_A jealous man, clouded with the habite of a Priest, became theConfessour to his owne Wife; who made him beleeve, that she was deepelyin love with a Priest, which came every night, and lay with her. Bymeanes of which confession, while her jealous Husband watched the dooreof his house; to surprize the Priest when he came: she that never meantto do amisse, had the company of a secret Friend, who came over thetoppe of the house to visite her, while her foolish Husband kept thedoore._
The fift Novell.
_In just scorne and mockery of such jealous Husbands, that will be soidle headed upon no occasion. And yet when they have good reason forit, do least of all suspect any such injury._
Madam _Lauretta_ having ended her Novell, and every one commendedthe Woman, for fitting _Tofano_ in his kinde; and, as his jealousieand drunkennesse justly deserved: the King (to prevent all losse oftime) turned to Madame _Fiammetta_, commaunding her to follow next:whereuppon, very graciously, shee beganne in this manner.
Noble Ladies, the precedent Novell delivered by Madame _Lauretta_,maketh me willing to speake of another jealous man; as being halfeperswaded, that whatsoever is done to them by their Wives, andespecially upon no occasion given, they doe no more then well becommeththem. And if those grave heads, which were the first instituters oflawes, had diligently observed all things; I am of the minde, that theywould have ordained no other penalty for Women, then they appointedagainst such, as (in their owne defence) do offend any other. Forjealous husbands, are meere insidiators of their Wives lives, and mostdiligent pursuers of their deaths, being lockt up in their houses allthe Weeke long, imployed in nothing but domesticke drudging affayres:which makes them desirous of high Festivall dayes, to receive somelittle comfort abroad, by an honest recreation or pastime, as Husbandmenin the fields, Artizans in our Citie, or Governours in our judiciallCourtes; yea, or as our Lord himselfe, who rested the seaventh day fromall his travailes. In like manner, it is so willed and ordained by theLawes, as well divine as humane, which have regard to the glory of God,and for the common good of every one; making distinction betweene thosedayes appointed for labour, and the other determined for rest. Wheretojealous persons (in no case) will give consent, but all those dayes(which for other women are pleasing and delightfull) unto such, overwhom they command, are most irksome, sadde and sorrowfull, because thenthey are lockt up, and very strictly restrained. And if question wereurged, how many good women do live and consume away in this torturinghel of affliction: I can make no other answere, but such as feele it,are best able to discover it. Wherefore to conclude the proheme to mypresent purpose, let none be over rash in condemning women: for whatthey do to their husbands, being jealous without occasion; but rathercommend their wit and providence.
Somtime (faire Ladies) there lived in _Arimino_, a Merchant, very richin wealth and worldly possessions, who having a beautifull Gentlewomanto his wife, he became extreamly jelous of her. And he had no otherreason for this foolish conceit; but, like as he loved hir dearly,and found her to be very absolutely faire: even so he imagined, thatalthogh she devised by her best meanes to give him content; yetothers would grow enamored of her, because she appeared so amiableto al. In which respect, time might tutor her to affect some otherbeside himselfe: the onely common argument of every bad minded man,being weake and shallow in his owne understanding. This jelous humour**increasing in him more and more, he kept her in such narrow restraint:that many persons condemned to death, have enjoyed larger libertie intheir imprisonment. For, she might not bee present at Feasts, Weddings,nor goe to Church, or so much as to be seen at her doore: Nay, shedurst not stand in her Window, nor looke out of her house, for anyoccasion whatsoever. By means whereof, life seemed most tedious andoffensive to her, and she supported it the more impatiently, becauseshee knew her selfe not any way faulty.
Seeing her husband still persist in this shamefull course towards her;she studied, how she might best comfort her selfe in this desolatecase: by devising some one meane or other (if any at all were to beefounde) whereby he might be requited in his kind, and wear that badgeof shame whereof he was now but onely affraid. And because she couldnot gain so small a permission, as to be seene at any window, where(happily) she might have observed some one passing by in the street,discerning a little parcell of her love: she remembred at length, that,in the next house to her Husbands (they both joyning close together)there dwelt a comely yong proper Gentleman, whose perfections carriedcorrespondencie with her desires. She also considered with her selfe,that if there were any partition wall; such a chinke or cranny mighteasily be made therein, by which (at one time or other) she shouldgaine a sight of the young Gentleman, and finde an houre so fitting,as to conferre with him, and bestow her lovely favour on him, if hepleased to accept it. If successe (in this case) proved answerable toher hope, then thus she resolved to outrun the rest of her wearisomedayes, except the frensie of jealousie did finish her husbands loathedlife before.
