She finds her way through the crowd and goes up the stairway without noticing me. At first, I think she hasn’t noticed my request, but I see her up there on the stairway. She looks at me. My doubt disappears and I follow her.
First floor, at first glance, looks bigger than ground floor but if we add rooms, counter, store and toilet to this floor, both are the same. The first thing that attracts eyes are the beds which have filled entire space of this floor: the three-decker beds which their distance to the ceiling is just half a meter or a little more. Almost all of the beds are occupied with the people and those which are not occupied are filled with knapsacks or something else to show that the bed belongs to someone. There is a little room between the beds to come and go. Some people have to move edgeways to pass through this space, but this space is good enough in both sides of the corridor. The form of corridor and spaces between the beds are almost like a river and its branches which are narrower than the river itself.
I follow the little girl to the end of the saloon. Karisan is sitting on a chair near the bed and is medicating someone. It seems that the first three beds are assigned to patients.
There is a transverse counter in first floor too. Like the ground floor, the ceiling and the walls are of metal. Some waiters are behind the counter and give foodstuffs to the people who are going to leave here. I wonder that despite the presence of the nomads, some people are leaving here. Maybe staying here means death to them and they don’t want to lose the chance of escape.
Like the first floor, there is a cupboard behind the counter which is full of medical equipment. There is no difference between here and ground floor except for here that the walls and ceilings are less yellowish and seem newer. There is no sign of painting on the walls too. I force my way through the people and stop near the bed which Karisan is sitting beside it. He is busy with his job like before and doesn’t realize my presence. A black man lay down on the bed calmly and his face is pallid. The sound of his breathing can be heard hardly but his chest goes up and down extremely. Karisan has worn medical gloves and is rubbing an ointment on the black man’s skin.
I want to wait for finishing his job but I see the little girl pulling her father’s thin raincoat and shows me to him with his looks. Karisan looks at his daughter interrogatory and then his look stops at me. The expression on his face is like those who are thinking to remember someone.
After a while, the expression on his face changes and turns from uncertainty and ambiguity to a soft smile along with emotion. His eyebrows go up according to his smile. Then he gets up and put the ointment near the bed. He drops himself in my bosom without saying something. He hugs me without touching me with his hands. I hug him tightly too. Before I say something, he forestalls me and says:
Hey buddy! What are you doing here? How come you left there? I didn’t think I may see you here.
He opens her arms to leave me and looks at me again to ensure that he didn’t make a mistake.
It wasn’t the right place for me and its job didn’t fit me. Maybe I could do that job before, but I can’t do it now. It fits someone else.
Karisan makes a frowned gesture by his face and says:
Eventually, you didn’t listen to me and did your own thing? They need you so much there. You could help them.
Then he finishes hugging me and says:
Let me see, have you travelled all the way on foot? Sure you are tired?
It is like he realizes my situation from my face and without waiting for my reply, says:
When you came here? Have you eaten yet?
I smile involuntary and say:
So you couldn’t place me? It is exactly one hour that I’ve got here, furthermore, you did open the door to me!
I’m sorry, I’ve been so busy so that I couldn’t place you. Yet I’m sure that I didn’t see you…I think you are wrong.
Of course, you’re right you can’t place me. When I saw my face in the mirror I couldn’t recognize myself as well, let alone you. But it was you that opened the door.
What happened to your face?
It’s a long story. I’ll tell you that if the occasion arises.
He closes the cap of ointment and after a brief look at the black man, pushes his chair aside with his foot. Then tells the little girl:
My dear Nina, take your uncle to my room till I come. My job is nearly finished. Entertain him well.
Then looks strangely at the toy which is in Nina’s hand, as though this is the first time in his life that he sees a toy. So he says:
Where did you get this toy?
Nina again replies by looking at me. karisan pulls off his right hand glove and caresses her hair, and says:
It seems uncle Zairas soothed you well.
