When we got back to the marina, Nolan drove me to the Holdens, where I found Josie on the hammock in the backyard. All she’d had to do was look at me, and the tears I’d been holding in for hours had erupted like a dam bursting under pressure. She’d pulled me down onto the hammock and rocked us with one foot dragging along the grass. Sometime later, I wasn’t even sure how long, Josie had gotten up and gone inside the house. When she’d returned, she’d joined me again and we’d stayed like that until the sky had started to lose its color, like a lamp on a dimmer, slowly darkening until the only light we could see above us had been the white twinkling of stars through the tree branches.
As far as I knew, that as the only night Josie had ever asked her dad for special treatment, and the only night she hadn’t shown up at the Scoop Shack for her shift.
“Do you really want to get over Luke?” Josie had asked.
A breeze had ruffled the leaves overhead, and I’d rubbed the goose bumps on my arms. “Yes, more than anything.”
“I’m going to tell you something, Emily, but I want you to be really, really sure that you’re ready to hear it.”
Her words had scared me, but not as much as the look on her face. I hadn’t answered, hoping Josie would take my silence as an invitation to continue. At least then I wouldn’t have had a choice; she’d have just said it, whatever it was. Still, she’d waited for me to speak before continuing, wanting my permission to do something she really hadn’t wanted to do.
“Tell me.”
Josie had inhaled deeply and then let out a long, smooth breath, like the wind clearing away debris left behind by a storm. “Luke cheated on you.”
“I know, Josie. I was there. I saw it.”
“No, Emily. Before that. When you were away with your mom on the publicity tour. Charlie told me.” Josie had waited for me to begin connecting the dots.
“That day on the Vineyard, when you went into the house together,” I had started, beginning to draw the lines. The way she’d abruptly suggested we leave the island. Her hesitation when I’d asked for a copy of the picture she took of me and Luke. It was why she’d asked if something had happened when I’d told her things were weird between us. Josie knew.
“I don’t think Charlie planned to tell me, not that it matters. He was saying how Luke was like a big brother to him and then he started telling me how close they were and how they told each other everything.”
When I met Charlie, he knew. When he challenged me to a game of ping pong, he didn’t just see Luke’s girlfriend—he saw the girl Luke had cheated on. It had made me wonder who else knew. Did Luke confide in Sam, too? Was I the only one who didn’t know?
“Twice,” I’d told Josie. “I can’t believe he did this to me twice.”
No more secrets, he’d promised. I guess that’s the thing about cheating boyfriends, though. You can’t believe anything they say.
• • •
“I can’t believe this is it.” Our feet sank into the damp sand as we walked along the edge of the water. I turned around to study the footprints we’d left in our wake, walking backward so I could face Josie. “The summer is really over.”
We’d decided to take a walk on the beach across the street from the Holdens’ house, a sort of last stroll down memory lane, if memory lane was littered with the hollow shells of horseshoe crabs and dry, twisted strands of seaweed.
When I got home from the marina a couple hours ago, bringing an end to my bike riding days, I’d washed the bike with the hose on the side of the Holdens’ house and filled the tires with air one last time. Then I’d set the bike back in the garage where I’d found it my first morning on the Cape. Was greasing the chain and shining the tires with Armor All overkill? Probably, but it was impossible to avoid my mom’s voice in my head as I heard her recite one of her favorite golden rules: Leave things better than you found them.
“Can we just decide right now that we’ll be together next summer?” I asked Josie, tossing out an idea I’d been thinking about all day “I’m sure Lucy would be up for it.”
“I don’t know. There may be a soccer team thing Lucy has to do, or maybe I’ll apply to the summer photography program I found in New York.” Josie stepped around a deserted sand castle that was slowly disintegrating on the beach, its pail-shaped turrets already almost completely crumbled. “And as much fun as it’s been swirling ice cream cones all summer, I don’t think this is something I plan to do again. Ever.”
“So what happens? Lucy’s on her way to Duke, I’ll leave the Cape, and then you’ll be at school in a few weeks. That’s it?”
Josie walked over the piles of dried seaweed that had washed onto the beach. “You make it sound so shitty. Of course that’s not what I want to happen.”
“Well, me neither.”
“But that doesn’t mean we need to plan what we’ll be doing a year from now.”
“But if we don’t, then what?”
“What if we do? Will it really make a difference?” Josie bent down and picked up a flat beach stone, cocked her arm back, and tossed it across the surface, where it skipped four times before sinking. “You know, I once had this best friend. She was great and we hung out all the time, and then she moved away and I thought we’d probably never see each other again. But then she moved back, and it was like she never left, and we had this great idea for our senior time capsule. Any guess what that was?”
I stopped walking and sat down on the sand. “Let’s say it involved writing a guide that would help teach guys how to treat girls.”
“Yes, let’s say that.” Josie grinned and sat down next to me. “Only when it was time to test that guide on the worst guy around—who was my ex-boyfriend, I might add—things didn’t go according to plan. Instead of dumping him when the experiment was over, she realized she was in love with him.”
I cringed, remembering what happened next.
