“You could show it to me if you like. I haven’t seen it in a really long time.”
My mind isn’t clear enough to come up with a clever response.
“Bonny. Are you okay?”
My heart is beating so hard I can feel it pulsating in my face. I hear it like a drum in my ears. I’m quite warm. Perhaps I should take off my sweater. “I’m nervous. That’s all.”
He looks so composed. It pisses me off he’s cool as a cucumber while I’m a total mess. “There’s no need to be.”
“How can you be so calm?”
“Because I’ve made up my mind that we’ll be fine no matter the result. You and I are always going to be okay. We don’t need a baby for that.” His mouth spreads into that lopsided grin I adore and it steadies my heart.
“God, I love you.”
He doesn’t get to reply because the door opens and a woman comes into the room. “Mrs. Bleu Breckenridge?”
“Yes.”
She passes a folder to me. It looks like a list of dos and don’ts during early pregnancy. “Your HCG came back at one hundred and ten. Anything above one hundred is considered a good start.”
I understand the lab value. I know what it means but I need to hear the words in English. “I’m pregnant?”
“Aye. Congratulations.”
Sin leans over and puts his arm around me. He kisses the top of my head without saying a word.
The nurse smiles as she pecks away on a computer. “Have you been trying for a long time?”
“No. This was our first attempt.”
“Way to go.” She continues typing. “We’ll need to see you back in three days to repeat the HCG and confirm it’s climbing. They’ll make your next appointment when you check out.”
We’re barely out of the clinic when Sin puts his arms around me. “I told myself it was fine if it didn’t happen but that was because I didn’t know I would be this happy if it did.” He lifts me and spins around. “You are so precious to me and now the life you carry is too.”
He returns my feet to the ground and kisses me hard, not caring who sees. “I love you.”
“I love you too.”
Sterling pulls into the circle drive in front of the clinic. We get in. “Put your seat belt on.”
I do but I would’ve worn it anyway. “Unlike you, I always wear my seat belt.”
I can see where this is headed. He’s going to become ultra protective. Oddly, I don’t mind. I know it’s because he loves us.
Us. I can’t contain the outward sign of the happiness that brings me.
“What are you smiling about?”
I shrug. “I have a lot to be happy about.”
“Aye, we do.”
I place my head against Sin’s shoulder as Sterling drives us home. The previous weeks have been mentally draining. I haven’t physically felt like my normal self. I guess I know why now.
It’s raining. The cloud cover has robbed the day of what little sunlight it would’ve gotten. The dark skies make it too easy to doze off somewhere between the clinic and home.
I’m wakened by Sin’s nudge and kiss to my cheek. “We’re home.”
“Sorry I fell asleep.”
“Don’t be. Your body is experiencing a lot of changes. It needs more rest than ever.”
“How would you know?”
“Looking for a fertility clinic isn’t the only research I’ve done.”
If he’s been researching pregnancy, then he’s already ahead of me. “Perhaps I should check the history on your computer so I can catch up.”
“You should do some reading on it. It’s fascinating stuff.”
We’re barely in the door when he announces he has a present for me. “My birthday is months away.”
He takes my hand. “No, not for your birthday.”
He leads me to our bedroom and tells me to sit on our bed. “Close your eyes.” He places something on my lap. “Okay. You can open them.”
A gift-wrapped box is on my lap and a file sits next to me on the bed. “Open the wrapped one first.”
I tear the pretty paper and lift the top from the box. “A baby book?”
“Yes, but it’s also a journal. One section teaches you about the growth and development of the baby for each week. The other is blank for you to record what’s happening with you.”
“I’ve never been one to journal.” My thoughts were always too dark to write down, but I like the idea of being inspired by this innocent life inside me.
“I thought we might read the growth section together each week so we both know what’s going on with the baby’s development.”
“I’d like that very much.”
I open the front cover and see he’s already inscribed it to me.
Bleu—my bonny wife,
If you’re reading this, then we were successful. I love and adore you with all my heart. You’ll be a superb mum.
Love always, S
“I mean every word.”
For the life of me, I can’t figure out how a Fellowship-raised man can come up with such pretty words. They’re to be cherished. He says it’s all inspired by me but I can’t see it. I don’t feel like much of a muse.
He leans down to kiss me.
“I love it. Thank you.”
“As I said before, the flat isn’t where I want to raise the baby. I’d like to have a house before he or she arrives.” He takes the file and flips it open. “This is a listing of all the houses on the market that fit the needs for our growing family. Pick your favorite and I’ll buy it. If it’s not in this folder, tell me what you want and I’ll have it built for you.”
I reach up to hold his face. “You are an amazing man. So loving. So giving. You’re going to be a wonderful father.”
Sin’s mouth seizes mine with a new kind of passion. And possession.
His hand laces through my hair, holding me close so I can’t escape. Not that I want to. I’ve missed this kind of closeness with my husband.
“You haven’t touched me in weeks. It’s been torment,” I say.
“Not because I haven’t wanted to. It’s all I’ve been able to think about every other second.” He kisses the side of my neck.
