“I’m always so damn close with you.”
“Is that a bad thing?” I gasped as his fingers trailed over my goose-pimpled thighs and dug into my flesh.
“Bad that I find you unbelievably gorgeous and can’t help how much I want you?” He kissed me with a twist of silk and softness. “Never.”
Rearing back a little, his arms criss-crossed as he grabbed his hem, and with eyes dripping with chocolate promise, yanked his sodden t-shirt over his head. With a grunt of strength, he tossed the wet material toward the shore.
“Thought you’d wash your clothes as well as yourself, huh?” I snickered as he gathered me to his hot, naked chest. His cock wedged against me, making both of us hiss in that deliciously depraved way.
“Everything about me is filthy, so yeah.” He smirked. “Just trying to cleanse myself from needing you so badly.”
“I don’t think the river will help with that.” I melted as he kissed me again, adding bruise upon bruise, rasp after rasp from all the other kisses we’d shared.
“I think you’re right.” Pushing me away, he ordered. “Go get the soap. Let’s see if that works.”
I swiped hair from my eyes, the ends floating in the water like kelp. “Now who’s being bossy?”
“Only because I want to stare at you while you get it.” His eyes glowed. “Go. Before I change my mind.”
Burning up from the desire between us that even the chilly river couldn’t douse, I turned and waded back to the shallows. Self-consciousness descended as water sluiced off me, preferring to stay with its friends than on my skin.
With my spine straight and belying the nervous butterflies in my stomach, I swayed my hips, revealing my back and bottom to Ren.
It wasn’t like he hadn’t seen me before, but this…it was different.
Without a backward glance, I headed toward the bags standing sentry at the tent’s entrance. It only took a second to unzip the side pocket where painkillers, toothbrushes, and soaps lived, then spin to face the only man I’d ever love.
His arm was above his head, cocked back to toss his soaking jeans to the bank.
They landed with a loud splat beside me, his boxer-briefs on top, letting me know he was as naked as I was.
My heart fluttered as I stepped into the water.
Ren bit his lip, his right shoulder rocking up and down. I knew exactly what he was doing, and it made yet more lust bubble in my belly.
Reaching him, I kneeled and ducked my fingers beneath the surface. Sure enough, his right hand was latched around his cock, stroking himself. “Couldn’t wait?”
He didn’t even look ashamed, more like tortured. “You are far too stunning for mere mortals. Are you truly mine?” He took my hand, wedging it beneath his on his stiff cock. Squeezing both of us, he grumbled, “Feel what you do to me, Della? See what I’ve been hiding from you for years?”
I couldn’t catch my breath at the raw honesty in his tone. The knowledge he’d hurt just as much as I had. The shared pain we were well acquainted with.
I’d seen Ren naked so many times.
His body was as familiar to me as my own.
But this was entirely new.
He’d shed the brotherly side of himself, allowing me to see him as a man and not just my protector.
He couldn’t be any more handsome or tempting, and I wrapped my fingers tight beneath his, making him half-groan, half-snarl.
Desire snapped and crackled, making its way to form a fireball in my core.
Ren surrendered to my touch, wrapping his arms around me, dragging me close. “Come here.” Our skin slipped and slid over each other as I floated onto his lap, and my legs wrapped around his waist.
Releasing his erection, I moaned as he rubbed against me, and we both almost buckled with pleasure. The soap in my left hand wasn’t wanted as Ren purred into my mouth, rocking against me, fucking me even though we were still apart.
His fingers threaded through my hair, tugging my head back as he broke the kiss and nipped his way down my throat. He didn’t let me go as my back bowed and water lapped over my head, drenching every inch of blonde.
His mouth was hot as he trailed kisses down my chest, then latched onto my nipple with furious need.
I cried out as he wrapped one arm around my waist, driving against me as his tongue swirled and teeth teased, slipping from one nipple to the other.
“God, please…” I writhed against him, needing him inside me.
Now.
