CHAPTER 51
PRESPECTIVE
Kiethara let out a sigh as she set herself down on the river bank. Her vine belt did not hang on her waist but in her hand, while in the other hand was an empty glass bottle that was usually filled with a sparkling silver liquid.
Even though she was showing every sign of resentment to completing the task she had failed to accomplish yesterday, that was not actually the case. She was forever grateful for something to keep her hands busy and mind focused. She thought of nothing else as the exquisite silver-petal flower bloomed by her feet. She robotically picked it luscious petals, her mind blissfully blank.
For the past several hours, her mind had not been at peace, but at war. When she had told Aaron she would visit Trinnia’s grave on her own, she had not understood the depth of that decision. And deciding not to go yesterday made her lose sight of her resolve. So she had another blood-splattered dream last night. Was it really necessary for her to go to the grave herself? Navadar would be back before long…
According to Aaron, though, if she truly wanted the dreams to stop, she had to do exactly that. She was tired of snapping awake morning after morning, the image of blood pouring from the body burning bright behind her eyelids. It didn’t help that Gandador always stood illusively in the shadows, carrying a blood-stained blade. But she never saw his sword.
The bloody sword he held was always her sword.
Kiethara plucked the stem of the silver flower up from the ground angrily. What she found strange was that she had no dreams about Swallin. He had burned alive a mere few feet in front of her and yet somehow she failed to revisit his death every night.
Her thoughts then turned to Markii. He should be back to…well, wherever he came from. He was part of a tribe, but she wasn’t sure if his tribe was nomadic or not. Anyway, that was a question for someone who would actually answer her back, like Durga.
But it did not seem as though she would be up to traveling to the forest anytime in the near future. Kiethara had always seen her as an energetic, slightly eccentric lady, making it difficult to imagine her as a frail, sickly old woman. Hopefully, her potion would help. No matter what argument Aaron brought up, she did not regret her decision of handing it over to Markii. It might have some consequences, but none that surpassed the importance of her motives. She could not handle another death.
Kiethara recalled, practically a year ago, when a single visit from her father had opened the door to a world she had only vaguely been aware of. From this doorway everything had come pouring in: hatred, anger, love, loss…and now, she realized death had also crossed over the threshold. It came with the strength of the sea; wave after wave crashing over her. How many could she stand before it pulled her under?
Especially when she could hardly keep from drowning from the first…
Kiethara held up her glass bottle to the sun, not feeling the least bit satisfied in her work, though she was positive she had made no mistake. Now that she had finished her task, she had no excuse to avoid visiting her fears. She did not want Aaron to think her a coward.
She took a deep breath and picked herself up off the grass, retying her vine around her waist. With a great effort she pulled her bare, soil-stained feet forward.
Much faster than she had anticipated, as though the reluctance in her head had anxiously pulled her forward, she reached the meadow. She paused, still in the thick of the trees, feeling very foolish as her palms began to sweat. Her hands felt rather empty and the air around her a bit chilly. Aaron had been right. She had been leaning on Navadar.
She crossed her arms over her chest and set off—awkwardly, uncertainly—towards the cherry blossom tree tucked neatly into the corner of the meadow. The flowers bespeckled the green and brown ground with what seemed like hundreds of different colors. She named each flower as she passed it, trying desperately not to focus on the bright patch of yellow that clearly marked the grave.
She squeezed the tops of her arms as she approached the grave. She walked forward until the long green stems brushed her ankles and then came to a halt.
She stood, wide eyed and petrified. She opened her mouth, closed it, and then opened it again. Her stomach heaved.
What was she to say? She felt as though she was intruding somewhere she did not belong. Kiethara felt a strong wave of stage-fright, imagining Trinnia sneering up at her in disdain, mocking the coward that stood at her feet. How pitiful she must look right now.
A sudden gust of wind swept through the meadow, sending an amazing amount of petals into the air. Before she could help herself, she sneezed.
As Kiethara pulled her hands away from her face, she looked down at the sunflowers and giggled. They were spinning wildly as the wind blew around them and, suddenly, they seemed much less menacing. Normal, as though they weren’t marking the dead. After all, Trinnia had just been a normal girl.
“Just a normal girl…” Kiethara whispered aloud and, before she knew it, she was cross-legged in the sunflowers, words pouring out of her mouth.
“I know, now, why you did it,” she began. Her heart was no longer racing in her chest. The winds were quiet still. “It wasn’t your fault. The riches you had, the beauty you had, the burden you carried…they all turned out to be your curse, not your blessing. Your high status in the kingdom forbade you from finding true love; how many men were you allowed to courtship with? From what Navadar said, only two: himself and that two-faced pervert.”
She paused, listening to the sounds of the forest.
“I met him, too. Dark, sleek, cunning, and arrogant. A result from his money, no doubt. Of course you did not want him! He treated all women the same, as toys for him to play with as he pleased. And when you compare him to someone like Navadar, there is no competition.”
Kiethara swallowed noisily.
