Chapter 8
2018
After her visit to see Jonathan, Melanie returned to her hotel room. She thought back on their relationship that summer in 1986. It had all begun so innocently.
It was a friendly offer, “want to get a cup of coffee”, John said? That’s how it started, even though neither knew it at the time; just two people who hated to go on break by themselves. They did meet each afternoon to discuss Melanie’s research but this was different, this was in the morning prior to their meetings. The company had a wonderful break area that looked out over the river. They ran into each other in the lunch room on occasion but this was the start of planned get-togethers, and the start of a friendship.
Melanie was sexy in a way that the moment she came into a room every man noticed her. Her dimensions were athletic; six-foot, 128 pounds with a face that almost made men blush when she looked at them. She knew how to take care of herself and took pride in it. She didn’t have all the best stuff, but she made the ordinary look fabulous. She could make a snow suit and parka look sexy! Her personality was innocence mixed with a confident air. She had done nothing in life up to this point but she appeared like she could handle anything life through at her. Incredibly, she did not see herself as sexy; too tall, her nose was too big, and in her mind her feet were huge! She was a religious person and had a strong moral base.
John was six-foot two and fit at 205 pounds. He was an avid walker and enjoyed a game of golf each Thursday afternoon. His golf game both calmed him and frustrated him, both of which could probably be explained by the four or five drinks he would have on the front nine. It took a few holes to relax and then he would over-relax and start spraying the ball all over the place. He was happily married and was a deacon at his church.
They talked about life, good and bad.
“I was talking to one of my girlfriends last night and I wish I was home for the summer. They are at the beach or on boats all day, relaxing, partying, meeting people,” Melanie said.
“Is that really what you want? Asked John
“Well yea, who wouldn’t want to be able to party and not have a care in the world?”
“Sounds like fun to me, why aren’t you there? If that is really what you want, why not leave now.”
“Leave here, give up my internship?”
John smiled, “sounds to me like you have exactly what you really want. Have you ever thought that they are running around trying to find themselves because they don’t know what they want?”
Their conversations engaged her in a way no one had ever done before. They were discussions, sharing, and eventually intimate conversations.
John wondered what kind of boyfriend would allow her to be a few hundred miles away and not see her. They had not been together since she started.
John was reserved about his personal life. He covered the basics; wife, one grown son; but mostly they talked about their lives when they were both young.
They started making sure they went on break together. They spent the whole time talking about their lives. John shared that his given name was Jonathan and Melanie decided to use it. They discussed what they wanted, what would be fun. They enjoyed their time together and eventually it moved to flirting. It was like the rest of the world disappeared when they were together. The positive emotional and physical reactions were growing stronger.
She started dressing for him. Every morning trying to find something that would please him. If he complemented something it went into the special side of the closet so that she remembered that it was one of the items he liked.
He would spend his free time thinking about things to talk to her about. Practicing certain things to make sure he could give her advice in an off-the-cuff way that was well thought out and planned. He wanted to please her, to help her, and needed her be impressed by him.
They eventually grew their relationship into an intense game of intimacy where each let the other in far enough to feel the excitement of being intimate, but not far enough to feel that they were doing anything wrong. Like a drug, the need for more led them to deeper and deeper intimacy. The withdrawals for both began to be extreme. It was almost a bi-polar feeling, extreme joy followed by extreme loneliness. They lived for work, to be near each other. Eventually the game of “let you in” turned to talk of sex. Both pushed the envelope. They shared stories of their first, their most public, and even discussed their preferences. All of their discussions happening at work, never in a place where anything would or could happen.
When he traveled he used to call her during the day. He remembered how it did not matter what they talked about – just that she “gave good phone”. She was a joy to talk to. Just normal conversations came across as happy, giggly, a little naughty but in a flirty kind of way. It was safe intimacy, or so he thought
The closest they ever got to being physical was at a company get-together at a local pub on July 28th, 1986. They eventually ended up playing pool together after a few drinks. He played pretty well and she was horrible. After she lost the second game she started showing off to distract him and eventually she started pushing him as he was ready to shoot. Physical touching had begun.
“Hey, I’m concentrating here. Not an easy thing to do with you dancing around like that!”
“Oh, poor Jonathan,” Melanie said, taunting him, “Would you shoot already?”
The touching heated up and eventually led to a full body hug. The electricity between them was intense; the eye contact was magical. Both felt like the other could see inside them, right into their very souls. Two bodies responded to the passion, yearning for more. Both held the hug too long and then recoiled away, knowing what they wanted was forbidden.
The result was a terrible awkwardness, but a knowing if things were different this would have happened with great passion. A decision process was going on inside both of them. Let’s do this! This is wrong. John thought about his work, his wife, his church. This could ruin him, but she was so worth it! Melanie wanted him so bad, but did not want to be a home wrecker. “I have had a great time, but I do need to go,” said Jonathan, holding back his yearning for her.
“Already?” She asked, “I’m just getting warmed up!”
“No, I really need to get home. I will see you in the office tomorrow.” Jonathan said as he made a hasty retreat.
Melanie practiced her pool playing, as most of the men in the room watched. Eventually she went back to her room and called her boyfriend to talk.
The hug turned out to be a deal changer for both of them. John’s yearning became like a need for drugs. He wanted to touch her, to care for her, to have her touch him. She couldn’t get him out of her mind. She wondered what his caress would be like, how he would feel in her arms for real. The “let you in” games that used to be flirty and fun started to escalate too fast, and quickly became painful, because they wanted it to lead to something. They started to find reasons not to go to breaks together. The afternoon meetings turned into strictly work, no small talk. It wasn’t that they were mad at each other, but niceties had a way of getting out of control. When the group went out, John went home. It was as if both had rejected the other and it hurt. After a period of time they would think it had passed; only to have one of them step over a boundary that made them both uncomfortable.
Forbidden fruit, a big enough bite to cause a yearning, a desire that could not be quenched. A love that would haunt them both, and last a lifetime. Melanie left in the fall, never to return.