“I suppose,” she admitted reluctantly.
“It’s certainly better than it was a few weeks ago. You’re happier. And Dan’s a nice man. Everyone can see he’s good to you.”
“Too good, I think.” She took a bite of steak, chewing it slowly.
“Why would you say that?”
“I don’t know. He acts like a real husband.”
“How so?”
“He worries about me, and he takes care of me. Like we’re really married, you know.”
“What’s wrong with that?”
“I try and I try, but there isn’t a lot I can do to take care of him.” She jabbed at another piece of meat. “I guess I’m starting to feel a little inadequate.”
“Maybe you should first admit to yourself that you really are married, and he is a real husband.”
“Not really. We don’t sleep together, or anything like that,” she murmured, her face flushing at the mere thought. She saw that Emma was trying not to grin.
“But that doesn’t make him any less your husband.” She paused for a moment. “Are you starting to feel like his wife?”
“I don’t know,” she whispered, looking at Emma like she might have a solution to her problems. “Sometimes, I guess. And I think about him.”
“In what way?”
“In ways I probably shouldn’t.”
“Do you think you might elaborate on that thought?” Emma asked impatiently, leaning across the table, her interest piqued.
“He’s really cute, and he always smells so nice.” Because it was embarrassing, she hesitated to admit, “And I think about the night we got married.” Much more than she should have.
“Do you mean about all the times he kissed you?”
“Yeah.”
“Did you like it?” Jess nodded her head reluctantly, and Emma laid a gentle hand on hers. “Honey, you’re a woman. You have normal feelings, and it has been a while since Frank died. Did you think you’d never want to be with a man again?”
“I never wanted to be with anyone but him.”
“But you know you can’t.”
“I feel like a traitor, Em.” She turned her hand over and clasped Emma’s. “He deserved better than a wife whose head could be turned this easily.”
“Jess,” Emma said gently, “you’re twenty-four years old. You only knew Frank what? Two months?”
“Four.” If she counted the time she’d worked in the office before they’d started dating.
“He’s been gone longer than you knew him.” A blunt observation, but true. Still, it didn’t mean she loved or missed him any less.
~~~~~
Jess thought about their conversation on the way home, and while she prepared that evening’s meal. Just spaghetti and meatballs, but one of Dan’s favorites. Dan’s favorite. Nearly everything she did lately centered around what Dan liked, while less and less of her thoughts were about Frank.
Was Emma right? Could the depth of love be measured by the length of time you knew a person? Was she fickle? Not capable of loyalty? No. Just because they hadn’t known one another all that long, did that mean her love hadn’t been real?
Of course it had been, she decided irritably, setting the burner on low so the sauce could simmer for a couple of hours.
She wandered into the living room and sat down, looking at the decorations she and Dan had already put out. Not many, considering the party was a couple of weeks away. He’d said he would finish the rest of it tonight, and she wasn’t to lift a finger since it would involve the stairway, and the split rail fences outside.
That had to be it. Like she’d told Emma, he acted like a concerned husband. Always making sure she didn’t tire herself, or do anything that might harm the baby.
In fact, he acted like any expectant father might, involving himself in the plans to decorate the nursery, and devouring books on pregnancy, labor and delivery. And baby care.
She smiled, remembering the other night when he asked about starting childbirth classes. He’d been perfectly serious about it, reading aloud some passages on how learning to breathe properly would help make contractions more bearable.
The phone rang, jolting her out of her thoughts, and she walked out to the kitchen to answer it. Monica was calling to see if she and Dan were coming over Christmas Eve for the gift opening. Jess told her she’d check with him when he got home, but she didn’t foresee a problem. Unless she counted the fact that her new mother-in-law didn’t want her there, and resented her presence in the family, but Jess kept that thought to herself. It wouldn’t do to antagonize the woman any more than she’d already been.
