CHAPTER XXIV. WHEREIN MR. PETER MAGNUS GROWS JEALOUS, AND THE MIDDLE-AGED LADY APPREHENSIVE, WHICH BRINGS THE PICKWICKIANS WITHIN THE GRASPOF THE LAW
When Mr. Pickwick descended to the room in which he and Mr. Peter Magnushad spent the preceding evening, he found that gentleman with the majorpart of the contents of the two bags, the leathern hat-box, and thebrown-paper parcel, displaying to all possible advantage on his person,while he himself was pacing up and down the room in a state of theutmost excitement and agitation.
'Good-morning, Sir,' said Mr. Peter Magnus. 'What do you think of this,Sir?'
'Very effective indeed,' replied Mr. Pickwick, surveying the garments ofMr. Peter Magnus with a good-natured smile.
'Yes, I think it'll do,' said Mr. Magnus. 'Mr. Pickwick, Sir, I havesent up my card.'
'Have you?' said Mr. Pickwick.
'And the waiter brought back word, that she would see me at eleven--ateleven, Sir; it only wants a quarter now.'
'Very near the time,' said Mr. Pickwick.
'Yes, it is rather near,' replied Mr. Magnus, 'rather too near to bepleasant--eh! Mr. Pickwick, sir?'
'Confidence is a great thing in these cases,' observed Mr. Pickwick.
'I believe it is, Sir,' said Mr. Peter Magnus. 'I am very confident,Sir. Really, Mr. Pickwick, I do not see why a man should feel any fearin such a case as this, sir. What is it, Sir? There's nothing to beashamed of; it's a matter of mutual accommodation, nothing more. Husbandon one side, wife on the other. That's my view of the matter, Mr.Pickwick.'
'It is a very philosophical one,' replied Mr. Pickwick. 'But breakfastis waiting, Mr. Magnus. Come.'
Down they sat to breakfast, but it was evident, notwithstanding theboasting of Mr. Peter Magnus, that he laboured under a very considerabledegree of nervousness, of which loss of appetite, a propensity to upsetthe tea-things, a spectral attempt at drollery, and an irresistibleinclination to look at the clock, every other second, were among theprincipal symptoms.
'He-he-he,' tittered Mr. Magnus, affecting cheerfulness, and gaspingwith agitation. 'It only wants two minutes, Mr. Pickwick. Am I pale,Sir?'
'Not very,' replied Mr. Pickwick.
There was a brief pause.
'I beg your pardon, Mr. Pickwick; but have you ever done this sort ofthing in your time?' said Mr. Magnus.
'You mean proposing?' said Mr. Pickwick.
'Yes.'
'Never,' said Mr. Pickwick, with great energy, 'never.'
'You have no idea, then, how it's best to begin?' said Mr. Magnus.
'Why,' said Mr. Pickwick, 'I may have formed some ideas upon thesubject, but, as I have never submitted them to the test of experience,I should be sorry if you were induced to regulate your proceedings bythem.'
'I should feel very much obliged to you, for any advice, Sir,' said Mr.Magnus, taking another look at the clock, the hand of which was vergingon the five minutes past.
'Well, sir,' said Mr. Pickwick, with the profound solemnity with whichthat great man could, when he pleased, render his remarks so deeplyimpressive. 'I should commence, sir, with a tribute to the lady's beautyand excellent qualities; from them, Sir, I should diverge to my ownunworthiness.'
'Very good,' said Mr. Magnus.
'Unworthiness for _her _only, mind, sir,' resumed Mr. Pickwick; 'for toshow that I was not wholly unworthy, sir, I should take a brief reviewof my past life, and present condition. I should argue, by analogy, thatto anybody else, I must be a very desirable object. I should thenexpatiate on the warmth of my love, and the depth of my devotion.Perhaps I might then be tempted to seize her hand.'
'Yes, I see,' said Mr. Magnus; 'that would be a very great point.'
'I should then, Sir,' continued Mr. Pickwick, growing warmer as thesubject presented itself in more glowing colours before him--'I shouldthen, Sir, come to the plain and simple question, "Will you have me?" Ithink I am justified in assuming that upon this, she would turn away herhead.'
