What mattered was finding Charlie as fast as possible. And if Lisa were here, he and Rowena could split up, cover twice the ground. He hung up bare minutes later, having started the chain that would notify whoever necessary. Vinny, Lisa, the Stones. Whoever Charlie might seek out in her pain.
Lisa, sounding as panicked as Cash felt, wanted to join the search. He’d convinced her she could help most by coming to the house to calm Mac. Vinny was calling the Sheriff’s department for good measure, the dispatcher asking whoever was on patrol to keep their eyes peeled.
“Daddy’s real good at finding people,” Mac said. “He finded me when the big truck hit me. Didn’t you, Daddy?”
Cash’s stomach sank, remembering. All the guilt, all the dread, the gnawing fear that he’d damaged his child instead of saving her.
“Your daddy is going to find Charlie, too,” Rowena insisted, with so much faith in him it tamed the old memories, shoved them back where they belonged.
“I’m going to check out the way to Hope’s house. And the park,” Cash told her.
“Go!” Rowena urged. “I’ll head out in the other direction as soon as Lisa gets here. If you find them, Cash, call right away.”
“I will.” He opened the door and set out at a dead run, self-blame heavy on his shoulders. If anything happened to Charlie it would be his fault. For losing his goddamned temper, letting all that hate for Lisa out. His little girl had heard it. His stomach churned at the knowledge. She’d never forget the things he’d said. The things her mommy and daddy had said to each other.
Let me tell her I’m sorry. Let me try to explain…
He prayed harder than he had since the accident two years ago. But he felt no more absolution now than he had then.
This time he hadn’t twisted up his child’s legs. This time he’d scarred something even harder to heal.
His little girl’s heart.
ROWENA’S SWEATY FINGERS clamped around the handle of the flashlight she’d gotten from the mudroom, her lungs burning, her heart pounding. For almost an hour, she’d been searching, anyplace she could think of where a little girl might hide. She’d checked in with Cash on the cell phone, but neither he, Jake Stone nor anyone else who was searching had caught a glimpse of the lost little girl or the big dog. A fact that was beginning to tighten the grip of fears pooling all around them with the night’s darkest shadows.
I’ve looked everywhere I can think of, Rowena thought miserably. Where else could she be? Her favorite places. Her safe places. Somewhere all those books of hers would say could shield her from disaster…
If only Charlie knew the one place she’d be safer than any other was her own daddy’s arms.
But how could you find a child as good at disappearing as Charlie was? Fading into the background? It was as if the little girl finally had learned how to make herself invisible.
Rowena felt queasy with remorse. She was the one who had made such a disaster out of things. If she hadn’t been fresh out of Cash’s bed when the girls got home none of this would have happened. With the girls still in the house Cash would never have allowed himself to lose his temper. But with Rowena watching the kids at what he’d thought was a safe distance away, he’d let his anger get the better of him.
She hadn’t kept Charlie safe.
Now the little girl was out there somewhere, scared, alone, believing that even Cash didn’t want her.
The very thought was absurd. And yet, Charlie had seen far too many terrible things happen before. The accident that had destroyed the only life she’d ever known. Her sister walking one day, in a wheelchair the next. Her mother disappearing, then coming back just to reject her all over again. In Charlie’s world days were spent waiting for the sky to fall on her head. No calamity was out of the realm of possibility.
But the whimsy other children took for granted was. The word impossible was reserved for make-believe or dreams come true or magic whistles Cuchullain once played.
From the moment Charlie had gone missing Rowena had sensed the little girl’s desperate need for someone to prove that she was wrong. That she wasn’t invisible, that it would matter if she disappeared, that her daddy loved her enough to come after her. That maybe, just maybe there was some bit of magic left in the world that seemed so big and scary and uncertain.
Rowena remembered Charlie’s reaction to the whistle and her heart squeezed, the little girl dismissing the story with a wistfulness that showed just how much she wished it was true, that Cuchullain’s fairy pipe could heal even the most wounded spirits. Even Destroyer’s reaction to the haunting melody Rowena had played hadn’t convinced the little girl. The dog suddenly enchanted, blissful, drawing nearer to Rowena as if by a spell that lit the way to someone who would love him.
The whistle…Rowena stopped. If Charlie wasn’t willing to answer when called, maybe there was someone else who would.
She ran back to Cash’s, got in the van and drove to her shop. She rushed in, flicking on the overhead light. Hurrying to her desk, she drew out the antique whistle on its silver chain. She slipped it around her neck then started for the door. Suddenly she froze, staring. A handful of kibbles scattered the counter she’d wiped clean before she locked up Saturday night. Right beside it sat a little pile of money.
Rowena heard a scuffle somewhere deeper in the pet shop. One of the other animals settling in for the night? No. It had to be…
Rowena lifted the whistle to her lips, praying that Auntie Maeve was right and the pipe held mystical powers. For no one in a thousand years had ever needed the power of healing promised by the old Irishwoman more than the little girl who had gone missing tonight.
