So I can never refuse the fact that when something doesn’t end up right in my life, it’s my entire fault. I can’t blame other people for my mistakes.
On the other hand, when I do something good, it rewards me with a small waning crescent moon smile, which is already enough to make me feel like I’m flying.
I kind of take my tough ego as a blessing, since it doesn’t allow me to try to get new results by repeating the same actions that failed before, thus saving me time in my life.
No goal is unreachable in this life if you’re constantly fighting to get there.
Be realistic, nothing is impossible.
Day 26 – Tuesday “It’s A Trap!”
Hello Diary,
Today I was thinking about a few friends of mine, and what they have become.
A bunch of them got stuck in life traps.
Life traps usually are connected to discoveries. Things that people try and like, so then, carry them on for the rest of their lives; or at least most of it.
Their lives start to spin over and over around these illusions.
Within those are sex, drugs, devotions, gambling, willingness of be approved by others and an endless list of traps which promise false happiness for a price that will be asked from you someday.
Most likely to get into them, unfortunately, are the children who want to have freedom, but forget to learn about living while growing. Consequently, they throw themselves into the world which swallows them entirely and turns them into weak adults.
We are all unprotected in a land that has landmines spread out everywhere, and once you step on them, you’re gone.
Day 27 – Wednesday “At Last, Culture Is What Matters”
Hi Diary,
Even though I’m gathering money and walking slowly to achieve a steady future, I feel like I’m standing still.
I feel like this because most of the time I spend without learning anything new.
I can’t absorb any more useful knowledge from the people who are surrounding me. I’m pretty sure I have already gotten everything they could offer me.
The time I use in my life without learning anything is nothing else but time wasted; and this time I will never have back.
What do I have to offer for people I know?
What do I have to give them?
It has been a while since I have taken classes and that bugs me.
I have to reserve a little time for studying again, but at the moment, it would just be possible if I literally don’t sleep anymore.
I wish I didn’t have to sleep. Damn human limitations.
Our culture and what we have to offer to other people is what make us more important.
Day 28 – Thursday “Greeting Madness”
Hi Diary,
Today I got so exhausted at work that I fell asleep on the bus on my way back home and the bus passed my stop.
The bus driver stopped the bus by the side of the highway, almost a mile away from my house, came to the seat I was in and started poking me until I woke up.
I woke up a little dizzy, got out of the bus and realized that I was in the middle of nowhere.
I looked back at the driver and said, “Hey!”
The driver, staring at his own feet, responded to me with a disdainful smile on his face, “You just got to walk back until you reach your bus stop.”
Then, he just closed the bus door and drove away.
That was my reward for working too much: almost 20 minutes of walking through the highway boards, among the grass and cars that would pass blazing on the road by my side.
Alone in the night, I walked with a bitter taste inside my mouth and feeling like crap.
Once again I had the sensation that I was nothing else but a worthless biological machine, killing myself to guarantee somebody else’s enjoyment.
I felt my lungs in flames.
Lungs; harmony breakers.
My angry lungs;
Restless tools of destruction.
Fuzzy lungs;
Keepers of devastating storms;
Producers of endless sighs.
Even all oxygen in this world would not be enough to quench their thirst.
Chew life and spit out carbon dioxide.
If love is felt with the heart, hate is felt with the lungs.
Selfish lungs;
Finish with all breathable air in the purgatory.
Cry through a harmonica.
Everything I want now is just a truce with life.
I want that for a while, God forget to ask results from me.
I wish God to give me an emancipation letter.
Out there, they mercilessly whip us.
We don’t have even a drop of freedom on our wounded hands.
But people are unable to see. We can’t see.
Everybody is so concerned about getting money.
Children don’t want to learn anymore.
I see a race in collapse.
I see a huge dark hole.
I see a lack of love.
I just want to stop existing for a few years.
I want people not to know my existence.
I want to be anonymous.
I want to be dead for a while, and then, resurrect better; with a renewed life.