Walking from one roome to another, thorough every part of the house;and no wall escaping without diligent surveying; on a day, when herHusband was absent from home, she espyed in a corner very secret, anindifferent cleft in the Wall, which though it yeelded no full view onthe other side, yet she plainly perceived it to be an handsome Chamber,and grew more then halfe perswaded, that either it might be the Chamberof _Philippo_ (for so was the neighbouring yong Gentleman named) orelse a passage guiding thereto. A Chambermaid of hers, who compassionedher case very much; made such observance, by her Mistresses direction,that she found it to be _Philippoes_ bed Chamber, and where alwayes heused to lodge alone. By often visiting this rift or chinke in the Wall,especially when the Gentleman was there; and by throwing in littlestones, flowers, and such like things, which fell still in his way ashe walked: so farre she prevailed, that he stepping to the chinke, toknow from whence they came; shee called softly to him, who knowing hervoyce, there they had such private conference together, as was notany way displeasing to either. So that the chinke being made a littlelarger; yet so, as it could not be easily discerned: their mouthesmight meete with kisses together, and their hands folded each in other;but nothing else to be performed, for continuall feare of her jeloushusband.
Now the Feast of Christmasse drawing neere, the Gentlewoman said toher Husband; that, if it stood with his liking: she would do suchduty as fitted with so solemne a time, by going earely in a morningunto Church, there to be confessed, and receive her Saviour, as otherChristians did. How now? replied the jealous Asse, what sinnes haveyou committed, that should neede confession? How Husband? quoth she,what do you thinke me to be a Saint? Who knoweth not, I pray you, thatI am as subject to sinne, as any other Woman living in the world? Butmy sins are not to be revealed to you, because you are no Priest.These words enflamed his jealousie more violently then before, andneedes must he know what sinnes she had committed, & having resolvedwhat to do in this case, made her answer: That hee was contented withher motion, alwaies provided, that she went to no other Church, thenunto their owne Chappel, betimes in a morning; and their own Chaplaineto confesse her, or some other Priest by him appointed, but not anyother: and then she to returne home presently againe. She being awoman of acute apprehension, presently collected his whole intention:but seeming to take no knowledge thereof, replyed, that she would notswerve from his direction.
When the appointed day was come, she arose very earely, and beingprepared answerable to her owne liking, to the Chappell shee wentas her Husband had appointed, where her jealous Husband (being muchearlier risen than she) attended for her comming: having so ordred thematter with his Chaplaine, that he was cloathed in his Cowle, with alarge Hood hanging over his eyes, that she should not know him, andso he went and sate downe in the Confessors place. Shee being entredinto the Chappell, and calling for the Priest to heare her confession,he made her answer: that he could not intend it, but would bring herto another holy Brother, who was at better leysure than hee. So toher Husband he brought her, that seemed (in all respects) like theConfessor himselfe: save onely his Hood
was not so closely veyled, butshee knew his beard, and said to her selfe. What a mad world is this,when jealousie can metamorphose an ordinary man into a Priest? But, letme alone with him, I meane to fit him with that which he lookes for.
So, appearing to have no knowledge at all of him, downe she fell athis feete, and he had conveyed a few Cherry stones into his mouth,to trouble his speech from her knowledge; for, in all things else, hethought himselfe to be sufficiently fitted for her. In the course of herconfession, she declared, that she was married to a most wicked jealousHusband, and with whom she lead a very hatefull life. Neverthelesse(quoth she) I am indifferently even with him, for I am beloved of anHolie Fryar, that every night commeth and lyeth with me. When thejealous Husband heard this, it stabbed him like a dagger to the heart,and, but for this greedy covetous desire to know more; he would fainehave broke off confession, and got him gone. But, perceiving that itwas his wisest course, he questioned further with his wife, saying: Whygood Woman, doth not your husband lodge with you? Yes Sir, quoth she.How is it possible then (replyed the Husband) that the Friar can lodgethere with you too?