'You think that may be taken for granted?' said Mr. Magnus; 'because, ifshe did not do that at the right place, it would be embarrassing.'
'I think she would,' said Mr. Pickwick. 'Upon this, sir, I shouldsqueeze her hand, and I think--I think, Mr. Magnus--that after I haddone that, supposing there was no refusal, I should gently draw away thehandkerchief, which my slight knowledge of human nature leads me tosuppose the lady would be applying to her eyes at the moment, and steala respectful kiss. I think I should kiss her, Mr. Magnus; and at thisparticular point, I am decidedly of opinion that if the lady were goingto take me at all, she would murmur into my ears a bashful acceptance.'
Mr. Magnus started; gazed on Mr. Pickwick's intelligent face, for ashort time in silence; and then (the dial pointing to the ten minutespast) shook him warmly by the hand, and rushed desperately from theroom.
Mr. Pickwick had taken a few strides to and fro; and the small hand ofthe clock following the latter part of his example, had arrived at thefigure which indicates the half-hour, when the door suddenly opened. Heturned round to meet Mr. Peter Magnus, and encountered, in his stead,the joyous face of Mr. Tupman, the serene countenance of Mr. Winkle, andthe intellectual lineaments of Mr. Snodgrass.
As Mr. Pickwick greeted them, Mr. Peter Magnus tripped into the room.
'My friends, the gentleman I was speaking of--Mr. Magnus,' said Mr.Pickwick.
'Your servant, gentlemen,' said Mr. Magnus, evidently in a high state ofexcitement; 'Mr. Pickwick, allow me to speak to you one moment, sir.'
As he said this, Mr. Magnus harnessed his forefinger to Mr. Pickwick'sbuttonhole, and, drawing him to a window recess, said--
'Congratulate me, Mr. Pickwick; I followed your advice to the veryletter.'
'And it was all correct, was it?' inquired Mr. Pickwick.
'It was, Sir. Could not possibly have been better,' replied Mr. Magnus.'Mr. Pickwick, she is mine.'
'I congratulate you, with all my heart,' replied Mr. Pickwick, warmlyshaking his new friend by the hand.
'You must see her. Sir,' said Mr. Magnus; 'this way, if you please.Excuse us for one instant, gentlemen.' Hurrying on in this way, Mr.Peter Magnus drew Mr. Pickwick from the room. He paused at the next doorin the passage, and tapped gently thereat.
'Come in,' said a female voice. And in they went.
'Miss Witherfield,' said Mr. Magnus, 'allow me to introduce my veryparticular friend, Mr. Pickwick. Mr. Pickwick, I beg to make you knownto Miss Witherfield.'
The lady was at the upper end of the room. As Mr. Pickwick bowed, hetook his spectacles from his waistcoat pocket, and put them on; aprocess which he had no sooner gone through, than, uttering anexclamation of surprise, Mr. Pickwick retreated several paces, and thelady, with a half-suppressed scream, hid her face in her hands, anddropped into a chair; whereupon Mr. Peter Magnus was stricken motionlesson the spot, and gazed from one to the other, with a countenanceexpressive of the extremities of horror and surprise.
This certainly was, to all appearance, very unaccountable behaviour; butthe fact is, that Mr. Pickwick no sooner put on his spectacles, than heat once recognised in the future Mrs. Magnus the lady into whose room hehad so unwarrantably intruded on the previous night; and the spectacleshad no sooner crossed Mr. Pickwick's nose, than the lady at onceidentified the countenance which she had seen surrounded by all thehorrors of a nightcap. So the lady screamed, and Mr. Pickwick started.
'Mr. Pickwick!' exclaimed Mr. Magnus, lost in astonishment, 'what is themeaning of this, Sir? What is the meaning of it, Sir?' added Mr. Magnus,in a threatening, and a louder tone.
'Sir,' said Mr. Pickwick, somewhat indignant at the very sudden mannerin which Mr. Peter Magnus had conjugated himself into the imperativemood, 'I decline answering that question.'
'You decline it, Sir?' said Mr. Magnus.
