Without another word, we leave the celebratory dinner we organized.
I phone Sterling and he pulls to the curb to fetch us. We get in, neither of us saying a word on the short drive home.
We enter the front door and I pull Bleu into my arms. “I’m sorry.”
“He ruined what should have been a happy occasion with your family. Instead, he turned it into something ugly. I hate him.”
Right now, I hate him too.
Her hurt is my pain. I feel it in the center of my chest as tangible as someone squeezing my heart without mercy.
“I know adoptees can’t become leaders but is there some kind of stupid rule stating babies conceived with medical assistance can’t be head of The Fellowship?”
“Of course not.”
“Then why did he ensure everyone knows we didn’t conceive this baby on our own? Was he doing it to be cruel?”
It was a stab at Bleu. “Yes.”
“He’s a psychopath, Sin.”
I don’t think she’s joking. “That’s a strong accusation.”
“I’ve studied them. They can’t form emotional attachments or feel real empathy for anyone. That’s why he can say the things he does without regard for the way his words affect people. They often have very charming personalities, are very manipulative, and easily gain trust. They pretend to have emotions, yet they don’t feel them. Some are so good at manipulation that their families never suspect their true nature. I know what I’m talking about and he fits the profile perfectly.”
“I can’t argue with you.”
“A person exhibiting those characteristics has no place leading The Fellowship.”
I’m confused. She has said on numerous occasions that she wants us to have time together before I take my place. “You know what you’re suggesting?”
“Yes. As much as I’d like to postpone, it may be something you need to consider for the good of the brotherhood. To lead is to serve. He’s no servant. He hurts people. I’m not the only one.”
“What has he done?”
“He instructed Linsey to fuck you until you forgot me.”
It all fits now. Linsey never showed any interest in me. It’s one of the reasons I accepted her request to be my paralegal. I needed an assistant who was interested in working and doing a good job.
“He’s family. You want to see the best in him but he’s evil. Allowing him to be in control of the people who place their trust in him is irresponsible.”
My wife is right. Our people deserve better. Even loyalists like The Fellowship can be pushed too far. We can’t afford a rebellion. But am I ready to knock Abram out as a top runner?
“You can’t wear blinders and refuse to acknowledge his true nature forever. Or what he’s capable of.”
We’re back to her believing Abram could be her mother’s killer.
“I need proof, Bonny.”
“I understand. I’m working on it.”
“If it’s proven that he’s the murderer, my father will kill him without hesitation.” I have no doubt about that.
“No! I have to be the one to do it.”
I wouldn’t let her go through with it even if I hadn’t made a promise to Harry on his deathbed. “You’re pregnant. No way I’m letting you do that.”
“I won’t be pregnant forever.”
Is she even thinking ahead? “What’s the end result when you’re no longer pregnant? You’ll be a mother, and not to just any child. My child! There’s no way I’ll allow you to put yourself in a dangerous situation like that.”
She’s shaking her head in disagreement. “You’re my husband but that doesn’t mean you get to dictate what I do.”
“You’re wrong if you think I don’t get a vote.”
I can predict with one hundred percent accuracy that what I’m about to say will cause problems between us. “As your husband, I won’t command you to do anything, but as your Fellowship leader, I will.”
“Oh. I see now. You’re my leader before you’re my husband.”
“Never. I’m always your husband first. That means I protect you above anything else and I’m telling you that you won’t do this no matter what you prove.”
“I’d like to see you try to stop me.”
She doesn’t understand the repercussions for killing a brother. I think it’s time she had a lesson. “Bonny. If you kill Abram and you’re caught, they will kill you. And I can’t stop them. Is there any part of that you don’t understand?”
“I won’t be caught.”
“Bleu! Don’t ignore what I’m telling you.” I don’t enjoy raising my voice at my wife. I enjoy the expression on her face as she looks at me even less. It’s a melting pot of hurt and anger.
“Or what? I’ll have to pay penance? You’ll send me to Sangster and have me beaten within an inch of my life?”
I grab Bleu firmly by her upper arms. “Listen to me. We’re having a baby. You’re going to be a mother. There’s no room for stupidity where our child is concerned. I will not let you jeopardize our family over your obsession.”
I release her arms and head for the door. She’s being irrational and unreasonable. I’m furious so I shouldn’t be around her right now. Fighting fair—it’s not something I’ve ever learned to do so I fear what I might say or do. I don’t want to create regrets.
“Where are you going?”
“Out.”
I stop in the doorway and turn back to look at Bleu. “Keeping you and our child safe is number one. Always. Maybe you should think about what your priorities are while I’m gone.”
* * *
I’m angry with Bleu but I’m furious with Abram. His actions are feeding her addiction for revenge, taunting her at every opportunity. It has to stop. Now.
I storm into my parents’ house and call out for my father.
“In here, son.”
I find my parents in the living room—together, watching television. I’m surprised they’re in the same room by choice. “What’s going on?”
“We were discussing Abram’s actions at dinner. It was unacceptable and I told him so,” my dad says.
