Chapter 3
The week went by without another word said about the kindness I showed to those with less than we had. Mom kept a closer eye on me in hopes of catching me doing something she thought she should know about. On Sunday it was again time to get ready for church, and again I hoped to help someone who needed help, but wouldn't be willing to ask for help. I thought all week on what I might do, what I had someone else might find more use for.
“Alex if you don't hurry you'll be late,” Dad said
I wasn't going to be late, if something didn't present itself I'd go without having anything to give someone else, but it wouldn't be the first time I couldn't come up with something I... why did it have to be anything tangible, something that could be held physically, a physical possession? Didn't people need more than physical help? I knew there were days I needed someone to share a kind word of encouragement, a hug, someone to listen to me without judgment. I put on a smile and finished getting ready for church.
As I approached the waiting place for the carriage I smiled even bigger seeing mom was sitting there holding Mrs Kohl's baby daughter giving Mrs Kohl a chance to tend to her other children. My smile sank in even deeper and became more than it had been seeing that small gesture. Was it because mom knew what I had done the previous week, and the kindness I had shown became one she wanted to show as well? It didn't matter, what mattered was, I was seeing a side of mom I had never seen before, a side that made me smile even more.
Ralph still hadn't joined us waiting for the carriage and by now would have to run if he hoped to not make the carriage wait, or be left behind. I looked at dad and hoped maybe just once he would take a stand about Ralph, but only saw him look away as the carriage pulled up and stopped. Everyone got on with Mrs Kohl getting in and sitting next to dad and mom getting on the children's wagon with me. As the last of us waiting at the stop got on the carriage Ralph still hadn't shown up and dad told the carriage driver to wait until he arrived.
Ralph showed up a few minutes after the last of us allowed on the carriage were on, and rather than getting on the children's wagon he climbed in the carriage with dad. I looked at mom and my smile faded a little, I didn't understand what was happening why would Mrs Kohl be sitting with dad and mom riding back with the children? I tried to find an explanation that would make sense and only one thing came to mind, and it was something I wanted no part of.
When we arrived at the stop for Mr and Mrs Galen they were standing there, Mrs Galen wearing the dress I had given her the week before. She looked so pretty in the dress I found I was again smiling knowing she would likely be wearing it until it was in as poor of condition as the dress she had worn the previous week. Mom saw where I was looking and started smiling as well.
“I'm so proud of you Alex,” Mom said, but never offered an explanation for why she was riding with me on the children's wagon rather than in the coach where she had ridden as long as I could remember.
When we arrived at church it dawned on me I hadn't seen Mickie while waiting for the coach, nor once the coach was again underway. As mom and I waited for dad and Ralph to get out of the coach, I saw Mickie sitting next to Ralph in the coach. As dad exited the coach he stood by the door to offer a hand to Mrs Kohl as she stepped out, followed by Ralph doing the same for Mickie. As Mrs Kohl took the last step off the coach dad gave her a kiss like the ones I had seen him give mom so many times. I didn't understand, that kind of kiss was supposed to be shared only between a husband and his wife, yet here was dad giving Mrs Kohl that kiss. I saw mom out of the corner of my eye, and saw her turn away when dad gave that kiss to another woman.
“Mom what is going on? Why is dad kissing Mrs Kohl that way?” I asked.
I saw a tear on moms cheek at my question and realized something was happening that was wrong. Dad was casting mom aside for another mans wife, and mom was going to become the servant who would be shamed at ever opportunity. Mom wouldn't have anymore of the nice dresses, and the rides inside the carriage. She would become the joke in the community, the woman who had it all and lost it to another woman, even Mrs Galen would have higher standing before long. So I was supposed to sit back and accept this since I was a mere girl, not yet of marriage age. What about Mickie, she was even younger than I was, and it seemed she was going to now be married to my brother, and when she looked at me it was with spite, not friendship.
What happened that so many things could change in a week. All I wanted to do was help and somehow it seemed those who needed the help, were those I sought to help, but the help they needed wasn't the help I had given... maybe in the case of Mrs Galen, she really did seem to be happy for the help I had given.
“Mom what is happening here? Why is dad kissing another woman the way he should only ever kiss you? Why does it seem Mickie is better than anyone now, and wants to be with Ralph? None of this is making any sense to me,” I said.
“Alex you father wanted to arrange for you to be the wife of someone I knew you would never love. I stood up to him, so he has chosen to cast me aside. Ralph asked for Mickie's hand and it was given, this afternoon she will be his wife. I don't know why she would look on you with loathing, your status hasn't changed,” Mom said.
“Dad set you aside and has taken Mrs Kohl to replace you? How can that be, what about Mr Kohl?” I asked.
“Your father offered to trade Mr Kohl wives, an even trade, but only Mrs Kohl and I were in the deal. Mr Kohl wanted to protest and refused to accept me though he was willing to accept my help with the children,” Mom said.
So the reason for my birth came to light. Mom knew who I was, she knew I was destined to be the Mystic Rose even when I was a babe in arms. She didn't understand it, but she did know it.
As everything came into the light I knew who I was to help this day, and I knew helping them would mean others would be cast down from the perch they had built for themselves. On entering the church I asked to talk with the minister before service started, I needed to know his stand on what was taking place, and if he would be willing to stand against the injustice.
“Alex, thank you for what you've done. We didn't know what we would do if you hadn't shown mercy, as you did,” Mrs Galen said.