'I do, Sir,' replied Mr. Pickwick; 'I object to say anything which maycompromise that lady, or awaken unpleasant recollections in her breast,without her consent and permission.'
'Miss Witherfield,' said Mr. Peter M
agnus, 'do you know this person?'
'Know him!' repeated the middle-aged lady, hesitating.
'Yes, know him, ma'am; I said know him,' replied Mr. Magnus, withferocity.
'I have seen him,' replied the middle-aged lady.
'Where?' inquired Mr. Magnus, 'where?'
'That,' said the middle-aged lady, rising from her seat, and avertingher head--'that I would not reveal for worlds.'
'I understand you, ma'am,' said Mr. Pickwick, 'and respect yourdelicacy; it shall never be revealed by _me_ depend upon it.'
'Upon my word, ma'am,' said Mr. Magnus, 'considering the situation inwhich I am placed with regard to yourself, you carry this matter offwith tolerable coolness--tolerable coolness, ma'am.'
'Cruel Mr. Magnus!' said the middle-aged lady; here she wept verycopiously indeed.
'Address your observations to me, sir,' interposed Mr. Pickwick; 'Ialone am to blame, if anybody be.'
'Oh! you alone are to blame, are you, sir?' said Mr. Magnus; 'I--I--seethrough this, sir. You repent of your determination now, do you?'
'My determination!' said Mr. Pickwick.
'Your determination, Sir. Oh! don't stare at me, Sir,' said Mr. Magnus;'I recollect your words last night, Sir. You came down here, sir, toexpose the treachery and falsehood of an individual on whose truth andhonour you had placed implicit reliance--eh?' Here Mr. Peter Magnusindulged in a prolonged sneer; and taking off his green spectacles--which he probably found superfluous in his fit of jealousy--rolled hislittle eyes about, in a manner frightful to behold.
'Eh?' said Mr. Magnus; and then he repeated the sneer with increasedeffect. 'But you shall answer it, Sir.'
'Answer what?' said Mr. Pickwick.
'Never mind, sir,' replied Mr. Magnus, striding up and down the room.'Never mind.'
There must be something very comprehensive in this phrase of 'Nevermind,' for we do not recollect to have ever witnessed a quarrel in thestreet, at a theatre, public room, or elsewhere, in which it has notbeen the standard reply to all belligerent inquiries. 'Do you callyourself a gentleman, sir?'--'Never mind, sir.'
Did I offer to say anything to the young woman, sir?'--'Never mind,sir.'
Do you want your head knocked up against that wall, sir?'--'Never mind,sir.' It is observable, too, that there would appear to be some hiddentaunt in this universal 'Never mind,' which rouses more indignation inthe bosom of the individual addressed, than the most lavish abuse couldpossibly awaken.
We do not mean to assert that the application of this brevity tohimself, struck exactly that indignation to Mr. Pickwick's soul, whichit would infallibly have roused in a vulgar breast. We merely record thefact that Mr. Pickwick opened the room door, and abruptly called out,'Tupman, come here!'
Mr. Tupman immediately presented himself, with a look of veryconsiderable surprise.
'Tupman,' said Mr. Pickwick, 'a secret of some delicacy, in which thatlady is concerned, is the cause of a difference which has just arisenbetween this gentleman and myself. When I assure him, in your presence,that it has no relation to himself, and is not in any way connected withhis affairs, I need hardly beg you to take notice that if he continue todispute it, he expresses a doubt of my veracity, which I shall considerextremely insulting.' As Mr. Pickwick said this, he looked encyclopediasat Mr. Peter Magnus.
Mr. Pickwick's upright and honourable bearing, coupled with that forceand energy of speech which so eminently distinguished him, would havecarried conviction to any reasonable mind; but, unfortunately, at thatparticular moment, the mind of Mr. Peter Magnus was in anything butreasonable order. Consequently, instead of receiving Mr. Pickwick'sexplanation as he ought to have done, he forthwith proceeded to workhimself into a red-hot, scorching, consuming passion, and to talk aboutwhat was due to his own feelings, and all that sort of thing; addingforce to his declamation by striding to and fro, and pulling his hair--amusements which he would vary occasionally, by shaking his fist in Mr.Pickwick's philanthropic countenance.