“I know how rude and arrogant I must sound, telling you this. Mentioning Navadar to you. After all, it was I who took him away from you. That golden chance you had with him, a man you could love and marry with approval, was taken away by what was to you a mere legend. Your horror must have been great when you heard that Navadar was running off to the forest. I mean, in your kingdom it’s against the law to use magic! He was shaming himself.”
Kiethara spoke these words with a distant expression. She knew, somehow, that they were true.
“And if he lost his respect, your parents might not approve of him any longer. That left you only one possibility: you chained in a marriage you never wanted. That must have been a very bleak future, was it not? I couldn’t imagine having to spend the rest of my life with a stranger.
“What is there in those kingdoms but a bundle of tragedies and mad, foolish traditions?” Kiethara mused aloud. “Why do you even bother following such things? Look at what it does to people; look at what it has done to you! You were driven to such desperate lengths by family and friends who thought they were helping you for the best! In the end, it was your death. Those laws of society that everyone lets dictate over them killed you.
“I’m not denying that all this”—Kiethara waved her hand around—“didn’t play a part in it, but surely you realize the insanity behind your rules! Corsets, money, blessings…isn’t it preposterous?”
Kiethara paused, breathing heavily. She looked at the sunflowers as though she was expecting an answer.
“I’m ranting,” she said apologetically. “The point is that you were angry at Navadar for practically forcing you into option number two. You were angry with him, but you still did not hate him. You couldn’t afford to. Instead, you redirected your hate towards someone you thought deserved it much more: me.
“I am sorry,” she whispered. “When I first met him, I had no idea…You don’t understand. It was a whole new world for me. I had no idea that someone like him even existed, that one person could make me feel certain feelings I couldn’t even name. I was blown away.”
“I also didn’t have any inkling on his position, or his past, or anything else, for that matter. He was a myst
ery to me. I swear, I meant you no ill intent by falling in love with him. I did not even know of your presence.
“However, the one fated time we did meet was not exactly under the best circumstances. I was completely overwhelmed and worn, befuddled and desperate. During my time there, the only thing I had time to register was the fact that you hated me.”
Kiethara chuckled softly.
“I bet it was a right nasty shock for you when the one thing that was threatening to take away your happiness shows up in Redawn. Shows up as a slave, nonetheless, and then Navadar doesn’t hesitate to spend a heap of gold on her! The number of dinners you two could have had with that, the number of gifts, the ring he could have brought you…All wasted on a girl you loathed already. On top of that, Navadar brought this slave in full view of the most crowded place in the entire kingdom. Gossip started up like wildfire—I saw and heard that. And if I was able to grasp that, your parents most certainly did. I bet they started to disapprove.
“Now you were desperate. You had to seal the marriage before Navadar’s reputation was tarnished any further. But I was still in Redawn and, unknowingly, working against you. First, you interrupted my day with Navadar. It almost worked; I was almost lost in the maze of bricks and stones. If Mallkin had not found me, who knows if I would have been found again!
“I don’t mean any bitterness by this,” Kiethara sighed. “I just want to understand, for us to understand, the truth that led to your untimely death. I…don’t want it to be entirely my fault.
“You first plan did not work. The rumors and gossip about Navadar and I continued to get worse, and now your desperation must have mounted to its extreme. You came up with a new plan.
“On the morning of my scheduled departure, you made your move. You must have known that you needed to destroy my faith in him to end it…or maybe you just wanted to cause me as much pain as possible. Either way, it was clever. You got him alone, and then, as soon as I walked in the room, you kissed him.”
Kiethara took a breath as the memory of that day came flooding to the front of her mind. Her pounding heart, racing thoughts…She refocused on her current train of thought.
“You got what you wanted—my disappearance; however, Navadar was not as keen to let go. I suppose it must have infuriated you, watching your plan backfire like that. He went after me despite everything, further tarnishing his so cherished reputation.
“I don’t know where that left you. Were you forced to start a relationship with someone you didn’t love? If so, I am sorry. All I know is that months later, Navadar returns with you.”
“You were here to apologize. I don’t know why you decided to, or if you even really meant it. Perhaps you were only doing it to placate Navadar. The point is: you did. What may or may not have happened while you two stopped in Nikkoi is of no matter; I doubt it made any real difference, for he would have attacked either way. And I accept your apology, even though you really didn’t need to make one.”
As Kiethara finished, she sank into a stunned silence, amazed at what had just poured out of her mouth. Her mouth, in fact, remained open. She scrambled in her head for a way to close it.
She had done it. She had visited Trinnia by herself, and had even spent a great amount of time talking to her. Not that she had talked back, but still…
There was a slight easing to her chest and a lifting to her heart. Even though she felt responsible for the girl’s death, her revelation had shown her that she had not been the only factor. Just the last.
She felt even more relief at the fact that she could enter and enjoy her mother’s clearing again. Kiethara gazed around, squinting in the sun, at the bright combination of nature, magic, and beauty. The forest was massive. Could there be any other area in the forest like this? After all, there had been hundreds of guardians before her mother. Who knows what she could still discover?
“Thank you…for listening,” Kiethara murmured before she sprang to her feet and into the air.
She didn’t come back to the ground for a very long time.