Chapter 6
It was finally dark and quiet. Forty seven new people were resting for their first night in their new barn home. And she had to admit, her barn really was a lot cleaner than what they'd come from. They had returned to the farm late afternoon, freezing and hungry and, of course, dirty. Wolf was opposed to them entering her farmhouse, but she overrode him. "We'll talk about security later. For now, they need to get clean, eat a hot meal, and get a good night's sleep. Then we'll worry about the rest."
Wolf finally relented, but had insisted on standing guard outside the bathroom door as, one by one, people got a two-minute wash up in the shower. Twice Wolf had to enter and shut the water off and hurry people along. But a few hours, four bars of soap, and three bottles of shampoo later, and everyone was passably clean and in clean clothes. The dirty clothes were piled outside, and everyone agreed the best thing to do would be to burn them.
Eve had been given the first shower, and refused to rest after, insisting on helping with the meal. Though the conditions at Walmart were abysmal, Wolf had ordered that people grab trash bags, styrofoam plates and bowls, and plastic silverware and cups. While the rest of the people cleaned, she and Eve opened cans of vegetables and meat and dumped them into the biggest stock pot she had. They found a case of saltine crackers that weren't yet out of date and by the time everyone was clean, they had a good, hot meal ready. Wolf put his foot down and insisted it be served in the barn. He got her to listen by pointing out it was the only space large enough for everyone to eat together, and Eve liked that idea.
"It'll make everyone feel more like a family," Eve said.
So, they had eaten their meal on the floor of the barn.
"If anyone told me a year ago that I'd be eating the best damn soup I ever tasted in my life on the floor of a barn, I'd have told them they were loopy!" Gus had said. Others laughed.
In fact, there were many laughs over the meal. And then there were many yawns. Though she was dying to ask them all about themselves, to start planning, to begin their new life together, she could see that everyone was spent. She had them all turn in early, then asked Wolf what he thought about Eve sleeping in the house. He agreed that it would probably be wise, so that's what happened. Eve bedded down on the couch in the den and fell asleep in minutes.
She looked at the girl. The couch seemed to swallow the poor thing up. And yet, Eve wasn't fragile. Her body might be, but Eve herself wasn't. She shut the light off and tiptoed out of the room, running smack into Wolf.
"Your people are sleeping, all the chickies are in their nests. Time to get down to business."
She rubbed her tired eyes. "We can talk in the morning."
He shook his head. "Some things can't wait."
"Like what?"
"Show me around."
She looked at him. He didn't seem like he was kidding. "Are you serious? You want a damn tour?"
"I need to know the lay of the land before they do."
"You really take this security thing seriously." She said it half-joking. Wolf just stood and waited. She thought of her comfy bed once more before giving in. "Fine. Where do you want to start?"
"Upstairs."
So, they did. She showed him all around the main house. Some things he liked. He was pleased with her supplies, even though he agreed she was horrible at organizing them. He liked the fact that she slept downstairs. He said it was good for safety. He agreed with her plans on completing the construction and thought she had a very good start. Wolf did not like everything he saw, though. In every room they entered, he listed off a dozen weak points. He told her about a hundred ways people could get in and kill her, and twice as many ways people could steal everything she had. By the time they were done and waiting for the coffee to brew, it was almost ten and she was mentally and physically drained. When the coffee pot beeped, she let him fix them both coffee and choked it down.
"You make a strong brew, Wolf."
"No point in drinking it if it doesn't do the job."
She sighed and ran a hand through her hair. Wolf didn't tell her it stuck up in spikes when she did that. He'd pushed her hard all day. He pushed, and she kept right up. She was exhausted. He knew he'd have to let her sleep soon. He pushed her and she did very well indeed, but it wasn't enough. All through the day he saw her weaknesses. She still didn't understand she'd be in real danger, that eventually her life would be on the line. Not "might". Would. He knew the scenarios he'd listed off frightened her. But being scared and really understanding were two different things. If she was merely scared, she couldn't prevent all the "coulds". She had learn to get past the fear and understand. It would take time and be a process, as it was for everyone who stepped into the role of leadership. He had time. There were a couple of loose cannons in the mix, but nothing he couldn't handle. If she wanted the town to grow, then it would be a different story.
"I think it went well tonight," she said, her head leaning on her arms slumped over the table. "Don't you?"
Wolf gave a shrug. "No one fought."
She raised an eyebrow. "Do they usually?"
"Hell yes."
"Hm. Okay, then it went very well by their loose standards."
