Chapter 10
The morning of the first plowing dawned bright and warm. Though the ground was still frozen several feet under the surface, Coraline believed there was enough topsoil loose to begin, at least on the field behind the main farm house. "It's on a hill, so the water table is lower," she explained. It was good reasoning and no one objected.
Three large fields had been selected for planting. The one behind Mother's farm house would be planted with corn, as it had been the previous year. It curved down the gentle slope of the hill to the back, ending at the edge of a small river. The other fields were down the hill the opposite side of the hill, behind a neighborhood. They were long and skinny and divided in the middle by a small stand of trees and an old stone wall.
It was the first week in April. There hadn't been any snow for almost a month, and even the nights had lost some of their chill. Gus had lead a team in tapping sugar maples, but said the early warm weather would yield a small amount of thin syrup. Mother was just happy they were trying, and liked looking around and seeing the buckets on the trees. They were trying. Even if it failed the first time, they were trying.
The workers had gathered some farm equipment. To Mothers surprise, tractors came in all sizes. If she had ever given it any thought before, of course that would have made sense. She just never thought about it. She never had to. Her lettuce came from the grocery store. She bought her corn at a farm stand. It was always someone else's concern, some else's job, someone else's work. Now, it was hers. The townspeople expected her to look at the huge machines and decide what they needed. She had debated the merits of the different machines with anyone who felt they had some information to offer. Some actually did, and others just wanted something to debate. In the end, she decided to select the smaller machines.
"The big ones will till faster," Coraline insisted.
"And none of us know how to use them. They're dangerous."
Coraline had thrown her hands in the air. "They're all dangerous!"
"But the big ones are even more dangerous. Trust me. We'll cut our teeth on the smaller machines and work our way up."
Almost everyone else thought it was a sensible idea, so small tractors and a backhoe were moved up to the barnyard. The backhoe would be used to clear out any debris they ran into. Everyone was going to learn every part of the planting process. They'd learn how to plow the field. They'd learn how to turn the dirt. They'd learn how to spread manure and then plant the seeds, and they'd learn how to keep the fields in good shape through the summer. They'd learn in shifts through the three fields. While many hands made light work, too many hands just got in the way. There were fifteen people aside from Mother there the first day, to break ground in the barnyard. Others came to stand and watch, but she ordered that they stay well away on the sidelines.
Gus was capable of driving just about anything. He spent a few minutes getting the feel of the controls, and within minutes had the tines of the tractor scraping through the first foot of topsoil. The townspeople cheered him on and spirits soared. The old broken stalks that had dried through the winter crumbled and rolled under the tractor's comb, leaving a large, lumpy, dark brown swath of dirt behind. The plan was to let Gus take a few swipes, and then people would move in to pick out clumps of roots and any rocks.
It was a long, grueling day. Following the plow and bending over to pick out the roots and rocks was a back-breaking endeavor. While everyone worked hard, they needed many breaks. Mother assured them that the more they did it, the easier it would get. The problem was compounded by the fact that the turned dirt was just north of freezing and icy cold. People would work for a bit, then have to stand and slap their hands together to warm them up.
Still, by the end of the day, half the field was plowed and picked, and people could stop and look down the long, dark rows and see the proof of their hard work. They were cold, they were tired, they were absolutely starving, but they were proud. Mother trudged up to dinner and sat with them all that night to eat the meal Eve and Janice made. They laughed, they joked, they assured the other people that they would be feeling the pain the next couple nights.
On the second day, the work crew hit their first big rock in the field. The backhoe was brought in to dig it up, while Gus and Steve made a run for the necessary supplies to repair the broken tines on the tractor. It took awhile, but the rock was eventually removed, the hole filled with dirt, and the progress continued. Overall, they were undeterred. By late afternoon, they hit a patch that was more rock than field, and all progress was halted.
"This was plowed last year," said a man named Mack who insisted on saying he just couldn't believe it over and over until it grated on Mother's last nerve.
"And I told you it doesn't matter. According to the books, rocks work their way up from deep inside the ground. Farmers have to deal with this every year."
"Still..."
"Enough about what should or should not be there," she snapped. She took a deep breath, not wanting to give in to the dour turn the afternoon was taking. "We'll just have to deal with them like farmers always do."