But he didn’t bow to my command. Instead, he sucked my breasts one more time before kissing his way up my throat and ending at my mouth with the longest, sexist kiss I’d ever been given.
I gave up trying to figure out what he would do next.
“Turn around,” he murmured. “Turn around so I can wash you.”
With a quick inhale, he unwrapped my legs, then spun me on his lap, pushing me outward until I floated on the surface. Gathering the thick weight of my hair, he lathered the soap and ran his strong fingers over my scalp, massaging gently, breathing a little easier thanks to familiar pastimes and recognisable comforts in the sex-storm we lived in.
My body didn’t know if it should orgasm or melt. I was tangled with lust and trust, remembering all the other times Ren had washed me, tended to me, cared for me.
It made my heart burst and tears prickle as I whispered, “That feels so nice.”
“And you feel too perfect to be real.” Lathering more bubbles, his large hands worked over my shoulders, under my arms, over my breasts, and down my belly.
“Kneel,” he ordered, pushing my body deeper into the water so I switched from floating to kneeling. “Turn to face me.”
There was something so erotic about following his curt commands.
Once I faced him, he rubbed the soap once again, then trailed his hand through the water to the curls between my legs.
I jolted as he washed me gently, the slipperiness of soap washed away by the river, leaving me so much wetter than before.
Never looking away from me, he spread me apart, then inserted two fingers inside me.
I froze and tightened and quaked and liquefied.
He might’ve only given me two fingers, but it felt like two pieces of his soul. Two pieces that Cassie had bemoaned she would never have. Two pieces that no one else would ever own.
Just me.
Only me.
My mouth fell wide as he sank deeper. He hooked his touch inside me, pressing, rubbing, igniting the fuse that would eventually explode into a toe-curling orgasm. He didn’t give me a moment to breathe, analyse, or decide if I wanted to fight back, submit, or melt into a puddle in his hand. All that mattered was I was his, and he was touching me in ways I’d always begged him to.
“Ren,” I breathed as he gathered me closer.
“Shush.” Never looking away from me, he studied my every twitch and sigh as if learning exactly what made me simmer.
And he found it with his thumb on my clit.
My back bowed, and a low moan spilled from me as he drove two fingers deeper.
He smiled, satisfaction glowing in his dark eyes. “You like that?”
“Uh huh.” I nodded with desire-lethargy, my head heavy and eyes struggling to focus.
“Good to know.” Pulling his touch from my body, he lathered yet more bubbles and dragged them over the sparse hair on his well-defined chest, swiftly washing himself before the soap disappeared to clean other areas.
I wobbled before him, shocked that he’d touched me so spectacularly, then acted as if nothing had happened.
“Oh, that’s just mean.” I pouted as ripples of pleasure still worked through my core, begging him to come back.
“It would be mean if I didn’t plan on doing more.” His hands finished washing, tossing the soap toward the shore. “But I do. An entire night of more.”
“I would’ve done that,” I said.
“What? Wash me?” He shook his head, jaw tight and eyes black. “Della, I’m sec
onds away from forcing you onto my lap. I couldn’t stand you washing me. I barely have any control left as it is.”
“I don’t care. It’s about time you let go of that lifetime of control. You just teased me. It’s only fair I tease you.” Wanting to make him as wound up as me, I pushed off the pebble-littered riverbed and floated onto his lap. “I need you, Ren.” Wrapping my arms around his shoulders, he was too slow to push me away.
My core connected to his cock, and we stiffened.
“You’re making me insane.” He growled around a cough.
“All you have to do is give in.” I ran my tongue around the shell of his ear, adoring the way he trembled. “You want me? Then take me. Right here.”
My heart thrummed as his possessive hands splayed over my back like panther paws—velvet and heavy with a touch of claw. “You’re a minx.”