Nina gives a sweet and childish smile, and embraces the toy tightly. Karisan continues his job and tells me:
You go with Nina to my room till I finish my job. Get some rest. You see that I’m a little bit busy. I must visit just one of my patients, then I’ll come. Nina knows all the things, don’t you my dear?
Nina, who is still floating in her childish world, shakes her head. She takes my hand and makes me to follow her. She passes me through the crowd and move forward so masterfully, like an experienced master in solving mathematic equations. Via behind the counter, we enter a corridor, which I haven’t seen it before. There is a room in right side, and two rooms in the left. The room which is in the right side, after the stairways to the first floor, leads to the toilet and the store. The clinic which I went there for my wounds, is exactly opposite the store.
Nina leaves my hand and draws away from me on the run. She opens the door of the right hand room and enters after me. She shows me a chair with her hand and then disappears in the next room in the blink of an eye. The next room has no door to the corridor and the only entrance to it is this room. I sit on a big chair which is in front of a rather large table.
This table seems to be a conference table. Some wooden chairs which are not in good condition are arranged in front of the table. The leather of some of these chairs are treaded and only one or two of them are intact. Behind the table are the four file cabinets. Just one of these file cabinets is clean and without dust and newer of all. In the left side of me, opposite the conference table, is a bookcase with a few books which most of them are medical books.
The sound of water splashing, and then clash of the glass and metal tray can be heard, and after a while Nina appears. She walks carefully, but some of beverages is poured in the tray. She holds a red glass and some biscuit in front me. The weight of tray and also Nina’s weakness, cause her to tremble more. I take the glass and two biscuits off the tray immediately. She puts the tray on the table and sits on a chair in front me. Then she takes the little doll out of her shirt pocket and begins playing with her toys.
While drinking, my look switches between Nina and considering the walls continuously. The only place which differs from the other parts of the shelter is this room with the clean and white walls with some frames of portraits on them. I become tired of looking these portraits. I wonder why Nina hasn’t speak even a word as yet. So I ask her:
Nina, how old are you?
She looks at me strangely, as if I asked her the worst question in the world. Because of this attitude, I make sure that either I asked my question in a bad manner or she is deaf. Suddenly a familiar voice answers my question:
By the next three months, she’ll become six, by the way don’t wonder if she doesn’t speak. She’s a little shy and it takes one day she communicates with someone.
Karisan enters. He sighs with a weak smile and lays spread-eagled on a chair in front of me. Then sits straight and says:
Nina, my dear, would you go to that room and draw some painting? I want to talk with uncle Zairas in private.
Nina shakes her head and goes out without looking her father. When Karisan makes sure that she has gone, says:
Indeed, it is because of the shock she has experienced. It
was so terrible; now she feels better after a long time. She often kept herself isolated.
He stops talking and close his eyes, as though a bad moment is displayed in front of his eyes. When he opens his eyes, they are red.
I ask him:
What sort of shock?
He closes one of his eyes and after a short time says:
Her mother has died in front of her. She sat near her mom and cried for a day. When she was found, still was sitting and crying.
He bends over the chair to approach me and slowly says:
We don’t know anything about her father. She is consigned to me just for safekeeping.
Then he returns to his previous situation and says:
Before she comes here, she was so hermit. She didn’t deal with anyone except her dolls. But she has a strong and resistant personality.
Again, he gives me a weak smile, and says loudly, so that Nina could hear it:
By the way, did Nina entertain and receive you?
Nina, again, doesn’t reply. Karisan takes a biscuit off the tray:
Well, tell about yourself. How come that you have travelled this far here? I didn’t expect to see you here.
I eat the rest of my biscuit and clear the crumbs off my leg onto the ground:
I had no reason to stay there. Finally I should left there.
Why?
Repeating my thoughts associates the bitter memories:
I’ve come for my brother…
Karisan asks in wonder:
Mansidan?
I answer him with my silence. He asks:
Has something happened to Raya?