Mack sighed and looked away, muttering under his breath. Mother could guess what he was muttering.
"Any ideas?" she asked the group.
"Can we just plant around them?"
Mother looked up the gentle hill. They were about halfway down from the back side of the farm, and about smack dab in the middle width wise. It would be very inconvenient to work around the area. "I think we're just going to have to work through it and get these rocks out."
The group groaned, but got in line to help. The backhoe was brought in and dug out the rock with ease, but they could see another just up ahead. It was enormous, and the backhoe bucket wasn't big enough to scoop it out. "We need chain," Mother ordered. Someone went and found some chain, and they carefully looped it under the boulder when the backhoe rocked it forward. When the chain was in place, Gus backed the machine up and they looped the ends of the chain up and over the bucket. The idea was to pull the rock out of the hole, then deal with it once it was up and free. The backhoe strained and for a minute it looked like their plan wouldn't work. Suddenly the ground gave up its hold and the rock rolled up and out of the hole. As soon as it was free, the chain snapped off, whipping around from the sudden slack and slicing through the air in a wide and potentially dangerous arc.
"Everyone okay?" Mother bellowed after the chain landed with a loud thud on the dirt.
Thankfully, no one was hit. With her hands still shaking, Mother made a mental note to be more careful in the future as they wrapped the freed rock with chain and dragged it to the edge of the field. Fortunately the rest of the boulders weren't as stubborn. By the end of the day, the field was still largely unturned, but the rocks were finally removed and cleared. Though they didn't get as far as Mother hoped, she and everyone on the work detail almost wept with relief when it grew dark and she had to call it quits.
After the third day, the first field was tilled and picked, and they moved the whole shebang to the closest of the lower fields. A quick test of the soil showed that it was mostly thawed, and they decided to get a start. The original crew was back in action, the rotation coming around once again. Mother was glad for it. She put her best people on that first day, and she considered them her dream team. The morning went smoothly and by lunch they had much more done than they had the first day.
"I told you we'd get used to it," Mother said as she ate the lunch Eve delivered to them in the van.
"Don't get cocky, Ma," said Gus, a twinkle in his eye.
They finished their lunch and hit their first huge rock of the day shortly after. "It's another bucket breaker," Mother called to the group when Gus moved the tractor back. The backhoe was brought in and the plan was the same. Mother stood on one side, Steve stood opposite with the other end of the chain, and a little grunting by the backhoe moved the rock just enough for them to loop the chain underneath. "Better watch out, Steve. People might say
you know what you're doing!" Mother teased.
Steve grinned and secured his end of the chain to the bucket. "All set."
Mother gave a nod and made sure her end was clipped tightly. "Okay, back off everyone." She hit the side of the backhoe on the way past to let Gus know he was all set, and in seconds, the chain was pulled tight.
Coraline walked up beside Mother. "How many days you think we'll be doing this? My back is killing me."
Mother sighed. Some things were better with Coraline. Some things would never change. "Join the club," she said, hoping the commiseration would calm any potential bitch fest. Coraline really was hard to put up with sometimes.
"You think if we got a bigger rig..."
Coraline never got to finish what she was saying. The rock shifted in the half-frozen earth, straining the chain past its breaking point. Before anyone could react to the twang that rang out, a section of the thick, broken chain hurtled through the air and slammed into Coraline's thigh, pitching the woman forward into Mother.
"Wolf!" Mother bellowed as she lowered Coraline to the ground.
"Shut it down!" Steve screamed, waving his hands to Gus and shouting to be heard over the engine.
Mother lowered Coraline. She was completely out, her eyes rolled back in her head and her body utterly limp. Mother looked at her face, her head, and down her torso, trying to figure out what the hell just happened. Her stomach heaved when her eyes roamed down Coraline's body and reached her thigh. A section of chain was embedded through the denim of her jeans and right into her leg, the blood already soaking the front of her pants.
"We need a car!" Mother yelled. "Coraline." She shook the woman. Was she dead? "Coraline!" Mother heard Wolf call Eve on the walkie for the van. Mother patted Coraline's cheek. Don't be dead. Don't be dead. I didn't mean all those horrible things, her mind screamed. She turned to look up at the group, desperate for some sign that any of them knew what to do. "Anyone?"
"She's breathing," said Wolf, crouching beside her. "Eve's on the way."
