Calandrino _became extraordinarily enamoured of a young Damosell,named_ Nicholetta. Bruno _prepared a Charme or writing for him,avouching constantly to him, that so soone as he touched the Damoselltherewith, she should follow him whithersoever hee would have her. Shebeing gone to an appointed place with him, hee was found there by hiswife, and dealt withall according to his deserving._
The fift Novell.
_In just reprehension of those vaine-headed fooles, that are led andgoverned by idle perswasions._
Because the Novell reported by Madame _Neiphila_ was so sooneconcluded, without much laughter, or commendation of the whole Company:the Queene turned hir selfe towards Madam _Fiammetta_, enjoyning her tosucceed in apt order; & she being as ready as sodainly commanded, beganas followeth. Most gentle Ladies, I am perswaded of your opinion injudgement with mine, that there is not any thing, which can bee spokenpleasingly, except it be conveniently suited with apt time and place:in which respect, when Ladies and Gentlewomen are bent to discoursing,the due election of them both are necessarily required. And therefore Iam not unmindfull, that our meeting heere (ayming at nothing more, thento out-weare the time with our generall contentment) should tye us tothe course of our pleasure and recreation, to the same conveniency oftime and place, not sparing, though some have bin nominated oftentimesin our passed arguments; yet, if occasion serve, and the nature ofvariety be well considered, wee may speake of the selfsame personsagaine.
Now, notwithstanding the actions of _Calandrino_ have beenindifferently canvazed among us; yet, remembring what _Philostratus_not long since saide, That they intended to nothing more then matter ofmirth: I presume the boldlier, to report another Novell of him, besidethem already past. And, were I willing to conceale the truth, andcloath it in more circumstantiall manner: I could make use of contrarynames, and paint it in a poeticall fiction, perhaps more probable,though not so pleasing. But because wandring from the truth of things,doth much diminish (in relation) the delight of the hearers: I willbuild boldly on my fore-alledged reason, and tel you truly how ithapned.
_Niccholao Cornocchini_ was once a Citizen of ours, and a man of greatwealth; who, among other his rich possessions in _Camerata_, buildedthere a very goodly house, which being perfected ready for painting:he compounded with _Bruno_ and _Buffalmaco_, who because** their workerequired more helpe then their owne, they drew _Nello_ and _Calandrino_into their association, and began to proceed in their businesse. Andbecause there was a Chamber or two, having olde moveables in them, asBedding, Tables, and other Houshold stuffe beside, which were in thecustody of an old Woman that kepte the house, without the helpe of anyother servants else, a Son unto the saide _Niccholao_, beeing named_Phillippo_, resorted thither divers times, with one or other pretyDamosell in his company (in regard he was unmarried) where he wouldabide a day or two with her, & then convey her home againe.
At one time among the rest, it chanced that he brought a Damosellthither named _Nicholetta_, who was maintained by a wily companion,called _Magione_, in a dwelling which hee had at _Camaldoli_, and(indeed) no honester then she should be. She was a very beautifullyoung woman, wearing garments of great value, and (according to herquality) well spoken, and of commendable carriage. Comming forth ofher Chamber one day, covered with a White veyle, because her hairehung loose about her, which shee went to wash at a Well in the middleCourt, bathing there also her face and hands: _Calandrino_ going (bychance) to the same Well for water, gave her a secret salutation.She kindly returning the like courtesie to him, began to observe himadvisedly: more, because he looked like a man newly come thither, thenany handsomnesse she perceyved in him.
_Calandrino_ threw wanton glances at her, and seeing she was bothfaire and lovely, began to finde some occasion of tarrying, so thathe returned not with water to his other associates, yet neitherknowing her, or daring to deliver one word. She, who was not tolearn her lesson in alluring, noting what affectionate regards (withbashfulnesse) he gave her: answered him more boldly with the like; butmeerly in scorning manner, breathing forth divers dissembled sighsamong them: so that _Calandrino_ became foolishly inveigled with herlove, and would not depart out of the Court, untill _Phillippo_,standing above in his Chamber window called her thence.
