said to Sausage: Will they hang me? I hope they hang me.
He looked at me and says: I’m sorry Francie but there’s no more hanging. No more hanging? I says. For fuck’s sake! What’s this country coming to!
But Sausage was right, there was no more hanging and a few weeks after that there we were all off again me and the sergeant in the back phut phut away off down the road to another house of a hundred windows. But this time there was no ho’ho h’hee they’ll put manners on you here or any of that stuff, we just talked about ma and da and the old times in the town and when we said goodbye on the steps he said to me there’s a lot of sad things in this world Francie and this is one of them.
Goodbye sergeant I said, right says Fabian and the bullnecks then they were gone off down the avenue in the patrol car and that was the last I seen of my old friend Sergeant Sausage.
They took my clothes the pair of fuckers nearly tore them off me come on come on they says. Then they gave me this white thing it tied at the back. What’s this I says Emergency Ward Ten?
One of them gives me a dig in the ribs and says you needn’t think you’ll get away with that kind of lip here its not old women you’re up against now Brady.
I know I says then I managed to get away from him: You don’t fool me! I shouted. You’re trying to trick me! You’re going to put me into a mental hospital!
He got a bit red under the eyes and I could see him clenching the fist. Then I laughed: Its all right I said, its only a joke, for fuck’s sake!
That was all a long time ago. Twenty or thirty or forty years ago, I don’t know. I was on my own for a long time I did nothing only read the Beano and look out at the grass. Then they said to me; There’s no sense in you being stuck up in that wing all on your own. I don’t think you’re going to take the humane killer to any of our patients are you?
Humane killer! I don’t think Mrs Nugent would be too pleased to hear you calling it that, doc, I said. Oh now now he says that’s all over you must forget all about that next week your solitary finishes how about that hmm? I felt like laughing in his face: How can your solitary finish? That’s the best laugh yet.
But I didn’t. I just said that’s great and the next week he introduced me to all these bogmen making baskets and fat teddybears. Is there anything you want, says the doc. Yes, I said, the Beano Annual and a trumpet. There you are he says the next day. So now I have a trumpet and if you could see me I look just like da going round the place in my Al Capone coat. Sometimes they have sing songs in the hall and they ask me for a song. Go on!, they say, you’re a powerful musicianor! You’re the boy can sing then off I go and before long they’re all at it, that’s the stuff! The Butcher Boy by cripes!
You’re all enjoying yourselves says the doctor yes I says, doing the bogman tango. Out with the backside, up with the nose.