Replacing the receiver, she paced the kitchen restlessly. More than three hours till Dan was due home, a time she looked forward to more and more each day. It was only because it was lonely living out here, not knowing anyone, and being completely alone while he was at work. That was the only reason.
Maybe she should get some shopping done. The huge tree in the living room looked bare with no gifts beneath it, and shopping would keep her occupied.
After transferring the sauce to a crock-pot, and rinsing the pan out, Jess slipped into her jacket, and headed for the Jeep. Soon she was wandering the crowded aisles at Meijer.
Her list was a short one. She began with Ty and Emma. She’d known them forever, and it didn’t take much time to pick out some the things they might like. Sweaters in complimenting colors, colognes, and a warm throw to cover up with while they snuggled on their sofa on cold winter nights. She also picked up a lavender bath set for Darby, and an expensive gourmet coffee set, with teddy bear mugs for Cal. She hoped that with him being a chef, the coffee would be up to his high standards.
For the foster parents she and Emma had lived with the longest, Jess bought phone cards, a cute Santa and Mrs. Claus yard decoration, and several DVD’s she thought they might enjoy. She could ship them to Florida via UPS in a day or so, to make sure they arrived well before Christmas.
She decided the Mulholland's, Sam, Jon, and Ed were best left to Dan’s discretion, so that left only Dan himself to buy for.
He wouldn’t be so easy. Sure, she knew his clothing sizes by heart, and had a good idea of the colors he preferred, but the man had almost everything he could possibly want.
So she wandered some more, hoping against hope she might stumble on some unique things he would just love. Or at least not hate.
No such luck.
She settled on a new pair of jeans and a red sweater. He also liked Polo cologne, so she added a bottle to the growing pile in the cart. Not many gifts. She wandered on.
A funny coffee mug lamenting Monday mornings, personal planner, and a pair of slippers also wound up in the cart. After those, she couldn’t think of another thing to get for him, so she picked up wrapping supplies, and made a beeline for the check outs.
Could the crowds have been any worse, she wondered, trying to figure out which one she might get through the quickest. It didn’t matter. It was going to take forever no matter which one she chose.
A glance at her wristwatch told her she’d wasted more time than she’d realized, and that Dan was probably home by now. Great. Dinner should be ready and waiting on the table. No chance of that. If she were lucky she might get home in time to finish it for breakfast.
Willing the checker to hurry didn’t help, and she was starting to get more than a little stressed out. Listening to the cheerful holiday music piped throughout the store didn’t do much to calm her either. The only thing that kept her from packing it in and leaving was knowing she’d have to go through the entire process again. By the time it was her turn, she was nearly frantic. Next year, she vowed, she would have her shopping finished no later than August, and avoid this mess altogether.
Before Jess had even pulled to a stop in the garage, Dan was rushing out the door, his expression anxious. She wished she’d just stayed home.
“Dan, I’m sorry,” she apologized, near tears, climbing out quickly and looking up at h
im. “I didn’t mean to be gone this long. I’ll get dinner ready right away.”
“I already finished it,” he said, cupping her cheek. “Are you all right? I got home a couple of hours ago, and you weren’t here.” He’d probably been imagining car trouble, or an accident.
“I wanted to get my Christmas shopping done,” she explained, enjoying the feel of his strong, warm hand against her skin. The thought made her blush. “There must have been a thousand people at Meijer tonight.”
“I can imagine,” he said, smiling down at her. “Why don’t you go in and get cleaned up, while I unload this stuff? Then we can eat. You must be starving.”
“No.”
“No, you’re not hungry?” Jess laughed at his expression, like the possibility of her not being hungry should make headlines.
“Yes, I am hungry, but I’ll bring this stuff in later.”
“You’ve had a rough day. I’ll get it.”
“I’d rather do it myself,” she insisted.
“I do mind. I don’t want you lifting anything.” Dan was equally firm, and Jess wondered if they were going to argue about who got to take the presents inside.