“And you’re a martyr.” Pulling back a little, I kissed his cheek and chin and finally sought his lips. “Please, Ren. Just a tiny thrust and you’d be inside—”
His hands shot to my hips, angling me perfectly so the tip of him hovered over my entrance. “Such a demanding little thing.” He breathed as if he’d run for days, his eyes hotter than I’d ever seen. “Ruining all my plans.”
I didn’t know who made the first move—me with a quest of my hips or him with a probe of his, but somehow, we went from two people to the precipice of becoming one.
Nothing else mattered.
No other thoughts entered.
The world had vanished, and it was just us in our forest like always, on our own like forever, fighting the undying need to merge into one.
“You want this?” Ren strangled, slipping another inch inside me.
My forehead slammed to his wet, cool shoulder, unable to stop my teeth from latching into his skin. “Yes!”
“Goddammit, Della.” He surged deep. “Fuck, you feel incredible.”
Hard.
Fast.
Consuming.
My legs spread wider as my feet rubbed on pebbles and flotsam, not caring about anything but his hard length slamming inside me.
My hips rocked back, driving him deeper to that wondrous place.
“Don’t move,” he snapped.
Prickles of rejection kissed over my skin. “Why not?”
“Because I’m so fucking close to coming, and I forgot to put a condom on. You feel far too amazing bare.”
His fist wrapped in my hair, pulling my head back until he could meet my eyes. I expected him to kiss me hard, to drive into me harder, but his face blackened with self-control. “I can’t believe I broke that rule.”
“What rule?”
“Never have sex without protection.”
My shoulders fell. I knew enough from sexual education at school and what Ren had taught me that STIs were a big reason rubbers were important.
But we’d been safe with others. Surely, we could be free with each other. “You’re inside me. It’s already too late.”
He swore under his breath as I rocked on him.
“Stop, Della.” His hand landed heavily on my hip. “It’s never too late.” The hardness of him throbbed inside me, his heartbeat matching the thick craving of my own.
Pushing me, his length slipped out torturously slow. Once we were two people again, he burrowed his face into his hands and yelled into his palms. “Fuck!”
I gave him a moment, hating the separation but familiar enough with Ren to know he followed rules—especially ones that protected me—religiously.
He stood upright, and the river went from lapping around his shoulders to barely covering his proud erection. “Let’s get inside the tent. I’m assuming you have more condoms with you?”
I stood on lust-wobbly legs as Ren swept me into his arms. His eyes softened with regret. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to ruin the moment.”
“You didn’t.”
Kissing me softly, he whispered, “I’m just so terrified of hurting you. It would kill me, Little Ribbon. If I ever did anything to—”
“You won’t.” I wrapped my arms around him, sucking in a breath as he swung me into a horizontal position like a groom would his bride and carried me from the river. “You never will.”
Pressing his nose to mine, he chuckled. “You always manage to bring out the best and worst in me. One moment, I don’t care about anything but fucking you; the next, I want to lay you on a throne and pledge everything I can.” He carried me toward our bags with hardened feet used to walking on twigs and prickly things. “Being in love really is a disease.”
Placing me reverently by my backpack, I got my balance by clutching his biceps. “Love’s a disease?”
He nodded, brushing aside my wet hair and palming off excess droplets from the river. Even brusque, having his hands on me was pure cashmere and desire. “When I’m with you, I have the cure. I feel stronger, happier, invincible. But when I’m not, I feel as if life itself could delete me, and I wouldn’t care.”
The intensity of such a strong moment infected both of us, and our eyes locked with oaths and vows. “I’m never leaving you, Ren.”
“And I’m never walking away again. No matter what happens. We stick together.”
Our lips sought each other, sealing our promises with silky sweeps of our tongues.
The heat of our skin helped dry us a little, but we didn’t care about the rest as we pulled apart and I bent to unzip my bag. The sound of the zipper in the gloom made Ren wince, his senses on high alert.
Dropping my hand into the dark rucksack, I rummaged for a second before pulling out a box.
A familiar box with a familiar note stuck to the top.