He took another sip of his coffee. "You might want to consider making Eve your second in command."
She closed her eyes, wishing the coffee would hurry up and work faster. She could almost fall asleep right at the table. "I figured you for that role."
He gave another bark of what she figured was laughter. "I told you I'm not leading this group."
"You're ordering me around pretty well."
"No," he said firmly. She opened her eyes. "I'm making some calculated suggestions."
She snorted. "Is that what you call them?"
"You don't have to listen to anything I say. It's just advice."
"Yeah. Tell that to everyone else. They listen to you."
Wolf put his cup down and folded his hands on the table in front of them. "Yes. They do. But I'm stepping aside and they will listen to you."
She sighed. "I don't know about that. They still looked to you during dinner."
"And I turned them in your direction, didn't I?"
She opened her mouth to object, but then frowned. He had. Each time someone asked him something, he sent them her direction. "Oh. I guess you did."
"And I will keep doing that as long as I'm here. Trust me, I meant what I said. They need someone to lead them, and that's not me." He gave her a pointed look, then drained the rest of his coffee. "Mind if I get more?"
She shook her head. "Help yourself."
Wolf was going to tell her that was the wrong decision, that she had to start rationing. But he knew she'd figure it out. He poured another cup and sat back down. It had been a good two months since he had a hot cup of coffee and he was enjoying the luxury immensely.
"If you're not going to be my second in command, then what are you going to do?" She had a moment of panic at the thought he'd just leave. "You are staying, aren't you?"
Wolf didn't know. He hadn't planned on it. He planned on finding someone to take them off his hands and moving on. To what, he had no clue. He didn't plan to stay anywhere or to settle so quickly. He also didn't plan on the person picking up the slack being so young or innocent or naive. The old, cold sense of responsibility reared up and he was surprised to find that he'd missed it the past few months. "I'll stay as long as I'm needed," he said eventually.
She smiled, a sense of relief filling her.
"Now don't go getting all sappy," he said, trying to head her off. "I'm an asshole and I guarantee within a month you'll hate me."
She shrugged. "I don't hold grudges."
No, she probably didn't. He wanted to make things clear, right from the start. "Okay, you asked what my job will be, and there's only one job I will have here. Security. You have massive, glaring security gaps."
"So you've said," she said wryly.
"And I'll keep saying it because it's true." He cl
osed his mouth and looked at her for a minute, thinking of the best way to explain. "What do you want here?"
She frowned. "What do you mean?"
"The town. What do you see for the town." When she opened her mouth he cut her off. "Oh no, now don't give me that bullshit about not knowing. You've pack-ratted the entire place. You've got enough shit squirreled away to take care of an army. And don't think I missed the stacks of survival guides by your bed. You've got a plan. So what is it? What do you want? When you close your eyes, what do you see for your town?"
"We're already to the hopes and dreams part of our relationship?" she joked. It was clear Wolf was in no mood for jokes. "Fine. What do I see? I don't know. I used to sit on the back deck at night and...pretend." He motioned for her to continue and she swallowed. "Okay. You're going to know I'm a complete dork and loony soon anyway. Better make it clear right off the bat. What do I see? I see my kingdom, with subjects below who have a market and children and lives. I see people working in the field and working together and having enough food for big feasts. I see people laughing and smiling and moving on and living."
"And who are you in all this?"
Her cheeks burned. "I'm the queen. I'm the one pulling the strings and making them do what they should. Is that what you want to hear?"
"Yes."
Wolf's simple statement stopped her and made her feel intensely embarrassed. She just admitted it out loud. And instead of laughing, he agreed. He was an odd man. "Well. I can't be queen. We don't have queens. And I don't really want to be a queen. I don't want to tell them everything they should do." She looked away and idly picked at the a dried blotch of coffee on the table. "Besides, I don't know anything myself. Who the hell am I to be queen?"
"Eve called you Mother."
She snorted. Eve had, all through dinner. In fact, by the end of the meal, she had many people calling her Mother, or Ma, or Mum. "Yeah, what the hell was all that about?"
He shrugged. "I think Eve is one damn smart cookie."
She looked into his eyes. He wasn't playing around, he was being serious. "Wolf. I can't have people call me Mother."
"It's an absolutely brilliant name."
She scoffed. "Most of them are twice as old as me!"
"Gus called you Mum."
She threw her head back and laughed. "This is an absurd conversation after an absurd night after an absurd life."
"Then what should we call you?"