When _Calandrino_ was returned backe to his businesse, he could donothing else, but shake the head, sigh, puffe, and blowe, which beingobserved by _Bruno_ (who alwayes fitted him according to his folly, asmaking a meer mockery of his very best behaviour) sodainly he said. Whyhow now _Calandrino_? Sigh, puff, and blow man? What may be the reasonof these unwonted qualities? _Calandrino_ immediately answered, saying:My friendly Companion _Bruno_, if I had one to lend me a little helpe,I should very quickely become well enough. How? quoth _Bruno_, dothany thing offend thee, and wilt thou not reveale it to thy friends?Deare _Bruno_, said _Calandrino_, there is a proper handsome woman herein the house, the goodliest creature that every any eye beheld, muchfairer then the Queen of Fairies her selfe, who is so deeply falne inlove with mee, as thou wouldst thinke it no lesse then a wonder; andyet I never sawe her before, till yet while when I was sent to fetchwater. A very strange case, answered _Bruno_, take heede _Calandrino_,that shee bee not the lovely friend to _Phillippo_, our yong Master,for then it may prove a dangerous matter.
_Calandrino_ stood scratching his head an indifferent while, and thensodainly replyed thus. Now trust me _Bruno_, it is to bee doubted,because he called her at his Window, and she immediatly went up to hisChamber. But what doe I care if it be so? Have not the Gods themselvesbene beguiled of their Wenches, who were better men then ever_Phillippo_ can be, and shall I stand in feare of him? _Bruno_ replied:Be patient _Calandrino_, I will enquire what Woman she is, and if shebe not the wife or friend to our young master _Phillippo_, with faireperswasions I can over-rule the matter, because shee is a familiaracquaintance of mine. But how shall wee doe, that _Buffalmaco_ may notknow heereof? I can never speake to her, if hee be in my company. For_Buffalmaco_ (quoth _Calandrino_) I have no feare of all, but ratherof _Nello_, because he is a neer Kinsman to my wife, and he is able toundo me quite, if once it should come to his hearing. Thou saist well,replyed _Bruno_, therefore the matter hath neede to be very cleanlycarried.
Now let me tell you, the Woman was well enough knowne to _Bruno_, asalso her quality of life, which _Phillippo_ had acquainted him withall,and the reason of her resorting thither. Wherefore, _Calandrino_ goingforth of the roome where they wrought, onely to gaine another sightof _Nicholetta, Bruno_ revealed the whole history to _Buffalmaco_ and_Nello_; they all concluding together, how this amorous fit of thefoole was to be followed. And when _Calandrino_ was returned backeagaine; in whispering manner _Bruno_ said to him. Hast thou once moreseene her? Yes, yes _Bruno_, answered _Calandrino_: Alas, she hathslaine me with her very eye, and I am no better then a dead man. Bepatient said _Bruno_, I will goe and see whether she be the same womanwhich I take her for, or no: and if it prove so, then never feare, butrefer the businesse unto me.
_Bruno_ descending downe the staires, found _Phillippo_ and_Nicholetta_ in conference together, and stepping unto them, discoursedat large, what manner of man _Calandrino_ was, and how farre he wasfalne in love with her: so that they made a merry conclusion, whatshould be performed in this case, onely to make a pastime of his hotbegun love. And being come backe againe to _Calandrino_, he saide. Itis the same woman whereof I told thee, and therefore wee must workewisely in the businesse: for if _Phillippo_ perceive any thing, all thewater in _Arno_ will hardly serve to quench his fury. But what wouldstthou have me say to her on thy behalfe, if I compasse the meanes tospeake with her? First of all (quoth _Calandrino_) and in the primeplace, tell her, that I wish infinite bushels of those blessings, whichmakes Maides Mothers, and begetteth children. Next, that I am onelyhers, in any service she will command me. Dooest thou understand me whatI say? Sufficiently answered _Bruno_, leave all to me.
