and takes it back; who can change and control anything; knows everything we do or will do.
But looking over the example of that toy which was created by someone and destroyed by another, I have gotten to the conclusion that God is nothing else but us.
Yet we can modify species’ DNA, thus creating new ones. We can create life on our own, as we also can destroy it. We are always looking over our actions and getting ourselves rewarded or criticized about them depending on our judgments about what we have done.
When one goes after God, one is doing nothing else but trying to find oneself.
The more we learn, the closer to God we get.
Day 17 – Sunday “No Clue”
Hi Diary,
It’s passed midnight now and I’m not feeling sober.
I hope I don’t have a hangover tomorrow; it would be awful having to go to work with a headache.
A few friends invited me to a party earlier, and because I have been without company for a while, I decided to go.
They came to my house to get me. They know that this is the only way to get me out of here, so we went to a club.
I find it painful going to places like that, but I made an exception just for my friends.
Trying to make the experience less inconvenient, I had some drinks. Actually a little bit more than what I could stand.
After getting drunk, instead of staying there, I just resolved to go home, suddenly, without saying anything to anyone.
I hope my friends don’t feel offended because of this. It’s hard for me to stay in this type of environment. An environment of fake happiness, where people go to have fun following a program created by other sad, unloved people.
(Alright, maybe the only sad, unloved person in this whole story is me. Maybe I don’t know how to enjoy life as it was supposed to be enjoyed.)
Several things there made me feel awkward.
Once I was there, I started analyzing the surrounding people, and they seemed to be desperate; covering their frustrations with psycho smiles. I felt fear. I felt bad and sick.
I couldn’t pretend I was happy. Disguised sadness is still sadness.
Day 18 – Monday “Do I Have To Stay?”
Hi Diary,
I didn’t give any excuse for my absence from work last Saturday.
I just said that I had an urgent personal issue to resolve and didn’t have time to call. Opposite to what I was expecting, they didn’t complain too much.
Then, I was required to go to a meeting with some colleagues in order to come up with an idea to solve a problem, which started occurring very recently, that delays the production sometimes.
Each of us came up with something. Although I don’t want to brag, my plan was the most efficient, but in the end, the final word came from the guy who spoke the most.
Discussions always make me bored, and my objective in this company isn’t to be the best employee anyway, so I let it go.
My friends called me after I got home. They asked me why I had left the club yesterday without saying anything. I told them I felt ill and had to go home right away.
That was all.
Day 19 – Tuesday “A Liar”
Hello Diary,
While I was waiting for the bus to go to work, I met a friend.
He has a weird way of speaking. He speaks through lies.
For every 5 words he says, 10 are lies.
His life must be very boring.
Everybody who knows him doesn’t believe anything he says.
I think the only person who believes in him is himself.
It’s so weird that he doesn’t realize that nobody believes what he says. It’s like the creative-side of his brain became super developed and the sense-side atrophied.
It’s already bad enough having to deal with the lies that life brings up to me. The last thing I need is one more source of lies.
By the way, will lies be unpunished at the end of everything?
Day 20 – Wednesday “Beauty, Bitter Beauty”
Hi Diary,
Today a colleague told me that his relationship wasn’t doing well; he said he doesn’t feel comfortable when he’s with his girlfriend, but doesn’t want to break up because she’s extremely beautiful.
I could see he was being consumed by his decision to stay with someone whom he doesn’t love.
This just made me believe even more that beautiful people can get things in life much easier than ugly ones. Luckily, I’m ugly and I had to learn how to earn everything by myself.
Anyway, that is not the point!
The point is that this guy wastes a lot of energy regretting things that could be easily changed.
He should just try to correct his mistake and continue his long walking named life instead of stay crying and standing still like a statue.
Day 21 – Thursday “Heavy Birthday”
Hi Diary,
It is my birthday. I remembered because I received a frame with a picture of me, which was taken while I was working, as a gift from the company I work for.
There are a lot of signatures from the important people who work here on the picture. I mean; important people for the company’s development.
Most of them don’t even know me, as I also don’t know them.
I bet they haven’t even looked at my picture while signing it.
If I could choose, I would choose my colleagues to sign the picture instead; although, they’re far away from a promotion or a good wage, at least I know them.
There were a couple of lost calls from my mother and friends on my cellphone, which I just saw after I was done working.
I will call them back later to thank them.
It’s hard to think that I’m getting closer to death with every year that passes.
Time is flying.
I feel like I’m walking through the life’s long path in snail speed.
The end is getting nearer and what have I left to the universe yet?
Nothing.
I’m feeling like a nasty worm.
Day 22 – Friday “Don’t Believe In Everything You Read”
Hello Diary,
Someone told me that perfection is unreachable. Therefore, I asked him if he had already tried to reach it. He said that it would be useless, as perfection doesn’t exist.
“Where did you take this crazy idea from?” I asked.
He said that it was from a quotation of a famous thinker.
He gave up on chasing perfection just because he blindly trusts in someone who is known as more intelligent than most of people.
I don’t understand why some people believe in some things they read.
The weirder the message is, the more it’s accepted by the believers.
The only truth in this for me is that people are lazy to think by themselves.
I believe in perfection. It exists and is hovering in the air for those who are always looking for it.
Perfection:
It’s where the limitless source of happiness is hidden.
It’s where mankind blends with God.
It’s where the ceiling is no longer splitting our minds from the stars.
Day 23 – Saturday “Celebrating Oldness”
Hi Diary,
I returned the calls to my friends who had wished me happy birthday on Thursday. I didn’t have to work today, so they stopped by my house in the evening.
My mother came with my siblings and brought me a pie, and my friends brought some beer.
We had a pleasant, long conversation.
My mother and siblings had gone away a couple of hours ago and my friends just left.
My house is messy now, which will remind me tomorrow that I’m important for at least a few people in this world.
I feel in peace.
Good night.
Day 24 – Sunday “Illusion”
Hi Diary,
I didn’t have plans for today, so I remembered that I have a TV.
I have been so busy lately th
at I haven’t watched TV for months, which explains the loud cracking sound it did when I turned it on.
Nothing has changed since the last time I watched it.
All those advertisements made me want to have many things I don’t have. What a devastating power these publicity monsters have.
It’s so weird how an advertisement locks our attention on itself. It’s impossible to turn off the TV when it’s playing.
After a couple of hours, I was like a vegetable.
When I realized my condition, I got ashamed. I felt like I was naked among a big crowd.
I was completely caught by the big brand claws.
That is all about TV.
You can be a magician at 6 o’clock on Mondays, a well-accomplished surgeon at 8 o’clock on Tuesdays, an outlaw motorcycle rider at 10 o’clock on Saturdays, etc.
And do you want to know the best of it? You don’t even have to get out of your seat for it. Therefore, you proceed with your worthless life until it reaches an end.
Day 25 – Monday “A Common Characteristic”
Hi Diary,
Today I was wondering if there’s something that all the people in the world have in common, and I just came up with two characteristics: laziness and fear.
Most people I have met in my life were extremely afraid of trying new things, since it would require a lot of energy to learn new skills and get where they wished to be, so they just stay stuck in the same condition forever.
Actually what they really need is a person to be constantly asking them to have tasks completed.
I never had someone pushing me in order to make me become a successful person. Consequently, I developed a very critical ego to look over the decisions I make in my life, and it’s always waiting to criticize me in everything I do, to obligate me to never stop walking in my endless journey.
It’s always staring at me with disapproving eyes.
When I get defeated and fall, it yells close to my ears, “GET UP, LOSER! YOU’RE LOOKING LIKE A FILTHY WORM! DO YOU WANT PEOPLE TO FEEL