“It’s not heavy, honest,” she said quickly. Dan looked at her suspiciously.
“Why don’t you want me to bring them in?” Jess lowered her eyes nervously.
“Because I bought your presents, too.” She heard his low chuckle, and felt herself being drawn against his solid chest. The feeling was- Well she didn’t know if she wanted to explore how it made her feel.
“If I promise not to peek, will you let me take them to your room?” She could hear the amusement in the request.
“You promise?”
“On my honor.”
“I guess it would be all right then.”
Jess felt even worse when she saw he’d not only cooked the pasta, but had garlic rolls warming in the oven, and a salad waiting in the refrigerator. Hanging her jacket on the back of a stool, she hurried to set the table. Everything was ready when he came down to join her.
“It looks like you got a lot of presents,” he observed, pulling her chair out. “I don’t suppose you’d like some help wrapping them?”
“Ha-ha,” Jess said, laughing at his less than selfless offer. “You can wait for Christmas, just like everyone else, Mr. Mulholland.” She recalled Monica’s earlier invitation, and relayed it to Dan. “I told her you’d call later.”
“Do you want to go?” he asked, piling his plate high. Jess knew he must be starving, and wished he hadn’t waited for her to get home.
“Don’t you?” she asked, knowing if it were left up to her she’d send their regrets.
“You’d be uncomfortable, wouldn’t you?”
“Probably a little.”
“Then we’ll stay home.”
“Dan, it’s your family, and it’s Christmas,” Jess protested, biting into a forkful of salad.
“We both know how my mother feels, Jess, and she’s not apt to change. So there’s really no point in us going.”
“I can handle it for a few hours.”
“Are you sure about that? If I hadn’t seen it for myself, I’d never have believed how nasty she could be.”
“I’m positive,” she insisted, wishing the event were already a memory. If it was just his father, it wouldn’t be bad. She liked Nate. Monica was another matter entirely. And who knew how the sister might be feeling?
“Fine. I’ll give her a call. But the first time she steps out of line, we’re leaving.”
~~~~~
With the dinner mess cleared away, and Jess safely in her room wrapping gifts, Dan started the chore of draping lights and pine boughs on the stairway and balcony. That was all that needed to be done in the house, and he didn’t plan to stop until the rails outside were finished as well.
The job, a no-brainer, gave him ample time to ponder the changes taking place between Jess and him. Changes he was beginning to like and look forward to. Like the hug in the garage. She didn’t pull away from him, as she might have done a couple of short weeks ago.
He especially liked the sense of closeness and friendship that was developing between them. Except for the lack of intimacy, they lived like a normal couple.
It gave him hope for the future because, as sure as the day was long, he was falling in love with her. When it started to happen, he couldn’t have said, but he’d realized it sometime during the hours he’d waited at the window this afternoon.
That she might have been hurt, or might have left him, filled him with an intense fear, and it had surprised him to realize how important she’d become. It was then he’d known he would do whatever it took to make her love him.
Naturally, it would take time for her to get over Frank, but it wouldn’t be forever. Even now, she was a different woman than the one he’d first met. Sometimes sad? Without a doubt. But she seemed happy more often than not, and he’d be waiting when she was ready to put that part of her life behind her.
The railing finished, and looking quite festive, Dan rapped on Jess’s door, chuckling when he got a stern warning to keep out.
“I just wanted to let you know I’m heading outside if you need anything.”
“I’m fine,” she assured him. “Dress warm. And wear a hat.”
“Will do, mom.” he teased, then jogged down the stairs.
One day she would be wrapping gifts in his room, he knew, because he wasn’t going to let the annulment happen. Even if he had to whisk her and the baby away to a deserted island, she wasn’t going to leave him.
Wearing a down-filled jacket, thick knit cap, and insulated gloves, Dan carried an armful of multi-colored lights out into the frigid darkness. Forget the pine boughs, he decided within a second or two. He didn’t relish the thought of turning into a lawn ornament, because he’d frozen solid while trying to turn his yard into a holiday fairyland.