“Mrs Galen, I only did what any caring person would have done if they were able. That dress is beautiful on you. It never looked so good on me. I see you were able to mend the tear it had,” I said.
“Alex it isn't the dress and shoes, I suspected they came from you, and I do want to thank you for them as well. It was you letting me ride in your place on the wagon last week, that was what I meant. The doctor said had I walked last week I would likely have died, because of your generous gift I was able to recover enough that this week I am stronger than I have been in quite some time,” she said.
“Mrs Galen I'm glad I was able to help, I'm sure anyone would have done the same if they could have,” I said.
Did I really believe what I just said? Would anyone else have given Mrs Galen their seat? I thought of the look I got from Mickie and knew the lie of the words I had just said. It wasn't that they were a lie as much as I didn't want to believe people could be so uncaring toward one another.
“Just the same Alex it was you who gave me the rest I needed not someone else, for that my family and I are thankful,” Mrs Galen said.
As she went in to find a seat the minister came up wanting to know what it was I needed to talk with him about. As I asked my questions I noticed his discomfort assuring me he was aware of what was happening, and did support those happenings. To do what I hoped to do now would likely not only make me an outcast like mom, but also likely get me banished as well. I didn't know what to do now. Nothing was how it should have been, if I were banished I wouldn't be of any help to anyone, and being an outcast would make helping more difficult as well. Could I hold my words, could I sit back and let these people destroy the lives of their fellow man? Something had to be done, but what could one small girl do? I couldn't say I wasn't of marriage age any
longer, Mickie had proven that wrong by accepting my brother as her husband. When the minister gave me his advice of biding my time I knew what I would do, what I had to do. If it meant suffering on my part so be it, I couldn't sit by and not say, or do anything. It would make me just as guilty as those who cared only for the high station in life they thought they held.
As the main service was closing I stood and walked to the front of the church, I stopped as the song came to a close and as the minister asked if anyone would volunteer to close the service with prayer, I walked up to the podium.
I bowed my head for a moment of silent prayer and when I looked out again I saw not the people who needed help, but the people who because of the station they had, were to have offered help, but withheld not only the help they could have given, but refused to allow anyone else to help as well.
I lifted my arms and called on the mercy of He Who Was and Is, the creator of all that walks on the land and swims in the seas. I called on his grace to lead us in all good things, and asked his forgiveness on all who placed themselves above another of his marvelous creations. I stood there as a wind came up and the presence of Life came into the service and stood before me asking what of this life was worthy of such grace and mercy.
“You call to me for my grace and mercy yet there are many here who have no grace, there are many here who have no mercy. To what purpose should I grant what you do not have in your heart?”
“Merciful creator it is by your word I call on you. You have said to seek humbly, seeking not that which is our own, and you would hear. I call on you to show mercy, to those who suffer at the hands of the merciless. I call on you to give grace, to those who have been removed from grace. I stand before you a child of grace, full of mercy, seeking only the promises you have offered to those you love. I stand here an intermediary for those who have lost their voice, and fear the mighty who worship only what they have in this life. I bow before you the master of all that is, and was, and is yet to be. My hope is for the mercy of old be shown again unto those here who know you, and you know. Amen,” I closed my prayer, feeling emboldened but the stories of the Creator I learned in this church that seemed to have strayed so far from the doctrines it claimed to espouse.
The wind blew harder as I stood in the midst of the church watching out over the congregation and seeing each who the Power of the Creator touched and lifted high. I felt the earth under me as I stood there with my arms raised as to reach out to the Power of the Creator himself. The wind blew and a rose formed and another until each of those the Power touched had a rose that was theirs and theirs alone.
Mom was the first to come forward and to her I gave a rose of beauty made special for her, a rose that matched the beauty of her soul. Next came Mr and Mrs Galen again I gave each a rose unique to them alone. To each who came forward a rose was given and the love of the Creator was shared. When the last of those the Power of the Creator touched came forward those the Power did not touch came forward in hopes they to would receive of the bounty of the Creator, as they stepped forward they each received not a rose but a bramble, the beauty of the rose was not shared with them for the tangle of thorns they created for the children of the Creator.
As the last of those who were there came forward the touched of the Creator circled me and offered to care for the Mystic Rose in a manner worthy of the Creator himself. Mom looked at me and smiled knowing she could no longer have me to herself, but needed to share me with all who held hope in their hearts.
About Jayne Amanda Maynes
I was born in April 1955 as the heir to my father. My older brother should have been, he had the same initials as dad, but he was mentally retarded and had a heart condition from birth. According to my mother she knew from the time I was growing inside her that I would be a boy and the heir they had hope my brother could have been.
I have known for as long as I can remember that I was different that there was something not right about me. I am a male to female (M2F) transsexual. I am currently on HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy); I have been in therapy for GID (Gender Identity Disorder) since February 2007. I started on HRT October 1, 2007. I have not set a time yet for completing my transition to becoming the woman I know I am inside. There are so many things involved in transitioning that most people have no clue about. The differences between the sexes are so vast and all of my life I have led a life that just never fit who I am inside. I have learned so much and yet there is still so much that I still don’t know about being the woman I always knew I was.
Other books By Jayne Amanda Maynes
The Butterfly Within series:
The Butterfly Within: The Image in the Mirror
The Cracked Mirror: The Butterfly Within
Daughters of Power series:
Daughter of Life
Daughter of Love
The Rose of Magic series:
The Hidden Rose
The White Rose
A Psalm of Love
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