Soft, sweet, Rowena piped the haunting tune Auntie Maeve had taught her, the one that Charlie hadn’t believed could be magic.
Rowena walked through the shop, searching, wooing, calling out to Charlie with all the love in her heart. Until suddenly, a pile of boxes in a corner erupted, an earthquake in the guise of a giant black dog bursting from its midst. Destroyer trotted toward her, looking almost as glad to see Rowena as she was to see the dog.
Relief shot through Rowena as she saw the small figure behind him, huddled as deep into the shadowy corner as possible.
Charlie, so woebegone that tears stung Rowena’s eyes. Destroyer sank to his stomach, his big head low, and inched toward Rowena as if to say he was sorry. He should have been able to stop Charlie from running away.
Rowena dropped the whistle, wanting to scoop Charlie up in her arms, but something in the child’s face stopped her. An invisible wall, as palpable as the one Charlie’s father had once built around him. The kind not even the most determined person could batter through. The prisoner had to give you the key.
Like Cash had tonight, before the world fell apart, Rowena thought, his emotion-roughened voice echoing through her. I’m in love with you…
Rowena shook the memory from her mind, guilt raking her again as she hunkered down in front of the little girl still reeling because the adults in her life had failed to protect her.
“Are you hurt, honey?” Rowena asked quietly. She wasn’t about to ask if the child was okay. The answer to that was a Destroyer-sized no. If Charlie had been fine, she never would have fled the house.
“Where’s my daddy?” Charlie asked, and Rowena could see the salty tracks of dried tears on her cheeks.
“He’s been looking everywhere for you. How about if I call him right now?”
Charlie looked down at the toes of her shoes.
“He’s so worried about you, honey. Please let me?”
Charlie shrugged. “I guess.”
Rowena dug her phone out of her jeans pocket and dialed Cash’s cell, the emotion in the man’s voice shattering as she told him Charlie was safe at the shop. He promised to rush right over. And what would he find when he got here? Rowena winced, taking in every detail of the bedraggled little girl before her.
Charlie’s jacket sleeve was torn. The zipper on the backpack Rowena had once
teased could make the trek up Mount Everest lay split wide open, empty of “all the stuff” Charlie needed to feel safe. Only one can of corn and a rawhide bone were left of all her tools and provisions.
Rowena tucked her phone away and hunkered down. “Where have you been all this time? People are looking for you everywhere. Your daddy and me. Mr. Stone and Mr. Google and all the deputies your daddy works with. We didn’t see you anywhere.”
“First I went to the old boathouse. Me and Hope went down there once with her uncle. My backpack ripped and stuff fell in the river. I tried to get it back, but Destroyer wouldn’t let me.”
“Thank God!” Rowena shuddered, thinking of the Mississippi, so unpredictable, with its treacherous currents.
“He grabbed my arm and pulled and pulled until all my stuff disappeared. But then I didn’t have anything for him to eat. So I came here and got the key out of that little rock you keep it in. I left money on the counter for the food I took. I wasn’t stealing.”
“I know you weren’t, honey.”
“And then, I couldn’t go back outside because I figured something out that’s really bad.”
That your father is sleeping with someone? That your mother doesn’t want custody of you? That she wants to take your little sister away?
Rowena couldn’t resist smoothing a tendril of hair back from where tears had glued it to Charlie’s cheek. “What did you find out?”
Hollow-eyed, the little girl peered up at her, so empty of hope Rowena couldn’t bear it. “It doesn’t matter how hard you work to get ready,” Charlie said. “Even disaster kits don’t matter. Bad stuff happens anyway.”
Rowena searched for wisdom, wanting so badly to find the words to reach past the fears gripping this child she’d come to love. “It may seem that way sometimes,” she reasoned. “But maybe the problem is counting on things like bottled water and extra flashlight batteries to keep you safe. Maybe it’s magic you should be depending on instead.”
“Magic’s not real.”
“Isn’t it? The magic whistle called to me all the way across town tonight. It made me come here. It helped me find you, safe and sound.” Instinct made Rowena draw the chain over her head, the whistle cupped in the palm of her hand. “You want to know what its secret is?” she asked as she tilted the silver tube to catch the light. It glimmered, drawing Charlie’s gaze. “It’s love, Charlie. That’s the magic. And I want to give it to you.”
Rowena slipped the necklace over Charlie’s head. The little girl touched the tin whistle with her finger as if she wanted so badly to believe.
“I know the world looks scary sometimes,” Rowena said, “and it’s true you can’t count on some things. But there are others you can depend on.”
“Like what?”
“Someone who won’t ever let you disappear, even if you try to run away or fall in the river. Someone who loves you with all their heart.”
“Remember I told you people only love the cute ones. Like the puppies Mommy got rid of when they got too big. Like the kitty Hope’s going to get. Like Mommy loves Mac because she’s little and looks like a Christmas tree angel.”
“Destroyer wouldn’t ever leave you alone, would he? I knew it the instant I saw the two of you together. You were a perfect match.”
