invitation for you?"
"No way, dude. I don't want to be anywhere around when that guy begins speaking. He gives me a headache."
"You don't know what you're missing."
"Yes I do. Catch you later," says Jim as he heads off towards one of the exits.
Time: 10:00 AM
Jim jogs over to the campus police office located in the basement of one of the many administrative buildings. He passes through endless corridors that host the elaborate suites of assistant, vice assistant, special assistant and deputy assistant vice presidents, provosts, deans and directors. In the modern university, the number and salaries of administrators far exceeds those of the faculty.
For most students, their four to five years in college are an exercise in the accumulation of debt. For most, it is debt that will follow them to retirement. While degrees in mathematics, science and engineering lead to lucrative careers, most are lured into worthless majors by seductive promises of easy grades and little work.
So, they enroll in droves into psychology, art history, womyn's studies, sociology, fine arts, and general studies, unaware of the of the Faustian bargain they have struck. Their prospective incomes will scarcely pay the unending interest. But four years of beer pong is a lifetime of memories.
The rising tide of easy student money did not, however, go unnoticed by empire building college administrations. They swiftly siphoned this flood of gullible cash to build ever larger, palatial administrative offices, elaborate hierarchies of assistant and associate administrators, meaningless programs of outreach, sister schools (in resort climates), lavish travel and entertainment budgets, ever ballooning salaries, opulent recreation centers, and luxurious theaters to entertain faculty and administrators alike, at discounted, below market rates.
After working two or three part time jobs and selling a pint of plasma every two weeks, students seldom find time for these questionable amenities.
At last Jim locates the administrative directory and scans the list of offices. Each, he knows, is headed by a flunky drone making a small fortune for a no-show job at student expense.
Office of the Chancellor
Office of the Provost and Executive Vice Chancellor
Office of the Vice chancellors
Office of the Assistant Vice chancellors
Office of the Vice provosts
Office of the Assistant Vice provosts
Office of Academic Affairs
Office of Academic Counseling (Undergraduate)
Office of Academic Personnel
Office of the Academic Senate
Office of Accounting & Fiscal Services
Office of Administrative & Business Services
Office of Administrative Policies & Records
Office of Admissions & Relations with Schools
Office of University Advancement
Office of the Alumni Association
Office of the Bookstore
Office of Campus Billing Services
Office of the Campus Counsel
Office of Campus Recreation
Office of the Career Center
Office of the Career Center – MBA
Office of the Center for Educational Partnerships
Office of Child Care Services
Office of Community College Relations
Office of Strategic Communications
Office of Counseling Center (Faculty & Staff)
Office of Counseling Center (Students)
Office of the Cross-Cultural Center
Office of the Dean of Students (Student Life & Leadership)
Office of Design & Construction Services
Office of Discrimination and Harassment
Office of Labor Relations, and Organizational and Employee Development
Office of Disability Services Center (Students)
Office of Distribution & Document Management
Office of the University Editor
Office of Silly Walks
Office of the Employee Assistance Program
Office of Environmental Health & Safety
Office of Environmental Planning & Sustainability
Office of Equal Opportunity & Enforcement
Office of Extension
Office of Facilities Management
Office of Financial Aid & Scholarships
Office of Financial Services
Office of Food Services
Office of the FDSU Foundation
Office of the Graduate Division
Office of the Graduate Student Resource Center
Office of Health Education
Office of Human Resources
Office of Faculty & Staff Housing
Office of Information Technology
Office of Institutional Research
Office of Internal Audit Services
Office of Internal Controls
Office of the International Center
Office of the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender Resource Center
Office of Loan Services
Office of Material & Risk Management (Purchasing)
Office of the Mediation Program
Office of Meditation and Yoga
Office of the Medical Center
Office of the Ombudsman
Office of Organization Charts
Office of Parking
Office of FDSU Partnerships
Office of Planning & Budget
Office of Public Relations & Publicity
Office of FDSU Police
Office of FDSU Fire Department
Office of Policies & Procedures
Office of Provost & Executive Vice Chancellor
Office of the Registrar
Office of Research
Office of Research Administration
Office of Safety Escort Services
Office of the Center for Service in Action (Volunteer Center)
Office of Sexual Harassment/Title IX Officer
Office of Special Event Parking
Office of Staff Assembly
Office of the Student Center & Event Services
Office of the Vice Chancellor Student Affairs
Office of the Student Center
Office of Student Health Services
Office of Student Housing
Office of Student Life & Leadership (Dean of Students)
Office of Sustainability
Office of Organic and Vegan Food Services
Office of Teaching, Learning & Technology Center
Office of Technology Alliances
Office of Transfer Services Counseling Program
Office of Transportation & Distribution Services
Office of Division of Undergraduate Education
Office of the University Club
Office of International Alumni and Development
Office of Diversity, Inclusion, Multiculturalism, Speech Code Enforcement, Equity and Quota Management
Finally finding the building and corridor coordinates for the Campus Police, Administrative Personnel Subsection, he soldiers on.
After several minutes of walking through administrative maze, he finds and enters the office. There he sees a woman he knows and asks if there are any jobs available for the convention president visit.
She's an older woman who was always friendly to him from his days in ITS. He used to spend hours fixing her computer and showing her how to use the software which she would promptly forget and he'd have to start all over again. She appreciated it.
"Yes, Jimmy, there are a few. Mainly putting up security barriers, parking cars, directing pedestrian traffic, that sort of thing. Can you work twelve hours each day?"
"Terrific! I sure can, Mrs. Wells."
"Good, here fill out these forms and then come back Thursday for a security pass. You won't be able to move around here next week without one of those. It's gong to be crazy but I'm looking forward to it."
Ji
m goes to a table and fills out the forms then returns to Mrs. Wells desk and says, "How many people are there going to be at this party?"
"Oh we're not completely sure but it may be as many at ten thousand if the weather is good."
"Wow! That's a lot of folding chairs!"
"No, the seating will just be for the invited guests, only about a thousand of them. The rest will be standing."
"Will there be concession stands and all?"
"Oh yes, the university is having a big tailgate party over in the G lot behind Coleman Hall"
"How does President Munson get to campus?"
"He'll fly into the airport in Des Moines then he'll fly here in a helicopter. They're going to cordon off the roof of the parking garage on the north side of Bander for a landing zone. Then they can bring him over through the back entrance of Bander."
"I'll bet that will be a sight!"
"Yes, indeed it will be!"
"Ok, see you Thursday," as he hands her the filled-in paperwork.
Happy at the chance to make some money, he wanders towards a classroom building to sleep through the noon class in thermodynamics where an aging, hippie physics prof rants for fifty minutes about genetically modified foods or anything else that enters his mind, other than thermodynamics.
Time: Noon
Today's lecture topic is a surprise! A hackneyed oldie but goodie: Communism didn't fail in Russia, It was just wrongly implemented. This one is a campus staple, it makes the rounds every few years like clockwork. The faculty never came to grips with the loss of the Soviet Union. Jim wonders why no trigger warning? He's heard this one three times this month already. Surely that requires at the least a terminal boredom warning?
Midway through the rant the lights start flickering. He and the other students' eyes wander apathetically to the failing bulbs above. Not enough wind, so the electric grid is failing, yet again. A common occurrence since the progressives closed the baseline coal, oil, gas, and nuclear power plants. Until the projects to reopen the coal fired stations is done, most of the electricity comes from windmills, solar panels and wood chips which means blackouts on cloudy, windless days.
After a few minutes, the power totally fails. The inmates of the blackened lecture hall groan and, with the light of small LED flashlights, which they carry for these occasions, they pick up their things and thread their way out