“Hey, you.” Kristen smiled as I walked through the door.
“Hey.” I kissed her cheek. “Are you and Noah busy?”
“We’re just going over some wedding stuff. Are you okay?”
“I need to talk to you about something,” I spoke as I set my purse down and took a seat on the couch.
“It sounds serious,” Noah spoke as he walked into the room.
“I guess you can say it is. There’s something I haven’t told you yet,” I spoke as I looked at Kristen. “Friday night, at the charity event, I ran into my parents.”
“Shit. What were they doing there?” Kristen asked.
“Apparently, they were invited. Who knows? The whole night was a clusterfuck with them. Anyway, things were said and there were a lot of raised voices. I told our father about our relationship and I also told him about your illness. He wants to meet you.”
“Fuck him!” Noah shouted.
Kristen put her hand up to him. “Noah, please.”
“You seriously aren’t considering it, are you?” he asked her.
“What harm would it do? I think I should at least meet my father before I die.”
I sat there and stared at the brave and beautiful woman who was my sister. She was filled with courage and strength and I admired her greatly for it.
“Are you sure, Kristen? How can you forgive him for what he did?”
A small smile crossed her lips as she reached over and took hold of my hand.
“Forgiveness is what gives us strength in life, Jill. Forgiveness sets you free.”
“I’m meeting him in Central Park. Supposedly, he wants to apologize to me.”
“What about Patricia?” she asked.
“I’m not so sure things are good between them. Not that they ever were, but he made a comment to Drew that she will no longer stand in the way of him and his daughters.”
“Speaking of Drew, how were his parents?”
“You’re never going to believe this.”
“Now what?” She cocked her head.
“You know your nurse, Andrea?”
“Yeah.” She frowned.
“She’s his mother.”
“No way! So the son she was talking about all that time was Drew?”
“Yes.”
“And you connected with her right away and even had coffee and a bagel with her?”
“Yep. I sure did.”
“Not knowing that was his mother?”
“Nope. I had no clue.” I shook my head.
She let out a long sigh. “The universe is smacking you right upside the head, Jill.”
“Yeah. Well, I said something last night that hurt Drew and I’m not sure he’ll be coming around anymore.”
“Oh for fuck sakes. What did you do?”
“He just can’t understand that I can’t be with anyone right now.”
“Oh, Jill. Drew is the best thing that has ever happened to you.”
“I really don’t want to talk about it right now. Please understand.”
“Okay. But we’re going to talk about it soon. Oh, by the way, after the wedding, Noah and I are going on a honeymoon.” She beamed with excitement.
“Where to?” I asked.
“Italy. I know it’s last minute, but he wasn’t sure if he could get the time off work. But his boss gave him two weeks.”
“Wow. That’s great. I’m so happy for you. But are you well enough to travel?”
“I’ll never be well enough again, sis. But I’ll be okay. Italy is a place I’ve always wanted to see and my future husband is going to make sure I get to.” She smiled.
I looked at my watch. It was time to leave to go meet my father.
“Just promise me you’ll take it easy while you’re there.” I got up from the couch and gave her a hug.
“You worry too much.” She laughed.
Chapter Thirty-Five
Jillian
My stomach was a bundle of nerves as I saw my father sitting down underneath a large tree, out of the sun and away from the crowd of people who were enjoying the warm sunny day. As I slowly walked towards him, I could see the sadness that resided on his face. It was a look that I’d only seen once in my life and that was when my grandmother passed away.
“Hello, Jillian.” His lips gave way to a small subtle smile.
“Daddy,” I spoke as I sat down next to him.
“How are you?” he asked.
“I’m here. So what did you want to talk about?” I asked as I stared straight ahead, not being able to look him in the eyes.
“I want to apologize to you for the other night. After giving our discussion some serious thought, I now understand why you did it. Why you left us and Grant.”
Looking down and fidgeting with my hands, I spoke, “You do?”
“Yeah, sweetheart, I do. I need you to understand that your mother and I only wanted what was best for you. We wanted you to be a successful, well-educated adult. Unfortunately, we went about it the wrong way and I’m sorry.”
“You wanted me to be the perfect child. The daughter you and Mom could show off and boast about to all your high society friends. You never gave me the chance to be the person I wanted to be.”
“And who do you want to be?”
“I want to be me. You brainwashed me into believing that I had to do and act in such a manner, that if I didn’t, I would be nothing but a disappointment and a disgrace to you both. Did you know that I hated ballet? Yet I was forced to take years of lessons because that’s what all upper class girls took.”
“I thought you loved ballet, Jill.”
“No, I hated it. Just like I hated that damn private school you made me go to. I wanted to be like the normal kids and attend a public school. I wanted to meet kids outside of our upper class circle. Kids who weren’t given everything they ever wanted and lived in the real world. I wanted to explore what other things life had to offer. Not just what money could buy. And as for law school, I don’t even want to be a lawyer, but it was shoved down my throat since I was five years old.”
“Why didn’t you come to me with all this?”