As if in answer, the dog scooted over and laid his head in Charlie’s lap.
“Your daddy would never leave you alone either,” Rowena assured her.
Charlie picked at a tuft of Destroyer’s fur. “But I’m alone lots of time after school when Daddy’s busy with Mac. He’s like—like a birthday cake cut up in so many pieces there almost isn’t any left. That’s why…”
Charlie chafed her bottom lip with her teeth, and Rowena could see the child teetering on the knife’s edge of confessing her true feelings, terrified about the calamity such honesty could bring.
“Why what, sweetheart?” Rowena asked. “You can tell me.”
Charlie’s little voice got gruff, her eyes pleading for understanding. “I can’t like you anymore, Rowena,” she confided. “If my daddy gets in love with you, I’m scared there won’t be any room left for me.”
Rowena felt pain pierce her heart, the memory of Cash declaring he loved her still fresh, a little raw, a little too precious to touch. Something she’d longed for. Something this child would view with dismay.
“I try not to care he’s so busy,” Charlie went on, “but I want my daddy back the way he was before. I want my tree house to get done with a roof and a slide. And I want my mommy to love me as much as Mac. But nobody ever loves me best.”
“Your puppy loves you best in the whole world.”
“No. He and Mac get locked up in her room and I’ve got to share because she can’t go play with other kids and…I want Daddy even more than I want my doggy. Does that make me bad?”
“Of course not!”
“I’ve already lost Mommy. And now Mac’s going to go away. When I heard Daddy say he didn’t want me either I just wanted to really get invisible. ’Cause maybe then it wouldn’t hurt so bad. But it didn’t matter. It still made my tummy feel all icky inside.”
“Well, you don’t have to get invisible, not ever again,” Rowena promised.
“But I don’t know what else to do.”
“How about if we try something different?” Rowena suggested, fighting to keep her voice from breaking just like her heart. “This time I’ll disappear instead.”
“You would do that? For me?” Charlie’s eyes clouded, so old, so sad.
Rowena nodded, her own chest aching. “Cross my heart.”
Destroyer woofed as a car screeched to a halt at the curb, lights flashing, and Rowena knew Cash had caught a ride in the patrol car nearest wherever he’d been. He rushed into the shop, haggard, his face seeming to have aged ten years.
“Jesus Christ, Charlie!” he swore, scooping his little girl up in his arms. “I was so scared I lost you!”
He kissed her cheek fiercely as she buried her face in his neck.
“I’m sorry, baby,” he soothed, hugging her tight. “I’m so damned sorry for everything you overheard between me and your mom. I was just angry, saying things I didn’t mean. If I ever lost you…”
His voice cracked, and Rowena knew the images flashing through his mind, how close he’d come to losing Mac to the accident, how many ways Charlie could have disappeared into the night. “You’re my whole life, Charlie.”
Rowena loved him all the more, knowing that was true.
Charlie leaned back, cradled Cash’s face between her hands. “You’re my whole life, too, Daddy. I know you found Mac after the crash. But…tonight…want to know a secret? I was scared you’d give up because it was only me.”
“Only you?”
Rowena saw his face contort with disbelief.
“Charlotte Rose Lawless, don’t you know how special you are? You were my very first baby. The first baby whose smile made me…feel love so big my heart couldn’t even hold it. From the minute you opened your eyes, I knew the most important thing in my world was being your daddy. And I knew I’d hold on to you with everything inside me and never, ever let you go. You were the most beautiful baby I’d ever seen.”
Rowena saw Charlie frown, doubtful.
“But in the picture the hospital took my head was all pointy on top and I had a big red scratch on my face,” Charlie said. “I think you got me confused with Mac.”
“I do not, Charlie. I remember exactly how you looked the first time the nurse put you in my arms. You didn’t even cry when you were born. You were so patient, Charlie. You looked up at me. And…I fell in love. I’m sorry I let you down. I’m sorry for everything. For not paying enough attention to you. For not noticing that you needed me. That you were feeling invisible. I’ll do better from now on. I promise.”
Charlie looked into his eyes, so earnest, so much like her father, Rowena felt her heart break, felt their hearts heal as Charlie promised.
“I’ll do better, too.
See, I’ve got magic now.” She pulled the whistle up on its chain and showed it to him. “It came from a fairy godmother and it makes hurting stuff all better ’cause it’s got love inside. Rowena said so.”
Cash’s gaze found Rowena’s, and in that instant Rowena knew just how much she’d lost.
“Rowena can teach you everything there is to know about magic,” Cash said, his heart in his eyes. “And love.”
No, Rowena thought. Not everything.
Cash held on tight to those he loved.
She let go.
CHAPTER TWENTY
CASH SAT ACROSS the kitchen table from his ex-wife and tried to squeeze his heart back into his chest. He felt slashed wide open by the night’s events, every nerve bare, every mistake he’d ever made lying right out in the open. He wished he’d been able to convince Rowena to stay, needing her near him. But she’d insisted they could talk later. His family needed time alone.