Mother watched the dark red patch spread through the denim of Coraline's jeans. "There's so much blood," she whispered. Wolf took her hand and positioned it above the cut. He pushed it firmly, showing her what to do. She pressed down as hard as she could and held it until someone, maybe Gus, handed over a sleeve from a shirt. Wolf tied it tightly around the leg above the cut, and pulled Mother's hand free.
After what felt to Mother to be days, the van drew up, and Eve raced over. "Holy shit," she said, skidding to a stop. "Come on. I've got the van. Let's get her to the house."
Steve and Gus hoisted Coraline up and carried her to the van. Wolf held his hand out and helped Mother stand, holding on until he was sure her shaking legs wouldn't buckle. "You got this," he said quietly, only for her to hear.
Mother swallowed hard and turned to Eve. "Stay here and finish this field."
"But..."
"Stay here and finish this field!" she screeched to whoever dared question her in that moment. Even to her the voice that came out of her mouth did not sound like her own. But as she hopped in the van beside Coraline, she noticed that people listened.
Wolf drove, using the walkie talkie to call ahead. Mother held the wound closed as best she could and braced Coraline to keep her from rolling off the seat as they traveled over the bumpy fields. They turned up the road and Mother knew they would soon be home. They would be home, and then she would have to decide what to do. She looked at the blood seeping out from under her hand and felt like hyperventilating. She wasn't a doctor. What in the hell was she going to do?
The van stopped, the door opened. Striker ran out to help Wolf get Coraline in. "I got the clinic cleared," he said quickly.
The "clinic" was what they affectionately called one of the offices in the house that had been serving as a place for Mother to check the boo-boos of the town. There were basic first aid supplies, several boxes of gauze and gloves and other various medical items they'd picked up along the way. Nothing was organized. Nothing was sorted. It hadn't seemed like a priority, and as they placed Coraline on the bare desk, Mother cursed herself for yet another lack of forethought.
"What are we doing?" Wolf asked.
Mother stared at the gash. The chain was still embedded in the wound and it was one of the most horrifying things she had seen. One of. Her mind flashed to the bodies they'd cleaned. "No," she told herself as she clenched her jaw. "I will not let her be one of them."
"What do you need?" asked Wolf, intensely relieved that she was in control.
Mother ran a shaking hand through her hair, trying to get her racing thoughts under control. "Uh...clean it. We've got to...got to cut away the pants. Right?"
"I'll get scissors," Striker said.
"Next," Wolf said, helping to keep her on track.
Mother looked down at her hands. "I'm filthy. I gotta scrub."
"You go scrub, I'll find gloves." Wolf grabbed her upper arms firmly and made her look at him. "Stay focused. You've got this." He released her and she ran to the bathroom to scrub up. By the time she was back, she had her coat off and her hands clean, and Wolf helped her into gloves.
"Should we wear masks?" she asked.
"The fuck do I know?" asked Wolf.
He's about to lose his shit, too. The thought somehow centered Mother, made her feel like she wasn't alone. She looked down at Coraline's leg. "Okay. What do we have for medicine?"
"I've got the scissors!" Striker said, running back into the room.
"Don't you dare run with scissors again!" Mother shrieked. "The very last thing we need is a poked out eye!"
"Yes, Mother," Striker said. He took one look at Coraline's leg, and turned around. He wanted to help. He felt he owed Mother. But he just couldn't watch. He'd get anything Mother needed as long as she didn't make him watch.
Mother willed her hand to stop shaking and went about cutting the jeans away from the wound. When it was open and they could get a real look, the enormity of the injury sat like lead on her shoulders. Laid bare, it was clear the chain went very deep. She poured some water over the gash to clear away the dirt, then took a deep breath and tried to pull the chain free. It wouldn't move. The chain would not budge and she turned her panicked eyes to Wolf.
"It's in the bone."
They stared at each other, neither wanting to accept what was becoming clear. Mother swallowed hard and let the chain fall. "I...it's got to come off, doesn't it?" Wolf gave one quick nod, and Mother felt the simple action as if it was a blow. She took another shaking breath and tried to wrap her mind around what she had to do. "Do...we have morphine or something?" Wolf nodded and went through the boxes, sure he'd seen some kind of strong pain killer. "Striker, get me a saw from the basement," Mother said in an unsteady voice.