“And she kept it from me, and from Lucy, and I thought, that’s it. There’s no way we can be friends again. But you know what happened?”
“She begged for your forgiveness? Groveled at your feet and promised you her firstborn child?”
This time, Josie laughed. “Well, yeah. But I was going to say that I realized there was something worse than having your best friend make a choice that hurts you. And it’s making the choice to not forgive that friend, and not having her in your life at all.”
“So what’s going to happen next year? What happens when we don’t see each other every day and we make new friends, and then we get together over Christmas break and have nothing to talk about?”
“I don’t know,” Josie answered, picking up a twig and dragging it in the sand to write out her initials. “I mean, I barely know what’s going to happen in four weeks, let alone four months. The only thing I know for sure is that tonight is going to be amazing.”
I sure hoped tonight’s end of summer bash lived up to all the hype, not because I really needed a big, memorable send-off, but because I wanted one for Josie.
• • •
Mrs. Holden did a double take when we came downstairs, eyeing Josie’s halter top as if she was deciding whether or not to comment. “You girls look nice,” she said, probably deciding it wasn’t a battle she’d win.
Mr. Holden had just finished up dinner and was about to head back to the Shack. He’d agreed to let all of the senior staff have the night off for the party, leaving the Scoop Shack in the questionably capable hands of the youngest employees. He wasn’t excited about it, but Josie had finally convinced him that the staff deserved to celebrate together one last time before everyone scattered in different directions. What had put him over the edge, though, was when the senior staff cleaned out the storage room without being asked. Mr. Holden said, after that, there was no way he could say no.
“Don’t stay out too late.” He handed Josie her car keys.
“We won’t,” Josie promised, but I knew she had no intention of adhering to our curfew tonight. As far as Josie was
concerned, the entire summer had led up to this party, and she was going to enjoy every single minute of it, even if that meant paying the price tomorrow.
When we got in Josie’s car, she sat in the driver’s seat but didn’t start the ignition. “What do you think, are we going to be too early?”
I buckled my seat belt. “You said everyone was going to start showing up at eight.”
“But there is such a thing as fashionably late, right?”
“Not according to Polite Patty. Late is never good. Early isn’t great, either, but it’s better.”
Josie nodded and started the car.
I’d said good-bye to George and Nolan a few hours earlier, bringing an end to my bike riding days. I’d said good-bye to all the boat owners and, when George handed over my final paycheck, it had included a gift card to Bath & Body Works, which was not just unexpected, but also completely unnecessary. When I’d told him that, he said I’d earned it—that without me around to help out, he never would have realized it was time to sell the marina.
“I hope you mean that in a good way,” I’d teased, and George had said he meant it in the best way.
I wouldn’t miss getting up at six o’clock every morning, but I would miss spending my days by the water. I didn’t have to say good-bye to Nolan until tonight, though, because he was planning to be at the party, too. I’d promised him I’d text him when we left Josie’s house, but I forgot.
I patted my pocket and realized it was empty. “I forgot my phone at the house,” I told Josie.
“We are not going back.”
I made a face.
“Seriously? I’m here. Lucy’s probably sitting in a roadside Denny’s with her mom somewhere between Georgia and North Carolina. Who else would you really want to talk to?”
Who else. There was nobody, really. Not anymore.
“Okay,” I conceded.
Josie seemed surprised that I’d given in so easily. “So we’re not turning around and you’re good with that?”
I nodded. “But you’re wrong.”
“I am?”
“Lucy hates Denny’s.”
• • •
There were already at least thirty people on the beach by the time we got there. Most of them were circling the coolers that were lined up far enough away from the water so they wouldn’t get wet when the tide came in. A few were already surrounding the bonfire that was just starting to flicker higher than the rocks surrounding it. A speaker was propped up on a stack of rocks, and Josie told me that Alyssa had created a mix of the summer’s most popular songs—a sort of audio memory book that would forever remind us of the strange in-between feeling we had our last summer before college.
Josie and I made our way over to the coolers, and Josie expertly extracted two cans from the ice.
She tossed me one and pressed her wet hand against the bare skin of her chest. “Damn, it’s still hot, even without the sun.”
I pulled the tab on my can and took a long sip.
Josie wasn’t kidding. And not only was it still pretty sweltering out, but without the sun, we had the added bonus of beach gnats. I slapped at my ankle.
“Is that Nolan?” Josie pointed down toward the water’s edge, where I could see someone who looked like Nolan wading in up to his knees.
“I think so.” I slapped my arm. “I’m going to say hi.”
I was hoping that once I was away from all the drunk, sweaty bodies, the gnats would give up and pursue easier prey.
Nolan dipped his hands in the water and patted down his arms.
“Hot?” I asked.
Nolan looked up and rolled his eyes at me. “I can handle heat. It’s the no-see-ums that are driving me nuts. I think they like my deodorant.” He finished rinsing off his arm and waded through the water back to the beach. “How’s your going away party?” he joked.
I glanced back at the bonfire, where at least twenty people were now either standing or sitting on the makeshift driftwood seats surrounding it. Josie and the Scoop Shack crew were loitering around the coolers. “I didn’t know I was this popular.”