“I know.” The doctor said no sex. He warned that uterine contractions could inhibit the implantation process.
“And I still can’t have you for another week,” he growls. “My palm is going to have calluses.”
He’s treated me so well the last two weeks, seeing to my every whim. I should do something to express my appreciation. “If I was a good wife, I’d find a way to help you with that little problem.”
I move my hand to his belt to unfasten it. He puts his hand over mine. “We still can’t.”
“I know we can’t.” I touch my mouth. “But this can.”
He moves his hand from mine and I feel him growing hard inside his trousers as I work to free him.
I push his pants to his knees before I get up. “Trade places with me.”
We rotate so he’s sitting on the edge of the bed and I’m standing over him. “Relax and enjoy. You don’t have to do a thing.”
“Wait. Will you put your hair up for me?”
He’s never asked me to do that before but I know why. “You want to watch me.”
“Aye. I can’t help myself. I love seeing you do it. It’s one of the best parts.”
I come out of the bathroom with my hair in a messy bun. “Approve?”
“One hundred percent.”
I go back to him and place my palms on his knees, moving them upward until they reach his groin. I kiss his stomach, slowly moving my mouth in a southern direction. He jolts when I lick the pattern of his V.
“Ticklish?”
“You know I am.”
I grasp the base of his cock and lick the tip of the head. I taste pre-cum. I like it.
I move my tongue to the base and drag it up the underside of his shaft. He twitches when I get to the sensitive area just beneath the head. Whe
n I reach the end again, I take him into my mouth and grasp his base with my fist. I move my mouth and hand in unison.
“That feels incredible.”
I alternate between slow and fast. I occasionally stop and circle my tongue around the head. It isn’t long before he pulls the bun on top of my head. My jaws didn’t even have time to cramp. “Stop, Bonny.”
I take my mouth off him. He pulls his shirt up so his stomach is bare. That’s where he comes—on himself instead of in my mouth. One day I’m going to ask him why he believes that’s the better alternative.
I go into the bathroom for a towel and wipe him clean before climbing onto the bed next to him.
We’re lying face to face. He pulls me close for a kiss. “Thank you.”
“Any time.”
Sin’s wearing a lopsided grin when he runs his finger over my bottom lip. “I love you,” he whispers.
I kiss the pad of his thumb. “I love you too.”
“I’m very happy about the baby. Or babies.”
He’s right. There’s a chance we have more than one in there. “The possibility of two hasn’t escaped me.”
“I wouldn’t mind twins. Would you?”
I’m barely used to the idea of one. “The thought of caring for two babies at once is a little overwhelming.”
“You aren’t going to be doing this alone. You have me. And I know my mum is anxious to help. Lorna and Westlyn have become your good friends. I’m guessing they wouldn’t mind helping.”
It’s not reassuring when you subtract Isobel from the equation, combine the experience of the remaining three, and get a sum total of zilch. “Isobel is the only one with experience.”
“We can hire a nanny if you’d like.”
What if she mistreated my children? That kind of stuff happens every day. I’d have to kill her.
“I don’t know if I want to do that.”
The person I really want helping me will be missing. “I wish my sister could be in our lives. She’ll never have the opportunity to know this baby. Or babies. She’ll only see us a few days here and there. She’ll be like a stranger to our kids.”
He touches my lower stomach. “I will make sure you and whomever is in there will see Ellison as often as possible.”
“That means the world to me.”
“I’m excited to tell my parents. Can we do that tonight over dinner?”
I don’t think you’re supposed to tell people for several weeks. “Shouldn’t we wait? Just in case?”
“We can wait on telling everyone else. I want them to know now, but only if it’s all right with you.”
I suppose it makes no difference. “Whatever you want is fine with me.”
“They’re going to be very happy.”
“Ellison will be too.”
Speaking of … I need to call my sister. She’ll kill me if she’s not the first to know.
“I told her we were finding out today so I need to call her.”
“Of course.” He kisses me quickly and stands to do up his trousers. “I have to go back to the office. I had a few things I didn’t finish. I’ll probably be a couple of hours.”
I knew we wouldn’t get to steal the rest of the day away from The Fellowship. There’s always going to be business that needs tending.
I suppose I should be happy he was able to get away long enough to go to the appointment with me. “Okay.”
“Can I tell Mum and Dad to meet us at seven?”
“That’s fine.”
I note the time. Ellison has left work by now so it should be the perfect time to call.
“Did the rabbit die?” That’s the greeting I get. So typical.
“No animals were harmed during my pregnancy test.”
“Spill it.”
“It worked. I’m pregnant.”
“Bam! Fuck all those doctors who said it wouldn’t happen.”
“I still can’t believe we were successful on the first try.”
“That’s because your husband made sure you had the best doctor. Oh my God, Bleu. A baby!”
“Or babies.”
“How many little shit machines are we talking?”
She’s calling my offspring shit machines. “How classy.”
“Come on, Bleu. Are we talking a litter or what?”
“No more than two.”
“I hope you have two mean-ass boys. What did Sinclair say?”
“He’s ecstatic.”
“I bet. Have you had an ultrasound?”