“I tried, but you were always gone or too busy.”
“And your mother?”
“She would tell me to stop being ridiculous and she didn’t want to hear any more nonsense out of my mouth. After a while, I gave up and sank into a depression that took me years to get out of.”
“You never seemed depressed to me.”
“That’s because I was good at hiding it. I had no choice but to pretend to be the happy and perfect daughter of Donald and Patricia Bell, when really, I was dying inside.”
“And you talked to your grandmother about all of this?”
“Yes. She knew something was wrong with me when I spent the summer at her house when I was fifteen years old. And you want to know how she knew? We were shopping at Saks and I was arrested for shoplifting.”
“My god, Jillian. Why?”
“A cry for help. A cry for attention. A cry to do something that nobody would expect of me.”
“I’m sorry, baby.” He placed his hand gently on my leg.
“I was released and it never went on my record. Grandma knew the judge and had a long talk with him. We talked about everything that summer. She was the only person who understood besides Kellan. That’s why she left me the money for when I turned twenty-one. She knew the day would come when I would just walk away.”
“I’m so sorry. I had no idea. I don’t know what to say, Jillian, except that I was a shit father who cared more about his company than his family. I wasn’t there for you and I always sided with your mother when I shouldn’t have. Sometimes it was just easier to agree with her.”
“I know what you mean.”
“Why didn’t you leave when you turned twenty-one?”
I sighed. “I was still in college and I had worked too hard to get to where I was just to throw it all away.”
“I’m afraid to ask why you wa
ited for your wedding day.”
“I think you know the answer to that.” I glanced over at him.
He slowly nodded his head. “Revenge.”
“Yep.” I bit down on my bottom lip.
“You had it planned all along.”
“Yep.”
He sighed. “I want to make things right with you, Jillian. I know there aren’t enough apologies in the world, but please know that I am truly sorry. As for your sister, doing what I did to her and her mother was one of my biggest regrets. I thought about her often and I even saw her once while I was here in New York on business. She was having dinner with her mother one night at a restaurant I was at. They didn’t see me, but I sure saw them and I stared at my daughter for as long as they were there. I wanted to reach out to her, but I couldn’t. I was too afraid.”
“Why did you do it, Dad? Why did you just leave her like that?”
“Because I didn’t have a choice. Your mother threatened to divorce me and take everything I had worked so hard for my entire life. If it got out that I had a child by another woman, it would have been disastrous both personally and professionally. You have to understand that, Jill.”
“I will never understand a parent never acknowledging his child.”
There was a moment of silence between us as I stared straight ahead at the people who surrounded the area. The laughter of children filled the air, couples sitting on their blankets enjoying a picnic, and friends just hanging out enjoying the beautiful day.
“I want to meet her, Jill. I need to meet my daughter.”
I swallowed hard, finding it difficult to say the words. “I’ll set it up.”
“Thank you. You have no idea how much it means to me to hear you say that.”
“Where’s Mom?” I asked.
“She flew back to Seattle this morning. I told her that I had some business to attend to while I was here. Things aren’t good with us.”
Bringing my knees to my chest, I spoke, “They never were.”
My father placed his hand on my knee and I turned my head and looked at him. What I saw was a broken man. A man who didn’t know what to do anymore. A man who looked lost and was desperately trying to find his way back home. The words Kristen said to me kept replaying over and over in my head. “Forgiveness gives you strength and forgiveness will set you free.” Forgiveness was something I shouldn’t have feared and it was time to let that fear go. If I was going to continue to find myself, I had no choice. Ano was right; I needed to face and come to terms with what I had done and it started with my father.
“I forgive you, Dad.” I laid my head on his shoulder.
He leaned his head on mine. “Thank you, Jill. You are and will always be my little girl. No matter where life takes you, I’ll always love you.”
Chapter Thirty-Six
Drew
I drove to the Hamptons and rented a boat for the day. This was something I wanted to do with Jillian and had planned on asking her, but in light of the current circumstances, I went alone. My heart ached and I thought about her every second. I was more than broken-hearted. I was pissed. Pissed at myself for moving too fast and pissed at her for not seeing that I could be a part of her self-journey.
As I sailed across the ocean, taking in the warmth of the breeze that swept across my face, I reflected on my life. Maybe this was karma for leaving Marley at the altar all those years ago. Maybe it was payback for all the women who wanted more from me that I cut loose and left broken. I’d never been hurt before, and now, I felt what all those women had felt. I’d finally found true love, even though I wasn’t looking for it, and she made it clear that she didn’t feel the same way. This was definitely karma biting me in the ass ten times over for my past behavior with women. How the fuck was I going to get over her? I didn’t know how because I never had to before. She consumed me and the need to be with her was too strong for me to move on. I didn’t want to move on. I’d never find someone like Jillian again. She was my one chance and now, my chance was gone.
As I pulled in and docked the boat, I heard someone calling my name.
“Drew!” Liam shouted from a couple boats over.
Turning around, I saw him, Avery, Oliver, and Delilah waving at me.