Mr. Pickwick, in his turn, conscious of his own innocence and rectitude,and irritated by having unfortunately involved the middle-aged lady insuch an unpleasant affair, was not so quietly disposed as was his wont.The consequence was, that words ran high, and voices higher; and atlength Mr. Magnus told Mr. Pickwick he should hear from him; to whichMr. Pickwick replied, with laudable politeness, that the sooner he heardfrom him the better; whereupon the middle-aged lady rushed in terrorfrom the room, out of which Mr. Tupman dragged Mr. Pickwick, leaving Mr.Peter Magnus to himself and meditation.
If the middle-aged lady had mingled much with the busy world, or hadprofited at all by the manners and customs of those who make the lawsand set the fashions, she would have known that this sort of ferocity isthe most harmless thing in nature; but as she had lived for the mostpart in the country, and never read the parliamentary debates, she waslittle versed in these particular refinements of civilised life.Accordingly, when she had gained her bedchamber, bolted herself in, andbegan to meditate on the scene she had just witnessed, the most terrificpictures of slaughter and destruction presented themselves to herimagination; among which, a full-length portrait of Mr. Peter Magnusborne home by four men, with the embellishment of a whole barrelful ofbullets in his left side, was among the very least. The more the middle-aged lady meditated, the more terrified she became; and at length shedetermined to repair to the house of the principal magistrate of thetown, and request him to secure the persons of Mr. Pickwick and Mr.Tupman without delay.
To this decision the middle-aged lady was impelled by a variety ofconsiderations, the chief of which was the incontestable proof it wouldafford of her devotion to Mr. Peter Magnus, and her anxiety for hissafety. She was too well acquainted with his jealous temperament toventure the slightest allusion to the real cause of her agitation onbeholding Mr. Pickwick; and she trusted to her own influence and powerof persuasion with the little man, to quell his boisterous jealousy,supposing that Mr. Pickwick were removed, and no fresh quarrel couldarise. Filled with these reflections, the middle-aged lady arrayedherself in her bonnet and shawl, and repaired to the mayor's dwellingstraightway.
Now George Nupkins, Esquire, the principal magistrate aforesaid, was asgrand a personage as the fastest walker would find out, between sunriseand sunset, on the twenty-first of June, which being, according to thealmanacs, the longest day in the whole year, would naturally afford himthe longest period for his search. On this particular morning, Mr.Nupkins was in a state of the utmost excitement and irritation, forthere had been a rebellion in the town; all the day-scholars at thelargest day-school had conspired to break the windows of an obnoxiousapple-seller, and had hooted the beadle and pelted the constabulary--anelderly gentleman in top-boots, who had been called out to repress thetumult, and who had been a peace-officer, man and boy, for half acentury at least. And Mr. Nupkins was sitting in his easy-chair,frowning with majesty, and boiling with rage, when a lady was announcedon pressing, private, and particular business. Mr. Nupkins looked calmlyterrible, and commanded that the lady should be shown in; which command,like all the mandates of emperors, and magistrates, and other greatpotentates of the earth, was forthwith obeyed; and Miss Witherfield,interestingly agitated, was ushered in accordingly.
'Muzzle!' said the magistrate.
Muzzle was an undersized footman, with a long body and short legs.
'Muzzle!'
Yes, your Worship.'
'Place a chair, and leave the room.'
'Yes, your Worship.'
'Now, ma'am, will you state your business?' said the magistrate.
'It is of a very painful kind, Sir,' said Miss Witherfield.
'Very likely, ma'am,' said the magistrate. 'Compose your feelings,ma'am.' Here Mr. Nupkins looked benignant. 'And then tell me what legalbusiness brings you here, ma'am.' Here the magistrate triumphed over theman; and he looked stern again.
'It is very distressing to me, Sir, to give this information,' said MissWitherfield, 'but I fear a duel is going to be fought here.'
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'Here, ma'am?' said the magistrate. 'Where, ma'am?'
'In Ipswich.'