When supper time was come, that they gave over working, and weredescended downe into the Court: there they found _Philli
ppo_ and_Nicholetta_ readily attending to expect some beginning of amorousbehaviour, and _Calandrino_ glanced such leering lookes at her,coughing and spetting with hummes and haes, yea in such close andsecret manner, that a starke blinde sight might verie easily haveperceyved it.
She also on the other side, returned him such queint and cunningcarriage, as enflamed him farre more furiously, even as if hee wereready to leape out of himselfe. In the meane while, _Phillippo,Buffalmaco_ and the rest that were there present, seeming as if theywere seriouslie consulting together, and perceived nothing of hisfantastick behavior, according as _Bruno_ had appointed, could scarserefraine from extremity of laughter, they noted such antick trickes in_Calandrino_.
Having spent an indifferent space in this foppish folly, the houre ofparting came, but not without wonderfull affliction to _Calandrino_;and as they were going towards _Florence, Bruno_ saide closely to_Calandrino_. I dare assure thee, that thou hast made her to consumeand melt, even like ice against the warme Sunne. On my word, if thouwouldst bring thy Gitterne, and sit downe by us, singing some fewamorous songs of thine owne making, when we are beneath about ourbusinesse in the Court: shee would presently leape out of the Window,as being unable to tarry from thee.
I like thy counsell well _Bruno_, answered _Calandrino_; but shall Ibring my Gitterne thither indeed? Yes, in any case, replied _Bruno_,for Musicke is a matter of mighty prevailing. Ah _Bruno_ (quoth_Calandrino_) thou wouldst not credit me in the morning, when I toldethee, how the very sight of my person had wounded her: I perceived itat the very first looke of her owne, for shee had no power to concealeit. Who but my selfe could so soone have enflamed her affection, andbeing a woman of such worth and beauty as shee is? There are infiniteproper handsome fellowes, that daily haunt the company of daintyDamosels, yet are so shallow in the affayres of love, as they are notable to win one wench of a thousand, no, not with all the wit theyhave, such is their extreame follie and ill fortune.
Then pausing a while, and sodainely rapping out a Lovers Oath ortwo, thus he proceeded. My dearest _Bruno_, thou shalt see how I cantickle my Gitterne, and what good sport will ensue thereon. If thoudost observe me with judgement, why man, I am not so old as I seemeto be, and she could perceive it at the very first view; yea, and sheshall finde it so too, when we have leysure to consult upon furtheroccasions: I finde my selfe in such a free and frolicke jocunditie ofspirit, that I will make her to follow me, even as a fond woman dothafter her child.
But beware, saide _Bruno_, that thou do not gripe her over-hard, and inkissing, bee carefull of biting, because the teeth stand in thy headlike the pegges of a Lute, yet make a comely shew in thy faire widemouth, thy cheekes looking like two of our artificiall Roses, swellingamiably, when thy jawes are well fild with meat. _Calandrino_ hearingthese hansome commendations, thought himselfe a man of action already,going, singing, and frisking before his companie so lively, as if hehad not bin in his skin.
On the morrow, carrying his Gitterne thither with him, to the nolittle delight of his companions, hee both played and sung a wholeBed-role of Songs, not addicting himselfe to any worke all the day: butloitering fantastically, one while he gazed out at the window, thenran to the gate, and oftentimes downe into the Court, onely to havea sight of his Mistresse. She also (as cunningly) encountred all hisfollies, by such directions as _Bruno_ gave her, and many more besideof her owne devising, to quicken him still with new occasions; _Bruno_plaid the Ambassador betweene them, in delivering the messages from_Calandrino_, and then returning her answers to him. Sometimes when shewas absent thence (which often hapned as occasions called her) then hewould write letters in her name, & bring them, as if they were sent byher, to give him hope of what hee desired, but because she was thenamong her kindred, yet she could not be unmindfull of him.