“I’ve been coming to this thing since ninth grade, and I’ve never seen this many people.” Nolan dried his hands on his shorts and sat down on the sand, where his red Solo cup was waiting for him.
“Sorry I didn’t text,” I apologized. “I forgot my phone at the house.”
“No big deal. I just bet you’re glad you won’t be waking up and heading to the marina tomorrow.”
At first, I thought he was referring to the half-empty can in my hand, which, after a few more, wouldn’t be conducive to waking up early and biking two miles. But then I realized he wasn’t implying I’d be hung over.
I brushed the mound of sand beside Nolan until it was flat and sat down. “Would you believe me if I said I was actually going to miss it?”
“It’s been a good summer, don’t you think?” He tipped back his cup and swallowed the last of his drink.
A good summer. If I looked at all of it, I wasn’t sure I’d agree. But if I considered the days, the moments, there were a few that weren’t so bad.
“I don’t know that I’d say it was good, but it wasn’t all bad,” I admitted, looking across Vineyard Sound to the island in the distance. White points of light twinkled like stars, moving with the breeze sweeping across the water.
I inhaled deeply and downed what was left in my can.
Somewhere over on the island was the summer I’d thought I was going to have. The summer I did have was sitting next to me. The damp skin of Nolan’s arm pressed against mine and I could feel the gritty gains of sand leftover from the water. I could sense his body as he breathed, each inhale and exhale a beat behind me until, a few minutes later, our breaths were synchronized.
I could do it. I could do exactly what Luke did, do what I knew would hurt him just like he hurt me.
“George is really going to miss you,” Nolan mused, almost as if he felt bad for him.
I leaned in toward Nolan, the shadow of his face dimming the lights in the distance until I almost couldn’t see them at all. “Are you?”
For a moment I was afraid he’d kiss me. Then I was afraid he wouldn’t.
Before he could answer, I laid my hand on his shoulder, pulled him toward me, and squeezed my eyes shut, blocking out the lights altogether before feeling the uncertainty of strange lips press against mine.
“Emily?” I recognized her voice before I even looked over my shoulder to find her standing there.
Sam. Even in the dark, her shiny blond hair reflected the light of the moon as she stood between Charlie and another girl who looked like her.
“Emily, is that you?” Sam repeated, squinting as she searched the dark beach for an answer.
On either side of her, Charlie and the other girl were quiet as they waited for me to reply.
And I couldn’t. The words wouldn’t form in my mouth. All I could do was watch Sam watching me.
Nolan sat back, creating space between us. He seemed as confused as Sam—why didn’t I just answer her?
“Yeah, it’s her.” Someone else stepped out from behind Charlie. Someone taller and darker. Someone who could tell it was me, even if the only thing he had to illuminate the beach on a summer night was the yellow moon overhead.
Luke.
“Emily?” Nolan said my name, the horror on my face registering with him for the first time. “What’s going on?”
But I couldn’t think about Nolan or Sam or Charlie. Everyone, everything, receded into the background as Luke and I locked eyes, the flickering of the fire in the distance reflected in his glare. And then, without saying another word, he blinked and the flames disappeared, replaced by the back of Luke’s head as he turned away from me and walked into the darkness.
I stumbled to my feet and started after him, but Sam took a step forward, blocking me. “Don’t.”
“Please move,” I told her.
Sam didn’t budge. I stepped to the right, then
to the left, but she wouldn’t give me any room to pass.
“Get out of my way!” I practically screamed. “What is your problem?”
“My problem?” she shouted back at me. “He came here to find you, Emily. You wouldn’t return his calls, and he hauled our asses all the way here hoping he’d have a chance to talk to you and explain.”
“Explain?” It was no use trying to get by her. Sam wasn’t budging, and Luke was gone. “What is there to explain? I know what I saw, Sam.”
“He came here to tell you what you really saw, Emily. He wanted me to come with him because, for some reason, he thought hearing it from me would make a difference.”
“Hear what from you? What could you possibly say that would make a difference?”
“It’s not what you think.”
“What I think is that I found Luke kissing you.”
“What you saw was Becca kissing Luke.” Sam nudged the girl standing uncomfortably behind her kicking sand with her bare feet.
Even if it wasn’t Sam, did it really matter who it was?
“He wasn’t exactly struggling to get away from her, Sam.”
“There was nothing going on with them—nothing. They were just friends, and she thought she could get him to change his mind, but all he wanted was you.”
Charlie stepped forward. “He tried to tell you he was coming over, which you’d know if you hadn’t blocked him.”
Who was Charlie to act like this was my fault?
“This isn’t the first time, is it Charlie?” I turned to face Sam’s brother—someone I’d once thought was on my side, but who now stood there like I was the one who’d wrecked everything. “He did this once before, didn’t he?”
Charlie’s face froze as we locked eyes and I dared him to deny it. “Who told you that?” he wanted to know.
“What difference does that make?”
“Whoever decided to tell you obviously left out the part about how bad Luke felt. They left out how he wanted to tell you, and I convinced him not to because he already knew he made a huge mistake and telling you wouldn’t change that.”