In Ipswich, ma'am! A duel in Ipswich!' said the magistrate, perfectlyaghast at the notion. 'Impossible, ma'am; nothing of the kind can becontemplated in this town, I am persuaded. Bless my soul, ma'am, are youaware of the activity of our local magistracy? Do you happen to haveheard, ma'am, that I rushed into a prize-ring on the fourth of May last,attended by only sixty special constables; and, at the hazard of fallinga sacrifice to the angry passions of an infuriated multitude, prohibiteda pugilistic contest between the Middlesex Dumpling and the SuffolkBantam? A duel in Ipswich, ma'am? I don't think--I do not think,' saidthe magistrate, reasoning with himself, 'that any two men can have hadthe hardihood to plan such a breach of the peace, in this town.'
'My information is, unfortunately, but too correct,' said the middle-aged lady; 'I was present at the quarrel.'
'It's a most extraordinary thing,' said the astounded magistrate.'Muzzle!'
'Yes, your Worship.'
'Send Mr. Jinks here, directly! Instantly.'
'Yes, your Worship.'
Muzzle retired; and a pale, sharp-nosed, half-fed, shabbily-clad clerk,of middle age, entered the room.
'Mr. Jinks,' said the magistrate. 'Mr. Jinks.'
'Sir,' said Mr. Jinks.
'This lady, Mr. Jinks, has come here, to give information of an intendedduel in this town.'
Mr. Jinks, not knowing exactly what to do, smiled a dependent's smile.
'What are you laughing at, Mr. Jinks?' said the magistrate.
Mr. Jinks looked serious instantly.
'Mr. Jinks,' said the magistrate, 'you're a fool.'
Mr. Jinks looked humbly at the great man, and bit the top of his pen.
'You may see something very comical in this information, Sir--but I cantell you this, Mr. Jinks, that you have very little to laugh at,' saidthe magistrate.
The hungry-looking Jinks sighed, as if he were quite aware of the factof his having very little indeed to be merry about; and, being orderedto take the lady's information, shambled to a seat, and proceeded towrite it down.
'This man, Pickwick, is the principal, I understand?' said themagistrate, when the statement was finished.
'He is,' said the middle-aged lady.
'And the other rioter--what's his name, Mr. Jinks?'
'Tupman, Sir.'
Tupman is the second?'
'Yes.'
'The other principal, you say, has absconded, ma'am?'
'Yes,' replied Miss Witherfield, with a short cough.
'Very well,' said the magistrate. 'These are two cut-throats fromLondon, who have come down here to destroy his Majesty's population,thinking that at this distance from the capital, the arm of the law isweak and paralysed. They shall be made an example of. Draw up thewarrants, Mr. Jinks. Muzzle!'
'Yes, your Worship.'
'Is Grummer downstairs?'
'Yes, your Worship.'
'Send him up.'
The obsequious Muzzle retired, and presently returned, introducing theelderly gentleman in the top-boots, who was chiefly remarkable for abottle-nose, a hoarse voice, a snuff-coloured surtout, and a wanderingeye.
'Grummer,' said the magistrate.
'Your Wash-up.'
'Is the town quiet now?'
'Pretty well, your Wash-up,' replied Grummer. 'Pop'lar feeling has in ameasure subsided, consekens o' the boys having dispersed to cricket.'
'Nothing but vigorous measures will do in these times, Grummer,' saidthe magistrate, in a determined manner. 'If the authority of the king'sofficers is set at naught, we must have the riot act read. If the civilpower cannot protect these windows, Grummer, the military must protectthe civil power, and the windows too. I believe that is a maxim of theconstitution, Mr. Jinks?'
Certainly, sir,' said Jinks.
'Very good,' said the magistrate, signing the warrants. 'Grummer, youwill bring these persons before me, this afternoon. You will find themat the Great White Horse. You recollect the case of the MiddlesexDumpling and the Suffolk Bantam, Grummer?'
Mr. Grummer intimated, by a retrospective shake of the head, that heshould never forget it--as indeed it was not likely he would, so long asit continued to be cited daily.