I lower my head and say with a deep breath:
She isn’t in a good state of health at all. Mansidan has to come back.
Karisan’s eyebrows become tangled. He closes his eyes and says:
If he tended to back, he wouldn’t ever go.
I want to find and take him back to Raya.
You waste your time on a wild goose chase. He has gone forever.
Do you have any news of him?
He went since that event occurred…I asked everyone about him…but no one has any news of him.
But I must find him.
He wouldn’t back.
I’ll talk to him, I’ll convince him to back. If he knows about the condition of Raya’s health, sure he’ll back. I messed up everything, I myself will fix it.
That wasn’t your fault. Don’t blame yourself. No one is guilty.
I want to see Mansidan and tell him that I’ll do my best to everything will be ok again. Just if he comes back.
I lower my head lest Karisan sees my wet eyes. He says:
You shouldn’t beseech someone who has said no to everything.
My eyes are wetted by tears and I see the images unclear in front of me:
Raya is becoming paralyze completely. If he backs by my beseeching, sure I’ll beseech him.
Suddenly the table shakes. Karisan gnashes his teeth and looks at his fist which has pounded the table:
Damn. What was her guilt that he left her alone?
Silence prevails. Karisan’s anger along with his breathe comes out of his nose. I press my eyelids onto my eyes tightly to prevent my teardrops from falling.
Who takes care of Raya?
She doesn’t like to see anyone. Jalisa is looking after her.
What’s doctor’s recommendation?
He can’t do anything for her. He just says there is only one remedy: Mansidan backs to her.
Doctor Jaikan knows his job well. How do you want to find Mansidan?
Then Karisan takes a deep breath and stands up.
I planned to go to the “Hope” shelter to find you.
I put the letters on Karisan’s desk. He backs to his chair while asking with his eyes. He looks at the letters before opening them, as though the envelopes of the letters can show their inwards. He opens the bigger one and begins to read. While reading, the signs of anxiety appear on his face. He opens the second letter, and ponders while reading it. He walks across the room and says:
The first letter is from your father, I think you know its subject. The second one is…
He takes a deep breath:
There’s a problem. Maybe I’ll have to go to “Life” shelter.
Why you came here from “Hope” shelter?
Karisan backs to his chair and says:
I had to inspect the shelters. Although we had a problem, it may be a good news. A clue to Mansidan’s whereabouts.
Suddenly, my heartbeat tinkles on my head. I become such a shocked so that I just can open my mouth.
I don’t promise you but maybe you can find a clue.
I gulp my saliva and say:
What was the second letter about?
Maybe you meet some people. Perhaps they can help you. Just think is it worth?
This is my choice.
It may change your way of life entirely.
Whatever it may be, it would be better than this life.
Karisan presses his lips against each other and shakes his head:
Ok! Think about it once more till tomorrow. If you changed your idea, inform me.
I answer decisively:
No need to think. Ok, sure.
It’s enough. I can’t go on anymore, I am nearly pass out of restlessness. There are two beds in that room which one of them belongs to me and Nina.
Then stops me with his hand and asks me:
By the way…what’s up with “Life” shelter?
I made everything ok. Thanks for you respected my decision.
He shakes his head in token of regret:
A foolish decision! You were managing one of the large shelters, you were able to do that.
Many people deserve this more than I. Palisin is managing there very well. Just we should not leave him alone, because I think a riot is breaking out in that shelter.
So you should have stayed with him and helped him.
I give him a weak smile
Are you spoofing me?
Leave it, I respect your decision. Is there anything else you want to tell me?
Maybe you’d better to hear Rakovan’s talk.
He shrugs and says:
I heard his words. What’s your idea?
His words are thinkable.
Now he gives me a weak smile:
War means idiocy, but always such idiocies have changed our world.
So you’ve think about it?
Have you ever seen anybody who has never acted stupid even for one time?
I can’t make decision like you at all.