She opened her mouth to tell him her name and then stopped. Her mind just stopped. It would not allow that name to pass her lips. She was not that person anymore, in any way. And, truth be told, she was very glad for it. She didn't want to be that person, even when she had been, and she was glad to see her go. That person died with the rest. She blinked at Wolf, her tired mind unable to wrap itself around the simple request of a name.
"You need sleep," he said. "Maybe you'll think of a name over night. Unless you do, Mother's going to stick."
"They can't call me Mother."
"Think about it, on every level. Chuck likened you to a mother when he put Fred in his place. Something made Eve start calling you that." Wolf drained his cup and stood. He grabbed her mug and rinsed them both in the sink while she let the name roll around in her head. "You said you don't want to be a queen, and maybe you're right. Maybe they don't need a queen. But maybe they do need a mother." He gave her a pointed look, then motioned to the hall. "Go. Get sleep. We're going to have one hell of a busy day tomorrow, Mother."
She numbly made her way downstairs, thinking about all he said. She couldn't help glance at the windows and think of people sneaking in during the night, and cursed Wolf for that. How quickly his paranoia spread! She finally got to take her own shower, then stood wrapped in a towel, staring into the mirror. When it fogged, she swiped her hand over it again.
Mother.
She tried saying it aloud, testing the name out. "Hello, nice to meet you. I'm Mother." It made her giggle, and she was surprised to hear a note of mania in her voice. That sobered her. Mother? It was crazy. She was no mother. Just that day she had failed. Was it really only that day? The image of the boy in the cellar sliced through her and she turned from the mirror, unable to look at herself.
"I'm not a fucking mother." A mother would have been there. A mother wouldn't have let him down. She angrily brushed her wet hair, then put on some clean clothes. She went into her room and flopped on the bed and stared at her ceiling.
A mother did let him down, though, didn't she? One of the crosses in the driveway was for his mother. His mother died. All the mothers died.
All the mothers died.
It was a thought that stayed with her until she could no longer keep her eyes open, and echoed through her the next morning as she stood watching the coffee drip slowly into the pot. All the mothers died. Eve came into the kitchen and sat quietly at the table. She turned to great her. "Did you sleep well?"
"Yes, Mother. That's one comfy couch you've got. Better than the floor of Walmart, that's for damn sure."
She stared at the girl. "Why do you call me Mother?"
Eve shrugged. "You just seem like a Mom. I'll stop if you want me to."
"No," said Wolf entering the kitchen. "Keep calling her that. That's her name."
Mother. "It won't stick," she said to the both of them.
"Why?" asked Eve, tilting her head in thought. "I doubt Wolf was named Wolf when his parents bounced him on their knee."
"There was no knee bouncing, and I would have loved to have been a kid named Wolf." He reached across and pulled the coffee pot out from the machine.
"It's not done yet."
He ignored her and poured three cups. "It's enough to start."
Mother. She picked up her coffee and considered.
"My real name is Evelyn, but I hate it," Eve continued. "I don't think I'll ever call myself that again." She tasted the coffee, then frowned and dumped in more sugar. "Everyone who knew me as Evelyn is already dead. I guess I can call myself Eve and no one will know the difference."
She snorted. "But no one was actually named 'Mother'."
Eve grinned. "They are now."
Wolf quirked an eyebrow in agreement and sipped his coffee.
Mother. "It's so conceited."
"Yep," said Wolf.
Eve shrugged. "If you're in charge you're supposed to be conceited, right?"
She cocked her head to the side. "I guess I never thought about that."
"Anyway, it's not conceit, really, it's confidence," Eve said with a firm nod.
She couldn't help but smile. Eve was excellent at justifications. "Careful, you'll get me in trouble swelling my head like that."
Wolf barked a laugh and Eve jumped. "You've got quite a ways for that head to grow before it becomes a problem, Mother."
She shook her head. "Mother," she said testing it out loud again. "It's weird."
"But it fits." Wolf put his cup in the sink. "Now, with your permission, I'm going to head out and wake everyone up to start the first day in their new town."
She nodded. "I'll get breakfast."
"I'll help," said Eve eagerly.
"You should be resting, young lady."
"Yes, Mother," Eve said with a pointed look.
Yes, on some odd level in their new, turned-over world, she guessed it did make sense. Mother. I am Mother, she told herself.
With that settled, something in her felt bigger and stronger. Mother stood and rolled up her sleeves, ready to start the first full day with her new people. "Then if you're insistent Eve, let's get to it. We've got a busy day ahead of us and it's going to start with a good meal."