“It’s too early for that. They wouldn’t be able to see anything right now. The doctor said I would get a scan at six weeks to make sure there was a heartbeat.”
“God, Bleu. I’m your sister. I should be there.”
If this were happening back home, she’d be up my ass so far I’d never dig her out. And that’s exactly where I’d want her. “I wish you could be.”
“This sucks! I’m going to miss all of it.”
I won’t let that happen. “Don’t worry. Sin has promised he’ll let us come see you as often as I want.”
“It’s not the same. I’m going to miss seeing your mean-ass boys grow up.”
“You won’t. Sin promised.”
“I’m coming.”
Umm … that’s not happening. “You can’t take off work to come here.”
“I will not miss you bringing babies into this world. Not happening.”
Oh boy. This should be fun when the time comes. “We have a long time to figure everything out.”
How in the world will I ever keep her away when it’s time for this baby to come? I know Ellison MacAllister. She doesn’t take no for an answer. That’s going to be a problem.
Chapter Eighteen
Sinclair Breckenridge
My parents haven’t mentioned a word but I’m certain they suspect the reason we’ve asked them and Mitch to dinner. Dad’s his usual collected self but Mum looks like she’s on pins and needles. We should probably put her out of her misery before she has a heart attack.
I love this restaurant. I brought Bleu here for our first date. That was nine months ago. Seems a lifetime between then and now.
I reach for Bleu’s hand beneath the table and give it a squeeze. She raises her shoulders and gives me the eyes. I’ve come to know my wife’s expressions and body language well. This is her asking me if I’m ready to tell them.
“Ready if you are.”
My mum sits more upright. “Ye have our undivided attention.”
“Have a look at this, Torri. It seems the other Breckenridges thought it was a good idea to come out for dinner as well. I suppose great minds do think alike.”
Dammit. I’m not sure how Abram knew we were having dinner here tonight. I suppose my Dad could’ve told him but I’m certain he’s here with a plan in mind. Nothing he does is by accident.
He snaps his fingers to summon the host. “We’ll be seated with this party.”
Bleu and I look at one another as Abram, Torri, Jamie, Westlyn, and Evanna are seated. I see the anger and disappointment in Bleu’s eyes. “He’s ruining this special time for us.”
I strongly suspect he knows he’s ruining something, although he can’t possibly know what. “Do you want to tell them or wait?” I whisper.
“I’m afraid your mother will keel over if we don’t tell her now. It’s going to eventually come out.”
Bleu’s right. We can’t let Abram ruin this for my parents or for us. It’s even possible he’ll see Bleu in a different light after he learns she’s possibly carrying a Fellowship leader.
“So. What brings everyone out tonight?”
I squeeze Bleu’s hand again. “We asked Mum, Dad, and Mitch out because we have some exciting news to share. Bleu’s pregnant.”
A chorus of oohs and ahhs erupt from the women around the table. The group swarms Bleu. My mum is tearful as she cups her hands over her mouth. She gets up from her seat and comes to me. She kisses the side of my face and whispers in my ear as sh
e embraces me. “I knew it would work. I never doubted it for a moment.”
Jamie gives me a congratulatory slap on the back. “Breeding ’em quick, aren’t you? I suppose The Fellowship will be pleased about that.”
“Our decision to have a baby has nothing to do with the brotherhood.”
“I’m not judging. I’m happy for you and Bleu if it’s what you want.”
Jamie’s a good mate. Nothing like his father. If he says he’s happy for us, then he is. “Trust me. You find the right woman and it’ll be what you want too.”
“I don’t know about that. I’m pretty determined to be an eternal bachelor.”
“That’s because you haven’t found your Mrs. Breckenridge yet.”
Abram doesn’t appear happy but I guess he wouldn’t be. He wants Bleu gone. Her being pregnant with the next generation of Fellowship leaders only solidifies her place within our family.
“How can we be certain the baby is Sinclair’s?” Everyone around the table goes quiet and looks in Abram’s direction.
This is fucking unacceptable. “Are you suggesting my wife has been unfaithful?”
“No. I’m suggesting the clinic you used for your in vitro procedure might have made a mistake. It’s been known to happen before. If that’s the case, your wife isn’t carrying the next Fellowship leader.”
He shouldn’t know we used a fertility clinic. But he does so I can’t dispute the fact that we didn’t conceive naturally. “We used the best clinic available. There was no mistake.”
“But how can you be sure? There’s always room for human error in medicine,” he argues.
He’s being absurd. “Is there not the same risk with every wife of a Fellowship member? Couldn’t she be unfaithful and conceive a child with a non-Fellowship member? Do you paternity test every child born within the brotherhood?”
“Not every child born within The Fellowship is intended to be a leader as your child will be.”
“This is ridiculous!” Bleu tosses her napkin onto the table. “I’m not going to sit here and listen to his bullshit. Please take me home, Sin.”
I don’t try to convince Bleu to stay. I already know my words will be wasted. Frankly, I want to be away from Abram as much as she does. I’m afraid I might do something I’ll regret if I have to listen to him say anything else about the paternity of our child.