“How is Bleu?” my mum asks.
“Not great.”
I sit next to my mother, facing my father. “Tonight wasn’t the first time Abram has acted out at Bleu. He’s taunted her on other occasions.”
“He’s a bully,” my mum says.
“He may be but he’s not going to upset the mother of my child like that. I can’t be expected to accept that kind of behavior directed at my wife by any Fellowship member, even if he is your brother.”
“I don’t expect you to tolerate Bleu being mistreated, even if he is my brother. Now is the time to put a stop to it. With Abram, what you allow him to do is what will continue. I learned that lesson the hard way.”
Bleu is determined. She isn’t going to drop her suspicion about Abram. It’s probably best to let Dad know now rather than later. “There’s more to further complicate the situation between Bleu and Abram. She believes there’s a possibility he killed her mother.”
My dad looks shocked. “What in the world would make her believe that?”
“Something Abram said at our reception sparked a memory from that night. That spark has turned into a fire and Abram stokes it each time he attacks Bleu.”
“She has no evidence to support her suspicion?” Dad asks.
“Not yet.”
“I don’t think ye should dismiss her suspicion so quickly. Bleu has studied the criminal mind extensively. How they think. How they react. She’s very educated about the tactics they use tae manipulate their closest ties,” Mum says.
There’s one way to prove he didn’t do it. “Does Abram have a scar from a dog bite on his leg?”
Dad shrugs. “Not that I’m aware. But I’m not sure I’ve seen his bare leg in the last twenty years. No reason to.”
No. I suppose the opportunity hasn’t presented itself.
“Was Abram in the US when Bleu an
d her mother were attacked?”
“Aye.”
“You know him better than anyone. Do you think he’s capable?”
Dad shakes his head. “He wouldn’t have touched Amanda.”
“I told her she couldn’t name Abram a suspect.”
“Ye must look at this from Bleu’s point of view. In her mind, that could be construed as you choosing him over her,” Mum says.
She’s right. I need to make Bleu understand I’ll always choose her before him.
“We had an enormous argument because I told her she couldn’t be the one to carry out penance against her mother’s killer.”
I rub my temples where my brain is threatening to explode. “Bleu is unaware but I made a promise to her father before he died. He made me swear I would take the burden of killing from her. He didn’t want her to carry that kind of darkness for the rest of her life.”
And I readily agreed because I can’t bear the thought of her being tormented by something she’s done.
“Bleu isn’t like me. She’s good. I’m afraid the guilt would eventually destroy her.”
“I think her father knew what he was talking about. Bleu has no business killing anyone,” Dad says.
“Even more so now that she’s expecting. Motherhood brings changes you don’t expect, even for women within the circle.”
If Abram did this, his actions are affecting my life and marriage. I need to know the truth so we can put this behind us.
“Bleu enlisted Debra’s help because being with the women of The Fellowship consumes so much of her time. I’m hoping that will expedite this situation coming to a head.”
I’m not sure how my father would react to finding out his brother killed the woman he loved. “If he did this, are you prepared for him to die?”
“After the first betrayal, there is no other.” That’s a yes.
It could take awhile to get the answers we want. In the meantime, Abram has to leave Bleu alone. “I can’t let him continue lashing out at Bleu.”
“Agreed. That has tae come tae an end immediately,” my mum says.
“So I have your blessing to handle him the way I see fit?”
“Certainly, but I’d like myself and the other council members to be present so there’s no mistakes. I’ll call a formal meeting for the morning so everyone is on the same page.”
“I was going to suggest that due to how I plan to handle him.”
“You have my attention,” Dad says.
Bleu believes it’s time I replace Abram for the good of The Fellowship. It’s something I’ve been thinking about for a while. I was afraid she wasn’t ready but I have her support. Nothing is holding me back. I’m ready to take my rightful place. “It’s time Abram steps down.”
My father’s smile is proof enough that he’s pleased. “You feel prepared to take your place?”
“It’s time. I’m finished with my traineeship. I have a wife and a baby on the way. There’s no reason to put it off any longer.”
“You have no idea how proud I am, son. I’ve waited years to hear these words from you. I’ve imagined how proud I might feel but the reality is so much better. We’ll make it official first thing in the morning.”
* * *
Bleu is in bed when I arrive home. Her breath is slow and steady. She’s asleep—or pretending to be so she doesn’t have to talk to me.
I undress and slide in next to her. She startles awake when I move behind her to drape my arm over her waist.
She places her hand on top of mine. At first I think she’s going to lace our fingers but instead she shoves it away. “You can go to the couch.”
“Bonny. Don’t be that way.”
No reply.
I move my hand back into place over her stomach and hold her hand tightly as she attempts to pull it away again. “I had to leave. I only know one way to fight—win by whatever means necessary. I don’t fight a fair game.”
She stops trying to pull away from me. That’s promising.
“We’re still new. I haven’t figured out how to argue with you. I only know I must be careful. Leaving felt like the only thing I could do so I’d be certain to have no regrets.”