You oughtn’t, my way is completely different from yours.
We gaze at each other with smile for a while. I say:
Do you think if they capture the “Life” shelter then nobody can recapture this old castle? Once, an army attacked this castle by airplanes and tanks for three days but couldn’t destroy it.
That castle could avail six years ago.
It has a capacity of ten thousand people; a perfect town for the reds.
Let’s not exhaust ourselves, and leave this decision up to them.
Then he performs some stretching movement:
Nothing is as pleasant as sleep.
Then he stands up and calls Nina. All of a sudden the door opens and some people with agitated faces along with some patients, who hardly are standing on their feet, enter room. One of them who is breathless says:
I’m afraid nowhere is left unoccupied. Everywhere is occupied. I don’t know where to place the patients. The only place which is still empty is your room.
Then he becomes silent. Karisan says immediately:
Take two of them to that room and lay them on the bed, and rest of them here on the ground. Just lay the people whose conditions are critical on the bed. Take the chairs and put them aside for lying the rest till I bring my outfits. By the way, call Rakovan to come and help me.
Then he turns toward me and tells me with a wink:
r /> It seems that I can’t be your host.
When I go to help, he finishes his talk:
See you later.
I want to stay and help but I know that I can’t do anything but bungle up the job. Karisan enters the next room and I go out soon. It seems that a new group is added to the shelter.
Suddenly I face with a large group of the people who have occupied the corridor up to the back of the counter for sleeping. All are searching for a place to sleep. I enter the crowd immediately. From the crowd which is streaming from the first floor to the ground floor, I realize that this floor is filled to capacity.
I look around to find a place to lie down. Suddenly a man gets up from his place and goes to another place, maybe because he is not so adapted to be near the window. I go there promptly. It is almost the same place that I was sitting on the chair.
Then I pull my pillow and a blanket out of my knapsack and spread a thin pad on the floor and lie on it. The ground absorbs all of my tiredness from my toes like a magnet. I feel calmness. The relaxation which saves me from everything and makes a feeling of flight. I stretch my muscles a little and then cover myself with a blanket.
The crowd goes from one side to the other side. My feet are trodden underfoot several times. Two persons fight for the place. A man is asleep on a chair beside the wall. A tumult rises. It is like a single voice is crying. Two people collide with each other and foods spill all over the ground, utter some curses to each other and then busy with gathering and cleaning the spilled foods. By another collide, a man loses his balance and falls on the ground.
These events attract my eyes continuously. Suddenly Nina appears among the crowd while holds a pillow and a small blanket in her hands. She seems is searching for someone or something. When she sees I am shaking my hand for her, falls down, pass through the crowd which jostles her, stops near me and gaze at me.
I tell her:
Look, do you want sleep beside me tonight? I think your daddy is a little busy.
She shakes her head as a sign of approval. I take my knapsack and put it on the other side. Then I spread here pad on the ground. She sits on her knees, put her blanket on the ground and busy with removing her shoes. After that, she lies and I spread the blanket on her. She hugs her doll and closes her eyes.
Would you like tell you a story.
She shakes her head as no.
Have you any friend?
She opens her eyes. A great sorrow surges all over her face. I look at the depth of her eyes. They transfer an unusual sense to me. She closes her eyes and her cheeks become loose.
Do you like the doll?
This time she shakes her head as yes, but she doesn’t open her eyes, neither tell something.
Would you like we play a game tomorrow? I’ll close my eyes and you’ll go and hide.
Again she shakes her head as a sign of approval but this time a little satisfaction appears on her lips. She opens and then close her eyes. When her face becomes alive and spirited, I tell her goodnight to have a sweet dream.
As a habit, I pull out the small hand-made box of my knapsack. Its appearance shows that the maker of the box have done their best to make it beautiful but they were a little unsuccessful. It has a door which is attached to the box with two hinges and one of them is faulty, so opening or closing its door is hard. Its lock becomes unlock with a little push and it needs no key. Its inner layers help to make its walls more beautiful. Its corners are shredded. A white color, which has been changed to gray by lapse of time, has become apparent because of shredded red layer.