She, dissembling a farre fetcht sigh, thus answered. Reverend Sir, Iknow not what skilfull Art the Fryar useth, but this I am sure, everydoore in our house will flye open to him, so soone as he doth but touchit. Moreover, he told me, that when he commeth unto my Chamber doore,he speaketh certaine words to himselfe, which immediately casteth myHusband into a dead sleepe, and, understanding him to bee thus sleepilyentranced: he openeth the doore, entreth in, lieth downe by me, andthis every night he faileth not to do. The jealous Coxcomb angerlyscratching his head, and wishing his wife halfe hangd, said: Mistresse,this is very badly done, for you should keepe your selfe from all men,but your husband onely. That shall I never doe, answered shee, because(indeed) I love him dearely. Why then (quoth our supposed Confessor)I cannot give you any absolution. I am the more sorry Sir, said she, Icame not hither to tell you any leasings, for if I could, yet I wouldnot, because it is not good to fable with such Saint-like men as youare. You do therein (quoth hee) the better, and surely I am very sorryfor you, because in this dangerous condition, it will bee the utterlosse of your soule: neverthelesse, both for your husbands sake andyour owne, I will take some paines, and use such especiall prayers inyour name, which may (perchance) greatly avayle you. And I purpose nowand then, to send you a Novice or young Clearke of mine, whom you maysafely acquaint with your minde, and signifie to me, by him, whetherthey have done you good, or no: and if they prove helpefull, then willwe further proceed therein. Alas Sir, said she, never trouble yourselfe, in sending any body to our house; because, if my Husband shouldknow it, he is so extreamly jelous, as all the world cannot otherwiseperswade him, but that he commeth thither for no honest intent, and soI shall live worse then now I do. Fear not that, good woman, quoth he,but beleeve it certainly, that I will have such a care in this case, asyour Husband shall never speake thereof to you. If you can doe so Sir,sayde she, proceed I pray you, and I am well contented.
Confession being thus ended, and she receiving such pennance as heeappointed, she arose on her feete, and went to heare Masse; while ourjealous Woodcocke (testily puffing and blowing) put off his Religioushabite, returning home presently to his house, beating his brainesal the the way as he went, what meanes he might best devise, forthe taking of his wife and the Friar together, whereby to have themboth severely punished. His wife being come home from the Chappell,discerned by her Husbands lookes, that he was like to keepe but asorry Christmasse: yet he used his utmost industry, to conceale whathe had done, & which she knew as well as himself. And he having fullyresolved, to watch his own street doore the next night ensuing inperson, in expectation of the Friars comming, saide to his Wife. I haveoccasion both to suppe and lodge out of my house this night, whereforesee you the streete doore to be surely made fast on the inside, and thedoore at the middest of the staires, as also your own Chamber doore,and then (in Gods name) get you to bed. Whereto she answered, that allshould be done as hee had appointed.
Afterward, when she saw convenient time, she went to the chink in theWall, and making such a signe as shee was woont to doe: _Phillippo_came thither, to whom she declared all her mornings affayres, & whatdirections her husband had given her. Furthermore she saide, certaineI am, that he will not depart from the house, but sit and watch thedoore without, to take one that comes not heere. If therefore, you canclimbe over the house top, and get in at our gutter Window, you and Imay conferre more familiarly together. The young Gentleman being nodullard, had his lesson quickly taught him; and when night was come,_Geloso_ (for so must wee tearme the Cocke-braind husband) armeshimselfe at all points, with a browne Bill in his hand, and so hesits to watch his owne doore. His Wife had made fast all the doores,especially that on the midst of the stayres, because he should not (byany means) come to her Chamber; and so, when the houre served, theGentleman adventured over the house top, found the gutter Window, andthe way conducting him to her Chamber, where I leave them to theirfurther amorous conference.
_Geloso_, more then halfe mad with anger, first, because hee hadlost his supper: next, having sitten almost all the night (which wasextreamely cold and windie) his Armor much molesting him, and yet hecould see no Friar come: when day drew neere, and hee ashamed to watchthere any longer; conveighed himselfe to some more convenient place,where putting off his Armes, and seeming to come from the place ofhis Lodging; about the ninth houre, he found his doore open, entredin, & went up the stayres, going to dinner with his Wife. Within awhile after, according as _Geloso_ had ordred the businesse, a youthcame thither, seeming to be the Novice sent from the Confessor, and hebeing admitted to speake with her, demanded, whether shee were troubledor molested that night passed, as formerly she had bin, and whetherthe partie came or no? The Woman, who knew well enough the Messenger(notwithstanding all his formall disguise) made answer: That the partyexpected, came not: but if hee had come, it was to no purpose; becauseher minde was now otherwise altred, albeit she changed not a jote fromher amorous conclusion.