“What the—” Ren snatched it from my hands. Squinting to read in the final threads of light, his basic handwriting decorated the top: If you’re going to do things outside my control, please be safe. Use these. At all times. “Is-is this the box I bought you?”
My cheeks glowed pink. “Yes.”
“But…how?”
I could guess what ran through his head. How many condoms had I used? Had I replenished the box? Had I used David’s instead? I didn’t want him having those thoughts. He’d end up on the moral seesaw again, wondering if he was wrong in taking me. We were in such a good place and I refused to let anything from our past ruin that.
My heart hiccupped as Ren battled beneath his mental struggle, and I stole the box back, cracking it open to reveal a neat regimented row of foil wrapped condoms glinting in the gloom. There were too many to count quickly or guess how many were missing. But Ren wouldn’t need to guess. I would tell him.
“I only used two. Well, three, counting last night.” I kept my fingers locked tight on the box.
“What?” He coughed. “How is that possible? I saw you kissing Tom at the Halloween party. I’d seen how passionate you were. I lived with you, for God’s sake. As you slowly awakened to the idea of sex, it drove me mad every time you went out with your friends, not knowing what you were doing.”
My insides smarted for how much I’d hurt him over the years, but I stayed brave because I owed him this. I owed him an apology. “You’re forgetting that most of the time, I was in agony over you, Ren. I only used two; you have my word. One the night I lost my virginity, and one the night of my eighteenth birthday.” I didn’t want images of me sleeping with others in his head, but he needed to know the truth—that I wasn’t some harlot, even if I made him think I was.
I never looked away from him. He deserved to be able to read the honesty on my face, not just hear it. “Yes, I lost my virginity because I was messed up over you. But I chose not to have sex again because I wasn’t emotionally ready. I didn’t sleep with anyone until that second time on my birthday. And I didn’t do it because I wanted him. I did it because I wanted you.”
He sucked in a noisy breath.
“For months, I’d felt as if you were near. My missing you was at an all-time high. I never wanted to be with anyone else but you. I’m a terrible person for
using David when I never stopped loving you.”
He made a sound as if I’d kicked him in the gut. “Della—”
“I don’t say any of this to be cruel, Ren.” I shook my head, wet strands clinging to my shoulders. “I’m telling you out of pure honesty because you never truly accepted that I could love you as much as you love me. You are my entire world. You ran because of me. And in some part of my mind, I’m worried you’ll run again if this is too much to accept.”
Sick, sick shame filled his face. “God, Della. You let me take you so roughly—you have cuts and bruises all over you—and it was only your third time?” He dug fingers into his hair. “Why didn’t you…I don’t know…?” He looked at me with pain and self-disgust. “I should’ve taken you gently. I should’ve remembered you are so youn—”
“If you call me young, we’ll have a problem.”
His lips thinned. “But it’s the truth. I raised you, for God’s sake. I should’ve been more careful.” Backing away, he wiped his mouth with a trembling hand. “I pushed you into losing your virginity by being an asshole, and I’m the reason you did it a second time by watching you instead of having the balls to admit I was back in town. I-I don’t know what to say.”
“I don’t want you to say anything. Words only get you into trouble.”
“But I should have—”
“What? Waited until we were in some motel and gone slow? Ren, I love you. But when you start second-guessing yourself, you’re really a pain in the ass, you know that?” Holding up the back of my arm where a pretty decent scratch had scabbed over, I said firmly, “I wear these with pride. Every second of last night was better than any fantasy I’ve ever had of you, and believe me, I’ve had a lot.”
A twisted half-smile decorated his face.
“I was only able to come because you gave me exactly what I wanted, when I wanted it. Your strength. Your aggression. I need that because all my life you’ve been strong and aggressive in keeping me safe, and somehow, I’ve come to associate that with you loving me. If you dare touch me with kitten gloves and feather kisses, I’ll just rile you up until you snap again.” I chuckled under my breath. “And we both know how easy I can spark your temper. Don’t make me prove it.”