A picture, a necklace and a ring with two parallel lozenge design, are inside the box; the only things my parents left for me. I wear the ring after a while looking at it. It fits my finger exactly. I take the picture and clean it with my sleeve.
This picture shows an old house in which a man and a woman are sitting near each other on a sofa and smile. Exactly on the middle of picture, a child is playing with toys in front them. The picture is torn exactly where the child is, and half the picture is lost. Only a part of another hand which is playing with toys as well, is apparent where the picture is cut. It should be Mansidan’s hand. I look at the picture with regret. For a few seconds I feel that I am living in that house and with my family. I am so fascinated with this picture that I can feel it as a live image in front of my eyes. Ah Mansidan, why you went and left us?
I gulp down my saliva and take a deep breath to control my feelings. I hold the necklace hanging in front of my face and swing it. It has a strange state. It differs from all the necklaces I have ever seen. There is a small square in the middle of necklace which none of its lines is straight.
It is exactly like a spider but because of its outward branches around it, looks very beautiful. The design on the square, has removed its grossness and deformity and has made the square the main and necessary part of the necklace. When I shake one of its branches on the right side, the square becomes open. No one can imagine that the square may open. There is a rather small picture inside the square which shows two friends of mine. How I missed them. I wish I could find them again. I wear the necklace. I should be carefree about the picture too. So I fold it in a plastic pocket and put it in my raincoat pocket. Suddenly I hear a voice is saying:
Sure they were so dear to you. So keep them as much as possible otherwise you’d be sighing all your life.
I turn my head and see an old man whose face is covered entirely with beard. He looks at the ceiling. At first, I think I am not his interlocutor, but when I realize the depth of his despair and regret in his words, it makes me sure.
The world isn’t faithful to anyone. Think about how you can compensate the past. Now that just this little girl is left for you, you better do your best for her, like if my wife and my daughter were alive I did so. This makes you happy to the end of your life.
I try to tell him that Nina is not my daughter but manage to do this just when he has gone. He seems to have suffered too much pain, hardship and loneliness, like me that I feel so after my father’s death.
I look at the Nina’s innocent face, which is like an angel, for the last time. I can’t even hear the sound of her breathing. I put my knapsack beside myself to be carefree about it. All of a sudden I see Karisan going toward the door.
The crowd is like a row of trees which are passing by in front of a high speed car and just once in a while it is possible to see the landscape behind them through the empty spaces between them, people deface the visibility as well; however, I can see Karisan like a picture. He stops near the door and I see that his lips move, as though he is talking with someone else, but I can’t see this one because of people’s come and go. Karisan smiles once in a while and sometimes his mouth remains open.
Their conversation lasts too long so that finally the numbers of people being reduced and I can see that man. Almost his back is toward me, but he turns his face once in a while. It is dark inside the shelter, yet thanks to the light of a candle which is over their head, I can see his profile. His face is familiar but I can’t place him. I have seen him somewhere, he is so familiar. Suddenly, through the light which radiates into my eyes, I see the color of his eyes. It is a dark blue which makes my brain to pull out his file from its dusty archive.
He is Nabidak, a member of “life expectancy” group, who I saw him a few days ago in “Hope” shelter. Like Karisan, he speaks for a while and then becomes silent. They shake hands after a while and Karisan opens the door for Nabidak. His blue eyes turns toward me and gaze at me for a short time before he goes out.
I think he was looking at somewhere else not at me, but after a little deliberation I make sure that he looked at me; Karisan doesn’t realize this and returns to his room. I hide my necklace under my clothes, try to make sure of my ring tightness and then close myself to Nina. The heavy eyelids don’t give me more chance, I look at Nina and when I see her calmness, I close my eyes.
Chapter 7
The wounded