"A saw?" he squeaked.
"Yes."
"Small toothed," said Wolf.
"Like a saw? Like a real fucking saw?" Striker grabbed a fist full of his hair, his eyes wild with panic. "Oh shit! Are you going to...you're gonna..."
"Striker!" Mother barked, more to keep herself together than him. "Do it."
Striker ran his hands down his face and shook his head. "I...I'll be right back."
Mother took a deep breath, then another. "I'll need a mask."
"Yes."
"And...I..." Mother tried to calm her racing heart. "I don't know what to do after. Do I stitch it up?"
Wolf closed his eyes tightly against the pain in her voice. "No. I think in this situation you'd do best to cauterize."
Mother squeezed her eyes shut and wished she was anywhere else. "Take me to Tahiti," she whispered.
"We'll leave tomorrow."
It was Wolf's way of saying she had no choice. He'd take her, but after. She didn't have a choice, not yet, and she knew it. She just had to hear it. "Why is it just when things are going well..."
"Nope. None of that," said Wolf, his voice sounding more firm. He handed her the syringe he had filled with morphin
e. "Put it in a vein, any vein."
Mother looked at the needle. She was going to do this. She stepped forward and looked at Coraline. They hadn't even removed her jacket.
Wolf pushed the cuff of Coraline's coat out of the way and pointed to a good vein. "It'll feel like a pop, and that's how you know you're in."
Mother wanted to ask how he knew, but her hands were already moving. When she felt the pop, she pushed the plunger, shooting the morphine directly into Coraline. She pulled the needle out and placed the empty syringe on a tray.
Striker returned with the saw as Mother and Wolf were twisting a rod in the tourniquet, cutting off as much blood flow to the lower leg as possible. Striker made a strangled noise as he dropped the saw and ran back to the doorway.
"We need an iron," Wolf said.
"Like a clothes iron?" Striker's voice cracked.
Mother looked to Wolf, and he gave a small nod. They would need to cauterize. Right. "There's one in the linen closet," Mother told Striker, never taking her eyes off Wolf and the calming effect of his steady gaze. "Get it, bring it in, and plug it into the wall over there." She nodded her head to the closest socket. Time slowed as they waited for Striker's return, her mind thinking about what she was about to do. After Striker had finally returned and plugged the iron in to heat, he asked if he could leave. "Yes. Get the other room ready for her recovery."
"Thank you," Striker said and left.
Mother took a deep breath. She picked up the saw and doused it with rubbing alcohol. She held the blade above the cut and looked Wolf in the eye, terrified that he'd turn around as he did during the burns. But he just nodded for her to begin and the relief that he was going to stay calmed her shaking hands and she began. Wolf was going to hold the tourniquet and stay. She took another deep breath as she felt the teeth bite into the flesh. She could do this but she didn't have to do it alone. One more deep breath, and Mother took her eyes off Wolf and did what she had to do.
Two hours later, the seared wound was wrapped, Coraline was washed and settled into the makeshift hospital room next door, and Mother and Wolf were mopping up blood. There was blood everywhere. It was on the desk, the floor, the walls. It looked like Mother murdered someone, and she had come damn close. They both worked in silence. By then, Wolf knew that she'd talk if she needed to, and shut up if she didn't. She was thinking it over, trying to process, and he let her have the time she needed in her own head.
Wolf helped clean up the room. When they were done, he took the leg. "What are we doing with it?"
Mother stared at him for a minute before shaking her head. "I don't know. It's not our leg."
Wolf opened his mouth, then slowly closed it. If that's what she needed, that's what she'd get. "We need to put it somewhere."
Mother stared at the bloody sheet that wrapped the leg she'd just cut off. She cut off a leg. The gore rose up inside her and the memory of the jagged scraping of saw blade on bone still tingled up her arm. She swallowed the scream. Not yet. She couldn't let it out yet. She still had to think. "Uh...a house. We'll put it in a house we haven't cleaned yet."
Wolf just nodded. He'd find Chuck and have him do it. It really wasn't any more awful than cutting the leg off in the first place, and they could just add it to the clean up with the rest. If Mother needed to think that Coraline would be capable of deciding, what did it hurt to play along? He tied up the trash bags that contained the rags, bloody sheets, and wrappers, and looked around. "I think that's about it. I'll get Chuck and we'll get all this down to the dump truck."