“Hey.” I nodded as I walked over to him and Oliver and we shook hands.
“What are you doing here, bro?” Liam asked.
“I decided to go out on the boat for a while. Hi, Avery, Delilah.” I gave them each a hug.
“Hi, Drew. It’s good to see you.”
Looking over my shoulder, Liam spoke, “Where’s Jillian?”
The look on my face must have said it all because, instantly, the smile that was on Liam’s face quickly dissipated.
“She didn’t come.”
“Hey, Avery and Delilah want to go shopping, so why don’t you, me, and Oliver go hit up a bar for a couple of drinks and maybe some burgers,” Liam spoke.
“Sounds like a plan to me.” Oliver grinned.
Did I really want company right now? No, because they knew something was wrong and I’d be forced to talk about Jillian with them. Hell, maybe talking about her with someone would make me feel a little better.
“Sure. Sounds good.”
****
The three of us took a seat at a table out on the patio of a place called Surf. As soon as our waitress brought over our drinks, the questions started rolling in.
“So what happened?” Liam asked.
“With?” I took a sip of my scotch.
“Jillian?” His brow arched.
I took in a sharp breath. “She doesn’t feel the same way about me as I do her.”
“Are you sure about that?” Oliver asked.
“Bullshit!” Liam exclaimed as he sipped on his drink. “I’ve seen the two of you together and I know the look.”
“The look?”
“The one that says ‘I’m so into him.’” Liam grinned.
“What?” Oliver asked as he cocked his head at his brother. “Are you some kind of woman expert now?”
“I always have been, dear brother. It’s the same look Delilah always has with you and it’s the look that Avery gets when she’s with me.” He winked.
Oliver rolled his eyes. “Drew, did she tell you that she didn’t feel the same way?”
“She told me I was her friend and nothing more.” I finished off my scotch.
Just as I said that, the waitress walked over and set down our food.
“Hey, let me ask you something,” Liam said to her.
“Sure.” She smiled brightly at him.
“There’s a look women get when they’re really into a guy, right?”
“I suppose so,” she answered. “I mean, I don’t know for me, but I’ve seen a look on my girlfriends’ faces when they’re really into someone.”
“Describe that look.” Liam smiled.
“Liam!” Oliver voiced.
“Quiet, Oliver.” Liam waved his hand. “Go on.” He smiled at the waitress.
“I don’t know. It’s like a twinkle in their eye or just an overall sweetness that sweeps over their face. It’s hard to describe. Kind of like a glow.”
“Exactly!” Liam pointed his finger at her. “Thank you for your help. I will make sure to compensate you with a generous tip.” He winked.
She gave us each a smile and casually walked away after we ordered another round of drinks.
“See. I saw that glow or twinkle with Jillian.”
Oliver rolled his eyes and I couldn’t help but chuckle.
“Go ahead and don’t believe, Oliver, but it’s true. And you, my bro friend,” he pointed at me, “need to claim what is yours.”
“And how do I do that? She doesn’t want a relationship. She’s very adamant about that.”
Liam waved his hand in front of his face. “So was Avery and look at us now.”
“Excuse me,” Oliver spoke. “If I remember correctly, she was the one who went after you in California.”
/> “Details. Details, Oliver. The point is she realized how much she loved me. So, here’s the plan, Drew. Get in touch with her and tell her that you gave it some serious thought and friends is what is best for the both of you. Make the agreement on her terms. Women love a good fight and when they realize we men aren’t fighting for them anymore, that’s when it hits them.”
“Is that so?” Oliver cocked his head.
“Well, not in your case. But you were pretty fucked up.”
Again, I let out a chuckle.
“Listen, Drew,” Oliver spoke. “If you love Jillian that much, then you have to go after her.”
“No. No. No.” Liam shook his head. “This is totally different. Delilah loved you and you pushed her away. Jillian knows she loves Drew but is too afraid to admit it because she’s trying to find herself. She’s scared that if she confesses her feelings, she’ll be deterred from her journey.”
“So you’re a shrink now?” Oliver asked.
“I should be, right?” Liam winked. “Anyway, Drew, back to what I was saying. You need to call her bluff. Be friends and then, when the time is right, make her jealous. Go out with someone and make sure Jillian sees you with her. If anything, seeing the man you care about with someone else always sparks a little bit of jealousy. Maybe then, she’ll realize what she let go.”
“Were you a woman in a past life or something?” Oliver asked him.
“Maybe.” He frowned as he placed his hand on his chin.
It was getting late and I had to drive back to the city.
“Thanks for the food and advice, guys, but I’m going to head back now.”
As I was driving back to the city, I couldn’t stop thinking about Liam’s advice. It actually sounded like a good plan. Being friends with Jillian was better than being nothing with her at all. Tomorrow, I’d text her and put my plan into motion.
****
After I returned from a meeting, I pulled my phone from my pocket and took in a deep breath as I typed Jillian a text message. Fuck it. This needed to be done over the phone, so I called her.
“Hello,” she answered.
“Hi, it’s Drew.”