'This is even more unconstitutional,' said the magistrate; 'this is evena greater breach of the peace, and a grosser infringement of hisMajesty's prerogative. I believe duelling is one of his Majesty's mostundoubted prerogatives, Mr. Jinks?'
'Expressly stipulated in Magna Charta, sir,' said Mr. Jinks.
'One of the brightest jewels in the British crown, wrung from hisMajesty by the barons, I believe, Mr. Jinks?' said the magistrate.
'Just so, Sir,' replied Mr. Jinks.
'Very well,' said the magistrate, drawing himself up proudly, 'it shallnot be violated in this portion of his dominions. Grummer, procureassistance, and execute these warrants with as little delay as possible.Muzzle!'
'Yes, your Worship.'
'Show the lady out.'
Miss Witherfield retired, deeply impressed with the magistrate'slearning and research; Mr. Nupkins retired to lunch; Mr. Jinks retiredwithin himself--that being the only retirement he had, except the sofa-bedstead in the small parlour which was occupied by his landlady'sfamily in the daytime--and Mr. Grummer retired, to wipe out, by his modeof discharging his present commission, the insult which had beenfastened upon himself, and the other representative of his Majesty--thebeadle--in the course of the morning.
While these resolute and determined preparations for the conservation ofthe king's peace were pending, Mr. Pickwick and his friends, whollyunconscious of the mighty events in progress, had sat quietly down todinner; and very talkative and companionable they all were. Mr. Pickwickwas in the very act of relating his adventure of the preceding night, tothe great amusement of his followers, Mr. Tupman especially, when thedoor opened, and a somewhat forbidding countenance peeped into the room.The eyes in the forbidding countenance looked very earnestly at Mr.Pickwick, for several seconds, and were to all appearance satisfied withtheir investigation; for the body to which the forbidding countenancebelonged, slowly brought itself into the apartment, and presented theform of an elderly individual in top-boots--not to keep the reader anylonger in suspense, in short, the eyes were the wandering eyes of Mr.Grummer, and the body was the body of the same gentleman.
Mr. Grummer's mode of proceeding was professional, but peculiar. Hisfirst act was to bolt the door on the inside; his second, to polish hishead and countenance very carefully with a cotton handkerchief; histhird, to place his hat, with the cotton handkerchief in it, on thenearest chair; and his fourth, to produce from the breast-pocket of hiscoat a short truncheon, surmounted by a brazen crown, with which hebeckoned to Mr. Pickwick with a grave and ghost-like air.
Mr. Snodgrass was the first to break the astonished silence. He lookedsteadily at Mr. Grummer for a brief space, and then said emphatically,'This is a private room, Sir. A private room.'
Mr. Grummer shook his head, and replied, 'No room's private to hisMajesty when the street door's once passed. That's law. Some peoplemaintains that an Englishman's house is his castle. That's gammon.'
The Pickwickians gazed on each other with wondering eyes.
'Which is Mr. Tupman?' inquired Mr. Grummer. He had an intuitiveperception of Mr. Pickwick; he knew him at once.
'My name's Tupman,' said that gentleman.
'My name's Law,' said Mr. Grummer.
'What?' said Mr. Tupman.
'Law,' replied Mr. Grummer--'Law, civil power, and exekative; them's mytitles; here's my authority. Blank Tupman, blank Pickwick--against thepeace of our sufferin' lord the king--stattit in the case made andpurwided--and all regular. I apprehend you Pickwick! Tupman--theaforesaid.'
'What do you mean by this insolence?' said Mr. Tupman, starting up;'leave the room!'
'Hollo,' said Mr. Grummer, retreating very expeditiously to the door,and opening it an inch or two, 'Dubbley.'
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br /> 'Well,' said a deep voice from the passage.
'Come for'ard, Dubbley.'
At the word of command, a dirty-faced man, something over six feet high,and stout in proportion, squeezed himself through the half-open door(making his face very red in the process), and entered the room.
'Is the other specials outside, Dubbley?' inquired Mr. Grummer.
Mr. Dubbley, who was a man of few words, nodded assent.
'Order in the diwision under your charge, Dubbley,' said Mr. Grummer.