"Not the leg," Mother reminded him quickly, her voice edged with panic.
Wolf shook his head. "No. Not the leg."
"That's Coraline's decision what happens to it."
"Okay."
Mother let out a shaky breath and ran her hand through her hair. "I'm going to check on Coraline."
It was on the tip of Wolf's tongue to warn Mother that Coraline would not make it. She wouldn't wake up. She lost so much blood that her heartbeat was faint at best. She was pale and cold and they'd just hacked off her leg for god's sake! At best she'd slip away in the night. At worst, she'd live long enough to get gangrene and truly suffer before she was allowed to die. He should tell Mother, warn her, prepare her for the inevitable. But when Wolf looked at Mother, covered in blood, exhausted to the soul, he just didn't have it in him to break her heart. It would be a long night.
Mother walked into the small room they hastily set up as Coraline's recovery room. Striker had found a bed and placed a table next to it with supplies. There was a vial of morphine, more bandages and tape, a pitcher with water. There was also a chair, and Mother fell into it heavily. She looked at the woman laying on the bed. Coraline was pale. Her hair was graying, something Mother never really noticed before. Her eyes were sunken, and even in sleep she looked defeated.
"Don't you dare die, Coraline," Mother whispered. She groped under the covers for Coraline's wrist. She could feel the pulse, faint but there. Mother pulled her hand out and tucked the blankets back around the patient. And then she sat there, searching both the room and her mind for something else she could do to help. But there was nothing. There was nothing more she could do, and that knowledge threatened to be her undoing.
Eve tapped at the door. "I've got some of these," she said quietly, holding up a package. "Adult diapers."
"Oh." Of course she'd need them. They'd have to diaper Coraline. They'd have to change them when they got soiled and wash Coraline's ass like a newborn. Mother stood and rolled down the blanket while Eve opened the package. "Thank you for thinking about this."
"I guessed on the size," Eve said.
"They stretch." Mother rolled up the tee shirt they'd left on Coraline and ignored Eve's gasp when she saw the bandaging. It wasn't leaking, and that was good. Wolf was right about the cauterizing, though Mother doubted she'd ever be able to iron clothes again. She rolled Coraline to one side, then the other, shimmying the woman's panties off with practiced ease. When Coraline lay bare, Mother held her hand out for the diaper.
"You look like you know what you're doing," Eve said as she handed over the diaper.
"Grammie had Alzheimer's," was Mother's reply. She deftly situated the diaper, then pulled the tee down as much as she could and tucked Coraline back in tight. "This will need to be checked every two hours. So close to the wound like that, we don't want any chance of infection."
Eve bit her lip, hard. Wolf said it was bad, but until she saw Coraline, Eve had no idea how close to death the woman really was. Eve didn't think Coraline would have time to infect, but she nodded. "I'll see what I can set up for a rotating schedule."
"No," Mother said sharply. "I'm sitting with her."
"People are asking and Wolf said to wait to tell them anything..."
Mother was going to snap at Eve and tell her to let the people talk all they want. Common sense cut through her gut reaction. Of course people were asking. They must be terrified. "They still in the fields?"
"No. It's dinner."
That late? Mother nodded. "Good. I'll go talk to them if you can sit with her."
Mother looked like she was on the edge. She looked the same as she did after she came back from her first burn, her eyes bright and searching, like she was looking for a rope to hold on to and someone just kept pulling it away. Wolf warned Eve that Mother was close to losing it, and Eve knew she had to tread lightly. "I'll sit with Coraline."
Mother nodded. "Thanks. I'll be right back. Give me ten minutes. Holler if you need me."
"I will."
Mother gave Coraline a quick look. There was nothing else she could do for her for the next hour or so until it was time for more morphine. It was time to go set the town at ease. She patted her hair back into place as she strode across the barnyard and took a deep breath for courage. She entered the barn and called for attention. Those closest to the door stopped their talking and stared at Mother with wide eyes, but there were others that still talked. She was
in no mood to wait. She stepped on an empty chair, then climbed up to stand on the table. "Listen up!" she hollered.