What should I now further say unto you? _Geloso_ continued hiswatch many nights afterward, as hoping to surprize the Friar at hisentrance, and his wife kept still her contented quarter, accordingas opportunitie served. In the conclusion, _Geloso_ being no longerable to endure his bootlesse watching, nor some (more then ordinary)pleasing countenance in his wife: one day demaunded of her (with a verystearne and frowning brow) what secret sinnes shee had revealed to theghostly Father, upon the day of her shrift? The Woman replyed, thatshe would not tell him, neyther was it a matter reasonable, or lawfullfor her to doe. Wicked Woman, answered _Geloso_: I knowe them all wellenough, even in despight of thee, and every word that thou spakest untohim. But Huswife, now I must further know, what the Fryar is, with whomyou are so farre in love, and (by meanes of his enchantments) lyethwith you every night; tell me what and who he is, or else I meane tocut your throate.
The Woman immediately made answer, it was not true, that she was inlove with any Fryar. How? quoth _Geloso_, didst thou not thou confesseso much to the Ghostly Father, the other day when thou wast at shrift?No Sir, sayde she, but if I did, I am sure he would not disclose it toyou, except hee suffered you to bee there present, which is an Articlebeyonde his dutie. But if it were so, then I confesse freely, that Idid say so unto him. Make an end then quickely Wife (quoth _Geloso_)and tell mee who the Friar is. The Woman fell into a hearty laughter,saying. It liketh me singularly well, when a wise man will sufferhimselfe to be ledde by a simple Woman, even as a Sheepe is to theslaughter, and by the hornes. If once thou wast wise, that wisedomebecame utterly lost, when thou felst into that divellish frensie ofjealousie, without knowing anie reason for it: for, by this beastlikeand no manly humour, thou hast eclipsed no meane part of my glory, andwomanly reputation.
Doest thou imagine Husband, that if I were so blinded in the eyes ofmy head, as thou art in them which should informe thine understanding;I could have found out the Priest, that would needs bee my Confe
ssor?I knew thee Husband to be the man, and therefore I prepared my witaccordingly, to fit thee with the foolish imagination which thousoughtest for, and (indeed) gave it thee. For, if thou hadst beenewise, as thou makest the world to beleeve by outward apparance, thouwouldest never have expressed such a basenesse of minde, to borrowthe coulour of a sanctified cloake, thereby to undermine the secretsof thine honest meaning Wife. Wherefore, to feede thee in thy fondsuspition, I was the more free in my Confession, and tolde thee truely,with whom, and how heinously I had transgressed. Did I not tell thee,that I loved a Fryar? And art not thou he whom I love, being a Fryar,and my ghostly Father, though (to thine owne shame) thou madst thyselfe so? I said moreover, that there is not any doore in our house,that can keepe it selfe shut against him, but (when he pleaseth) hecomes and lies with me. Now tell me Husband, What doore in our househath (at any time) bin shut against thee, but they are freely thineowne, & grant thee entrance? Thou art the same Friar that confest me,and lieth every night with me, and so often as thou sentst thy yongNovice or Clearke to me, as often did I truly returne thee word, whenthe same Fryar lay with me. But (by jealousie) thou hast so lost thineunderstanding, that thou wilt hardly beleeve all this.
Alas good man, like an armed Watchman, thou satst at thine owne dooreall a cold Winters night, perswading mee (poore silly credulous woman)that, upon urgent occasions, thou must needs suppe and lodge fromhome. Remember thy selfe therefore better heereafter, become a trueunderstanding man, as thou shouldst bee, and make not thy selfe amocking stocke to them, who knoweth thy jealous qualities, as well asI do, and be not so watchfull over me, as thou art. For I sweare by mytrue honesty, that if I were but as willing, as thou art suspitious: Icould deceive thee, if thou hadst an hundred eyes, as Nature affordsthee but two, and have my pleasures freely, yet thou be not a jot thewiser, or my credit any way impaired.
Our wonderfull wise _Geloso_, who (very advisedly considred) that hehad wholly heard his wives secret confession, and dreamed now on noother doubt beside, but (perceiving by her speeches) how hee was becomea scorne to al men: without returning other answer, confirmed his wifeto bee both wise and honest, and now when he hadde just occasion tobe jealous indeede, hee utterly forsware it, and counted them allCoxcombes that would be so misguided. Wherefore, she having thus wiselywonne the way to her owne desires, and he reduced into a more humanetemper: I hope there was no more neede, of clambring over houses in thenight time like Cats, nor walking in at gutter Windowes, but all abuseswere honestly reformed.