Mr. Dubbley did as he was desired; and half a dozen men, each with ashort truncheon and a brass crown, flocked into the room. Mr. Grummerpocketed his staff, and looked at Mr. Dubbley; Mr. Dubbley pocketed hisstaff and looked at the division; the division pocketed their staves andlooked at Messrs. Tupman and Pickwick.
Mr. Pickwick and his followers rose as one man.
'What is the meaning of this atrocious intrusion upon my privacy?' saidMr. Pickwick.
'Who dares apprehend me?' said Mr. Tupman.
'What do you want here, scoundrels?' said Mr. Snodgrass.
Mr. Winkle said nothing, but he fixed his eyes on Grummer, and bestoweda look upon him, which, if he had had any feeling, must have pierced hisbrain. As it was, however, it had no visible effect on him whatever.
When the executive perceived that Mr. Pickwick and his friends weredisposed to resist the authority of the law, they very significantlyturned up their coat sleeves, as if knocking them down in the firstinstance, and taking them up afterwards, were a mere professional actwhich had only to be thought of to be done, as a matter of course. Thisdemonstration was not lost upon Mr. Pickwick. He conferred a few momentswith Mr. Tupman apart, and then signified his readiness to proceed tothe mayor's residence, merely begging the parties then and thereassembled, to take notice, that it was his firm intention to resent thismonstrous invasion of his privileges as an Englishman, the instant hewas at liberty; whereat the parties then and there assembled laughedvery heartily, with the single exception of Mr. Grummer, who seemed toconsider that any slight cast upon the divine right of magistrates was aspecies of blasphemy not to be tolerated.
But when Mr. Pickwick had signified his readiness to bow to the laws ofhis country, and just when the waiters, and hostlers, and chambermaids,and post-boys, who had anticipated a delightful commotion from histhreatened obstinacy, began to turn away, disappointed and disgusted, adifficulty arose which had not been foreseen. With every sentiment ofveneration for the constituted authorities, Mr. Pickwick resolutelyprotested against making his appearance in the public streets,surrounded and guarded by the officers of justice, like a commoncriminal. Mr. Grummer, in the then disturbed state of public feeling(for it was half-holiday, and the boys had not yet gone home), asresolutely protested against walking on the opposite side of the way,and taking Mr. Pickwick's parole that he would go straight to themagistrate's; and both Mr. Pickwick and Mr. Tupman as strenuouslyobjected to the expense of a post-coach, which was the only respectableconveyance that could be obtained. The dispute ran high, and the dilemmalasted long; and just as the executive were on the point of overcomingMr. Pickwick's objection to walking to the magistrate's, by the triteexpedient of carrying him thither, it was recollected that there stoodin the inn yard, an old sedan-chair, which, having been originally builtfor a gouty gentleman with funded property, would hold Mr. Pickwick andMr. Tupman, at least as conveniently as a modern post-chaise. The chairwas hired, and brought into the hall; Mr. Pickwick and Mr. Tupmansqueezed themselves inside, and pulled down the blinds; a couple ofchairmen were speedily found; and the procession started in grand order.The specials surrounded the body of the vehicle; Mr. Grummer and Mr.Dubbley marched triumphantly in front; Mr. Snodgrass and Mr. Winklewalked arm-in-arm behind; and the unsoaped of Ipswich brought up therear.
The shopkeepers of the town, although they had a very indistinct notionof the nature of the offence, could not but be much edified andgratified by this spectacle. Here was the strong arm of the law, comingdown with twenty gold-beater force, upon two offenders from themetropolis itself; the mighty engine was directed by their ownmagistrate, and worked by their own officers; and both the criminals, bytheir united efforts, were securely shut up, in the narrow compass ofone sedan-chair. Many were the expressions of approval and admirationwhich greeted Mr. Grummer, as he headed the cavalcade, staff in hand;loud and long were the shouts raised by the unsoaped; and amidst theseunited testimonials of public approbation, the procession moved slowlyand majestically along.