The eyes of the town were on Mother, wide and shocked. The only noise in the barn was the snorting of Phil. "As all of you have no doubt heard, we had a bad accident down in the fields today. Coraline was the victim of an unfortunate situation." Someone started to speak, and she held her hands up. "Before you ask, she's doing as well as can be expected, but she's by no means out of the woods yet. I cannot stress the need for safety enough. When you are working with and around the heavy machinery, you absolutely have to keep on guard, on alert, on point. Tonight it was a leg. We're lucky it wasn't her life. Now, I thank those who stuck around in the field and continued to work. And for everyone else, let's learn from Coraline." She gave them what she hoped was an encouraging smile, but they simply stared at her. Blamed her. She felt it deep. They all blamed her, and damn if they weren't right. "That's all. Finish your dinner." Mother hopped down and turned to leave.
"What did you do to her?"
Mother stopped and squeezed her eyes tight. It was Fred. She didn't have the patience for him tonight. "Fred, just finish your dinner." She heard a chair scrape across the floor and knew he was approaching.
"I think we have a right to know what happened," he said in his most petulant voice.
Mother turned and looked at the man, trying to keep her anger in check. "Coraline was struck through the bone with a large, rusty chain. We had no choice but to remove the leg and hope for the best." There was a shocked gasp from the crowd. They didn't know. Mother sighed. Of course Wolf wouldn't have told them.
"You cut off her leg?" Fred said, his eyes wide with disgust.
"You didn't see the wound. You didn't see the extent of the damage..."
Fred snorted. "So now you're a fucking doctor, too?"
Mother's hands began to shake, this time with cold fury. "I didn't see anyone else stepping up to do the job."
"You probably just killed her, lady."
Every fiber of Mother's being wanted to scream at the man to get out. Get out of her town and leave them alone. Take his bad attitude and choke on it. She tried to keep herself in check. She clamped her lips shut tight because if she opened them, she wasn't sure what would actually come out. She couldn't risk it being the scream. If she started screaming, she'd never stop.
Fred seized his advantage. He turned to the group and tried to rally them. "It's bad enough she thinks she's our damn mother, and teacher, and boss, and farmer. Now she's playing with our lives pretending to be a doctor!" He snorted and crossed his arms over his chest. "I don't know about all of you, but I'm getting a little fed up with her heavy handed attitude."
Something felt like it popped in Mother's head and she was suddenly beyond caring what came out if she opened her mouth. "You're getting fed up with my attitude? Did you really just say that? Are my ears lying to me or did the king of self-centered whine-assing just say that I was the one with the bad attitude?"
Fred knew he crossed the line. He wasn't just getting yelled at. He could see the look in her eyes, wild and beyond angry, and he knew he crossed the line. He knew it was time to apologize and back down. But he'd never been able to do that. The one thing he truly mastered in life was pushing it too far. It's what his ex-wife had told him, and she was right. He was very good at stepping in it, and very bad at bowing out gracefully when he was losing. He could see defeat, he simply could not avoid it. He opened his mouth to try anyway, but instead, another insult came out. "That's rich coming from the queen."
Mother's eyes widened even more and her nostrils flared. "Queen? I'm sorry, but I don't see you up all hours of the night to plan and worry and work for the town. No. Not you. Not Fred. Fred eats the food I gathered. Fred sleeps in the house I cleaned. Fred walks away when there's trouble and let's me deal with it. Fred can't be bothered to do one fucking thing for anyone else without bitching and moaning and whining and starting trouble. And do you know why?" She poked Fred's chest. "Because there is one person and one person only in Fred's world, that's why! Well you know what, buddy? I don't have any room for that kind of thinking in my life."
Mother stepped so close that she was almost spitting in his face when she shouted. "Yes I had to be the doctor tonight. Do you know what that means? Huh? You act like it's some fucking power trip. I would give my own legs to find a real doctor and take that burden off my shoulders! Yes, I cut her leg off. The chain was embedded deep in the bone, which was shattered all over the place. There was nothing else I could do. Hell, I don't think a real doctor would have made a different decision in this situation. Yes, I had to be the one to make the call. Just like I had to be the one to take a saw and cut a person's leg off. A real person. A person I rely on. One of my people!" She could feel the tears well up and stepped back, trying to gain composure.
"You didn't even like her," Fred said, against his better judgment. He cursed himself inside. Why did he always have to goad people? "She's not one of your pets."