Winters in Michigan always tended to be cold, but he figured the wind chill factor must be hovering around the fifty below zero mark. Or, he conceded, at least somewhere near zero. Or maybe he was just getting old and turning into a wimp, shivering and shaking in weather that wouldn’t have fazed him ten years ago.
“Want some help?” He had gotten about halfway down the first fence when Jess’s voice startled him.
“Help doing what? Giving me a heart attack?”
“Sorry,” she said, giggling.
“You sound sorry,” he teased, turning to face her. “Did you finish your wrapping?”
“Just your things. But I got tired of doing that, so I thought I’d come out here and help you instead.”
“It’s too cold for you to be out tonight.”
“You are,” she pointed out.
“I’m not pregnant.”
“Which is probably a good thing, given that you’re a guy. But I’m not an invalid, Dan. Believe me, it won’t hurt me to help for a while. The doctor told me I needed fresh air every day. And he didn’t qualify it with any cold weather restrictions either.” She picked up a box and began removing the lights. Dan sighed deeply and said,
“I think you’d better ask that doctor of yours for a referral to an ophthalmologist.”
“What? Why would I do that?”
“Because this isn’t daytime, it’s nighttime. He said ‘every day.’ That means you’re supposed to get your fresh air before dark.” Jess chuckled softly, her breath forming billowing clouds of white in the cold.
“I’m sure he intended to leave it to my discretion.” She flashed him a grin and he smiled back.
“Oh, all right,” he said. “If you insist on turning yourself into an ice cube, why don’t you follow me with a couple of boxes? That way when I run out, I won’t have to come back here to get more.”
“Don’t overwork me now.”
With her help, considerably more than just carrying boxes, it didn’t take long before Dan was connecting an extension cord, and plugging it into an outlet on the side of the house. The yard was aglow wit
h hundreds of twinkling lights, and he walked over to Jess, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. They stood there for a while, admiring their handiwork.
“Not too shabby, is it?”
“It’s really pretty, Dan,” she agreed.
“We make a good team, don’t we?” She didn’t realize he meant that in more than one way.
“That we do.”
“So what do you say we celebrate a job well done?”
“Celebrate?”
“I picked up some brownies on my way home.”
“You did?” She looked up at him in pleased surprise.
“I hid them in the microwave.”
“Well, for heaven’s sake, let’s get to it then,” she exclaimed, putting her arm around his waist, and tugging him toward the house.
~~~~~
“So I was hoping maybe you and Jess might come along. With you two, Cal and Darby, and Ty and Emma, Holly might... Well, you know,” Sam finished lamely.
“Start looking at you like half of a couple?” Dan suggested, the phone wedged between his ear and shoulder, as he leafed through the file of the house he would be showing in less than an hour.
“Well, yeah. Maybe.”
“Have you asked the others?”
“I haven’t called them yet, no. I figured if you thought it was a dumb idea, you’d be honest with me, and I wouldn’t have to embarrass myself in front of anyone else.”
“So, what you’re really after is an opinion?” Dan grinned during the brief silence on the phone. Sam wasn’t looking for an opinion at all. He was so head over heels for Holly that he’d find any way possible to further that relationship. Or what he hoped would develop into a relationship.
“I guess. Yes,” he finally muttered.
“Tell me when and where. I’m sure Jess will be game – as long as it’s not bumpy or rough.” A sleigh ride with a bunch of Boy Scouts should be tame enough entertainment. Besides, helping Sam would further his pursuit of his wife, and snuggling together under a blanket in a sleigh certainly seemed like a romantic way to do it.
“Thanks, Dan.” He could hear the smile, and the relief, in Sam’s voice. “Saturday night at seven.” Sam gave directions to the farm where the festivities would be, and rang off, vowing to get hold of Cal and Ty after work.