Mr. Weller, habited in his morning jacket, with the black calicosleeves, was returning in a rather desponding state from an unsuccessfulsurvey of the mysterious house with the green gate, when, raising hiseyes, he beheld a crowd pouring down the street, surrounding an objectwhich had very much the appearance of a sedan-chair. Willing to diverthis thoughts from the failure of his enterprise, he stepped aside to seethe crowd pass; and finding that they were cheering away, very much totheir own satisfaction, forthwith began (by way of raising his spirits)to cheer too, with all his might and main.
Mr. Grummer passed, and Mr. Dubbley passed, and the sedan passed, andthe bodyguard of specials passed, and Sam was still responding to theenthusiastic cheers of the mob, and waving his hat about as if he werein the very last extreme of the wildest joy (though, of course, he hadnot the faintest idea of the matter in hand), when he was suddenlystopped by the unexpected appearance of Mr. Winkle and Mr. Snodgrass.
'What's the row, gen'l'm'n?'cried Sam. 'Who have they got in this herewatch-box in mournin'?'
Both gentlemen replied together, but their words were lost in thetumult.
'Who is it?' cried Sam again.
Once more was a joint reply returned; and, though the words wereinaudible, Sam saw by the motion of the two pairs of lips that they haduttered the magic word 'Pickwick.'
This was enough. In another minute Mr. Weller had made his way throughthe crowd, stopped the chairmen, and confronted the portly Grummer.
'Hollo, old gen'l'm'n!' said Sam. 'Who have you got in this hereconweyance?'
'Stand back,' said Mr. Grummer, whose dignity, like the dignity of agreat many other men, had been wondrously augmented by a littlepopularity.
'Knock him down, if he don't,' said Mr. Dubbley.
'I'm wery much obliged to you, old gen'l'm'n,' replied Sam, 'forconsulting my conwenience, and I'm still more obliged to the othergen'l'm'n, who looks as if he'd just escaped from a giant's carrywan,for his wery 'andsome suggestion; but I should prefer your givin' me aanswer to my question, if it's all the same to you.--How are you, Sir?'This last observation was addressed with a patronising air to Mr.Pickwick, who was peeping through the front window.
Mr. Grummer, perfectly speechless with indignation, dragged thetruncheon with the brass crown from its particular pocket, andflourished it before Sam's eyes.
'Ah,' said Sam, 'it's wery pretty, 'specially the crown, which isuncommon like the real one.'
'Stand back!' said the outraged Mr. Grummer. By way of adding force tothe command, he thrust the brass emblem of royalty into Sam's neckclothwith one hand, and seized Sam's collar with the other--a complimentwhich Mr. Weller returned by knocking him down out of hand, havingpreviously with the utmost consideration, knocked down a chairman forhim to lie upon.
Whether Mr. Winkle was seized with a temporary attack of that species ofinsanity which originates in a sense of injury, or animated by thisdisplay of Mr. Weller's valour, is uncertain; but certain it is, that heno sooner saw Mr. Grummer fall than he made a terrific onslaught on asmall boy who stood next him; whereupon Mr. Snodgrass, in a trulyChristian spirit, and in order that he might take no one unawares,announced in a very loud tone that he was going to begin, and proceededto take off his coat with the utmost deliberation. He was immediatelysurrounded and secured; and it is but common justice both to him and Mr.Winkle to say, that they did not make the slightest attempt to rescueeither themselves or Mr. Weller; who, after a most vigorous resistance,was overpowered by num
bers and taken prisoner. The procession thenreformed; the chairmen resumed their stations; and the march was re-commenced.
Mr. Pickwick's indignation during the whole of this proceeding wasbeyond all bounds. He could just see Sam upsetting the specials, andflying about in every direction; and that was all he could see, for thesedan doors wouldn't open, and the blinds wouldn't pull up. At length,with the assistance of Mr. Tupman, he managed to push open the roof; andmounting on the seat, and steadying himself as well as he could, byplacing his hand on that gentleman's shoulder, Mr. Pickwick proceeded toaddress the multitude; to dwell upon the unjustifiable manner in whichhe had been treated; and to call upon them to take notice that hisservant had been first assaulted. In this order they reached themagistrate's house; the chairmen trotting, the prisoners following, Mr.Pickwick oratorising, and the crowd shouting.