"What are you saying, Fred?" Mother asked, her voice deceptively calm.
Fred's mind screamed at him to shut up, to abort, to walk away. "I'm just pointing out facts. You didn't like her, that's all." The crowd murmured behind him, and Fred knew he pushed it too far. They weren't for him, they were against him.
Mother's hand went to her belt. Wolf had been trying to get her to always carry a knife, and she was furious with herself when her hand slid against the bare belt and she knew that once again she forgot to strap it on. That thought stopped her cold. She reached for a knife...to do what? Kill the man because he was pissing her off? She closed her eyes and counted to ten. When she opened them, the world was no longer washed in a red haze. Her vision was clear, her mind was focused. "Get out," she said simply.
"Yeah, maybe you should leave, Fred," said Steve, stepping up.
"No," Mother barked. "Out. Gone. Go. If I'm such a tyrant, then clearly you want to leave."
Fred felt the familiar tingle of panic tickle up his spine. It was the same feeling he had when his wife kicked him out of the house. Just as he did then, he knew he pushed it past the point of no return. "Look, I..."
"No!" Mother stepped closer again. "I'm done, Fred. I'm done with your bad attitude and condescension. You have different ideas on leadership? Great! Takes all kinds to make the world go round. Now pack your shit and hit the road, because in this town, there's one person in charge and we're all lucky that it's not you!"
Steve tried to step in and diffuse the situation. "Mother, maybe you should..."
Mother turned on Steve. She didn't want to yell at him. Steve was one of her good people. Steve was liked by all and never complained. He worked hard and supported those around him. She did not want to yell at Steve, but by god if he didn't step back and shut up, then he'd be next. "This doesn't concern you." It was the kindest warning she could muster, and Steve clamped his lips shut and stepped away.
"You can't just kick me out," Fred blustered, his mind scrambling to form a plan.
"I didn't. I never kicked you out. You chose this, Fred. You chose to question me at every turn. You chose to make everyone around you miserable. You chose to refuse to blend in, to join, to really become a member of the community. You chose to isolate yourself and be a blight on this town. You chose it, Fred. Not me. Not all these other people that got with the program."
"Got with the program? More like kissed your ass!"
The man was in a panic. Mother could see that Fred knew he was toast. He was fully aware that he went too far, and he was scared. Any other day, she might consider that enough. Any other day she might be able to tell herself that he learned his lesson and let him off the hook. But that day was just too powerful. That day put her through the wringer and she just didn't have it in her to be understanding. "Get out."
There would be no talking his way out of it. She was just like his ex-wife. The most he could do was take her down with him. "You're going to kick me out in the
cold night, just like that, just because I disagreed with you, is that it?" He turned to the people. "You see? You see what kind of cold hearted bitch you've got at the helm? This is the person you're working for?"
"They're working for themselves, Fred. They're working for everyone else. That's what you've never understood and you never will!"
"Is there a problem here?"
Wolf was there and Mother felt stronger. "No problem. Fred was just leaving."
"You mean getting thrown out!"
Mother turned to Wolf. "He decided that Arlington wasn't a good fit for him. Would you give him a ride out of town?"
Wolf gave a nod and motioned toward the door.
"Now hang on!" Fred yelled. "Just hang on a minute. You can't throw me out. What am I going to eat?"
It was on the tip of Mother's tongue to tell him to eat dirt for all she cared, but she thought better of it. Fred was trying to make her look bad in front of the whole town, and even though she thought she probably deserved some heat, she couldn't let him infect them with his bitterness anymore. She needed to gain the upper hand, needed to redeem herself. "Steve, please go into the house and have Striker get you a case of food."
"Yes, ma'am."
Fred's eyes got even wider. "What are you doing?"
"Giving you a case of food to start your journey."
His mouth flapped like a fish out of water. "But...but...where am I going to sleep?"
"A tent, too," Mother called after Steve.
"A tent?"
"Yep. I have a stack of them in..." she was going to say "the basement", but Wolf had been hammering into her head not to tell where the best supplies were kept. "Striker knows. Tell him to get you a tent and a case of food. Vegetables, any kind." She turned to Fred. "I don't want it to be said I didn't send you off with the proper nutrition." There were a few snickers from the crowd and Mother felt like she won something, some invisible trophy that the town would carry for her.
