could never bring myself to likehaving to do with those priests. And though it was strange that I, whohad thus prostituted my chastity and given up all sense of virtue in twosuch particular cases, living a life of open adultery, should scrupleanything, yet so it was. I argued with myself that I could not be acheat in anything that was esteemed sacred; that I could not be of oneopinion, and then pretend myself to be of another; nor could I go toconfession, who knew nothing of the manner of it, and should betraymyself to the priest to be a Huguenot, and then might come intotrouble; but, in short, though I was a whore, yet I was a Protestantwhore, and could not act as if I was popish, upon any accountwhatsoever.
But, I say, I satisfied myself with the surprising occasion, that as itwas all irresistible, so it was all lawful; for that Heaven would notsuffer us to be punished for that which it was not possible for us toavoid; and with these absurdities I kept conscience from giving me anyconsiderable disturbance in all this matter; and I was as perfectly easyas to the lawfulness of it as if I had been married to the prince andhad had no other husband; so possible is it for us to roll ourselves upin wickedness, till we grow invulnerable by conscience; and thatsentinel, once dozed, sleeps fast, not to be awakened while the tide ofpleasure continues to flow, or till something dark and dreadful bringsus to ourselves again.
I have, I confess, wondered at the stupidity that my intellectual partwas under all that while; what lethargic fumes dozed the soul; and howwas it possible that I, who in the case before, where the temptation wasmany ways more forcible and the arguments stronger and moreirresistible, was yet under a continued inquietude on account of thewicked life I led, could now live in the most profound tranquillity andwith an uninterrupted peace, nay, even rising up to satisfaction andjoy, and yet in a more palpable state of adultery than before; forbefore, my gentleman, who called me wife, had the pretence of his wifebeing parted from him, refusing to do the duty of her office as a wifeto him. As for me, my circumstances were the same; but as for theprince, as he had a fine and extraordinary lady, or princess, of hisown, so he had had two or three mistresses more besides me, and made noscruple of it at all.
However, I say, as to my own part, I enjoyed myself in perfecttranquillity; and as the prince was the only deity I worshipped, so Iwas really his idol; and however it was with his princess, I assure youhis other mistresses found a sensible difference, and though they couldnever find me out, yet I had good intelligence that they guessed verywell that their lord had got some new favourite that robbed them of hiscompany, and, perhaps, of some of his usual bounty too. And now I mustmention the sacrifices he made to his idol, and they were not a few, Iassure you.
As he loved like a prince, so he rewarded like a prince; for though hedeclined my making a figure, as above, he let me see that he was abovedoing it for the saving the expense of it, and so he told me, and thathe would make it up in other things. First of all, he sent me a toilet,with all the appurtenances of silver, even so much as the frame of thetable; and then for the house, he gave me the table, or sideboard ofplate, I mentioned above, with all things belonging to it of massysilver; so that, in short, I could not for my life study to ask him foranything of plate which I had not.
He could, then, accommodate me in nothing more but jewels and clothes,or money for clothes. He sent his gentleman to the mercer's, and boughtme a suit, or whole piece, of the finest brocaded silk, figured withgold, and another with silver, and another of crimson; so that I hadthree suits of clothes, such as the Queen of France would not havedisdained to have worn at that time. Yet I went out nowhere; but asthose were for me to put on when I went out of mourning, I dressedmyself in them, one after another, always when his Highness came to seeme.
I had no less than five several morning dresses besides these, so that Ineed never be seen twice in the same dress; to these he added severalparcels of fine linen and of lace, so much that I had no room to ask formore, or, indeed, for so much.
I took the liberty once, in our freedoms, to tell him he was toobountiful, and that I was too chargeable to him for a mistress, and thatI would be his faithful servant at less expense to him; and that he notonly left me no room to ask him for anything, but that he supplied mewith such a profusion of good things that I could scarce wear them, oruse them, unless I kept a great equipage, which, he knew, was no wayconvenient for him or for me. He smiled, and took me in his arms, andtold me he was resolved, while I was his, I should never be able to askhim for anything, but that he would be daily asking new favours of me.