In this manner, _Bruno_ and _Buffalmaco_ (who had the managing of thisamorous businesse) made a meere Gregory of poore _Calandrino_, causinghim somtimes to send her, one while a pretty peece of Ivory, then afaire wrought purse, and a costly paire of knives, with other such likefriendly tokens: bringing him backe againe, as in requitall of them,counterfetted Rings of no valew, Bugles and bables, which he esteemedas matters of great moment. Moreover, at divers close and sodainmeetings, they made him pay for many dinners & suppers, amounting toindifferent charges, onely to be carefull** in the furtherance of hislove-suit, and to conceale it from his wife.
Having worne out three or foure months space in this fond and frivolousmanner, without any other successe then as hath bene declared; and_Calandrino_ perceiving, that the works undertaken by him and hisfellowes, grew very neere uppon the finishing, which would barre himof any longer resorting thither: hee began to solicite _Bruno_ moreimportunately, then all the while before he hadde done. In regardwhereof, _Nicholetta_ being one day come thither, & _Bruno_ havingconferred both with her and _Phillippo_, with full determination whatwas to be done, he began with _Calandrino_, saying. My honest Neighbourand Friend, this Woman hath made a thousand promises, to graunt whatthou art so desirous to have, and I plainly perceive that she hathno such meaning, but meerely plaies with both our noses. In whichrespect, seeing she is so perfidious, and will not perfourme one of allher faithfull-made promises: if thou wilt content to have it so, sheshall be compelled to do it whether she will or no. Yea marry _Bruno_,answered _Calandrino_, that were an excellent course indeede, if itcould be done, and with expedition.
_Bruno_ stood musing awhile to himselfe, as if he had some strangestratagem in his braine, & afterward said. Hast thou so much corage_Calandrino_, as but to handle a peece of written parchment, which Iwill give thee? Yes, that I have answered _Calandrino_, I hope thatneeded not to be doubted. Well then, saide _Bruno_, procure that Imay have a piece of Virgin Parchment brought mee, with a living Bator Reremouse; three graines of Incense, and an hallowed Candle, thenleave me to effect what shall content thee. _Calandrino_ watched all thenext night following, with such preparation as he could make, onelyto catch a Bat; which being taken at the last, he broght it alive to_Bruno_ (with all the other materials appointed) who taking him aloneinto a backer Chamber, there hee wrote divers follies on the Parchment,in the shape of strange and unusuall Charracters, which he deliveredto _Calandrino_, saying: Be bold _Calandrino_, and build constantlyuppon my wordes, that if thou canst but touch her with this sacredCharractred charme, she will immediately follow thee, and fulfilwhatsoever thou pleasest to command hir. Wherefore, if _Phillippo_ dothis day walke any whither abroad from this house, presume to saluteher, in any manner whatsoever it be, & touching her with the writtenlines, go presently to the barn of hay, which thou perceivest so neereadjoyning, the onely convenient place that can be, because few or noneresort thither. She shall (in despight of her blood) follow thee; andwhen thou hast her there, I leave thee then to thy valiant victory._Calandrino_ stood on tiptoe, like a man newly molded by Fortune, andwarranted _Bruno_ to fulfil all effectually.
_Nello_, whom _Calandrino_ most of all feared and mistrusted, had ahand as deepe as any of the rest in this deceite, and was as forwardalso to have it performed, by _Brunoes_ direction, hee went unto_Florence_, where being in company with _Calandrinoes_ Wife, thus heebegan.
Cousine, thine unkinde usage by thine husband, is not unknown to me,how he did beate thee (beyond the compasse of all reason) when hebrought home stones from the plain of _Mugnone_; in which regard, Iam very desirous to have thee revenged on him: which if thou wilt notdo; never repute me heereafter for thy Kinsman and Friend. He is falnein love with a Woman of the common gender, one that is to be hiredfor money: he hath his private meetings with her, and the place ispartly knowne to me, as by a secret appointment (made very lately) I amcredibly given to understand; wherefore walke presently along with me,and thou shalt take him in the heat of his knavery.