"You can't do this," Fred protested quietly. "We can talk about this."
"I'm done talking, Fred."
"But..."
"I suggest you do as Mother says," Wolf said very calmly and quietly in Fred's ear.
The tense group waited in rapt silence until Steve returned. He carried a case of food, canned okra by the looks, and a brand new pup tent. "Looks like you're all packed up," Mother said. "Let's go."
Fred considered begging. He considered making a final plea to rally the rest of the crowd. He turned to look at them, but not a damn one would look him in the eye. Not one damn friend. He didn't make a single friend in all the time he was with these people. He was defeated. He defeated himself. He took a deep breath and walked to where he'd sat for dinner. He got his coat from the back of the chair and turned to follow Wolf and Mother out of his new life.
Wolf opened the door of the Jeep he had picked up somewhere over the last month. Fred climbed in and sat, and Mother joined them. "Let's make this quick," she said to Wolf. Wolf stepped on the gas and as the town flew past the windows, Fred sat in silence and wondered just what the hell he was supposed to do now.
They drove for about five minutes when Mother told Wolf she thought it was far enough. They were in the middle of a highway, with no signs of houses to the left or right, and only the dim glow of Arlington's lights behind them. Mother and Wolf got out, then Wolf opened Fred's door.
The man got out and stood on the side of the road. Mother felt that she had to say something. "It didn't have to be like this, Fred." The man said nothing, just looked down at his feet. Mother sighed.
"You show your face in town and you're a dead man, Fred," Wolf said.
Fred still wouldn't look at either of them. Mother held out her hand. "Believe it or not, I really do wish you well."
Fred refused to shake. He refused to admit defeat. Part of him wished they'd leave him a gun so he could just finish the job. He should take her hand, he thought. He should for once act like the big man he pretended to be. And yet, he didn't. He heard her sigh. He saw her hand drop in his peripheral vision and knew the time for him to act like a man had come and gone, and once again he failed. He heard their feet walking away and then heard the jeep start up. He heard them drive away. And then he dropped to the pavement and wept. He blew it. Once again, he blew it.
"You want to drive around for awhile?" Wolf asked when they were about a mile down the road.
Mother took another deep breath, refusing to let herself hyperventilate. "I need to get back to Coraline."
"You did good with Fred."
Mother snorted. "You know what? I don't even feel bad." She shook her head and closed her eyes, leaning her head back against the seat. "I should feel bad and I don't. I hate that," she almost whispered.
Mother would never know the image she presented that night. When Wolf returned with Chuck from ditching the soiled trash from the operation, he walked into a barn that was utterly transfixed by their leader. She was beautifully powerful in her rage. Her hair stuck up wildly, matching the crazed and determined look in her eye. She stood toe to toe with Fred, a man who outweighed her by a good hundred pounds and had at least five inches on her. Her fists were clenched at her side and she spat in his face with every word she yelled. No matter how Fred taunted, she didn't back down. And the crowd loved her for it. The blood all over her shirt, that just added to it all. Wolf had been around the very best public relations firms in the country, and not a damn one of them could have come up with a scene that would rally the troops the way Mother had naturally. She was doing it. She was becoming who she had to become.
"You didn't have to waste the food," Wolf pointed out. "No one would have thought less if you didn't give it away."
"And let him be right? No."
"Did you eat?"
Mother snorted.
"I'll bring you something while you sit with Coraline."
She was too tired to argue. They pulled up to the farm house and she jumped out. She walked straight for the little room and asked Eve for an update.
"Nothing's changed."
Mother didn't know if that was good or bad. She suddenly felt tired. So very, very tired. The weight of all she still didn't know pressed on her chest and she sat heavily in the chair.
"Um, do you think..." Eve stopped. She was going to suggest Mother change out of her bloodied clothes, but then she saw the tear roll down Mother's cheek. "I'll get you some coffee," she said quietly as she slipped out the door.
"I didn't like you," Mother confessed when they were alone. She leaned forward and put her head on the bed by Coraline's side. "I didn't like you. You annoyed the piss out of me. But I promise I didn't let you get hurt on purpose. I..." a sob choked back anything else she was going to say. She didn't hurt her on purpose. And she'd do her level best to make sure Coraline lived long enough to understand that.