After we were up (for this conference was in bed), he desired I woulddress me in the best suit of clothes I had. It was a day or two afterthe three suits were made and brought home. I told him, if he pleased, Iwould rather dress me in that suit which I knew he liked best. He askedme how I could know which he would like best before he had seen them. Itold him I would presume for once to guess at his fancy by my own; so Iwent away and dressed me in the second suit, brocaded with silver, andreturned in full dress, with a suit of lace upon my head, which wouldhave been worth in England two hundred pounds sterling; and I was everyway set out as well as Amy could dress me, who was a very genteeldresser too. In this figure I came to him, out of my dressing-room,which opened with folding-doors into his bedchamber.
He sat as one astonished a good while, looking at me, without speaking aword, till I came quite up to him, kneeled on one knee to him, andalmost, whether he would or no, kissed his hand. He took me up, andstood up himself, but was surprised when, taking me in his arms, heperceived tears to run down my cheeks. "My dear," says he aloud, "whatmean these tears?" "My lord," said I, after some little check, for Icould not speak presently, "I beseech you to believe me, they are nottears of sorrow, but tears of joy. It is impossible for me to see myselfsnatched from the misery I was fallen into, and at once to be in thearms of a prince of such goodness, such immense bounty, and be treatedin such a manner; it is not possible, my lord," said I, "to contain thesatisfaction of it; and it will break out in an excess in some measureproportioned to your immense bounty, and to the affection which yourHighness treats me with, who am so infinitely below you."
It would look a little too much like a romance here to repeat all thekind things he said to me on that occasion, but I can't omit onepassage. As he saw the tears drop down my cheek, he pulls out a finecambric handkerchief, and was going to wipe the tears off, but checkedhis hand, as if he was afraid to deface something; I say, he checked hishand, and tossed the handkerchief to me to do it myself. I took the hintimmediately, and with a kind of pleasant disdain, "How, my lord," saidI, "have you kissed me so often, and don't you know whether I am paintedor not? Pray let your Highness satisfy yourself that you have no cheatsput upon you; for once let me be vain enough to say I have not deceivedyou with false colours." With this I put a handkerchief into his hand,and taking his hand into mine, I made him wipe my face so hard that hewas unwilling to do it, for fear of hurting me.
He appeared surprised more than ever, and swore, which was the firsttime that I had heard him swear from my first knowing him, that he couldnot have believed there was any such skin without paint in the world."Well, my lord," said I, "your Highness shall have a furtherdemonstration than this, as to that which you are pleased to accept forbeauty, that it is the mere work of nature;" and with that I stepped tothe door and rung a little bell for my woman Amy, and bade her bring mea cup full of hot water, which she did; and when it was come, I desiredhis Highness to feel if it was warm, which he did, and I immediatelywashed my face all over with it before him. This was, indeed, more thansatisfaction, that is to say, than believing, for it was an undeniabledemonstration, and he kissed my cheeks and breasts a thousand times,with expressions of the greatest surprise imaginable.
Nor was I a very indifferent figure as to shape; though I had had twochildren by my gentleman, and six by my true husband, I say I was nodespisable shape; and my prince (I must be allowed the vanity to callhim so) was taking his view of me as I walked from one end of the roomto the other. At last he le
ads me to the darkest part of the room, andstanding behind me, bade me hold up my head, when, putting both hishands round my neck, as if he was spanning my neck to see how small itwas, for it was long and small, he held my neck so long and so hard inhis hand that I complained he hurt me a little. What he did it for Iknew not, nor had I the least suspicion but that he was spanning myneck; but when I said he hurt me, he seemed to let go, and in half aminute more led me to a pier-glass, and behold I saw my neck claspedwith a fine necklace of diamonds; whereas I felt no more what he wasdoing than if he had really done nothing at all, nor did I suspect it inthe least. If I had an ounce of blood in me that did not fly up into myface, neck, and breasts, it must be from some interruption in thevessels. I was all on fire with the sight, and began to wonder what itwas that was coming to me.
However, to let him see that I was not unqualified to