All the while as these words were uttering to her, shee could notdissemble her inward impatience, but starting up as halfe frantickewith fury, she said. O notorious villaine! Darest thou abuse thinehonest wife so basely? I sweare by bles
sed Saint _Bridget_, thou shaltbe paid with coyne of thine owne stampe. So casting a light wearingCloake about her, and taking a yong woman in her company; shee wentaway with _Nello_ in no meane haste. _Bruno_ seeing her comming a farreoff, said to _Phillippo_: You Sir, you know what is to be done, actyour part according to your appointment. _Phillippo_ went immediatelyinto the roome, where _Calandrino_ and his other Consorts were atworke, and said to them. Honest friends, I have certaine occasionswhich command mine instant being at _Florence_: worke hard while I amabsent, and I will not be unthankefull for it. Away hee departed fromthem, and hid himselfe in a convenient place, where he could not bedescryed, yet see whatsoever _Calandrino_ did: who when he imagined_Phillippo_ to be farre enough off, descended downe into the Court,where he found _Nicholetta_ sitting alone, and going towards her, beganto enter into discoursing with her.
She knowing what remained to bee done on her behalfe, drew somewhatneere him, and shewed her selfe more familiar then formerly she haddone: by which favourable meanes, he touched her with the charmedParchment, which was no sooner done; but without using any other kindeof language, hee went to the hay-Barne, whither _Nicholetta_ followedhim, and both being entred, he closed the Barne doore, and then stoodgazing on her, as if hee had never seene her before. Standing still asin a study, or bethinking himselfe what he should say: she began touse affable gesture to him, and taking him by the hand, made shew asif shee meant to kisse him, which yet she refrained, though he (ratherthen his life) would gladly have had it. Why how now deare _Calandrino_(quoth she) jewell of my joy, comfort of my heart, how many times haveI longed for thy sweet Company? And enjoying it now, according to mineowne desire, dost thou stand like a Statue, or man _alla morte_? Therare tunes of the Gitterne, but (much more) the melodious accents ofthy voyce, excelling _Orpheus_ or _Amphion_, so ravished my soule, as Iknow not how to expresse the depth of mine affection; and yet hast thoubrought me hither, onely to looke babies in mine eyes, and not so muchas speake one kinde word to me?
_Bruno_ and _Buffalmaco_, having hid themselves close behinde_Phillippo_, they both heard and saw all this amourous conflict, andas _Calandrino_ was quickning his courage, and wiping his mouth, withintent to kisse her: his wife and _Nello_ entred into the Barne, whichcaused _Nicholetta_ to get her gone presently, sheltring her self where_Phillippo_ lay scouting. But the enraged woman ranne furiously uponpoore daunted _Calandrino_, making such a pitiful massacre with hernailes, and tearing the haire from his head, as hee meerely lookedlike an infected Anatomy. Fowle loathsome dog (quoth she) must you beat your minions, and leave mee hunger-starved at home? An olde knavewith (almost) never a good tooth in thy head, and yet art thou neighingafter young wenches? hast thou not worke enough at home, but must beegadding in to other mens grounds? Are these the fruites of wandringabroad?
_Calandrino_ being in this pittifull perplexity, stood like one neitheralive nor dead, nor daring to use any resistance against her; but fellon his knees before his Wife, holding up his hands for mercy, andentreating her (for charities sake) not to torment him any more: forhe had committed no harme at all, and the Gentlewoman was his MastersWife, who came with no such intent thither, as shee fondly imagined.Wife, or wife not (quoth she) I would have none to meddle with myHusband, but I that have the most right to him.
_Bruno_ and _Buffalmaco_, who had laughed all this while heartily atthis pastime, with _Phillippo_ and _Nicholetta_; came running in hasteto know the reason of this loude noise, and after they had pacifiedthe woman with gentle perswasions: they advised _Calandrino_ to walkewith his Wife to _Florence_, and returne no more to worke there againe,least _Phillippo_ hearing what had hapned, should be revenged on himwith some outrage. Thus poore _Calandrino_ miserably misused andbeaten, went home to _Florence_ with his Wife, scoulded and raild atall the way, beside his other molestations** (day and night) afterward:his Companions, _Phillippo_ and _Nicholetta_, making themselves merryat his mis-fortune.