I feel her twist toward me in the dark. “I would never put this baby in danger, especially by acting against Abram while I’m pregnant. It hurts me that you think I would.”
She fails to see my concern for her after the baby is born. “Putting yourself in danger after you deliver still endangers the baby.”
“I disagree.”
“What if you went after Abram and he killed you? Our child would be motherless. It would be a tragedy for him to never know his mother. So see? You’re potentially harming our baby by endangering yourself.”
She doesn’t respond. I don’t mistake it for an agreement but at least it’s not an argument.
“Abram’s out. I’m officially taking my place within The Fellowship in the morning.”
She twists the rest of the way so we’re face to face. “The brotherhood will be very pleased. They respect you.”
“You’re right. I have to consider what’s best for our people. And he’s not it.”
After hearing what he instructed Linsey to do, I’m certain he only has his own well-being in mind. She’s a good woman. I don’t think she would have done what he told her unless she felt threatened.
Abram isn’t the only one I’ve considered while thinking about taking my place. “I think it’s better to make the change early on in our marriage rather than try to transition into it later after the baby comes.”
“You’re going to hand Abram his ass, aren’t you?”
Ah, my wife knows me well.
“Aye. I wanted to at dinner tonight but I decided it wasn’t wise to act out while I was so angry. It’s better to counterattack after thought and contemplation.” Retaliation isn’t the only thing best served cold.
My wife need not worry. Abram will get what’s coming to him in the morning. And I don’t expect it to go over well.
* * *
Everyone has taken a place around the table for the emergent leadership meeting. They’re probably expecting to hear news of retaliation by The Order. Wrong. It’s a counterattack but has nothing to do with our nemesis.
My father stands and the room silences. When he speaks, people listen. “My son has come to a decision that pleases me greatly. He has decided he’s ready to take his place. Abram, you will be relieved of your duties—effective immediately.”
I sit back in my chair as shock forms on Abram’s face.
He leans forward, taking on the concerned uncle expression I know so well. “Sin. You have a new wife. Your first child is on the way. I fail to see why this is the right time for you to do this.”
He chooses now to acknowledge that my wife is expecting my first child. He’s singing an entirely different song from last night.
“It’ll be easier to make the change now, rather than try to transition after the baby is born. But that’s not the only reason. You’ve given me no choice. I can’t tolerate you badgering my pregnant wife.”
“I have not badgered your wife.”
Fucking liar. “A brother must never violate the wife or children of another member. I’m doing you a favor by giving you this warning. Do it again and be prepared to face penance.”
Abram’s face is blood red. He’s furious. “Thane, you’re going to let him talk to me like this?”
“The things you said to Bleu and Sinclair last night were inexcusable.”
“Anything I said was out of concern for The Fellowship.”
“Your goal was to upset my wife. You succeeded. That disturbs me greatly.”
“All of this is her doing. You can’t see she’s here to sabotage us.”
“Have you considered that there are better ways for her to sabotage The Fellowship than to marry one of us and become pregnant with the future leader?”
He doesn’t reply.
“We made this agreement when I
was twenty-one. You agreed to be an interim until I was ready. It’s the role and duty I was born into. You knew this day was coming. Stepping into my role has nothing to do with Bleu.”
“Your marriage to her is a sham. The Fellowship gained nothing from your union. Westlyn should be your wife. Your coupling would’ve strengthened The Fellowship, not divide it.”
“My marriage to Bleu was never intended for gain but don’t mistake it for a weak union. My wife is a force. Her strength is incredible and contagious. I’ll be a stronger leader with her by my side. The younger women within the brotherhood are lucky they’ll have her guiding them.”
“Make no mistake, Sin. You may have initiated her into the brotherhood and then married your bonny American but she’ll never be Fellowship.”
Abram gets up from the table and points his finger in my direction. “And she’ll never lead either of my daughters. I’ll see to that.”
Chapter Nineteen
Bleu Breckenridge
It’s been three weeks since Sin became secondary leader of The Fellowship. I knew it was coming when I agreed to marry him. I had hoped it would happen later in our marriage. I wanted time with my husband before he was taken from me but it wasn’t possible. Abram has given him no choice.
It hasn’t been awful but he’s still new to his role. He comes home late every night, although he did that anyway. He’s managed to get away long enough to be with me for my first ultrasound today. I suppose I can’t complain too much.
“You’re going to feel some pressure.” I’m lying on my back with my legs slightly parted when the ultrasound tech inserts the condom-clad probe inside me. I look at Sin and scrunch my nose.
He reaches for my hand. “Are you all right?”
“I’ll make it.” It’s not the first time I’ve had this done. I’ll never get used to it but I can tolerate it a lot better knowing the ultimate goal: to ensure there’s a heartbeat and a growing baby. Or babies.
“I’ll take measurements of yer uterus first. I know yer anxious but we’ll get tae the fun stuff in just a minute.” Her accent is thick; I have to listen carefully. Sometimes it takes a little deciphering to figure it out.